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‘The One with Monica's Boots’ Quotes

Friends: The One with Monica's Boots

810. The One with Monica's Boots

Aired December 6, 2001

Monica buys an expensive pair of boots which she promises Chandler she'll wear all the time, until she discovers they're extremely painful. Meanwhile, Joey's younger sister seeks Rachel's advice, and Phoebe learns that Ross's son, Ben, is in the same class as Sting's son.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Why don't you sit down? Dina has something she wants to tell you.
Joey: What's going on? Is it Mom? Is she sick? Is it Dad's heart? Is that a sandwich?
Dina: Joe, Mom and Dad are fine.
Joey: Is that a sandwich?!

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Quote from Phoebe

Trudie: Hi.
Phoebe: Hi.
Trudie: I'm Trudie. You must be Ben's mum.
Phoebe: Why else would I be here?
Trudie: Why don't you sit down?
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Trudie: I gather Jack and Ben haven't been getting along lately. I'm sure there are two sides to this story, but all I've heard is that Ben's a bit of "poo-poo-head."
Phoebe: Uh, I'm sorry. Won't Jack's father be joining us?
Trudie: Well, I'm sorry, Jack's father's not available.
Phoebe: Mm-hmm. Okay. Well then, could we reschedule for, say, Friday night, perhaps at 8:00?
Trudie: Oh, no. I know that wouldn't work. My husband's in concert.
Phoebe: Concert. Yeah. That does put us in quite a pickle. You see, I'm very busy before and after the concert, and he's obviously busy during.
Trudie: So, I guess you and I should talk about Jack and Ben right now.
Phoebe: Unless- Unless- Okay, I would be willing to go to the concert, all the while thinking about the children.
Trudie: Are you here for tickets?
Phoebe: Oh. Thank you. Four would be great.
Trudie: I'm not giving concert tickets to someone who'd use their son like this.
Phoebe: Oh, good. Then you're in luck. Ben's not my son.
Trudie: Look, I've just pressed a button triggering a silent alarm. Any minute now, the police will be here.
Phoebe: The Police? Here? A reunion?!

Quote from Joey

Joey: Who did this to you?
Dina: Bobby Corso. He's a real nice guy. I like him a lot. He's real funny.
Joey: You got pregnant for "funny"? Dina, if he's funny, laugh!

Quote from Phoebe

Jenny: Excuse me. Can I help you with something?
Phoebe: Yes. Yes, you can. I'm looking for Jack's parents.
Phoebe: Are you with one of the students?
Phoebe: Uh-huh. I'm with Ben.
Jenny: Are you one of Ben's mothers?
Phoebe: I am one of Ben's mothers. I'm a lesbian. It was difficult coming out to my parents.

Quote from Phoebe

Jenny: Well, hi. I'm Jenny Boon. I'm a new teacher here.
Phoebe: Oh.
Jenny: I've only met your partner, Carol.
Phoebe: Ah. So that would make me Susan.
Jenny: Right. Are you looking for Jack's parents to discuss the problems he's having with Ben? Yeah. Because I really do think the parents should sit down together and have a conversation.
Phoebe: Yeah, let's do that! That sounds good. We should sit down and talk. Just me, my lover Carol, and the Stings. Now, how will I get in touch with them?
Jenny: Oh, their number's on the contact sheet.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Could I get a copy of that? Because Carol threw it out. She lost ours. She's such a scatterbrain. But, man, what a hot piece of ass.

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: That's right. I love you. And I'm gonna play with you all the time.
Phoebe: How can you let him talk to your crotch like that?
Rachel: He's talking to the baby.
Phoebe: Oh! Okay. Okay, because when he said, "I can't wait to hear your first words" I thought, "There's a trick."

Quote from Ross

Phoebe: Hey, Ross, doesn't Ben go to Smithfield Day School?
Ross: Yeah. Why?
Phoebe: Sting has a son that goes there too.
Ross: Yeah, I know. He's in Ben's class.
Phoebe: You knew this and never said anything? With all the stupid dinosaur stuff you tell us?
Ross: Fine, no more dinosaur stuff. Can I talk about fossils?
Phoebe: "Sting's son, 7 years old" And there's a picture.
Ross: What are you reading, "The Kidnapper's Guide to Manhattan Private Schools"?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: So how well do you know Sting?
Ross: I actually haven't even met him.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Yeah, that's too bad. I really wanna go to his concert Friday night, but it's totally sold out. I know! Why don't you meet him and get tickets. If you get two, I'll take you.
Ross: Well, actually, I'm picking Ben up tomorrow. Maybe he'll be there.
Phoebe: There you go. Ugh, you're so lucky. You might actually get to meet Sting tomorrow. That's why you have kids.

