Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The One Where the Stripper Cries’ Quotes

Friends: The One Where the Stripper Cries

1011. The One Where the Stripper Cries

Aired February 5, 2004

When Monica and Rachel throw Phoebe a bachelorette party, she is disappointed at the lack of raunchy fun. Meanwhile, Joey is a celebrity guest on the game show Pyramid, and Ross and Chandler dredge up old memories when they attend their college reunion.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: Seriously, where did this happen?
Ross: Okay. After you told me she was passed out in our room, I went in there to make sure she was all right. She was lying on my bed, all buried in people's coats. Well, I went to kiss her on the forehead but it was so dark, I accidentally got her lips. I started to pull away, but then I felt her start to kiss me back. It was only for a second, but it was amazing. And now- Now, I find out that you kissed her first.
Chandler: Wait, what bed did you say she was on?
Ross: Mine.
Chandler: I'm pretty sure I put her on my bed.
Ross: No, she was definitely on my bed.
Chandler: Why would I kiss a girl and then put her on your bed?
Ross: Well, then who was on my bed?
Monica: Oh! Oh! Oh!
Ross: No! No! No!
Monica: Yes!
Ross: You were under the pile of coats?
Monica: I was the pile of coats!

Rate

Quote from Chandler

Ross: Oh, my God!
Monica: You were my midnight mystery kisser?!
Ross: You were my first kiss with Rachel?!
Monica: You were my first kiss ever?!
Chandler: What did I marry into?!

Quote from Joey

Donny Osmond: Now, Gene, I must remind you, you need all six of these to stay in the game. All right. Describe for Joey "things you find in your refrigerator."
Joey: Bah, they might as well just give us the points.
Donny Osmond: Give me 20 seconds on the clock. Ready? Go.
Gene: You put this in your coffee.
Joey: A spoon. Your hands. Your face.
Gene: It's white.
Joey: Paper. Snow. A ghost!
Gene: It's heavier than milk.
Joey: A rock. A dog. The Earth.
Gene: Pass. You put this on a sandwich.
Joey: Salami. Anchovies. Jam.
Gene: It's white.
Joey: Paper. Snow. A ghost!
Gene: It's made from eggs.
Joey: Chickens?
Gene: Pass. You put this on a hamburger.
Joey: Ketchup!
Gene: Yes!
Joey: Relish!
Gene: Stop.

Quote from Ross

Ross: So I made out with Adrienne, and you made out with Missy. Well, I guess we're even.
Chandler: Mm-hmm.
Ross: We are even, right?
Chandler: [sighs] Just one more thing. I was so pissed at you that night that I wanted to get back at you. So I thought, "Who does Ross like more than anybody?"
Ross: What did you do to my mom?

Quote from Joey

Donny Osmond: Welcome to the Winner's Circle. Joey, Gene, you guys ready?
Joey: Yeah.
Gene: Sure.
Donny Osmond: Okay. Give me 60 seconds on the clock, please. Ready? Go.
Gene: [answer: Types of Trees] Oak. Maple. Elm. Birch.
Joey: I don't know. Types of trees?
Gene: [answer: Spanish Words] Buenos días. Enchilada. Por favor.
Joey: Oh, I'm so sorry, I don't know any Spanish words.
Gene: [answer: Things That Burn] A match. A candle.
Joey: Things that go "tss" when you put them out.
Gene: A torch. A bonfire. Your pee.
Joey: Things that burn!
Gene: [answer: What a Dog Might Say] "I'd like to go for a walk." "Scratch my belly."
Joey: Dude. Dude, I think you're losing it.
Gene: "I have fur." "I like to bark."
Joey: Oh, oh, oh. What a dog says.
Gene: [answer: Pizza Toppings] Pepperoni.
Joey: Pizza toppings! Next.
Gene: [answer: Supermodels] Cindy Crawford. Christie Brinkley. Heidi Klum. Claudia Schiffer. Christy Turlington. Kate Moss.
Joey: Girls Chandler could never get?
Gene: Supermodels!
Joey: Where?

