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‘Broke’ Quotes

The Office: Broke

525. Broke

Aired April 23, 2009

As Michael's new company struggles with its low-cost pricing, David tries to halt the exodus of Dunder Mifflin clients.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hello. Michael Scott Paper Company to see Mr. David Wallace. I believe we're expected. Well, well, well, how the turntables...

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Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: There are certain defining moments in a person's life. The day he is born. The day he grows hair. The day he starts a business. And the day he sells that business back to Dunder Mifflin. What have I learned from all of this? It is far too early to tell. I am flying high and I don't even want to think about it. I just want to enjoy it.

Quote from Pam

Pam: When a child gets behind the wheel of a car and runs into a tree, you don't blame the child. He didn't know any better. You blame the 30-year-old woman who got in the passenger seat and said, "Drive, kid. I trust you".

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I want my old job back. I want my old parking space back. I want a Sebring.
Charles: They don't make them anymore.
Michael Scott: And I want Charles gone.
David: I am not firing Charles. He's very valuable.
Charles: That's very kind of you to say.
Michael Scott: I need him gone.
David: No.
Michael Scott: Then I want Pam back.
David: You already have a new receptionist.
Michael Scott: Sales.
Pam: Thank you.
David: Pam's not a salesperson.
Michael Scott: Yes, she is. At the Michael Scott Paper Company in its heyday.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: It's 4:30 in the morning. Do you know where your kids are? If you are Ryan's parents or Pam's parents or my parents, you do. They're gonna be in this van. With me. Who am I? Nothing to fear. I am just a 44-year-old guy with a paper route.

Quote from Pam

Pam: We got the van at a used car lot. We think it says "Alleluia Church of Scranton" in Korean. It was either this or an old school bus with an owl living in it.

Quote from Michael Scott

Pam: You didn't happen to bring any coffee, did you, Michael?
Michael Scott: Milk and sugar.
Pam: Awesome. You're a life saver. [takes a sip] Wait, is this just milk and sugar?
Michael Scott: That's what I said.
Pam: Do you drink this every day?
Michael Scott: Every morning.

Quote from Andy

Charles: I don't want to hear excuses. I want to see improvements. This is unacceptable.
Andy: Hey, boss. I'd just like to point out that I have be here less time than these guys.
Charles: Why are you telling me this?
Andy: I just think the bar should be lower for a newbie.
Charles: Is this something you really want to have said?
Andy: I don't want to have said that. But I think it's important that you know it.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: How much can we afford to pay a delivery guy?
Finance Guy: Well, if these numbers are correct-
Michael Scott: They are correct, sir.
Finance Guy: Then you can't afford to pay him anything.
Michael Scott: Okay. A lame attempt at humor. Swing and a miss.
Finance Guy: Your prices are too low.
Michael Scott: Lowest in town.
Finance Guy: Why do you think Staples and Dunder Mifflin can't match your prices?
Pam: Corporate greed?
Ryan: Look, our pricing model is fine. I reviewed the numbers myself. Over time with enough volume, we become profitable.
Finance Guy: Yeah, with a fixed cost pricing model, that's correct. But you need to use a variable cost pricing model.
Michael Scott: Okay, sure. Right. So... Why don't you explain what that is to- So they can under - Explain what that is.
Ryan: Explain what you think that is.
Michael Scott: Just explain it.

Quote from Michael Scott

Finance Guy: Okay. As you sell more paper and your company grows, so will your costs. For example, delivery men, health care, business expansion.
Michael Scott: Whatever, yeah. So...
Finance Guy: At these prices, the more paper you sell the less money you'll make.
Michael Scott: Our prices are the only thing keeping us in business.
Finance Guy: They're actually putting you out of business.
Michael Scott: Okay, okay. Hold on, hold on. Ty, I would like you to crunch those numbers again.
Finance Guy: It's a program. There's no such thing-
Michael Scott: Just crunch 'em, please.
Finance Guy: Crunch.
Pam: Did it help?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: Now would corporate approve a temporary price reduction for returning customers?
Charles: God, no.
Dwight K. Schrute: Stupid. Yeah, makes us look weak.
Charles: I agree. It just-
Dwight K. Schrute: I say we fill Michael's office with bees. My apiarist owes me a favor.
Jim: Really? Does he do good work or-
Dwight K. Schrute: No, Jim. I use a bad apiarist.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Did I ever tell you about the day that Steve Martin died?
Pam: Steve Martin's not dead, Michael.
Michael Scott: I know. But I always thought that the day that he died would be the worst day of my life. And I was wrong. It's this.

