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‘Threat Level Midnight’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Office: Threat Level Midnight

717. Threat Level Midnight

Aired February 17, 2011

Michael finally screens the film he's been working on for years, "Threat Level: Midnight", to the office.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I'm too depressed to save the big game Billy.
Andy: I'm gonna cheer you up, the only ways I know hows. [to a small boy in overalls] Hey, kid, hit G9 on the jukebox!
Michael Scott: No, Billy, I haven't done that dance since my wife died.
Andy: There is a whole crowd of people out there, who need to learn, how to do The Scarn.
Michael Scott: [Michael starts to dance and rap to a funky song] Well my name's Michael Scarn and I'm here to say, I'm about to do The Scarn in a major way. [everyone else joins in] You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that's how you do The Scarn! You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that's how you do The Scarn! You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that's how you do The Scarn!

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Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: After three years of writing, one year of shooting, four years of re-shooting and two years of editing, I have finally completed my movie, Threat Level: Midnight.

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: I gave up a lot of weekends because I thought it'd be good for my daughter to see a black man as president. Even in a silly home movie. What a stupid waste of time.

Quote from Michael Scott

[After the scene where Toby is killed is played, showing his head being shot off multiple times:]
Michael Scott: Far and away, the most expensive shot in the movie. But, it was "intregal" to the story.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I am a huge Woody Allen fan. Although I've only seen Antz, but I'll tell you something. What I respect about that man, is that when he was going through all that stuff that came out in the press, about how Antz was just a rip-off of A Bug's Life, he stayed true to his films. Or at least the film that I saw, which again was Antz. The thing is... I thought Bug's Life was better, much better. Than Ants. The point is, don't listen to your critics, listen to your fans.

Quote from Pam

Jim: Threat Level: Midnight is the great lost film of Michael Scott.
Pam: We're all in it, from like years and years ago. It's like a home movie.
Jim: Yeah, if Michael Scott did your home movie!
Pam: Michael screened a work in progress for us, years ago, and it didn't go well. We thought it was a comedy. Everything pointed to it being a comedy.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I play Samuel, Michael Scarn's robot butler. I wanted Samuel's voice- [as a robot] to be like this! [normally] But Michael thought that Samuel should be a very advance android, almost indistinguishable from a real person.
[later, also to camera:]
Michael Scott: Dwight does not play a robot.

Quote from Jim

Stanley: [as narrator] Well, the hostages were scared.
Kevin: Don't you guys get it? Nobody's coming for us.
Jim: [his face painted gold] Oh someone's coming alright, the only man who would care, Michael Scarn. See, I'm gonna lure him here, then I kill everybody, then... I'm gonna dig up Scarn's dead wife, and I'm gonna hump her real good.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: I did not love the dialogue. Or the character. I took the role to impress a receptionist who will remain nameless.

Quote from Michael Scott

Dwight K. Schrute: I'm intercepting a name. Jasmine Winsong. She works for Goldenface. What I can't figure out is, who is the Funky Cat.
Michael Scott: Not who, what. The Funky Cat is the hippest Jazz Club in town. [stands up with his cup of coffee and walks by Samuel, pouring the drink all over him]
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh-
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: He cut the part where my circuit board malfunctioned! What was the point of spilling the drink on me?

Quote from Michael Scott

Holly: Why do you have to make a movie at all?
Michael Scott: Because, if I don't have this, what do I have? I have nothing.
Holly: Really, you can't think of anything else that you might have?
Michael Scott: I have my book on business, "Somehow I Manage". I have my HBO comedy special, "Here I Go Again...". But you know what? When I think about it, when I really think about it, none of those things are as real to me as my movie.
Holly: I'm real.
Michael Scott: Yeah, you're a real pain in the ass. And I'm gonna go watch the movie with people who think it's great! And I'm sorry I called you a pain in the ass, I'm angry, and I love you.
Holly: I love you, too.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Some breakfast for me [holds a plate of bacon and eggs] and some breakfast for you. [pulls out an oil can and pours it on the circuit board on Samuel's back]
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Oh yeah, I guess I did let him be a robot.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I'll get it! Man, I love being retired! [answers phone] Scarn here.
Darryl: [on phone] Michael, it's the president.
Michael Scott: Hello sir.
Darryl: I need you for another mission.
Michael Scott: Ugh... I'm in.
[back at the screening:]
Andy: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Isn't the president evil?
Michael Scott: Oh yeah! [laughs] Yes, he is!
Dwight K. Schrute: No, no, he's doing it to catch the president!
Michael Scott: No, no Dwight. He's just being stupid.

Quote from Andy

Andy: [rapping to scenes of the movie] Ah, yeah! Threat Level Midnight! Makes all the girlies feel alright! From Madonna to Madeleine Albright, Threat Level Midnight! It's a threat, a level, a level level threat. He's the greatest hockey-star I ever seen yet. Threat Level what? Midnight! Threat Level who? Michael Scarn! Threat Level why? Apartheid! Gotta fight it, Free Mandela! Peace, I'm out!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Clean up on aisle five.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Okay everyone, I know we're really excited to see this movie that everybody's in, but we have to remember that Michael is sensitive, so let's stay positive! And no laughing, no comments, just positive energy and we'll have a pure fun day! Okay?
Creed: Thanks, mom.

Quote from Michael Scott

Holly: You never told me you made a movie.
Michael Scott: Mmm. It's got action, it's got heart, it's got some bosom.
Holly: It's got you.
Michael Scott: It's got a lot of me.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I'm up.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's the president. He needs you for a mission.
Michael Scott: Tell him I'm retired.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's Goldenface.
Michael Scott: Goldenface? This makes it personal.

Quote from Michael Scott

Darryl: It's your old enemy, Goldenface. He's after the NHL All Star Game. He's hidden a bomb somewhere in the stadium. Scarn, this one is personal for me. I own the stadium. I can't see it blown up. It's my retirement plan.
Dwight K. Schrute: We have to search the stadium.
Darryl: Not so fast, Goldenface has taken all the concession stand workers hostage. Scarn, will you find these hostages, and save the game?
Michael Scott: [holding a quarter] Heads I do it, tails I don't. Best out of seven. [flips the coin] Heads. Tails...Heads...Tails...Heads...Tails. Well, it looks like there's going to be a clean-up on aisle five.

Quote from Creed

Stanley: Well, the All Star Game was three days away, so naturally it was all sold out. The only way Scarn was getting in was in a uniform. There was just one problem with that, Scarn didn't know a hockey stick from a Slim Jim. So he went to meet with the famed trainer... [Michael stops the car and gets out] Cherokee Jack.
Creed: Mop the ice.
Michael Scott: I'm not here to learn how to mop, I'm here to learn how to play hockey.
Creed: Mop it.

Quote from Jim

Stanley: [as narrator] Well, Michael Scarn was quickly becoming one of the hottest hockey players in the country.
Ryan: Each year, the National Hockey League selects one civilian amateur to play in the All Star Game. It's down to the three of you. The final test is speed skating. [holds a gun to the ceiling] On your marks, get set...
Jim: Die!

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