Quote from Joey

Joey: Oh, so we didn't win. But it's fun to play the game, right?
Gene: I got a kid starting college. I have to get surgery on my knee. You just lost me 10 grand.
Joey: Oh, wow. I'm so sorry. Okay, I promise, we'll do better next time.
Gene: Well, I will, because I won't be playing with you.
Joey: Hey, you know, some of those are pretty hard. Like, why would there be a ghost in my fridge? Yeah.

Quote from Monica

Joey: Hey, guys-
Monica: Wait! Let me tell them.
Joey: Sure.
Monica: Joey's gonna be a celebrity guest on a game show.
Ross: Really? Which one?
Monica: Fish. Seaweed. A sunken ship.
Ross: Things you find in the ocean. [gasps] You're gonna be on Pyramid!

Quote from Chandler

Ross: It's so weird to see all these people again. Oh, my God, look. There's Jeffrey Klarik.
Chandler: Who?
Ross: He was roommates with John Rosoff. He went out with Andrea Tamborino. She dumped him for Michael Skloff.
Chandler: Did I go to this school?

Quote from Joey

Joey: I know it can be intimidating for regular people to be around celebrities but relax. I'm just like you, only better-looking and richer.

Quote from Joey

Donny Osmond: All right? Now, we flipped a coin before the show. Gene, you won the toss, so you'll start. Which category would you like?
Gene: I'll take "You Crossed the Line."
Donny Osmond: "You Crossed the Line." Joey describe for Gene these things that have lines. Give me 20 seconds on the clock, please. Ready? Go.
Joey: [answer: supermarket] Uh, okay, it's a store like a supermarket. [warble sound] Oh, I see what I did there. Okay, okay.
[answer: notebook] I'm writing in my-
Gene: Diary.
Joey: No, more like a notebook. [warble sound] Damn it! Okay.
[answer: blueprint] Oh, if I'm building a house, the plan isn't called a "shmooprint"- [warble sound] I can't do that either?
[answer: football field] Oh, in high school, I once had sex with a girl right in the middle of the?
Gene: Cafeteria?
Joey: Yeah, but that's not what they're looking for.

Quote from Ross

Ross: So Saturday night?
Missy: I'd love to.
Ross: Great.
Missy: So how come it took you so long to ask me out?
Ross: Oh, well, this is gonna sound kind of silly but do you remember my roommate, Chandler Bing?
Missy: Sure. He was in your "band."
Ross: It's been 16 years, but the air quotes still hurt.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Well, he and I both really liked you a lot but we didn't want anything to jeopardize our friendship, so we kind of made a pact that neither of us could ask you out.
Missy: Really?
Ross: Yeah, why?
Missy: Well, Chandler and I used to make out. A lot.
Ross: You did?
Missy: Yeah. We'd go to the science lab after-hours.
Ross: And on my turf?!

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Who is it?
Officer Goodbody: It's the police.
Rachel: The police! [Phoebe gasps]
Officer Goodbody: That's right. It's Officer Goodbody.
Monica: What's the matter, officer? Has someone been bad?
[Monica opens the door to Officer Goodbody]
Officer Goodbody: Whew, that's a lot of stairs.

Quote from Phoebe

Officer Goodbody: Okay, ladies, can I have your attention, please?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah.
Officer Goodbody: Did someone call for the long arm of the law? I should warn you, I have a concealed weapon. I hope you're familiar with this state's penal code. Okay, okay. Enough teasing. Now for some pleasing. Whoa, whoa, whoa. She cringed.
Phoebe: This is how I look when I'm turned-on.
Officer Goodbody: You were talking about me before. Look, I don't need this.
I'm out of here. Where's my hat? Look, I've been in this business for a long time.
Phoebe: Shocking.
Officer Goodbody: Now, if you'll just pay me my $300, I'll be on my way.
Phoebe: $300? Are you kidding?
Rachel: No, that's okay. Just let me get my checkbook.
Phoebe: No, you're not gonna pay him. He didn't do anything.
Officer Goodbody: Didn't do anything? I took a bus all the way from Hoboken. I climbed, I don't know, like, a billion stairs. And it's not like I can take them two at a time.
Phoebe: I don't care. We're not paying you $300 for this.
Officer Goodbody: Well, it's not my fault if you're too uptight to appreciate the male form in all its glory.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. Okay, I'm uptight. That's why I don't wanna watch a middle-aged guy dance around in what I can only assume is a child's Halloween costume.
Officer Goodbody: I may have borrowed this from my nephew but let me assure you, what's underneath is all man.
Phoebe: I'm sorry, did you say "all man" or "old man"?
Officer Goodbody: You're mean.
Monica: Look, officer- Sir?
Officer Goodbody: Damn it. Big surprise. The hunk of beef has feelings.

