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‘Gettysburg’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

The Office: Gettysburg

808. Gettysburg

Aired November 17, 2011

Andy tries to inspire his workers in the battle of business with a trip to Gettysburg. Meanwhile, Robert brain storms with the "free thinkers" who stayed behind in the office.

Quote from Pam

Gabe: Comply with all applicable laws, regulations, policies and contracts governing our business. Be honest, fair-
Pam: [whispers to Jim] I'm gonna do it.
Gabe: And trustworthy in all your business activities and relationships. Treat one another-
Pam: Oh! I'm going into labor! Oh my goodness!
Jim: Oh okay, she's going into labor. Make way, everybody!
[aside to camera:]
Pam: I know it's wrong to fake going into labor just to get out of things, but sometimes it's necessary.

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Quote from Kevin

Ryan: Robert, I hate to interrupt. But I would love to pitch you one last idea. I call it the Big Mac idea.
Kevin: What?!? No!
Robert: Big Mac idea. That sounds encouraging.
Ryan: It's really, really good Robert. Let me explain.
Kevin: No! This is not fair! This is my idea. He's trying to steal it because he's jealous of me.
Robert: Well, what is the idea?
Kevin: Every time you buy a Big Mac you set one ingredient aside. Then at the end of the week you have a free Big Mac. And you love it even more because you made it with your own hands.
Ryan: You know what? Now, I remember. That was your idea. That is 100 percent your idea.
Robert: [nervous chuckle] Oh, my. It was just actually cookies the whole time?

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: If your woman is like mine, I bet you come home to hear the same thing all the time. This paper is so hard. It scratches. Why can't there be a paper just for me? Well, now there is. 'Papyr.' Paper for women. It's pink, scented and silky soft. Now, you can watch the game and she can write a letter to her sister.
Robert: The situation you described, returning home to a wife complaining about her paper being too masculine, is not one I'm familiar with.
Stanley: In the African-American community-
Robert: No.
Stanley: [murmurs] Thought it was worth a try.

Quote from Gabe

Gabe: Apparently, I bear a passing resemblance to Abraham Lincoln. Makes it kind of hard for me to go to places like museums, historical monuments, elementary schools... I don't see it.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Gettysburg? Hmm. Could be interesting. Second-most northern battle in the Civil War.
Oscar: Actually, it is the northernmost.
Dwight K. Schrute: Ha!
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: The Civil War history industry has conveniently forgotten about the battle of Schrute Farms. [scoffs] Whatever. I'm over it. It's just grossly irresponsible.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: Robert, you got your sheep and you got your black sheep, and I'm not even a sheep. I'm on the freaking moon.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Yeah, well, the bus has free WiFi and I made special low-sugar lunches for everyone. And is anyone kosher or halal?
Ryan: What's the halal option?
Andy: Dates, tabbouleh, and a bagel with cream cheese.
Ryan: Out.
Andy: You know, it's the same as the kosher option. There's a lesson in there.

Quote from Ryan

Robert: I am so eager to hear your game-changers. Let's dig in, shall we?
Ryan: May I go first?
Robert: Absolutely.
Ryan: Raw fish. The disgusting food from Japan that Americans would never want to eat. Now, we can't get enough of it. From movie stars to construction workers, sushi is what's for dinner. Let me throw another idea at you. Origami. What? The crazy art of paper folding from, that's right, Japan. Don't you wish you could go back to 1980 and open the first sushi restaurant in Manhattan? We can do that! With... origami. It's the sushi of paper.
Robert: This idea hasn't gripped me. What else did you come up with?
Ryan: Well, I had to memorize the presentation, Robert, and it took a long time to build the swan, so-
Robert: That was bad.

Quote from Kevin

Robert: Kevin, you've been quiet. I'm curious to know what your game-changer is.
Kevin: Well, you know how in the vending machine they have the chocolate chip cookies in the A-1 spot? They do that 'cause they think A-1's the best spot for the best cookie. But the real best spot is D-4. Right? That's where the eyes go. So...
Robert: Cookies. Cookie placement.
Kevin: Yeah. But not just the cookies, though. That was just a 'for instance.'
Robert: Who else agrees with Kevin, that we're wasting facilities, manpower, on our underselling products when we should be pushing our top-performers? [slowly everyone raises their hand; Robert laughs] There you go. Consensus.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: Okay, we are now on a planet where Kevin is the most creative person around, and I am just some good-looking guy.

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