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‘The One with the Stripper’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Friends: The One with the Stripper

808. The One with the Stripper

Aired November 15, 2001

Phoebe joins a nervous Rachel at dinner where she plans to tell her father she's pregnant. Meanwhile, feeling bad that he didn't get to enjoy a bachelor party, Monica hires a stripper for Chandler.

Quote from Ross

Mona: How could you have kept all of this from me?
Ross: I was going to tell you, but-
Dr. Green: But what? You figured you'd get what you wanted and then you'd dump her, like you did Rachel.
Ross: Hey, I did not dump Rachel. Nor are we still together. Can l--? Why don't we just let the machine get that.
Joey: [on the answering machine] "Hey, Ross. It's Joey. There's a hooker over here and we thought maybe you'd know something about it."
Ross: No! No! No! No! I need to lie down.

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Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: That's it? You call that a fight? Come on. "We were on a break!" "No we weren't!" What happened to you two?

Quote from Joey

[Rachel is holding up the telephone as her father yells down the line]
Phoebe: Oh, you told your dad the truth.
Rachel: About an hour ago.
Phoebe: Wanna go see a movie?
Rachel: Yes. Bye, Dad.
[A sleepy Joey emerges from his bedroom]
Dr. Green: And then you tell me there's going to be a wedding. It's unacceptable, Rachel. What does love have to do with it? There are more important things than love. You have to think about the consequences of your decisions.
Joey: Hey, I do too think about the consequences of my decisions. Well, what gives you the right to- Go to hell! Stupid guy on my phone.

Quote from Dr. Green

Dr. Green: So, sweetie, you were starting to tell me what is new with you.
Rachel: Well ... Um ... I got TiVo.
Dr. Green: What's TiVo?
Phoebe: It's slang for "pregnant."
Rachel: Phoebe!
Dr. Green: Are you really pregnant?
Rachel: Well, yes and no. Except, not no. So to sum it up, yeah.
Dr. Green: Who is the father? Oh, no, please don't tell me it's her.
Rachel: No, it's Ross. It's Ross. You like Ross. Oh, Daddy, I hope you're okay with all this. I mean, this is a good thing. Think about it, this is your first grandchild! You're gonna be a poppy.
Dr. Green: That's true. I'm a poppy. I'm gonna be a poppy! So when is the wedding?
Rachel: The who?
Dr. Green: The wedding. There's going to be a wedding. Young lady, don't you sit there and tell me my first grandchild is gonna be a bastard! Rachel Karen Green, tell me there's gonna be a wedding!
Rachel: February 2nd.

Quote from Dr. Green

Waiter: Your '74 Lafite, sir.
Dr. Green: '74? I ordered the '75. That's a magnificent wine. The '74 is sewage! Why would you bring me sewage? Is that a hard question? Are you an idiot? Is that why you're a waiter?
Waiter: This is why I told the manager I wouldn't wait on you tonight.
Dr. Green: Oh, come on. Don't be such a baby.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Hey, Pheebs, I'm having dinner with my dad tomorrow. Do you wanna come?
Phoebe: Yeah. Sure. He's kind of sexy.
Rachel: Oh, no. I'll be there too.
Phoebe: Okay, so we'll just come up with some kind of signal. If it's going well, you can take off.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: No, Phoebe, I just need you there for support. I haven't told him that I'm pregnant yet.
Phoebe: Oh. Why not?
Rachel: Because I know he's gonna flip out and I hate it when he gets angry.
Phoebe: Rachel, this is all so "Papa Don't Preach."

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: No, he's a scary guy. One time, he caught me smoking. He said if he ever saw me doing it again, he'd make me eat the entire pack.
Phoebe: Wow. Well, I will be there. Gosh, I'm not going to let that man make you eat your baby.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: I thought we weren't going to have bachelor, bachelorette parties. You know, we agreed that it was a silly tradition.
Joey: It's a grand tradition.

Quote from Dr. Green

Dr. Green: How about I order everyone the Moroccan chicken.
Phoebe: Oh, I don't eat meat.
Dr. Green: It's chicken.
Phoebe: Yeah, I don't eat that either.
Dr. Green: I'll never understand you lesbians.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: This was such a huge mistake. I can't tell him, Phoebe. I can't. I can't. I can't.
Phoebe: Rachel, no it's okay-
Rachel: Here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna wait a couple of years, and then the baby will tell him.
Phoebe: Why? So he can get mad at the baby?
Rachel: Hey, that is the baby's problem.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Oh, my God, you are gonna love me so much. I felt really bad about the whole bachelorette party thing. So tonight you're gonna have a bachelor party.
Chandler: What?
Monica: Yeah, I got this number from a guy at work and I hired a stripper to come dance for you. Am I going in the wife hall of fame or what?

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Honey, that's crazy, I don't want you to get me a stripper.
Joey: Will you let the lady talk?

Quote from Joey

Monica: Who else do you wanna invite?
Chandler: No, no, no. Ross and Joey is embarrassing enough.
Ross: Actually, sorry, I can't even make it. I'm seeing Mona again tonight.
Chandler: I understand. I mean, who would cancel an actual date to go to a fake bachelor party?
Joey: [on the phone] I'm sorry. I gotta cancel tonight, baby.

Quote from Dr. Green

Dr. Green: This is unacceptable, Rachel. And I wanna know why! Is it because that punk, Ross, won't marry you? That's it. Is that it?
Rachel: Yes. Yes. He says I'm damaged goods.

Quote from Dr. Green

Dr. Green: You think you can knock up my daughter and then not marry her? I ought to kill you!
Ross: You know, this is actually not a great time for me.

Quote from Dr. Green

Dr. Green: So, come on. Explain yourself, Geller. First you get my Rachel pregnant.
Mona: You got Rachel pregnant?
Ross: Who did?
Dr. Green: You did!
Ross: Yes, I did. Yes, but it was just a one-night thing. It meant nothing.
Dr. Green: Oh? Really? That's what my daughter means to you, nothing?
Ross: No, no. No, sir. She means a lot to me. I care- I love Rachel.
Mona: What?
Ross: But not that way. I mean, I'm not in love with her. I love her like a friend.
Dr. Green: Oh, really? That's how you treat a friend? You get her in trouble and then refuse to marry her?
Ross: Hey, I offered to marry her.
Mona: What?
Ross: But I didn't want to.
Dr. Green: Well, why not? So you could spend your time with this tramp?
Mona: Tramp?
Ross: I'm sorry. Dr. Green, Mona. Mona, Dr. Green.

Quote from Chandler

Stripper: You mind if I smoke in here?
Chandler: Actually, I'd rather- Yeah, go ahead. We're gonna have to burn that room down, anyway.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: All right, maybe you should just ask her to leave.
Chandler: Why me?
Joey: Hey, it's your bachelor party.
Chandler: Which is why you should do it.
Joey: I don't want to. You do it.
Chandler: You do it.
Joey: You do it.
Chandler: All right. Rock, paper, scissors for who has to tell the whore to leave. ... What?
Joey: I miss this.
Chandler: I don't think we've actually done this before.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: So your dad dropped by. He's a pleasant man.
Rachel: Oh, no.
Phoebe: I better go. Just over here. I don't want to miss the fight.
Rachel: Ross, I am so sorry. Okay, I promise I will straighten this out with him tomorrow, in person. Or via e-mail.
Ross: I don't care about your dad. I care about Mona. She was there and now she is totally freaked out.
Rachel: Oh, okay. I'll fix that too. What's her e-mail address?

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