The Office Quotes
- Season 1
- Season 2
- The Dundies
- Sexual Harassment
- Office Olympics
- The Fire
- The Fight
- The Client
- Performance Review
- Email Surveillance
- Christmas Party
- Booze Cruise
- The Injury
- The Secret
- The Carpet
- Boys and Girls
- Valentine's Day
- Dwight's Speech
- Take Your Daughter to Work Day
- Michael's Birthday
- Drug Testing
- Conflict Resolution
- Casino Night
- Season 3
- Gay Witch Hunt
- The Convention
- The Coup
- Grief Counseling
- Branch Closing
- The Merger
- The Convict
- A Benihana Christmas (Part 1)
- A Benihana Christmas (Part 2)
- Back from Vacation
- Traveling Salesmen / The Return
- Ben Franklin
- Phyllis' Wedding
- Business School
- The Negotiation
- Safety Training
- Product Recall
- Women's Appreciation
- Beach Games
- The Job
- Season 4
- Season 5
- Weight Loss
- Business Ethics
- Baby Shower
- Crime Aid
- Employee Transfer
- Customer Survey
- Business Trip
- Frame Toby
- The Surplus
- Moroccan Christmas
- The Duel
- Prince Family Paper
- Stress Relief
- Lecture Circuit: Part 1
- Lecture Circuit: Part 2
- Blood Drive
- Golden Ticket
- New Boss
- Two Weeks
- Dream Team
- Michael Scott Paper Company
- Heavy Competition
- Casual Friday
- Cafe Disco
- Company Picnic
- Season 6
- Season 7
- Andy's Play
- Sex Ed
- The Sting
- Costume Contest
- Viewing Party
- Classy Christmas
- The Seminar
- The Search
- Threat Level Midnight
- Todd Packer
- Garage Sale
- Training Day
- Michael's Last Dundies
- Goodbye, Michael
- The Inner Circle
- Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager
- Search Committee
- Season 8
- Season 9
A mockumentary which follows the employees of the Scranton, Pennsylvania branch of a fictional paper company, Dunder Mufflin.
Starring: Steve Carell, Rainn Wilson, John Krasinski, Jenna Fischer, B.J. Novak, Ed Helms, Leslie David Baker, Brian Baumgartner, Kate Flannery, Angela Kinsey, Oscar Nunez, Phyllis Smith, Mindy Kaling, Paul Lieberstein, Creed Bratton, Craig Robinson, Ellie Kemper.
Original Run: 2005-2013.
Quote of the Day
Sunday, October 25, 2020
Jim: [to Robert, who's looking at pictures of a house online] Whoa, looks pretty nice. Got a little bit of a Shining vibe, though.
Oscar: Oh, who needs a house that size?
Dwight K. Schrute: Big. Stupid. Pure chump bait.
Robert: I'm selling the house, actually.
Jim: You know, there's a glare from over here... Oh, wow. That's magnificent.
Robert: It's mid-recession in a depressed area of a faltering state and I've got the most expensive house on the market. The one percent are suffering too, people. I bought it to be my Playboy mansion. A temple to wine, revelry, sex, intrigue... This was hot on the heels of "Eyes Wide Shut", mind you. Then I met my wife, she moved in, made it her own. Now she's left me and forced me to sell the place.
Michael Scott: I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected even though I peed on it. Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.
Michael Scott: My life! Oh, my life!
Dwight K. Schrute: [through a megaphone] Michael, what's wrong?
Michael Scott: Everything's wrong. The stress of my modern office has caused me to go into a depression!
Dwight K. Schrute: Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out?
Michael Scott: Dwight, you ignorant slut. Depression is a very serious illness. Over 32,000 people commit suicide every year according to a 2004 study.
Dwight K. Schrute: Is that the last year the data was available?
Michael Scott: Yes. My head is in such pain and turmoil.
[Jim arrives for work wearing glasses, a side-parting hair cut, and a pale yellow shirt:]
Jim: It's kind of blurry. That's better. Question, what kind of bear is best?
Dwight K. Schrute: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim: False. Black bear.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, that's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought.
Jim: Fact, bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight K. Schrute: Bears do not- What is going on? What are you doing?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Last week, I was in a drug store and I saw these glasses. Four dollars. And it only cost me $7 to recreate the rest of the ensemble and that's a grand total of $11.
Dwight K. Schrute: You know what? Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. So I thank you. Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, that's funny. Michael!
"Several times a day, Michael says words that are way beyond my vocabulary." - Jim Halpert
Whether you've been impish or admirable, are looking forward to a Benihana or Moroccan Christmas, enjoy the best Christmas quotes from The Office as you wait for Classy Santa and Belsnickel.
Dwight's best quotes about Schrute Farms, a 1600-acre property which grows beets and hemp, and includes a bed and breakfast.
Every "That's What She Said" moment from The Office.
The best quotes from Michael and Holly's relationship.
Michael Scott: Okay, I have an announcement.
Oscar: You pushed Darryl out the window?
Phyllis: You shot Dwight?
Michael Scott: No. No, that is not funny. I love my employees. Even though I hit one of you with my car. For which I take full responsibility. Look, I'm just trying to take everybody's mind off of this unavoidable tragedy and on to more positive things. So I thought we should plant a tree.
Jim: Oh, good, so we don't have to work.
Pam: We're leaving for the hospital at 1:00.
Michael Scott: So, like, a freedom tree.
Pam: I can take 3 people.
Jim: I can also take 3 people.
Oscar: [to Kevin] Separate cars.
Michael Scott: Pam?
Pam: Alright, I will get a card at the hospital and we'll sign it outside her room.
Michael Scott: Pam.
Pam: Sales people can go later in the day. Hourly workers can go at lunch.
Michael Scott: Okay, good, good. So we'll just all go down there together at lunch. Excellent.
Pam: I was thinking-
Michael Scott: Good work, Pam.
Pam: But if you-
Michael Scott: Yaay, Pam!
Dwight K. Schrute: You seem tense. Hey, you want me to give you the chills?
Michael Scott: Okay.
Dwight K. Schrute: There's an egg on your head and the yolk is running down, the yolk is running down...
Michael Scott: [sighs] Feels good.
Dwight K. Schrute: There's a knife in your back and the blood is gushing down...
Michael Scott: I'm sleeping with Pam's mom. Sometimes, dinner.
Dwight K. Schrute: The blood is gushing down, the blood is gushing down... You know, I really would have appreciated a heads-up that you were into dating mothers. I would have introduced you to mine.
Michael Scott: But guys, I'm a victim here too, okay? People here have been saying that I'm a J. Crew model.
Angela: No. We heard that about Jim.
Michael Scott: Jim? No, no. I spread the rumor that somebody here was a J. Crew model, and I was referring to myself.
Angela: How is that a bad rumor?
Michael Scott: Because a lot of people think that models, even though they're very attractive, are somewhat vapid. It's set our industry back quite a bit.