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30Quotes from ‘Lecture Circuit: Part 2’

The Office: Lecture Circuit: Part 2

517. Lecture Circuit: Part 2

Aired February 12, 2009

The lecture circuit takes Michael and Pam to the Nashua branch where he hopes to get closure on his relationship with Holly. Meanwhile, Jim and Dwight work to throw Kelly a belated birthday party.

Quote from Pam

Pam: That was weird, huh? It's all part of the presentation. It was confusing, right? Because confusing situations happen to us all the time in our jobs. I'm just trying to bridge the gap between what just happened, and the fact that I'm going to be doing the rest of the presentation. [as Forrest Gump] Sales is like a box of chocolates. You never know which vendor you're gonna get. Forrest Gump.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: Is there a birthday that you remember that you loved?
Dwight K. Schrute: Here's one. It was dark, warm, wet. A sudden burst of light. An intense pressure like I'd never felt before. Father, dressed in white, pulls me forward. Mother bites the cord.
Jim: Stop. Forever stop that story. That's disgusting, and it doesn't count.

Quote from Andy

Angela: Hello, everyone. Oh, ice cream. Nice, Kevin. Looks good.
Oscar: Angela, you're more chipper than usual.
Angela: I am proud to announce that there is a new addition to the Martin family. She's hypoallergenic. She doesn't struggle when you try to dress her. She's a third-generation show cat. Her father was in Meet the Parents. Needless to say, she was very, very expensive.
Meredith: How much?
Angela: $7,000.
Creed: For a cat? I could get you a kid for that.
Oscar: Where'd you get the money?
Angela: I sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay.
Kevin: Wait, you didn't give it back?
Angela: He wouldn't have wanted that. Her name is Princess Lady!
Meredith: Seven grand. I gotta see that little bitch.

Quote from Meredith

Oscar: You have your cats on Nanny Cam?
Angela: Yeah. I mean, I usually try to take leave when I get a new cat, but I'm out of vacation days. And this company still doesn't recognize cat maternity. When somebody has a kid, sure, take off a year.
Meredith: She's right. I had my 2nd kid just for the vacation.

Quote from Angela

Angela: Anyways, I just want to make sure Princess Lady is acclimating well. She means more to me than anyone.
Kevin: Any cat, you mean.
Angela: And person.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: What did you do?
Kelly: Stop yelling at me!
Dwight K. Schrute: What did you do?
Kelly: I didn't do anything!
Dwight K. Schrute: What did you learn in there? I bet you learned things, huh? Like how to fashion a shiv? Hmm?

Quote from Kelly

Jim: Dwight, sounds like she was 14, so maybe we wanna go a little easy.
Dwight K. Schrute: If she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to follow the law. What did you do?
Kelly: My boyfriend dumped me, so I stole his boat. He told me it was his boat. It was actually his father's. I just thought it'd be really romantic, like Thelma and Louise, but with, like, a boat. And it was the worst year of my life. And I can't believe that you guys are making me talk about this on my birthday!
Dwight K. Schrute: I thought you said yesterday was your birthday.

Quote from Angela

Kevin: That one ugly cat is humping Princess Lady! Awesome!
Angela: No! Stop it, Mr. Ash! Bad cat! That is very bad. You stop it right now! I swear, he is fixed.
Meredith: I know fixed. That ain't fixed.
Kevin: No way.
Angela: No, listen. You can't let what you see sully your image of them. They are good, decent cats. I've gotta go. I'll be back in an hour. Oh, stop that!
Kevin: The other one's watching.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Blazer, Freckles, Penguin, K.D. Lang, Holly's boyfriend. These mnemonic devices help to make a connection, and then also to help you memorize names. I have a chainsaw! Cutting down the competition.

