The Office Quotes

The Office

The Office

A mockumentary which follows the employees of the Scranton, Pennsylvania branch of a fictional paper company, Dunder Mufflin.

Starring: Steve Carell, Rainn Wilson, John Krasinski, Jenna Fischer, B.J. Novak, Ed Helms, Leslie David Baker, Brian Baumgartner, Kate Flannery, Angela Kinsey, Oscar Nunez, Phyllis Smith, Mindy Kaling, Paul Lieberstein, Creed Bratton, Craig Robinson, Ellie Kemper.
Original Run: 2005-2013.

Quote of the Day

Friday, January 15, 2021

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute in Two Weeks

Jim: Have you called headhunters?
Michael Scott: Any good headhunter knows that I am available.
Dwight K. Schrute: Any really good headhunter will storm your village with overwhelming force and cut off your head with a knife.
Jim: Right, 'cause that's what we're talking about.

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Popular Quotes

Quote from Michael Scott in Nepotism

Michael Scott: I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected even though I peed on it. Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.

Quote from Michael Scott in Safety Training

Michael Scott: My life! Oh, my life!
Dwight K. Schrute: [through a megaphone] Michael, what's wrong?
Michael Scott: Everything's wrong. The stress of my modern office has caused me to go into a depression!
Dwight K. Schrute: Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out?
Michael Scott: Dwight, you ignorant slut. Depression is a very serious illness. Over 32,000 people commit suicide every year according to a 2004 study.
Dwight K. Schrute: Is that the last year the data was available?
Michael Scott: Yes. My head is in such pain and turmoil.

Quote from Jim in Product Recall

[Jim arrives for work wearing glasses, a side-parting hair cut, and a pale yellow shirt:]
Jim: It's kind of blurry. That's better. Question, what kind of bear is best?
Dwight K. Schrute: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim: False. Black bear.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, that's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought.
Jim: Fact, bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight K. Schrute: Bears do not- What is going on? What are you doing?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Last week, I was in a drug store and I saw these glasses. Four dollars. And it only cost me $7 to recreate the rest of the ensemble and that's a grand total of $11.
[back:]
Dwight K. Schrute: You know what? Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. So I thank you. Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
Jim: Michael!
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, that's funny. Michael!

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Trending Quotes

Quote from David in Broke

David: Hi, everyone.
Kelly: Hi.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hi.
David: Look, it's no secret-
Kevin: Hi.
David: Hello. Uh, it is no secret that Michael Scott has siphoned off a large chunk of our core business. And I'm here and I just want to reassure everyone that we think this is just a temporary setback.
Phyllis: Maybe, and I don't know, if you had just returned Michael's call, none of us would've lost clients.
David: I've been wondering that myself lately.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute in Mafia

Michael Scott: I had to make a snap decision, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: It wasn't a snap decision, you were sitting there for an hour.
Michael Scott: It was a lot of snap decisions.
Dwight K. Schrute: Do you know what snap decision means?
Michael Scott: Yes!
Dwight K. Schrute: It means like this [snaps fingers].
Michael Scott: Just get in the car!

Quote from Michael Scott in Money

Oscar: This is a lot of credit card debt.
Michael Scott: Yeah, tell about it. You know, Jan has my credit cards and she's using 'em as if I'm made of money. She thinks I'm a human ATM machine.
Oscar: Okay. $125, Amazon.
Michael Scott: Oh, Best of the Muppet Show on DVD. Classic.
Oscar: $1200. What's a "Core-Blaster Extreme"?
Michael Scott: That is by far, the best way to strengthen your core. This machine- You sit on a stabilizer ball. You put your feet into the power stirrups, you reach up and you grab onto the super rod. And you twist and you twist and you twist. It strengthens your entire core. Your back core, your arm core, your- The Marine Corps actually uses it. I think that's how they got "corps."