Rachel: Why don't you sit down? Dina has something she wants to tell you.
Joey: What's going on? Is it Mom? Is she sick? Is it Dad's heart? Is that a sandwich?
Dina: Joe, Mom and Dad are fine.
Joey: Is that a sandwich?!

Trudie: I'm Trudie. You must be Ben's mum.
Phoebe: Why else would I be here?
Trudie: Why don't you sit down?
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Trudie: I gather Jack and Ben haven't been getting along lately. I'm sure there are two sides to this story, but all I've heard is that Ben's a bit of "poo-poo-head."
Phoebe: Uh, I'm sorry. Won't Jack's father be joining us?
Trudie: Well, I'm sorry, Jack's father's not available.
Phoebe: Mm-hmm. Okay. Well then, could we reschedule for, say, Friday night, perhaps at 8:00?
Trudie: Oh, no. I know that wouldn't work. My husband's in concert.
Phoebe: Concert. Yeah. That does put us in quite a pickle. You see, I'm very busy before and after the concert, and he's obviously busy during.
Trudie: So, I guess you and I should talk about Jack and Ben right now.
Phoebe: Unless- Unless- Okay, I would be willing to go to the concert, all the while thinking about the children.
Trudie: Are you here for tickets?
Phoebe: Oh. Thank you. Four would be great.
Trudie: I'm not giving concert tickets to someone who'd use their son like this.
Phoebe: Oh, good. Then you're in luck. Ben's not my son.
Trudie: Look, I've just pressed a button triggering a silent alarm. Any minute now, the police will be here.
Phoebe: The Police? Here? A reunion?!

Joey: Who did this to you?
Dina: Bobby Corso. He's a real nice guy. I like him a lot. He's real funny.
Joey: You got pregnant for "funny"? Dina, if he's funny, laugh!

Jenny: Excuse me. Can I help you with something?
Phoebe: Yes. Yes, you can. I'm looking for Jack's parents.
Phoebe: Are you with one of the students?
Phoebe: Uh-huh. I'm with Ben.
Jenny: Are you one of Ben's mothers?
Phoebe: I am one of Ben's mothers. I'm a lesbian. It was difficult coming out to my parents.

Jenny: Well, hi. I'm Jenny Boon. I'm a new teacher here.
Phoebe: Oh.
Jenny: I've only met your partner, Carol.
Phoebe: Ah. So that would make me Susan.
Jenny: Right. Are you looking for Jack's parents to discuss the problems he's having with Ben? Yeah. Because I really do think the parents should sit down together and have a conversation.
Phoebe: Yeah, let's do that! That sounds good. We should sit down and talk. Just me, my lover Carol, and the Stings. Now, how will I get in touch with them?
Jenny: Oh, their number's on the contact sheet.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Could I get a copy of that? Because Carol threw it out. She lost ours. She's such a scatterbrain. But, man, what a hot piece of ass.

Ross: That's right. I love you. And I'm gonna play with you all the time.
Phoebe: How can you let him talk to your crotch like that?
Rachel: He's talking to the baby.
Phoebe: Oh! Okay. Okay, because when he said, "I can't wait to hear your first words" I thought, "There's a trick."

Phoebe: Hey, Ross, doesn't Ben go to Smithfield Day School?
Ross: Yeah. Why?
Phoebe: Sting has a son that goes there too.
Ross: Yeah, I know. He's in Ben's class.
Phoebe: You knew this and never said anything? With all the stupid dinosaur stuff you tell us?
Ross: Fine, no more dinosaur stuff. Can I talk about fossils?
Phoebe: "Sting's son, 7 years old" And there's a picture.
Ross: What are you reading, "The Kidnapper's Guide to Manhattan Private Schools"?

Phoebe: So how well do you know Sting?
Ross: I actually haven't even met him.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Yeah, that's too bad. I really wanna go to his concert Friday night, but it's totally sold out. I know! Why don't you meet him and get tickets. If you get two, I'll take you.
Ross: Well, actually, I'm picking Ben up tomorrow. Maybe he'll be there.
Phoebe: There you go. Ugh, you're so lucky. You might actually get to meet Sting tomorrow. That's why you have kids.

Phoebe: Wow, they're beautiful.
Monica: They hurt so much.
Phoebe: What?
Monica: The guy who made these hates feet and wants to see them die.
Rachel: Well, honey, give them to me. I haven't felt my feet in years.

Ross: Hey, I just picked up Ben from school.
Chandler: I don't think you did a very thorough job.
Ross: I dropped him off at Carol's.