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‘The Manager and the Salesman’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Office: The Manager and the Salesman

616. The Manager and the Salesman

Aired February 11, 2010

As Jo Bennett visits the Scranton branch, she decides the office does not need two co-managers, leaving Michael and Jim to fight it out for the manager position.

Quote from Jo

Jo: I'm Jolene Bennett, Jo for short. I'm a breast cancer survivor, close, personal friends with Nancy Pelosi, and Truman Capote and I slept with three of the same guys. When I was a little girl, I was terrified to fly, and now I have my own pilot's license. I am CEO of Sabre International, and I sell the best damn printers and all-in-one machines Korea can make. Pleased to meet you.

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Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jo: Hello.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hello.
Jo: Do you always stay seated when a lady enters the room?
Dwight K. Schrute: I am treating you the same as a man, for whom I would also not stand. Unless it was the President. Or Judge Judy.
Jo: I like that.

Quote from Jo

Jo: This is knucklehead talk. I'm not gonna bite it, you know. You can't give me gravy and tell me it's jelly, because gravy ain't sweet! Is it, Jim?

Quote from Michael Scott

Jo: Now Dunder Mifflin has an arm's reach in all these small businesses all over the northeast. Now we're gonna take that arm, and we're gonna start selling printers.
Michael Scott: I could manage my way around that.
Jo: They're the easiest-to-use printers on the market.
Michael Scott: I will try to manage my excitement!
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: I have been saying the word "manager" a lot, so whenever Jo thinks "manager" she thinks of me. Camel cigarettes did the same thing with Joe Camel by making him look like a penis. I can't even go near a cigarette now without thinking of a penis. And vise-versa.

Quote from Jim

Pam: Check this out. According to the handbook, you could make more money as a salesman than as a manager. They have all these incentive programs. I ran your numbers from last year.
Jim: This is way more than I make now.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: I don't think I'm gonna miss being manager. You know how some people say they're not in it for the money? Well, with all due respect to this job, I think I'm definitely in it for the money. And quite honestly, the women.

Quote from Jo

Michael Scott: Pleasure to meet you, Miss Bennett.
Jo: Oh, that's Mrs. Bennett, sweetheart. My husband and I are divorced, but I kept the "Mrs." just to piss off the new wife. Well, let's take a gander around this place.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jo: I think one of you should return to sales, and the other one be manager.
Michael Scott: I humbly accept the management position.
Jim: I- Why would you just say something like that?
Michael Scott: Because, well, Jim. Where I'm from, there's two types of folk: those who ain't, and those who are knee-high on a grasshopper. Which type ain't you ain't? Ya'll come back now.
Jim: Do you even know what that means?
Michael Scott: Yes.

Quote from Jo

Kevin: Jo, there's books in my chair.
Jo: That's right, darlin', now you're the proud new owner of a Sabre handbook and my autobiography. Now, you all must be in a tizzy. I can see it on your faces, I mean, what's going on now? I mean, who owns Dunder Mifflin? Right? I mean, Sabre? What's that? Some company I've never heard of? Down in Tallahassee? Where is that? Near Mars?

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: I guess Andy likes me. I never thought of him in that way. But, I guess in most romantic comedies, the guy you're supposed to be with is the one you never thought of in that way. You might have even thought he was annoying or possibly homosexual.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Ryan and I have been meeting up to work on our diabolical plot against Jim. Ryan is always late for our meetings. I wish I had a lair.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Ryan: Did you see Saw?
Dwight K. Schrute: Of course I seesaw. Mose and I seesaw all the time.
Ryan: No, uh, the movie. Did you see the movie Saw?
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, yeah. Great film. Almost as fun as going on a seesaw.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Today, Jo Bennett, the CEO from Sabre, is coming to see us here for the first time. She bought us sight unseen, like a mail-order bride, so she's gotta be kinda nervous. I mean, are we ugly? Are we smart? Are we cool? Are we too cool? Do we speak English?

Quote from Jo

Andy: [Jo's dogs sniffing at his crotch] These sure are pretty dogs.
Jo: They love a good crotch.
Andy: They sure do.
Jo: You should take that as a compliment!
Andy: Oh, I do!

Quote from Meredith

Andy: [throwing a card at Meredith] Look alive.
Meredith: Ow! Geez, you gave me a paper cut on my throat!
[aside to camera:]
Meredith: Yeah, I have this thing about men cutting or threatening to cut my throat. Don't try to cut my throat.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Um, I got you a Valentine's card.
Erin: [opening card] Oh, you did? Aw, a bird and a dog!
Andy: Yeah, well it's Snoopy and Woodstock.
Erin: You named them?
Andy: Uh, Charles Schultz did. I thought it was relevant cause I got you all those birds for Christmas, remember?
Erin: Uh, yeah I do remember. [reading card] Aw, they love each other.
Andy: Oh, look at that. They sure do. I hadn't noticed.
Erin: Wow, it smells really good too.
Andy: Yeah! It's Roger Federer for men, I sprayed some in there.
Erin: Andy, whoa! Thank you very much!
Andy: It's got pheromones in it.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: La la la, hello Oscar!
Oscar: Michael. Reading.
Michael Scott: What are you reading?
Oscar: The Atlantic.
Michael Scott: Oh, that is my favorite ocean! I love it! I am so happy right now.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: No! I can't keep it a secret any longer. Jim is stepping down to salesman, I am going to be the sole manager once again.
Oscar: I should step into sales myself.
Michael Scott: Why, is there an untapped gay market?
Oscar: Sabre has no caps on commissions. He can make a lot more money in sales.
Michael Scott: ... Where did you get that information.
Oscar: Manual.
Michael Scott: Manuel who?
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Well, according to the manual, there is no cap on commissions. I have been hustled.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Oh, Michael marked his heights. He's grown!

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: [on phone] Bobcat, this is Dragon. Listen. He's been promoted to sole manager. We've got to step this up. Meet me behind the dumpster in ninety seconds. [hangs up phone] 89... 88...
[outside:]
Dwight K. Schrute: You're twenty minutes late!
Ryan: [walking up] Um, I was at another dumpster!
Dwight K. Schrute: Just admit you lost track of time.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: Okay, the reason these movies are so popular, is the element of psychological torment.
Dwight K. Schrute: I like where you're going with this. Continue.
Ryan: Could we lure him into an old warehouse or something?
Dwight K. Schrute: I have an old barn!
Ryan: Yes!
Dwight K. Schrute: It's kinda smelly, but that might be a plus! And then what?
Ryan: We do what they did in Saw! ... I mean, we don't kill him, obviously. I have a mask...
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, that's your idea? Exactly like in the movie!? That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard in my life!
Ryan: Well suggest something else then! Don't just-
Dwight K. Schrute: He's supposed to cut his leg off? Think!
Ryan: Don't just criticize my idea!
Dwight K. Schrute: Think!
Ryan: You think of something then!

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