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‘The One Where Joey Tells Rachel’ Quotes

Friends: The One Where Joey Tells Rachel

816. The One Where Joey Tells Rachel

Aired February 28, 2002

After Joey tells Ross about his infatuation with Rachel, he agrees that Joey should talk to Rachel about his feelings. Meanwhile, Phoebe claims to have found Monica's soulmate.

Quote from Gunther

Gunther: Rachel?!

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Quote from Monica

Monica: Joey is not even thinking about going after Rachel.
Ross: He's not?
Monica: No. All he's thinking about is how you're taking this. Listen, it's completely freaking him out. He's talking about moving to Vermont.
Ross: Why?
Monica: He says he wants to leave the country.

Quote from Monica

Monica: I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you but I don't want you to lose Joey over it. Right now, he just needs to know that you're still his friend.
Ross: Okay, I'll talk to him.
Monica: I'd do it soon. He just asked me how he could convert his dollars into Vermont money.

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: Are you listening to this.
Phoebe: I'm so sorry.
Chandler: What do we do?
Phoebe: I don't know. They both want to live in a house of cheese. I don't know how you fight that.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Phoebe thinks that you and Don are soul mates. And I don't believe in that sort of stuff, but then you two totally get along. So, look, I won't stand in your way if you wanna run away with Don and live in a house of cheese.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Are you okay? You've been acting weird all afternoon.
Chandler: Yeah. Fine. Fine. Not perfect. But good enough.
Monica: Jeez, what is with you?
Chandler: I'm sorry, did you say "cheese"?

Quote from Ross

Ross: I'm sorry, did you just say it's Rachel?
Joey: Yes.
Ross: You like Rachel?
Joey: Yes. I like Rachel.
Ross: Rachel?!
Joey: Yeah. Okay, but look, you know- You know who else I like? You. And it doesn't get said enough. I like you, Ross.
Ross: Rachel Rachel?
Joey: It's not a big deal.
Ross: It's not a big deal? Oh, I'm sorry, I just- What about all the stuff you just said? How you can't stop thinking about her? How you can't sleep?
Joey: I'm an actor, you know? As a group, we tend to be over dramatic.
Ross: Rachel-who's-carrying-my-baby Rachel?
Joey: I know it's bad. And I know it's wrong, okay? But it's not like anything's ever gonna happen. These are just feelings. They're going to go away.
Ross: You know, I gotta go.
Joey: Hey, Ross-
Ross: You know, I just have one- Rachel?! [mouths] Rachel?

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: Okay, she's kicking.
Chandler: She's growing inside you.
Rachel: Wow. That was a big one.
Chandler: I think that's the youngest girl ever to reject me.

Quote from Rachel

Phoebe: Let me ask you. Do you believe in soul mates?
Rachel: Oh, yes, I do. I do. I believe there's one person out there for everyone. And you know how you find him? You stop looking for him. That's why I've stopped looking for Russell Crowe. He'll find me.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: I believe that certain people are more suited for each other and I believe in falling in love, but- Soul mates? I don't think they exist.
Phoebe: Okay. Good.
Chandler: Why?
Phoebe: Well, last night, I met Monica's.
Chandler: What?
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a date with this guy and I swear to God he's her other half.
Chandler: Come on, don't be crazy. You don't think there's somebody out there better suited for Monica than me, do you?
Rachel: ... Well, what's he like?
Phoebe: Well, he's tall. He has brown hair.
Rachel: Of course.
Chandler: A tall guy with hair similar to mine? Oh, unknowable universe!

Quote from Rachel

Phoebe: He works with food.
Rachel: Oh, sure.
Phoebe: Older?
Rachel: Obviously.
Phoebe: Oh, and he's British.
Rachel: I was just gonna ask!

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: And he's so centered, and mature and confident.
Rachel: Oh, it's so sad they never had a chance to meet.
Chandler: Luckily, the guy she settled for can't hear what you're talking about.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Oh, I'm so sorry. And maybe I'm wrong. You know what I'm going to do? When we go out again, I'll find out more.
Chandler: You believe that this guy is destined for someone else and you're still gonna date him?
Phoebe: Well, he may not be my soul mate, but a girl's gotta eat.

Quote from Monica

Ross: I still can't believe it. Joey and Rachel? It's like you and me going out, only weirder.
Monica: I know you're hurting and I want to be supportive, but don't say that again.

Quote from Chandler

Don: Well, we just had a terrible lunch at Adriatica. What is with all the sun-dried tomatoes at that place?
Monica: I know! What is this, 1985?
Don: That's exactly what I said. Phoebe, isn't that strange?
Phoebe: Not really.
Chandler: What's wrong with sun-dried tomatoes? On a barbecued-chicken pizza? No?

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: What are you doing?
Phoebe: Nothing. I swear to God, I didn't know you guys would be here. And the good news is you don't even believe in soul mates, so...
Chandler: I believe in tall, handsome strangers who hit on my wife.
Phoebe: They're just talking. Besides, just because I think they're soul mates doesn't mean anything'll happen.
Monica: Phoebe? Good work.
Phoebe: Yeah?
Monica: He's great. I love him.
Phoebe: [to Chandler] Don't worry, we'll find you someone else.

Quote from Chandler

Don: So I've slowly been phasing out the wine importing and focusing more on the cheese side of things.
Chandler: Cheese, you say? That's some pretty smelly work, huh, Don?
Don: Excuse me?
Chandler: Cheese. It's smelly. You must smell a lot of the time too.

Quote from Monica

Don: But when it comes to cheese, I am one of those people who thinks the smellier, the better.
Monica: Me too! Chandler hates it. I can't have blue cheese in the house.
Don: And you're still married to him?

Quote from Chandler

Don: Well, if ever you're in Loire Valley, let me know. I've got a great little villa you could stay at.
Chandler: Is it made of cheese?
Don: No. But God, a house made of cheese, wouldn't that be incredible?
Monica: I'd move in tomorrow.
Chandler: Oh, come on!

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Chandler, you don't believe in soul mates?
Chandler: No, but I'm sure "tomatoes" does.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: So you don't want to live with Don in a cheese house?
Monica: No, I've had second thoughts about that. Do you realize how hard that would be to clean?

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: You know, I'm gonna take you out to dinner tonight. I found this place that makes the greatest mozzarella sticks and jalapeno poppers. No? Really? They taste so good.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: And I know Chandler was kidding, but it happens every time he touches my stomach. I mean, I'm really worried the baby is not going to like him.

Quote from Joey

Waiter: Okay. Sorry about the wait, but it is mega-jammed in here. We have a couple of specials tonight-
Joey: Actually, could you give us a second?
Waiter: Sure. Sure. Second's up! [Joey glares at him] Not that kind of table.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: So you were saying?
Joey: I'm not quite sure.
Rachel: Okay. Well, you had asked me how long we knew each other, and I said eight years. And then the waiter came over and cut his tip in half. And now here we are.


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