Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Night Out’ Quotes

The Office: Night Out

415. Night Out

Aired April 24, 2008

As Michael and Dwight visit New York to spend an evening clubbing with Ryan, Jim and the rest of the Scranton branch work late.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I've never met anybody who does that. You wash dogs? Very cool.
Woman: That's one aspect of small pet grooming.What do you do?
Michael Scott: I am a bank teller.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Ryan told me to always tell a woman you work in finance.

Rate

Quote from Ryan

Phyllis: Did the police solve the problem with the-
Ryan: Yes. Yes, they did. Yes, they did.
[to camera:]
Ryan: Yes, the social networking feature of the Dunder-Mifflin Infinity website was infiltrated by sexual predators.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please? I know that a lot of you are very angry with Ryan because he's the reason we've to come in tomorrow. However, I swear to God, if any of you hurts him in any way, emotionally, or taunts him or makes fun of his height or his half-beard-
Ryan: Okay. Thanks, Michael.

Quote from Creed

Dwight K. Schrute: I don't understand why our website needs to have social networking at all.
Jim: Yeah, I actually have to agree with Dwight on that one.
Ryan: It's all about creating a one-stop consumer experience. All right? You're chatting with your friends, you're talking about the latest music, about the election. All of it is happening in our virtual paper store.
Jim: And then an older gentleman asks you, "boxers or briefs?"
Creed: I don't get the big fuss here. I like the site.

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: Did you not tell the security guard we were working late?
Jim: Nope. I didn't. But let's go inside and I can call him right now.
Pam: We can't. I locked the office from the inside when we left.
Stanley: Perfect. You guys worked together on this one. If I'm not in my bath with a glass of red wine in one hour, you're both dead.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Ryan: Guys, I want you to meet a really good friend of mine. This is Troy.
Michael Scott: Hey. Nice to meet you.
Troy: Hey. How're you doing?
Dwight K. Schrute: Hi. Dwight. You resemble the Tolkien character.
Ryan: He basically is, man. He's a regular banking wizard.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, no, not a wizard. A hobbit.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Ryan? We're gonna take your clothes off.
Ryan: No! Guys I think my friend Troy might have a drug problem. What do I do?
Dwight K. Schrute: I think his species might have a higher tolerance than ours.
Michael Scott: Shh. Just stop. Here's what you do. You tell him that you're his friend, and that you're going to help him, and that everything's gonna be all right. And then you put a wire on him and you find out who's selling him drugs. And then you get that guy and you flip him. You turn him into a snitch. You follow that guy to the people really, really bad. I've been watching The Wire recently. I don't understand a word of it.

Quote from Michael Scott

Pam: What's wrong, Michael?
Michael Scott: I got gum in my hair.
Pam: You do.
Michael Scott: This just stinks. Don't touch it. Please, don't touch it!
Dwight K. Schrute: You got a ton of dandruff.
Michael Scott: Okay, let me be.
Jim: How'd you get gum in your hair?
Michael Scott: I was walking in and I noticed something shiny under Stanley's car. And I got under to see what it was and I messed up my hair. All for a stupid piece of tinfoil.
Jim: But, best-case scenario, you thought it was a quarter.
Michael Scott: Kill me, right now.
Jim: We have peanut butter in the kitchen.
Michael Scott: I don't feel like peanut butter. Get me an ice cream sandwich.
Jim: Nope, not for you, it's for your hair. And it is 9:00 AM.
Pam: Dwight, not the good peanut butter. People are gonna get mad.
Michael Scott: Hey, hey, hey. This is my hair we're talking about.
[later, in Michael's office, Dwight has thoroughly covered Michael's hair in peanut butter]
Michael Scott: Smells good.
Dwight K. Schrute: Taste good, too.
Michael Scott: Oh, don't, that's disgusting.
Dwight K. Schrute: Wow. Lot of calories.
Michael Scott: Well, just don't leave it on too long. Keep massaging, please. Oh. Yeah, that's nice.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I will be honest. The dating has not been going well. Look. Men are visual creatures. We crave beauty. Like a piece of fine art by any number of renowned artists. Or an arty photograph of Cindy Crawford nude. That, but the women I'm getting fixed up with are- Not that they aren't nice or that have great personalities. They just- They just lack a certain Crawfordness.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: If I had created a website with this many problems, I'd kill myself.
Ryan: Do you have a question, Kelly?
Kelly: Yeah, I have a lot of questions. Number one: how dare you?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [slow clapping] Ryan has done a very good job. And I'm not applauding sarcastically. Think about it. A month ago, nobody would go on this site because we were worried out getting molested or loosing our identity, having it stolen. But now, at a time T.D.B., all of these problems will be in the past. You done good, kid. You done good. [slow clapping, Dwight joins in]

