Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] It only takes two heart attacks, To finally make you see, One of them won't do it, But the second will set you free, Tell all your hate and anger, It's time to say goodbye, And that is just what I will do, Soon as those bastards I worked for die!

Ross: I'm sorry your husband cheated on you.
Rachel: And I'm sorry your wife is gay. I guess women aren't that great either.
Ross: Try telling my wife that.

Ross: Hey, Joe, did you ever have a threesome?
Joey: Look, Ross. I think Carol's great, and I'm sure you're a very attractive man, but-
Ross: No. The reason I'm asking is that, I sort of had one last night.
Joey: You?
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: Wow. All right. So? Was it amazing?
Ross: It was ... okay.
Joey: Just okay? Did you do it right?
Ross: Look, it's just, did you ever go to a party and think: "Would anyone really miss me if I weren't here?"
Joey: Huh. But still, Ross. Your worst day with two women, pretty much better than any other day.
Ross: Oh, no. Absolutely. Yeah. It's just my part seemed to be over pretty quickly and then there was a lot of waiting around.
Joey: Oh. But you got to be with both of them, right?
Ross: Not really. Just Carol.
Joey: Not the other one?
Ross: No, she kept kicking me away.
Joey: Yeah, you don't want that. But hey, at least you got to see a lot of stuff.
Ross: Oh, I saw a lot of stuff.
Joey: You get a little bored?
Ross: A little. Made a snack.
Joey: Yeah? What'd you have?
Ross: Just a sandwich. Turkey. A little mustard.
Joey: Sounds good.
Ross: It really was.

Joey: Remember on the show when Capri was dying? And she gave me-
Rachel: The ring from the cave. Yeah.
Joey: Wow. Okay, well-
Rachel: Oh, my God. They let you keep that stuff?
Joey: Sure. As long as they don't find out, you can keep whatever you want.

Ross: How's it going?
Phoebe: Well, I've got to get out of this bed. I'm going crazy here. Crazy!
Monica: Here you go, sweetie.
Phoebe: What the hell is this, herbal tea? I hate herbal tea.
Monica: Well, I put some honey in it.
Phoebe: [mimicking] "Well, I put some honey in it."
Ross: She doesn't know she was fired yet, does she?
Chandler: No, the doctors say it may kill her.
Phoebe: What are you two girls whispering about over there?
Chandler: But I think we should tell her.

Rachel: Oh. Wow. It's like it's raining.
Joey: Pretty cool, huh? But if you're thinking you could put a fish in there and it wouldn't get sucked up into the mechanism, well, you'd be wrong.

Chandler: I'm sorry you're here with me instead of Roger.
Monica: Yeah, me too.
Chandler: Well, I could make it seem like he's here. "Here's some little-known facts about couscous: They didn't add the second 'cous' until 1979. [babbles]"

Chandler: Oh, my God!
Monica: I know! I tell you something, we are gonna do that again!

Jack: Phoebe, you don't have an office.
Phoebe: That's all right. I'll work right here. This is good. Next to this plant.
Jack: Phoebe, listen-
Phoebe: You're in my office. Look, I have made a lot of cash for this company. Okay. I am talking big bucks. Pesos! Yen! Rubles! You make one little mistake-
Jack: You lost 13 million dollars.
Phoebe: Oh, so now this is all about money? You know, it's bad enough that- Ow. Oh, you have got to be kidding.
Jack: Are you all right?
Phoebe: I'm having another heart attack.
Jack: What?
Phoebe: I'm having another heart attack. Call 911! Dumb-ass.
Woman: Hey, Pheebs, how's it going?
Phoebe: They fired me, and I'm having a heart attack.
Woman: Well, welcome back.

Rachel: Let me ask you something. Do wedding vows mean squat to you people? And why is it that the second we tell you we are going out of town, bam, there you are in bed with the neighbor's dog-walker?
Ross: We're sorry.
Rachel: No, seriously. Seriously. What has happened to the sanctity of marriage?
Ross: Didn't you spend last night at Joey's?
Rachel: What are you, a detective?