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‘Dwight Christmas’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

The Office: Dwight Christmas

909. Dwight Christmas

Aired December 6, 2012

As Jim gets ready to leave for Philadelphia, he and Pam finally let Dwight host a "Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas" party complete with Belsnickel, gluhwein and hasenpfeffer. Meanwhile, Darryl is angry that Jim hasn't mentioned anything more about a job for him in Philly, and Pete introduces Erin to "Die Hard".

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: In a head-to-head contest, people prefer Belsnickel over Santa every time. There aren't as many songs about him, but I attribute that more to rhyming difficulties. My brother and I wrote one once. It was about a fickle pickle salesman who would tickle you for a nickel.


Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Or, who was it that suggested the authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? I think it was someone really popular.
Phyllis: We already said no.
Angela: No, no, no.
Nellie: Too weird.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: This is me and my family celebrating Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas in 1982 on the farm. There's me and my brother Jeb breaking the ceremonial pig rib. He doesn't come back for Christmas anymore. The sepia tint is from an app on my phone. This is the same photo, matrix style.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: [plays a trumpet] And Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas has officially begun.
Meredith: Ugh. What is this stuff, lava?
Dwight K. Schrute: That is gluhwein, otherwise known as glow-wine, also used to sterilize medical instruments. And, interesting factoid, this is the very spoon that guided my soft skull through the birth canal when I was born. Enjoy.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: What about an authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? Drink some gluhwein, enjoy some hasenpfeffer. Enjoy Christmas with Saint Nicolas's rural German companion, Belsnickel.
Jim: Yes! That! That! That! We're definitely doing that. Are we all in agreement?

Quote from Creed

Stanley: No. I want Tropical Christmas.
Meredith: Topless Christmas.
Creed: Tapas Swiss Miss.
[aside to camera:]
Creed: Spanish tapas, and Swiss Miss Hot cocoa. What's so hard to understand?

Quote from Kevin

Nellie: Well, then, why don't we just get some liquor and those mini-cupcakes?
Kevin: Mini-cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes, which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?

Quote from Jim

Jim: I'm not understanding the confusion. Am I the only one who wants to try hufflepuffs and schnauzerhosen, and meet this glenpickle guy?

Quote from Phyllis

Phyllis: We found some old decorations in the warehouse. Oscar ran to the store for some food and drink, and I dipped into my stash of eggnog. I guess they needed me after all. It's like in it's a wonderful life when Jimmy Stewart realizes that all those people at the building and loan were just jerks, and he was the real hero.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: [cackling] Oh! [In a German Accent] Judgment is nigh, for the Belsnickel ist I!
Jim: Yes, he is finally nigh.
Dwight K. Schrute: I am nigh!
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Every year, my grandfather would dress up as Belsnickel at Christmas. He was... okay at it. I am great. You know how they say some people were born to be bad? Well, I was born to be Belsnickel.

Quote from Toby

Nellie: Oh, it sounds like the party's starting up out there.
Toby: Yeah. So anyway, the entire jury wants me to vote guilty. But then I did a little research of my own, and forget everything you thought you knew about fingerprinting.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Uh, excuse me. Trying to get work done. Some people don't care about Jim's new sports job in Phila-Whatever.
Jim: So you know my job has something to do with sports, but you don't know the end of the word "Philadelphia"?
Dwight K. Schrute: Philadelphia. From the greek phila meaning "love," and adelph, meaning "Adolf", "the city that loves Adolf." Good luck with your new enterprise and don't wear the blue striped shirt. It makes your neck look like an old mop handle.

Quote from Oscar

Erin: Oh, hey, guys, the Christmas party is today. Merry Christmas, everyone!
Angela: No.
Nellie: Is It?
Erin: I mean, it says "X-Mas party," but I think we all know what that's code for.
Kevin: So we're not going to have a Christmas party this year? Angela, how could you do this to us?
Angela: Oh, right, like I'm responsible 'cause I'm in charge of the party planning committee.
Kevin: Well, you are the one in charge of it.
Angela: Don't blame me for something we all forgot.
Oscar: Yeah, let's not blame her for something we all forgot.
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: I didn't realize how many of Angela's opinions I agreed with, until she tried to have my kneecap shattered for sleeping with her husband. She makes a lot of very sound points.

Quote from Pam

Pam: [clears throat] The party planning committee, minus Angela, has decided that we're all going to do Dwight's Christmas.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes! Yeah! [high fives Jim] Yeah! Okay! Yes! It's a Christmas Miracle! [high fives Pam] Yeah! Woo-Hoo!
Pam: Dwight, there is one rule that you need to take very seriously.
Dwight K. Schrute: Uh-huh.
Pam: And that is...
Dwight K. Schrute: Uh, Oh.
Pam: That there are no rules.
Dwight K. Schrute: You have never been cooler.

Quote from Jim

Jim: I'm having second thoughts about one of the shirts I packed. The blue one with the stripes.
Pam: I'm sure it's fine. It's a blue shirt.
Jim: Well, yeah, but I'm wondering if it's too blue. Like, am I making a statement with the blueness?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: I am leaving early today for Philly, because tomorrow is the first day of my new job. So I figure I'd get in at 5:00, check into a hotel at about 6:00 so I can get a real good night of restless sleep and nervous puking.

Quote from Meredith

Meredith: [scoffs] We're out there sweating our balls off every day, bustin' our balls. We deserve a Christmas party!

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