Mona: How could you have kept all of this from me?
Ross: I was going to tell you, but-
Dr. Green: But what? You figured you'd get what you wanted and then you'd dump her, like you did Rachel.
Ross: Hey, I did not dump Rachel. Nor are we still together. [phone rings] Can l--? Why don't we just let the machine get that.
Joey: [on the answering machine] "Hey, Ross. It's Joey. There's a hooker over here and we thought maybe you'd know something about it."
Ross: No! No! No! No! I need to lie down.

Phoebe: That's it? You call that a fight? Come on. "We were on a break!" "No we weren't!" What happened to you two?

[Rachel is holding up the telephone as her father yells down the line]
Phoebe: Oh, you told your dad the truth.
Rachel: About an hour ago.
Phoebe: Wanna go see a movie?
Rachel: Yes. Bye, Dad.
[A sleepy Joey emerges from his bedroom]
Dr. Green: And then you tell me there's going to be a wedding. It's unacceptable, Rachel. What does love have to do with it? There are more important things than love. You have to think about the consequences of your decisions.
Joey: Hey, I do too think about the consequences of my decisions. Well, what gives you the right to- Go to hell! Stupid guy on my phone.

Dr. Green: So, sweetie, you were starting to tell me what is new with you.
Rachel: Well ... Um ... I got TiVo.
Dr. Green: What's TiVo?
Phoebe: It's slang for "pregnant."
Rachel: Phoebe!
Dr. Green: Are you really pregnant?
Rachel: Well, yes and no. Except, not no. So to sum it up, yeah.
Dr. Green: Who is the father? Oh, no, please don't tell me it's her.
Rachel: No, it's Ross. It's Ross. You like Ross. Oh, Daddy, I hope you're okay with all this. I mean, this is a good thing. Think about it, this is your first grandchild! You're gonna be a poppy.
Dr. Green: That's true. I'm a poppy. I'm gonna be a poppy! So when is the wedding?
Rachel: The who?
Dr. Green: The wedding. There's going to be a wedding. Young lady, don't you sit there and tell me my first grandchild is gonna be a bastard! Rachel Karen Green, tell me there's gonna be a wedding!
Rachel: February 2nd.

Waiter: Your '74 Lafite, sir.
Dr. Green: '74? I ordered the '75. That's a magnificent wine. The '74 is sewage! Why would you bring me sewage? Is that a hard question? Are you an idiot? Is that why you're a waiter?
Waiter: This is why I told the manager I wouldn't wait on you tonight.
Dr. Green: Oh, come on. Don't be such a baby.

Rachel: No, Phoebe, I just need you there for support. I haven't told him that I'm pregnant yet.
Phoebe: Oh. Why not?
Rachel: Because I know he's gonna flip out and I hate it when he gets angry.
Phoebe: Rachel, this is all so "Papa Don't Preach."

Rachel: Hey, Pheebs, I'm having dinner with my dad tomorrow. Do you wanna come?
Phoebe: Yeah. Sure. He's kind of sexy.
Rachel: Oh, no. I'll be there too.
Phoebe: Okay, so we'll just come up with some kind of signal. If it's going well, you can take off.

Rachel: No, he's a scary guy. One time, he caught me smoking. He said if he ever saw me doing it again, he'd make me eat the entire pack.
Phoebe: Wow. Well, I will be there. Gosh, I'm not going to let that man make you eat your baby.

Chandler: I thought we weren't going to have bachelor, bachelorette parties. You know, we agreed that it was a silly tradition.
Joey: It's a grand tradition.

Dr. Green: How about I order everyone the Moroccan chicken.
Phoebe: Oh, I don't eat meat.
Dr. Green: It's chicken.
Phoebe: Yeah, I don't eat that either.
Dr. Green: I'll never understand you lesbians.