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‘New Leads’ Quotes

The Office: New Leads

620. New Leads

Aired March 18, 2010

When tension divides the office after Sabre emphasizes the sales staff, Michael decides to teach his cocky salespeople a lesson.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Salesman is king. As the best salesman, I am king of kings. Oh, you say Jesus is king of kings? Well. What does that say to you about how I think of myself?

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Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Over the last few weeks, things have been changing here. Sabre says it is our duty to support the sales team and the salesmen are letting it go to their heads. I think it's kind of screwed up, because the way this place used to work was: make friends first, make sales second, make love third, in no particular order.

Quote from Michael Scott

Angela: I'm not going. You did this, not us.
Michael Scott: Okay, no, you encouraged it. You were complicit. Complicit. You were all successories!

Quote from Phyllis

Phyllis: What's the least we can do to make this okay?

Quote from Phyllis

Phyllis: I guess we could give them some of our new commissions.
Stanley: That is a dangerous precedent.
Jim: Pam texted back saying we could give them all iPods.
Phyllis: Oh, if they don't have an iPod by now they really don't want one.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: First up, the lost and found has gone missing. It itself is lost, so please try not to lose anything until we find it. Ah, pet day. If you don't have a pet, please don't feel like-
Stanley: When are we getting to sales topics?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: Dwight?
Dwight K. Schrute: Sorry, Michael, I got calls to make.
Michael Scott: I would like your undivided attention, please.
Dwight K. Schrute: You couldn't handle my undivided attention.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Listen, Michael, about what happened earlier.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: When I was asking about the leads.
Michael Scott: M-hmm.
Dwight K. Schrute: ... is there any news on the leads?
Michael Scott: Is that all you have to say to me?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah. You got any news on the leads? Okay, I'll tell you what. I'm going out on a very important sales call. You get any news about the leads, you try me. All of my numbers. All six of my numbers, okay? Including the car phone! [leaves office] Alright, Dwight out!

Quote from Michael Scott

Gabe: [on phone] Michael, we spent a lot of money on those leads. You have to give them out.
Michael Scott: Then we are just rewarding their bad behavior. Okay. Just... imagine that instead of going to jail for murdering someone, you got an ice-cream cone. If that were the case, then in the summertime, everyone would go around killing people for the pleasure of an ice-cream cone.
Gabe: Michael, I don't want to incentivise murder. But we've tried to make it clear that our policy emphasizes sales staff.
Michael Scott: They act like I have no power.
Gabe: But you do. You are in charge-
Michael: Thank you.
Gabe: of supporting the sales staff. You are required to hand out those leads, Michael.
Michael Scott: Hmm. Well, if that is what I am required to do, I will do exactly that.
Gabe: Okay, good.
Michael Scott: Exactly that.
Gabe: Good.
Michael Scott: Exactly that.
Gabe: Why do you keep repeating- [Michael hangs up]

Quote from Michael Scott

Jim: Uh, these aren't leads. What are they?
Michael Scott: Oh, right, those are clues. And within each clue is a lesson. You learn a lesson, and then you find a lead. The leads are scattered all over the industrial park. I am trying to make your kids respect you. Because a father needs to respect his boss, and kids don't respect the father who doesn't respect the boss. Do you understand that line of logic?
Jim: I don't think you understand -
Michael Scott: I do understand it.
Jim: This one's a map.
Michael Scott: Or is it?

Quote from Jim

Pam: [on phone] Hey baby, what's up?
Jim: I am currently reading incoherent riddles on blue index cards to find vital information that Michael has hidden all over the office. How are you?
Pam: Nothing but vomit and diapers over here.
Jim: Oh my god, I couldn't envy you more.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Having a baby is as exhausting as they say it is. Having two babies [holds up index cards], that's just unfair.

Quote from Jim

Jim: How about this one: "When arrogant salesmen are mean to my face, a certain manager will go to his moppy place."
Pam: He means his mopey place. It's under that streetlamp that he thinks was in Casablanca.
Jim: I love you.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You know, Dwight, there was a time when you'd be pinching yourself to have the opportunity to look through a dump with me.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, well, the acorn becomes the oak.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Sometimes the acorn just stays the acorn. If you don't believe me, look in my gutters.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: You've changed, man.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, why, because I have a shot at a $100k commission?
Michael Scott: Since when do you care about money? When I first met you, you were a wide-eyed innocent.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey. There is nothing I can do about my wide-set eyes.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: When I first met you, I had a lot of job offers. And I had an offer from Ivan Schartsky. The Ivan Schartsky. And if I'd assistant managed him-
Michael Scott: Assistant to the managed him-
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, that's low! I would be number two right now at Home Depot!
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay? Because they promote from within. Instead I had to follow you. You're going nowhere.
Michael Scott: You think you would have done better without me? Really?
Dwight K. Schrute: I hitched my wagon to a horse with no legs.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: [at the dump] Wow. Amazing, isn't it. No other animal on earth could do this. Maybe beavers. But not like this.

Quote from Stanley

Oscar: Way to go, guys. This was an integrity move.
Kevin: Yeah. When we walked in here, we were all prepared to tell you to go to hell.
Angela: Do you have any pastries without fruit?
Jim: Yes, we do. Eclairs.
Stanley: [entering room] Well, you better be happy, taking two percent of our-
Jim: -two percent milk! What I forgot for the coffee.
Phyllis: Our treats, Stanley, they've accepted our simple offer of treats. Nothing more.
Stanley: [beams] This is nice! [pats Oscar's shoulder] All of us back together.

Quote from Toby

Erin: I emptied it in the dumpster. With Toby's baba ganoush.
[aside to camera:]
Toby: If we don't patronize the only Syrian restaurant in town, there'll be nothing left but pan pizzas and make-your-own salads.


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