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‘Scott's Tots’ Quotes

The Office: Scott's Tots

612. Scott's Tots

Aired December 3, 2009

Michael must finally confront an ill-advised promise he made years earlier. Meanwhile, Jim is talked into running an Employee of the Month award which backfires spectacularly on him.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Mikela: You lied to us.
Michael Scott: I lied to myself too. I'm not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn't even close. And then I thought maybe by the time I was 40. But by 40, I had less money than when I was 30. Maybe by my 50s, I don't know. I wanted to pay for your education. I really did. It was my dream. Some people have evil dreams, some people have selfish dreams or wet dreams. My dream was in the right place.

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Quote from Andy

Andy: Dr. Tuna, MD, I have some terrible news.
Jim: Wait, are you the patient or the doctor?
Andy: The entire office has come down with a pernicious case of the Mondays.
Jim: Wow. What do you put our chances at?
Andy: 0%, unless we perform an immediate emergency morale transplant, stat!
Jim: Hmm, sounds risky.
Andy: Don't worry. There is a surefire cure. Employee of the Month. Every awesome place I've worked has had one.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers, AIG, my summer at Enron.

Quote from Stanley

Pam: What's "Scott's Tots?"
Stanley: [breaking out laughing] Has it really been ten years?
[aside to camera:]
Stanley: [holding up a newspaper] "Local businessman pledges college tuition to third graders" [laughs]

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Stephanie: [answering phone] David Wallace's office.
Dwight K. Schrute: [imitating Kevin] This is Kevin Malone, is David there?
Stephanie: No, he's in his weekly staff meeting, can I take a message?
Dwight K. Schrute: Tell him I'm mad at Jim, because he's asking us to give money to Pam.
[later:]
Dwight K. Schrute: [imitating Stanley] This is Stanley Hudson. Jim Halpert is a menace.
[later:]
Dwight K. Schrute: [imitating Toby] It's Toby Flenderson. Listen, things are getting really bad down here.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Five minutes ahead of schedule. Right on schedule.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I just, I fell in love with those kids. and I didn't want to see them fall victim to the system, so I made them a promise. I told them that if they graduated from high school, I would pay for their college education. I've made some empty promises in my life, but hands down, that was the most generous.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Hey Jimmy, what's up?
Jim: Not much.
Dwight K. Schrute: Cool. Very cool. I bet if you tried, you could grow the best beard of anyone in this office.
Jim: [laughs] Thanks Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: That laugh is so infectious.
Jim: You're creeping me out. I'm gonna go.
Dwight K. Schrute: I didn't mean any of those things I just said. And you can expect the same from everyone in this office if you don't nip this whole Employee of the Month situation in the bud. Make it about the work.
Jim: Let me guess, you think you should get it.
Dwight K. Schrute: This encompasses all available data. Hours, tardiness, unconfirmed sick days, participation. Everyone has been assigned a random number for total fairness and transparency. Also, this should be accompanied by a monetary prize.
Jim: Well, in an ideal world...
Dwight K. Schrute: In an ideal world, I would have all ten fingers on my left hand, so my right hand could just be a fist for punching.

Quote from Andy

Andy: You wanted to see me?
Michael Scott: Yeah, Have a seat.
Andy: Is it serious? [Michael stares] Wow. Andy's a wittle scawed.
Michael Scott: Okay, right there. Right there is the problem. There have been reports around the office that you have been talking baby talk.
Andy: Why would people say that?
Michael Scott: Well, I have it on good authority that you said the following. [hands Andy a note card] Can you read that back to me?
Andy: Andy have a boo-boo tummy.
Michael Scott: Mmm-hmm.
Andy: Would you rather me say "Hey guys, my irritable bowel syndrome is flaring up?"
Michael Scott: Okay.
Andy: "Crazy diarrhea happening right now?" Cause things can get real adult real fast.
Michael Scott: You are also on record as saying "wittle-ittle," "footy-wutties," "num-nums," "jammies," "make boom-boom," "widiculous," and "wode iwand."
Andy: Do I sometimes replace Rs with Ws? Do I sometimes repeat a word to get my point across? Well if I do, Andy's sowwy.