Quote from Jim

Jim: You know what? If we stay a couple of hours late tonight without Michael distracting us, we wouldn't have to come in all tomorrow.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: So I caught everyone before they left, and I told them my idea. And they loved it. Because this is a group that respects good ideas. The one time a year they hear one.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Do you live in a regular-sized house?
Ryan: Yeah, he's a normal guy. He's cool.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Ryan: Dwight Schrute, man. How's Schrute farms?
Dwight K. Schrute: Good.
Ryan: This guy owns his own beet farm.
Troy: Insane!
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, it's weevil season, but we were prepared.
Ryan: "Weevils" What a crazy word, man. I don't even know what that means? What does that mean?
Dwight K. Schrute: They lay their eggs inside the unripe beetroot, then, come springtime, the babies eat their way out.
Ryan: Crazy!

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Ryan: That's too much for me, man. I'm gonna head to the bathroom.
Dwight K. Schrute: You've already been several times.
Ryan: Yeah?
Dwight K. Schrute: Maybe you have some kind of bladder infection.
Ryan: I don't know. Maybe.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'll order you some cranberry juice.
Ryan: With vodka. You're the best!
Dwight K. Schrute: [to Troy] Do you have powers?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I thought about getting a tattoo on my back as well, at one point. I was thinking about getting Back to the Future. "Back" because it's on my back. And "future" because I'm the kind of guy who likes to look ahead into the future. I just think a tattoo should mean something. You know? And it's my second-favorite movie.
Young woman: I've never heard of that movie.
Michael Scott: Back to the Future?! Oh. Wow. Well, you should take a film education course.
Young woman: How old are you?
Michael Scott: 40... I'm in my 40s.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: Hey, man. Do you ever think there's gonna be this massive nuclear holocaust? And after all the major nations are destroyed, there'll just be tribes in the jungles that rise up and survive? That jungle warfare is gonna rule the world?
Michael Scott: Yeah, maybe.
Ryan: It's inevitable, right?

Quote from Toby

Pam: Actually, it's kind of too bad we're not coming into work tomorrow.
Jim: Why?
Pam: I bet Michael had some elaborate theme party planned, like scrambled egg Saturday.
Toby: More like, "Hey, everyone, let's get your boss laid" Saturday.
[Toby strokes Pam's knee with his hand]
Toby: I have an announcement to make. I am moving to Costa Rica. Thought about it for a long time now. And I'm finally gonna do it. So... I'm just gonna hop the the fence and jog home.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Cleaning people. Oscar? Okay, so all you need to do is explain what happened 'cause I think they can help us.
Oscar: Why are you assuming they only speak Spanish?
Jim: I just- If they speak Spanish.
Oscar: Good evening. We locked ourselves in. [speaking in Spanish] Okay? It happens they speak Spanish.
Jim: Lucky us.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Like I said, it's not about the horniness. It's about the loneliness. And how can I be alone here with my boys? Like a famous person once said, "boys on the side." But I don't- I disagree. I say, let's hear it for the boys.


 Episode 414 Episode 416 
  Select another episode