Quote from Angela

Angela: Has this been on the entire time?
Oscar: I have no idea.
Kevin: I was looking at pictures of food on my computer.
Angela: Well, sorry I'm late. [coughs up a hairball]

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: I want to get that image out of my head. The psychological issues that go behind licking a cat are not things I want to go into. Also, I'm pretty sure she coughed up a hairball.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: You have to write my suggestions down too.
Jim: I'm not writing "horse hunt." I don't even know what that means.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's in the name.
Jim: Okay. So far our ideal party consists of beer, fights to the death, cupcakes, blood pudding, blood, touch football, mating, charades, and yes, horse hunting.
Dwight K. Schrute: You're right. Forget horse hunting, it's stupid.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Schrutes don't celebrate birthdays, idiot. It started as a depression-era practicality, and then moved on to an awesome tradition that I look forward to every year.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Actually, when I was seven, my dad took me to the Natural History Museum in New York. We looked at fossils all day. And at the end of the day, he got me a little plastic triceratops. It was awesome.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's cool. You know what's even cooler than triceratops? Every other dinosaur that ever existed!
Jim: Didn't see that one coming.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: [banging trash can lids together] Birthday time is over! Go make up for all the work you missed when you were taking your nap. Many happy returns.

Quote from Pam

Pam: So detour. We're adding Nashua to the lecture circuit so Michael can confront Holly and get some closure. Nashua sounded very excited on the phone. I don't think they get a lot of visitors. Because their office is only accessible by cross-country skis. Hey-oh! I've been driving too long.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: Hey. What the hell's going on?
Dwight K. Schrute: Why don't you tell Jim where you were from ages 14 to 15?
Kelly: I was kickin' it.
Dwight K. Schrute: In juvie.
Jim: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: Juvie nile detention center.
Jim: Yep.
Dwight K. Schrute: Where they send teenagers for-
Jim: Got it.
Dwight K. Schrute: What did you do?

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: I hate it.
Jim: How do you hate it? It's a cake.
Kelly: Well, there's no flowers or toys or- There's nothing on it. Where did you even find a cake like this? I mean, it doesn't have my name on it. Do you know what my name is? My name is Kelly!
Jim: Right.
[later to camera:]
Jim: I forgot if there was an "e" between the "l" and the "y." I still don't know.

Quote from Jim

Kelly: I don't even know what the theme is. What's the theme?
Jim: Birthday.
Dwight K. Schrute: Frosting.
Kelly: Those aren't themes. There's always a theme.
Phyllis: There's always a theme.
Dwight K. Schrute: Nice job on the cake, Bozo.
Jim: Okay, next time, I'll let you get the cake, and I'll scream at the birthday girl.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: She has a boyfriend.
Pam: I'm so sorry, Michael.
Michael Scott: How could she do this to me, Pam?
Pam: She's not doing it to hurt you.
Michael Scott: I can't do the presentation. I can't. Just- Oh. Thinking about seeing him and thinking about him getting to hold her and getting to kiss her. It's just- Wow.
Pam: Listen, when Jim was dating Karen, I didn't want to come to work. It was awful. I hated it. I wanted to quit, but-
Michael Scott: Please, come on, I'm going through something, okay?
Pam: You know, when Holly gets back, everyone'll tell her what a great job you did. And then she'll realize what she's missing.
Michael Scott: And then she'll move back to Scranton. And her boyfriend will die.
Pam: Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. One step at a time. You can do this.
Michael Scott: I can do this.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: We have a lot to do, and you are putting up a very effeminate sign. Is that what you've been doing?
Dwight K. Schrute: It's not effeminate. It's festive.
Jim: You've been making that for something that we can just announce to the office? Hey, everybody, the party's now at 3:00.
Stanley: I know, I just read it on the sign.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Good morning, Viet Nashua! Sales. Sales is what "bwings" us together today. How do we deal with clients who say, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn about paper," and get them to show us the money? Well, we are going to find out today. Show of hands. How many of you are salesmen? Let's see the salesmen. Ooh, okay. Well, I know what the rest of you are thinking. Wow, yuck. Salesmen are the worst. They are awful. They are so arrogant. They think the whole place revolves around them. Handsome. Good listeners. Funny. Mr.
Wonderful. So, okay, you're a salesman. What's your name?
A.J.: A.J.
Michael Scott: What kind of name is A.J.? What, do you race cars?
A.J.: I'm a salesman. That's why I raised my hand.
Michael Scott: Ooh, ouch. Okay, good. You're funny. Very good and funny. Tell me, A.J. Are you dating? Is there somebody you date?
A.J.: Yeah. Why, are you interested?