Quote from Joey

Donny Osmond: Okay, Henrietta, you picked "Jack and Jill Went Up The Hill."
Joey: My friend Rachel has a kid. I totally know nursery rhymes.
Donny Osmond: Joey, describe these things associated with the United States Congress. Give me 20 seconds on the clock, please. Ready? Go.
Joey: [answer: legislature] Uh... Uh... Pass.
[answer: rotunda] Pass.
[answer: filibuster] Pass.
[answer: addendum] Okay. The little thing that hangs down in the back of your throat.
Henrietta: Uvula.
Joey: Oh. Then pass.
[answer: joint session] Oh.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: You broke the pact.
Chandler: Ross, that was 16 years ago.
Ross: That doesn't matter. We're talking about the foundation of our friendship.
Chandler: I believe the foundation of our friendship was unfortunate hair.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Hey, look, there's Chandler. He's that stupid friend of Ross's who said I was fat. You know, I've already lost four pounds.
Rachel: You can so totally tell.
Monica: I know!

Quote from Monica

Rachel: I am so drunk.
Monica: That's weird. I've had the same number of beers as you and don't feel anything.
Chandler: So you girls having fun?
Monica: For your information, ass-munch I've lost four pounds. Maybe even five with all the dancing.
Pizza Delivery Guy: Somebody order a pizza?
Monica: Oh, that's me!

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: I am so not gonna do good on my SATs tomorrow.
Chandler: Well, maybe you could go to school here next year and we could totally hang out.
Rachel: Oh, yeah. There's a plan. Why don't I just start taking my smart pills now.
Chandler: Well, maybe you could get in on a beauty scholarship.
Rachel: [chuckles] What a line. [whispers] Oh, my God.
Chandler: So where are you applying to?
Rachel: Well, I think it's kind of really important that I go somewhere where there's sun. So I'm sort of- [Chandler kisses Rachel] Hey!
Chandler: I'm in college, and I'm in a band.
Rachel: Yeah, okay.

Quote from Phoebe

Officer Goodbody: What's the matter? You never saw a 50-year-old stripper cry before?
Phoebe: You know, it's fine. We'll pay you.
Officer Goodbody: No, no, you're right. Who am I kidding? I should have hung up that breakaway jockstrap years ago. What am I gonna do? I mean this has been my life for 32 years. Taking my clothes off in front of people is all I know.
Rachel: No, there's got to be something else that you can do. I mean, what skills do you have?
Officer Goodbody: I don't know. I can make my pecs dance. I can pick up a dollar bill with my butt cheeks. I can go to that special place inside me where I feel no shame.
Rachel: So maybe something in an office.
Phoebe: Or you could- You could teach stripping. You know, share your gift. Pass the torch.
Officer Goodbody: You know, actually, that's not a bad idea. I could do it out of my apartment. I don't think my mom would mind.
Phoebe: There you go. Okay. You think you're gonna be okay?
Officer Goodbody: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is so weird. You never know when it's gonna be your last dance. And I didn't even get a chance to finish it.
Phoebe: Finish it.
Officer Goodbody: What?
Phoebe: Your last dance. Do it for us.
Officer Goodbody: Really?
Rachel: Really?
Phoebe: Yeah. Yeah, he deserves to do the thing he loves one last time.
Officer Goodbody: Okay. All right. Get ready, ladies.
Phoebe: Oh, this is so hot! Oh, no, no, don't stop.
Officer Goodbody: Have to.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: I can't believe we're at a real college party. I have to pee so bad.
Rachel: This is so awesome. College guys are so cute.
Monica: Hey, you've got a boyfriend.
Rachel: I know. But if some guy who looks like Corey Haim wants to kiss me tonight, I am so gonna let him.


 Episode 1010 Episode 1012 
  Select another episode