Pam: That was weird, huh? It's all part of the presentation. It was confusing, right? Because confusing situations happen to us all the time in our jobs. I'm just trying to bridge the gap between what just happened, and the fact that I'm going to be doing the rest of the presentation. [as Forrest Gump] Sales is like a box of chocolates. You never know which vendor you're gonna get. Forrest Gump.

Jim: Is there a birthday that you remember that you loved?
Dwight K. Schrute: Here's one. It was dark, warm, wet. A sudden burst of light. An intense pressure like I'd never felt before. Father, dressed in white, pulls me forward. Mother bites the cord.
Jim: Stop. Forever stop that story. That's disgusting, and it doesn't count.

Angela: Hello, everyone. Oh, ice cream. Nice, Kevin. Looks good.
Oscar: Angela, you're more chipper than usual.
Angela: I am proud to announce that there is a new addition to the Martin family. She's hypoallergenic. She doesn't struggle when you try to dress her. She's a third-generation show cat. Her father was in Meet the Parents. Needless to say, she was very, very expensive.
Meredith: How much?
Angela: $7,000.
Creed: For a cat? I could get you a kid for that.
Oscar: Where'd you get the money?
Angela: I sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay.
Kevin: Wait, you didn't give it back?
Angela: He wouldn't have wanted that. Her name is Princess Lady!
Meredith: Seven grand. I gotta see that little bitch.

Oscar: You have your cats on Nanny Cam?
Angela: Yeah. I mean, I usually try to take leave when I get a new cat, but I'm out of vacation days. And this company still doesn't recognize cat maternity. When somebody has a kid, sure, take off a year.
Meredith: She's right. I had my 2nd kid just for the vacation.

Angela: Anyways, I just want to make sure Princess Lady is acclimating well. She means more to me than anyone.
Kevin: Any cat, you mean.
Angela: And person.

Dwight K. Schrute: What did you do?
Kelly: Stop yelling at me!
Dwight K. Schrute: What did you do?
Kelly: I didn't do anything!
Dwight K. Schrute: What did you learn in there? I bet you learned things, huh? Like how to fashion a shiv? Hmm?

Jim: Dwight, sounds like she was 14, so maybe we wanna go a little easy.
Dwight K. Schrute: If she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to follow the law. What did you do?
Kelly: My boyfriend dumped me, so I stole his boat. He told me it was his boat. It was actually his father's. I just thought it'd be really romantic, like Thelma and Louise, but with, like, a boat. And it was the worst year of my life. And I can't believe that you guys are making me talk about this on my birthday!
Dwight K. Schrute: I thought you said yesterday was your birthday.

Kevin: That one ugly cat is humping Princess Lady! Awesome!
Angela: No! Stop it, Mr. Ash! Bad cat! That is very bad. You stop it right now! I swear, he is fixed.
Meredith: I know fixed. That ain't fixed.
Kevin: No way.
Angela: No, listen. You can't let what you see sully your image of them. They are good, decent cats. I've gotta go. I'll be back in an hour. Oh, stop that!
Kevin: The other one's watching.

Pam: Blazer, Freckles, Penguin, K.D. Lang, Holly's boyfriend. These mnemonic devices help to make a connection, and then also to help you memorize names. I have a chainsaw! Cutting down the competition.

Angela: Has this been on the entire time?
Oscar: I have no idea.
Kevin: I was looking at pictures of food on my computer.
Angela: Well, sorry I'm late. [coughs up a hairball]