Quote from Michael Scott

Woman: I have a question about discounts from distributors.
Michael Scott: Yep. We will get to you. Okay, so you're dating somebody. Um. Is it serious?
A.J.: It's pretty serious, yees.
Michael Scott: Does she ever talk about me?
A.J.: Excuse me?
Guy: What does this have to do with sales?
Michael Scott: It's all connected. Shut up. Does she ever mention Michael Scott?
A.J.: No. What are you talking about?
Michael Scott: Does it feel good?
A.J.: Does what feel good?
Michael Scott: Your life. [sitting down] Oh, wow. Legs are sort of giving out. Long drive in the car. So let's just- We'll just continue. [sighs, falls to the floor] Oh, wow. Okay.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I went through Holly's things.
Pam: What?
Michael Scott: I stole a sleeve of her sweater.
Pam: Oh, Michael.
Michael Scott: I also stole something off of her computer. A document called "Dear Michael."
Pam: You did what?
Michael Scott: I shouldn't have done it. It just- I couldn't help it.
Pam: She never sent it to you?

Quote from Pam

Pam: No. Under no circumstances can you read that letter. It's a violation of her trust.
Michael Scott: How?
Pam: Because she didn't sent it to you.
Michael Scott: I know. I know. You're right.
Pam: I could read it.
Michael Scott: No, that wouldn't-
Pam: Yeah, I could read it.
Michael Scott: You don't have to do that.
Pam: Go get your laptop.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Pam: [to camera] What? I'm not in love with her.

Quote from Pam

Pam: It's deleted.
Michael Scott: Well?
Pam: She still has feelings for you.
Michael Scott: She said that? Is that what it said? What did it say?
Pam: I can't tell you specifically, but it's not over.
Michael Scott: You're sure?
[Pam nods her head]

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: This doesn't look good.
Jim: What? You have a cake. You have a delicious cake with your name spelled correctly?
[Kelly shakes her head]
Dwight K. Schrute: Told you.
Jim: You haven't heard our theme, though.
Kelly: You don't hear a theme. You see it. Why is there a chiclet on my cake?
Jim: That's the best part. It represents a pillow or a television.
Dwight K. Schrute: Our theme, if you will-
Jim: Because the fun part is you decide on an hour of television or an hour of napping.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's our theme.
Kelly: Cool.
Jim: Yeah?
Kelly: I love it.

Quote from Kelly

Dwight K. Schrute: So what's it gonna be, Kapoor?
Kevin: Can she pick a half hour of each?
Jim: No.
Kevin: Then pick TV.
Meredith: Take a nap.
Oscar: TV.
Kevin: No, watching TV at work is really cool.
Stanley: Take a nap. Nothing good is on right now.
Creed: Bonnie Hunt is on.
Kelly: Yeah, I have been watching TV all week. I choose nap.

Quote from Kelly

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, you've got one hour.
Kelly: I'm too excited to sleep.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I feel great. So good to have closure. Ah! We should go apologize to Roy or something.
Pam: No, we don't need to.
Michael Scott: Who have I wronged? Who have I wronged? Oh, oh! What about that fat guy from Stamford that insulted? We should find him.
Pam: You mean Tony.
Michael Scott: Jabba the Hutt. Pizza the Hut. Fat guys like pizza. Pepperoni pizza. Pepperoni Tony.
Pam: Michael.
Michael Scott: Man, was he fat. So, so fat. You know what, forget it. I know me. When I saw him, I'd never be able to apologize to him. Too fat. Big fat fatty


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