Quote from Michael Scott

Erin: Frankie's Dirty Joke of the Day? There's a bunch of those.
Michael Scott: Keep.
Erin: There's a bunch of sent e-mails that just say "Delivered." Should I delete all of those?
Michael Scott: I want to keep those so I can see what I sent.
Erin: That's why you have a "Sent Mail" folder.
Michael Scott: Keep.
Erin: There's about 30 news alerts for "Nip slip."
Michael Scott: For what?
Erin: "Nip slip."
Michael Scott: Oh. Okay. I don't know how those got on there. Must be hackers.

Quote from Michael Scott

Lefervre: You owe this to us!
Michael Scott: Okay, hold on. Hold on. Now, I can't pay for your college. But you don't have to go to class to be in class. Online courses are a viable option to a traditional college experience. And the best way to access those courses is with your own personal laptop. Which is rendered useless without batteries, and I have one for each of you. [students yell] Hey, hold-hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. They're lithium.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You can't be a baby in the office. It makes me look like I hire babies.
Andy: Well if I we're complaining, a lot of people think your Elvis voice is annoying.
Michael Scott: Okay, who said that?
Andy: I don't-just people. For the record, I think it's pretty fantastic.
Michael Scott: [Elvis voice] Well, thank you. Thank you a lot. And for what it's worth I think your baby voice is tops.
Andy: [baby voice] Tank you Mr. Elwis.
Michael Scott: [as Elvis] You're welcome, baby.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jim: Great. Hey, how do you feel about starting an Employee of the Month program?
Michael Scott: Yeah, you know what, that actually might make me feel better. I'm not in this for the trophies, but...
Jim: You're not in it at all, because you can't be employee of the month, you're a manager.
Michael Scott: Well, technically, I'm a co-manager, and I barely have any responsibilities. But I work hard, I love this company, and for those reasons, I think I would make a good employee of the month.
Jim: It would look bad. Sorry.
Michael Scott: It would look good, on my mantle.

Quote from Erin

Erin: Hey, Pam, do you have a sec to check over this itinerary?
Pam: Looks great.
Erin: Oh, did you really look it over? Felt like maybe you didn't.
Pam: Okay. The Michael Scott Foundation is still in existence?

Quote from Michael Scott

Pam: Michael, why did you promise that?
Michael Scott: To change lives.
Pam: No. Michael, why would you promise that?
Michael Scott: Yeah, okay. Call the school, cancel. I can't go through with this.
Erin: We've already rescheduled seven times.
Pam: Michael, this is a terrible terrible thing you've done.
Michael Scott: Well...
Pam: It's terrible. Just terrible. And the longer you put it off, the worse it's going to get.

Quote from Pam

Michael Scott: Just tell me it is going to be okay, all right?
Pam: No!
Michael Scott: I'm not a bad news person. I bring good news. Like when I promised those kids I'd pay for college. [Stanley laughing again] Okay, all right.
Pam: You have to tell them.
Michael Scott: Would you come with me? You know, like old times, instead of...
Erin: I can print out a new itinerary with Pam's name on it.
Pam: It's fine. Erin, you're going to go. And you're going to make sure Michael tells the truth.
Michael Scott: Argh! God, you know what, could this day get any worse?

Quote from Michael Scott

Teacher: Politicians are always coming around, telling us they're going to fix our schools, promising this and that. But you, Mr. Scott, you are actually doing it. You have taught these kids with hard work, that anything is possible. You are a dream maker and I thank you! I thank you. I thank you. I thank you. I thank you. So much.
Lefevre: There were a lot of times over the years where I was pressured to get into the drug game. But I always thought back to my guardian angel, and the gift that you gave me. So I just want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to go to college, educate myself, and become the next President Obama.
Michael Scott: [crying] Oh, God. Oh, God.

