Darryl Philbin Quotes Page 1 of 13

Quote from Mrs. California

Darryl: I've been meaning to join a gym for my health. I used to say I wanted to live long enough to see a black president. I didn't realize how easy that would be. So now I want to live long enough to see a really, really gay president. Or a supermodel president. I want to see all the different kinds of presidents.

Quote from Lotto

Darryl: I've never been lucky. And I'm not talking about the lottery, I'm talking about stuff like developing a soy allergy at thirty-five. Who gets a soy allergy at thirty-five? And why is soy in everything?

Quote from Casino Night

Michael Scott: Why are you here?
Dwight K. Schrute: When Darryl was coming, you said you wanted me here for protection.
Michael Scott: Not. I said, not that.
Darryl: We just have a lot of stuff down there that could be stolen.
Michael Scott: That's ironic.
Darryl: What?
Michael Scott: That you are afraid.
Darryl: Why? 'Cause I'm from the hood?
Michael Scott: Dinkin flicka.
Darryl: Dinkin flicka.

Quote from Casino Night

Darryl: I taught Mike some phrases to help with his interracial conversations. You know, stuff like, "Fleece it out." "Going mach five." "Dinkin flicka." You know, things us Negroes say. Oh, yeah, I taught him a handshake, too.

Quote from Andy's Ancestry

Darryl: Since Andy promoted me to assistant regional manager, I've been trying to step my game up, you know, be more productive. In fact, you know what? Let's knock out a few more of these sound bites while we're here. [pauses] Whoa! That person has really gotten him or herself into quite a predicament.

Quote from A.A.R.M.

Darryl: I wanted to leave quietly. It seemed dignified. But having Kevin grind up on my front while Erin pretends to hump me from behind is a more accurate tribute to my years here. I'm gonna miss these guys.

Quote from Search Committee

Darryl: Think about it! What other mammal, besides humans, drinks the milk of another mammal? I mean, you don't see a bear drinking raccoon milk.

Quote from Customer Survey

Darryl: I was there. That dude is not engaged. I'm not a big believer in therapy, but I'll go into my own pockets to cover his co-pay.

Quote from Crime Aid

Darryl: Mike gave me a list of his top ten Springsteen songs. Three of them were Huey Lewis and the News. One was Tracy Chapman, Fast Car. And my personal favorite, Short People.

Quote from The Inner Circle

Deangelo: I'm no MJ. I can do his dunk. From the free throw line.
Kevin: Whoa.
Darryl: Damn! Mad respect for my brotha!
[aside to camera:]
Darryl: The man is paying me to take Chinese. I will say what I need to say, and soon, I will say it in Chinese.

Quote from The Target

Pete: Nicely done. Very nicely done. All right, this next one goes to Darryl for pocket dialing a customer while having sex.
Nellie: Oh, you salty dog.
Darryl: Well, yeah, what can I say, a player's gotta play.
Pete: There you go.
[aside to camera:]
Darryl: Actually, that was the sound of me eating spaghetti. But I'm gonna let them think the other thing.

Quote from Ultimatum

Bookstore employee: Well, if you read a lot, you should check out our e-readers. They're really neat.
Darryl: Whoa, I work at a paper company, those things terrify me. They could put us out of business, you know? I heard those machines hold, like, ten books at once.
Bookstore employee: Actually, it's ten thousand.
Darryl: Holy [bleep]. What? Let me see that. It's so light. Like a croissant.

Quote from Roy's Wedding

Darryl: Andy made me his consigliere. Which means Assistant Regional Manager. I guess he thought I'd be into The Godfather 'cause I'm black. Wrong! I'm into The Godfather 'cause I'm a cinephile. I like Scarface 'cause I'm black.

Quote from Search Committee

Darryl: [on the phone] Yes, there used to be a paper clip that would pop up and say "Looks like you are writing a letter or resume. Would you like help?" I believe his name was... Clippy.

Quote from Livin' the Dream

Darryl: I just think you're going into this a little fast.
Andy: I'm 38, Darryl, how much slower should I go?
Darryl: Show business is cold. Let's say you get a job, which you probably won't. They're not gonna cut you any slack. You're meant for a job with lots and lots of slack.