Quote from Monica

Phoebe: Wow, they're beautiful.
Monica: They hurt so much.
Phoebe: What?
Monica: The guy who made these hates feet and wants to see them die.
Rachel: Well, honey, give them to me. I haven't felt my feet in years.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: Hey, I just picked up Ben from school.
Chandler: I don't think you did a very thorough job.
Ross: I dropped him off at Carol's.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Anyway, it turns out I'm not gonna get those tickets.
Phoebe: Oh, no. Why not?
Ross: Well, it turns out Ben and Sting's son do not get along.
Phoebe: How come?
Ross: Apparently, Sting's son made fun of the fact that Ben's moms are "lesbenims."

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Ross, if they don't get along, then you should smooth things over. Make them be friends.
Ross: Phoebe, you can't force kids to be friends.
Phoebe: Sure you can. Give them some blocks. Put them in a playpen.
Ross: Playpen? Ben's 7.
Phoebe: Your kid is 7? He's really small.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Please get the tickets.
Ross: I'm sorry, Pheebs. I just can't do it.
Phoebe: Yes, you can. Sting says so himself.
Ross: What?
Phoebe: [singing to the tune of Roxanne] Ross can!
Ross: Look, I'm sorry-
Phoebe: [singing] Ross can!
Ross: Phoebe?
Phoebe: [singing] Ross can get me the tickets! Ross can get me the tickets!

Quote from Joey

Joey: Well, I'll let you two "fashists" get down to business.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: I don't think I wanna wear the boots tonight.
Chandler: Why not?
Monica: Well, you know, I'm just worried tour bosses will see them and think they pay you too much money. Or your assistant will see them and want a raise.
Chandler: Do you think I work at some kind of boot-pricing company?

Quote from Rachel

Dina: I can't go in there. I can't tell him.
Rachel: It's gonna be okay. He has been incredibly supportive of me. And if he gets a little upset, that's what the meatball sub is for.

Quote from Rachel

Dina: I'm pregnant.
Joey: What?
Rachel: Now. Now. Give him the sandwich!

Quote from Joey

Joey: Obviously, this is a mistake. You can't be pregnant. Because you have to have sex to get pregnant.
Dina: Joe, I tried to wait until I was 25, like you did.
Rachel: What? Dina-
Joey: Bub.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Dina, I can't believe this. You're the good one who went to college. Both years!

Quote from Phoebe

Ben: Aunt Phoebe, what are you doing here?
Phoebe: Well, I heard you're having a problem with one of the boys in your class. And so I thought I would just come down here and sit you both down, have a little talk and make it all okay. Now, the boy's name is Sting's son.

Quote from Phoebe

Ben: Jack? I hate him. He's a jerk.
Phoebe: Now, Ben, sometimes people may seem like jerks on the outside but they have famous fathers.
Ben: I have to go. My friend Doug is waiting for me over there.
Phoebe: Him, you're friends with.

Quote from Rachel

Dina: Do you ever worry that you'll be walking and your baby will just, like, slip out?
Rachel: What college was that, Dina?

Quote from Joey

Dina: Oh, my God. Bobby?
Bobby: Hi, Dina. Good to see you.
Rachel: Joey, what are you doing?
Joey: Just what needs to be done. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join in marriage-
Rachel: Joey, this is crazy.
Joey: Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to God!

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: All right, Joey, that is enough. Listen, as beautiful and moving as this ceremony is, this is not legal. Okay, they don't have a marriage license. They don't have any witnesses. And the groom only has on one shoe.
Bobby: Yeah, he took the other one off and hit me with it.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Wow. This place is incredible. Sting's pen ... that he gave to Phoebe.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Okay. I can walk the rest of the way now. Just give me my boots.
Chandler: I don't have your boots.
Monica: I don't have them either. Where are they?
Chandler: Well, why don't you check in one of my saddlebags while I chew on hay?

Quote from Joey

Joey: Dina, if you're having a baby, you should be married. Even if it is to Bobby. Dude, that's not a compliment.

Quote from Joey

Joey: What are you gonna do? Are you going to have the baby and raise it by yourself, without a husband? You can't be a single mother alone. You're going to ruin your life.
Rachel: Excuse me. Am I ruining my life?
Joey: No, it's different for you. You're so strong and together. You're not some dumb kid who doesn't know what she's doing.
Dina: Excuse me?
Joey: One pregnant woman at a time, please!

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: You're gonna love me so much. I got Sting tickets.
Phoebe: Oh, my God, I do love you. How did you do it?
Ross: Well, let's just say: [singing] Ross can!
Phoebe: Where are the seats?
Ross: Middle Balcony.
Phoebe: Okay. Now, would you say that is that more than 50 yards away from Sting, his wife or a member of his family?
Ross: Yeah.
Phoebe: Then that's not breaking the law. I'm there!

Quote from Chandler

Monica: My boots in tan. Can you get a little closer so I can see the price?
Chandler: I can see it from right here. It'll cost you one husband.


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