810. Christmas Wishes
Aired December 8, 2011
Andy hopes to make everyone's wishes come true at the Christmas party. Seeing Andy with his new girlfriend, Erin drinks to excess. Meanwhile, Dwight and Jim try to get the other in trouble after Andy calls for an end to their pranks.
Quote from Stanley
Andy: Who's excited to get their holiday wishes?
Stanley: "Holiday wishes."
Andy: What's that, Stanley?
Stanley: We know exactly what holiday you're referring to.
Andy: It is important to be mindful of all belief systems at our holiday party.
Stanley: I've been here eighteen years and have suffered through some weird thematic Christmases. A Honolulu Christmas, A Pulp Fiction Christmas, A Muslim Christmas, Moroccan Christmas. Mo-rocca Christmas. I don't want it. Christmas is Christmas is Christmas is Christmas.
Quote from Stanley
Stanley: I don't want no Kwanza wreath. I don't need a dreidel in my face, that's its own thing. And who's that black Santa for?! I don't care! I know Santa ain't black! I could care less. I want Christmas! Just give me plain baby Jesus, lying in a manger, Christmas!
Quote from Toby
Toby: You know this sounds a lot like the premise of my latest Chad Flendermen novel. A murder for framing.
[aside to camera:]
Toby: Chad Flendermen. Just an easy going black guy, he knows the streets, yet he also went to Oxford. So... Just as comfortable on a motorcycle as he is on Air Force One. Oh and he's also the world's leading Egyptologist.
Angela: Toby! Nobody cares about your sex-crazed black detective.
Toby: No, no, no, no, no. Women chase him. He misses his wife.
Quote from Robert
Andy: This party'll cheer you right up.
Robert: I hope so. The corporate party was wretched. I am so tired of the Black Eyed Peas. It's rock-n-roll for people who don't like rock-n-roll. It's rap for people who don't like rap. It's pop for people who don't like pop...
Quote from Creed
Andy: So, who's wish is next? Oh, what about Santa's wish? My biggest wish is that you all get along well with Jessica... C'mon guys, Jessica? Jim, tell 'em who Jessica is.
Jim: She's not your grandmother, is she?
Andy: Ugh! Gam-gam's name is Ruth, Jim, you should know. I introduced you on speakerphone that time?
Andy: Jessica is my super serious girlfriend, who is seriously awesome and seriously sexy. Only thing that's not serious, by the way? Our repartee.
Creed: That's great. When you know you know. Hey, what's Ruth's deal, man?
Andy: So totally out of your league.
Quote from Jim
Jim: I got Stanley tickets to see Lewis Black for his birthday. Might not have been the best idea.
Quote from Kelly
Kelly: I just want you to know that I will be mean to Jessica if you want me to be.
Erin: Oh no, no. It's fine, Kelly.
Kelly: It's really no problem. I was already planning on being mean to her.
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Dwight K. Schrute: I just wanna say, this is not my fault. OK? The weak always bully the strong. Contrary to what you see in the media. I am always acting in self-defense. Occasionally preemptive self-defense. [punches Jim in the arm]
Jim: Ow. What are you doing?
Quote from Andy
Andy: My ex is meeting my secs, which is always scary, you know? And not just because you think they might talk about your penis. That's just part of it.
Quote from Erin
Andy: Hey, everyone. I want you to meet Jessica, she is an assistant cross country coach at Bryn Mawr.
Andy: Erin, by the way, amazing receptionist.
Jessica: Oh, that's great. Backbone of the office.
Erin: Which is funny, actually, because my spine is a mess.
Erin: Scoliosis. Had to wear a back brace for three years but I never did.