TV Quotes

Mr. Treeger: [o.s.] Oh, man!
Joey: What's that?
Chandler: Treeger's snaking the shower drain.
Mr. Treeger: [o.s.] What in the name of hell?
Joey: Hey, maybe he found your flip-flop.

Monica: Hey, cheer up. I mean, you're gonna see her again, right?
Ross: I don't know. Whenever I brought it up, she said [in a British accent] "This is so fantastic. Why do we have talk about the future? Let's just enjoy"-
Monica: Don't do the accent.

Doctor: Have we talked about the possibility of multiple births?
Phoebe: Why don't we just take care of this one and should l get pregnant again, I'll hold onto your card, okay?

Doctor: No, I'm getting three separate heartbeats.
Phoebe: Three? You guys were worried I wouldn't even have one.
Doctor: Doctors are wrong all the time.
[Phoebe scoffs]
Rachel: Well, so are you sure that there are three?
Doctor: Definitely.
Phoebe: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God! So in a few months, I'm going to have three full-grown babies just walking around inside me? Oh, oh. It's going to be like one of those log rides when they come shooting out.

Phoebe: Think about it. It's a taxi that people take when they need to relax.
Rachel: It's a Relaxi-Taxi!
Phoebe: The name was my favorite part.
Rachel: Well, I came up with it.
Phoebe: You did not! No, you came up with Relaxi-Cab. That's not good.

Monica: You've got to see her again.
Ross: Why do you care?
Monica: Because. You could live out my fantasy.
Ross: You had fantasies about Emily?
Monica: No. You know, the fantasy. Meet someone from a strange land, fall madly in love and spend the rest of your lives together.
Ross: Is that why in junior high you were the only one who hung out with that Ukrainian kid?
Monica: Yeah, that. Plus his mom used to put sour cream on everything.

Joey: Is this porn? What did I do? I must have hit something on the remote.
Chandler: Do we pay for this?
Joey: No, we didn't even pay our cable bill. Maybe this is how they punish us.
Chandler: Maybe we shouldn't pay our phone bill. Free phone sex.
Joey: Maybe we shouldn't pay our gas bill.

Mr. Treeger: Hey, that lady's all kinds of naked.
Chandler: Joey just pressed something on the remote and it just came on.
Mr. Treeger: Yeah. It happened to me once. It was like finding money.
Chandler: Like finding money with naked people on it.
Mr. Treeger: But then I made the mistake of turning off the TV. I never got it back again. And now I'm sad.
Joey: Why would he turn off the TV?

Rachel: You know, do we really have to watch this while we eat?
Chandler: No, no, no, no, no. We don't know what could make this go away.
Joey: Yeah. So no one touches the remote, and no one touches the TV.
Chandler: And no one touches the air around the TV.
Joey: Imagine a protective porn bubble, if you will.
Monica: I'm at least going to mute it.
Joey: No, no, no-
Chandler: We still have porn.

Phoebe: Oh, God. I'm too pregnant for this lugging around a stupid massage table. I need to get a job where I carry a smaller table.
Chandler: Or a job where you don't carry a table.
Phoebe: You mean, like a doctor?