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‘After Hours’ Quotes

The Office: After Hours

816. After Hours

Aired February 23, 2012

As the staff work late in Scranton servicing the accounts of the people who went on the Florida trip, Darryl's budding relationship with Val in the warehouse causes some workplace drama. Meanwhile, in Tallahassee, Dwight and Todd Packer compete for the affections of Nellie, Jim worries that Cathy is coming on to him, and Ryan and Erin go on a hunt for waffles.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Win at all costs. Don't respect women. These are the tenets I was brought up with, and they have served me well. But my ancestors never worked in corporate America. They were farmers. And before that, hunters. And before that, time travelers. And before that, me again. At least, that's how the legend goes. The point is they never had to worry about how they got ahead. They just had to put food on the table and not alter the past.

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Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: English peoples' main use today is judging American talent. [in a British accent] You're crap. You're wonderful. [back to American] They're mean, but they're incisive.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: If Jim has bedbugs, that means they're everywhere. I can't risk them coming back to Schrute Farms. Our biggest attraction is our 200 year old mattresses.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream, and then sometimes I actually do scream. I just sorta feel out what the situation calls for.

Quote from Angela

Pam: Hey, Angela, you wanna see a picture of Philip wearing those little booties you got us?
Angela: So cute.
Oscar: Hey, you guys want to see a picture of Gerald wearing galoshes? He refused to go out in the rain until I bought these. Now going out in the rain is all he wants to do.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: Oscar thinks that having a dog is just like having a baby.
Angela: News flash: If you didn't carry it around for nine months, it isn't your kid.
Pam: Exactly. Unless you adopted, of course.
Angela: That is where we disagree.

Quote from Pam

Oscar: Hey, are your little dudes crawling yet?
Pam: No, three-month-old humans don't do that.
Angela: My Philip is crawling.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: Angela is such a liar!
Oscar: It's maddening!

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: Exactly. That's just like crate training. All night long, all night long.
Pam: Well count yourself lucky. Wait until you have two. That's two sleep schedules, two naps that don't coincide, I mean, you'll never sleep again.
[aside to camera:]
Angela: No one said "you must have two"
Oscar: Like her genes are so important. The world just needs more Pam/Jim DNA. Thank you, no.
Angela: No, thank you.

Quote from Oscar

Andy: [laughing] Check this out. My brother just got a new sailboat. He has no idea what he just got himself into. There's nothing harder than taking care of a boat, am I right?
[aside to camera:]
Angela & Pam: Unbelievable!
Oscar: Un-be-liev-a-ble.

Quote from Nellie

Nellie: Dwight, I am still not ready to name a VP.
Dwight K. Schrute: [laughing] That's not what I was going to ask. Gosh, jump to conclusions. Come on, I know, you've got so much on your plate. Right now, you're like "Oh, what's more important? Dwight's question, figure out who's the VP?" Dwight, VP. Dwight, VP. Dwight, VP. Dwight, VP.
Nellie: I can't be hypnotized, Dwight. I tried it, I ended up smoking more.

Quote from Jim

Dwight K. Schrute: Can we at least eliminate those that are not in the running? Free them up to focus more completely on the menial. Like stacking or sorting, or-
Jim: Catching butterflies.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's a hobby, unless it's for food.
Jim: Theater.
Dwight K. Schrute: Waste of time.
Jim: Dragging.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's just a verb.
Jim: Dragging sticks.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes, nice, perfect. Dragging sticks.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Tonight we're staying late to service the accounts of the people who went on the Florida trip.
Pam: Yes, of course, we could've just been doing this the whole time, but someone dropped the ball.
Andy: Ball droppings can be beautiful. For example, when it turns an awkward soprano into a rich, full tenor.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Todd: Jason Bourne would kick Bond's ass.
Nellie: Jason Bourne has no support staff. His own government's out to get him.
Dwight K. Schrute: Genghis Khan could take 'em both down 'cause he's not afraid to kill children. What? It's true. He- He would- He would eviscerate babies and hang them from poles outside of the villages.

Quote from Erin

Ryan: I'll have a glass of your oakiest chardonnay, please.
Erin: And I will have waffle with your mapliest syrup.
Waitress: Sorry, no waffles.
Erin: Oh, okay. Just forget it, then. Forget it. Forget it.
Ryan: A waffle?
Erin: A hotel waffle. I know what I want to eat. Is that crazy?
Ryan: No.
Erin: I'm moving down here, you know.
Ryan: Oh, no, I didn't know.
Erin: I'm young, and I can... And if I can't, I'm still pretty young. I guess I'll always be young.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: Guys, we're not gonna settle anything this way. I think we just need to be grown-ups here.
Andy: Thank you.
Kelly: I thin we're gonna need to here those texts.
Andy: Kelly, remember how you wanted to go home before?
Kelly: No. There's no way in hell I'm leaving. Something interesting is happening here for once in my life, I am staying here. Darryl, read the texts.


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