Quote from Michael Scott

Teacher: Let's put your hands together and give a warm welcome for the man of the hour, Mr. Michael Scott. [loud applause]
Michael Scott: All right. Wow. Um, I am never going to forget today. Not a chance. I don't think I could ever give back to you what you have given me today. Who here has done something stupid in their lives? Like skipped out on study hall or mix up the difference between "A" gym and "B" gym, that sort of thing? Show of hands, anybody? Yes, a bunch of you, okay. Well, me too, I've done something stupid which I would like to share. Um. [period bell rings] Should we go?
Teacher: Oh, no. We're okay. It's a double period
Michael Scott: Ah. All right. I came here today because I promised you tuition and tuition is very valuable. But you know what's invaluable is intuition. You know what that is? That is the ability to know when something is about to happen. Does anybody out there have intuition? Know what's gonna happen next? Nobody? Okay, you're going to make me say it. All right, I am so proud of all of you. Derrick, and Lefervre, and Ben, and Ayana, and Mikela, and Nikki and Jason, and... I'm sorry, okay, sorry spacing, your name?
Zion: I'm Zion, I'm Mikela's younger brother.
Michael Scott: Well, Zion, I am not going to be paying for your college tuition. Which brings me to my main point and that is that I will not be able to pay for anybody's tuition. I'm so, so sorry.

Quote from Creed

Creed: Guys, I'm starting to think Pam's not really even pregnant.

Quote from Phyllis

Pam: Okay, for the record, I am pregnant and, obviously there has been some kind of a mistake, so why doesn't Jim just pick the next highest score on the list and we'll move on.
Phyllis: That's fair.
Dwight K. Schrute: Excellent idea, Pam.
Pam: Thank you.
Andy: That would be employee number three, which is.. Son of a bitch, Pam Halpert.
Phyllis: How is that possible? No offense, Pam, but how the hell is that possible?

Quote from Pam

Dwight K. Schrute: There must be some reasonable explanation for this.
Pam: No, wait, come on. I didn't miss a day, I came in early, I stayed late, and I doubled my sales last month.
Andy: Oh, really? From what, two to four?
[aside to camera:]
Pam: Yup.

Quote from Michael Scott

Lefervre: That was messed up what you did.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Yeah. I know, I know, I know, I'm sorry.
Lefervre: Who does something like that? Who promises that to a bunch of kids and then just doesn't come through like that?
Michael Scott: What can I do?
Lefervre: You can pay for my college.
Michael Scott: I can give you an extra laptop battery. Not everyone took one. How about this? If you can find a way to pay for your college tuition, let me buy your books, okay?
Lefervre: They're expensive.
Michael Scott: Yeah, well, I owe you that at least, right?
Lefervre: It's about $1,000.
Michael Scott: Really? Wow. That's over $200 a year.
Lefervre: No, $1,000 each year.
Michael Scott: For- Okay. Okay. Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to write 4 checks for $1,000 each. I'm going to date them one year apart. Now, you are to use one check a year. And please call me before you cash the check? Cause I've got monies to move around.
Lefervre: Okay. Okay. Make it out to my mom, Rosa.
Michael Scott: That's a lot of zeroes.

Quote from Erin

Erin: [singing] Hey Mr. Scott, What you gonna do, What you gonna do make our dreams come true. Hey Mr. Scott, What you gonna do.
Michael Scott: Please stop. 15 lives. I destroyed 15 young lives today.
Erin: No.
Michael Scott: Yes.
Erin: No, there's financial aid. Uh, they could join the army or the navy.
Michael Scott: You're what, like, 12?
Erin: The principal told me that 90% of Scott's Tots are on track to graduate, and that's 35% higher than the rest of the school. So I think that if you hadn't made that promise, a lot of them would've dropped out. Which is something to think about, I think.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I think you're doing a great job.
Erin: Really?
Michael Scott: What do you want from this job, provided the company doesn't go out of business?
Erin: Well, I've always wondered what it might be like to be an accountant.
Michael Scott: Really?
Erin: Yes, but I'm terrible at math so...
Michael Scott: You know, when I hired Kevin, he was actually applying for a job in the warehouse.
Erin: Seriously?
Michael Scott: Yeah. I just sort of had a feeling about him. I have a feeling about you too.
Michael and Erin: [singing] Hey Mr. Scott, What you gonna do, What you gonna do make our dreams come true. Hey Mr. Scott, What you gonna do, What you gonna do make our dreams come true.


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