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‘The One with the Free Porn’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Friends: The One with the Free Porn

417. The One with the Free Porn

Aired March 26, 1998

Chandler and Joey are delighted when their TV serves up an unscrambled porn channel. Meanwhile, Phoebe tries to earn more money after a surprising pregnancy development, and Monica convinces Ross to tell Emily he loves her.

Quote from Joey

Mr. Treeger: [o.s.] Oh, man!
Joey: What's that?
Chandler: Treeger's snaking the shower drain.
Mr. Treeger: [o.s.] What in the name of hell?
Joey: Hey, maybe he found your flip-flop.

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Quote from Ross

Monica: Hey, cheer up. I mean, you're gonna see her again, right?
Ross: I don't know. Whenever I brought it up, she said [in a British accent] "This is so fantastic. Why do we have talk about the future? Let's just enjoy"-
Monica: Don't do the accent.

Quote from Phoebe

Doctor: Have we talked about the possibility of multiple births?
Phoebe: Why don't we just take care of this one and should l get pregnant again, I'll hold onto your card, okay?

Quote from Phoebe

Doctor: No, I'm getting three separate heartbeats.
Phoebe: Three? You guys were worried I wouldn't even have one.
Doctor: Doctors are wrong all the time.
[Phoebe scoffs]
Rachel: Well, so are you sure that there are three?
Doctor: Definitely.
Phoebe: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God! So in a few months, I'm going to have three full-grown babies just walking around inside me? Oh, oh. It's going to be like one of those log rides when they come shooting out.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Think about it. It's a taxi that people take when they need to relax.
Rachel: It's a Relaxi-Taxi!
Phoebe: The name was my favorite part.
Rachel: Well, I came up with it.
Phoebe: You did not! No, you came up with Relaxi-Cab. That's not good.

Quote from Monica

Monica: You've got to see her again.
Ross: Why do you care?
Monica: Because. You could live out my fantasy.
Ross: You had fantasies about Emily?
Monica: No. You know, the fantasy. Meet someone from a strange land, fall madly in love and spend the rest of your lives together.
Ross: Is that why in junior high you were the only one who hung out with that Ukrainian kid?
Monica: Yeah, that. Plus his mom used to put sour cream on everything.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Is this porn? What did I do? I must have hit something on the remote.
Chandler: Do we pay for this?
Joey: No, we didn't even pay our cable bill. Maybe this is how they punish us.
Chandler: Maybe we shouldn't pay our phone bill. Free phone sex.
Joey: Maybe we shouldn't pay our gas bill.

Quote from Joey

Mr. Treeger: Hey, that lady's all kinds of naked.
Chandler: Joey just pressed something on the remote and it just came on.
Mr. Treeger: Yeah. It happened to me once. It was like finding money.
Chandler: Like finding money with naked people on it.
Mr. Treeger: But then I made the mistake of turning off the TV. I never got it back again. And now I'm sad.
Joey: Why would he turn off the TV?

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: You know, do we really have to watch this while we eat?
Chandler: No, no, no, no, no. We don't know what could make this go away.
Joey: Yeah. So no one touches the remote, and no one touches the TV.
Chandler: And no one touches the air around the TV.
Joey: Imagine a protective porn bubble, if you will.
Monica: I'm at least going to mute it.
Joey: No, no, no-
Chandler: We still have porn.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Oh, God. I'm too pregnant for this lugging around a stupid massage table. I need to get a job where I carry a smaller table.
Chandler: Or a job where you don't carry a table.
Phoebe: You mean, like a doctor?

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