Quote from Michael Scott

Pam: You want to hear something sad?
Michael Scott: I would love that.
Pam: So Jim and I are getting married and the wedding's really expensive, so I tried to get a job on the weekends to earn extra money. I applied to Old Navy, Target and Wal-Mart. None of 'em called me back. Not even for an interview.
Ryan: I never went to Thailand.
Pam: Really?
Ryan: I went to Fort Lauderdale.
Michael Scott: Was it nice?
Ryan: Yeah, it was amazing. There was a great pad thai place, though.
Michael Scott: I love pad thai.
Ryan: You never had pad thai.
Michael Scott: No. There's a lot I haven't done.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, let me float something out there. Okay? Can I just- Can I say something? There is a hive of bees outside the front door. We kidnap the queen, extract her alarm pheromones, place them on a flushable wipe and put that in his bathroom.
David: I can't believe I'm about to say this, but the cheapest option is to make Michael an offer.
Charles: Yes. Yes, I was gonna say the same thing. We should buy him out.
Jim: Ah. But you didn't.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, man! If only Michael had children. That's how you really apply the pressure.
Charles: What is wrong with you?

Quote from Jim

Jim: Hey, can I talk to you guys for a second?
Michael Scott: We're not hiring, Jim.
Jim: Actually here for something else.
Michael Scott: Listen, I can't make you laugh right now.
Jim: You know I love a good guessing game, but why don't I tell what I'm here for? Turns out you guys have made a pretty big dent in the Dunder Mifflin sales.
Ryan: Well, that's nice.
Jim: David Wallace has asked me to come and see if you would be interested in Dunder Mifflin buying you out.
Pam: Seriously? Are you being serious?
Ryan: He's bluffing.

Quote from Jim

Michael Scott: Jim, what you don't understand is that this company's worthl-
Jim: Oh!
Michael Scott: No. We don't have-
Jim: Oh! See, I'm here to learn as little information as possible. All I really need to hear is if your incredibly successful company would be receptive to a buyout.
Michael Scott: [scoffs] Uh. Yes.
Pam: Yes.
Ryan: Maybe.
Jim: Three yes's.

Quote from Michael Scott

David: Michael, in order to expedite these negotiations, we are prepared to make you a very generous offer.
Michael Scott: And we are prepared to reject that offer.
Ryan: Michale, you haven't even heard-
Michael Scott: Never accept their first offer. What is your second offer?
David: $12,000.
Michael Scott: Are you kidding me? That is insultingly low. I don't even want to hear what your first offer was.

Quote from Michael Scott

David: Here's the situation. Your company is four weeks old. I know this business. I know what suppliers are charging. I know you can't be making very much money. I don't know how your prices are so low but I know it can't keep up that way. I'm sure you're scared. Probably in debt. This is the best offer you're gonna get.
Michael Scott: I'll see your situation and I'll raise you a situation. Your company is losing clients left and right. You have a stockholder meeting coming up and you're going to have to explain to them why your most profitable branch is bleeding. So they may be looking for a little change in the CFO. So I don't think I need to wait out Dunder Mifflin. I think I just have to wait out you.
David: Okay, now, I don't know that I can get this. I do have to go to the board for approval. How's about $60,000? Huh? $60,000. Michael?
Michael Scott: [quietly] We'll have to talk-
David: What?
Ryan: We're gonna have to talk about this.
Michael Scott: Just amongst ourselves.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: They've been calling all of their clients and begging them to pay more money. That can mean only one thing. They're desperate. Which can only mean one thing. They're total failures.
Jim: Great work, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Quiet you.
Jim: I mean, great detective work. 'cause this must be the first case you've ever cracked.
Dwight K. Schrute: You don't crack a case. That has a pejorative connotation. It's like calling a policeman a cop. You solve a case, and yes, I've solved plenty.
Charles: So how long can they stay viable?
Jim: What are your top five cases?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm gonna answer Charles first.
Jim: Because you've solved zero cases.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay. One, case of the beet bandit. Missing beets from all over the farm. No footprints. Inside job. Mose in socks. Boom! Case closed.
Charles: Okay, do not go anywhere near the conference room.
Dwight K. Schrute: Done.
Charles: Because you have embarrassed me for the last time today.

Quote from Michael Scott

Charles: Hey, guys-
Michael Scott: No, no. You're done.


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