Stanley Hudson Quotes Page 1 of 11

Quote from Did I Stutter?

Stanley: It's like I used to tell my wife. "I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong and if you don't like it, you can leave." And I say the same thing to my current wife, and I'll say it to my next one too.

Quote from A.A.R.M.

Stanley: Over the course of this documentary I've had three affairs. If you find my body in a ditch, let me save the police some trouble: my wife did it.

Quote from Did I Stutter?

Michael Scott: Now we're cooking. I like this. Maybe a whole theme, like a rap. A rap rhyme.
Jim: An urban thing.
Michael Scott: An urban- Yeah, Stanley, you wanna help us out with that? Stanley! Earth to Stanley.
Stanley: Not me.
Michael Scott: Yes, you.
Stanley: Come on, Stanley, put your little game down and join the group.
Michael Scott: No. Stanley, we're having-
Stanley: Leave me alone, damn it.
Michael Scott: We're having a brainstorm session!
Stanley: Did I stutter?!

Quote from Classy Christmas

Stanley: So do they bring in food, or do you get to go out?
Toby: No, they bring it in.
Stanley: You lucky son of a bitch.
[aside to camera:]
Stanley: I have been trying to get on jury duty every single year since I was 18 years old. To get to go sit in an air-conditioned room downtown, judging people while my lunch is paid for... That is the life.

Quote from Weight Loss

Stanley: I happen to be losing weight on my own for my own reasons. The truth is I have lost a little of my speed. A little of my fire. Here's what I used to look like. Look at those biceps. We were fighting the power and eating whatever we wanted.

Quote from The List

Stanley: It might be easier if you take a deep breath, lift from the knees, and shove it up your butt.
[aside to camera:]
Stanley: I came up with a new thing this summer. I act like I'm telling someone how to do somethin'. I go on with a long description and then I say, "and shove it up your butt." [laughs] It's stupid, but it's my thing now.

Quote from

Stanley: Yes, I have a dream. And It's not some M.L.K. Dream for Equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there's a button that I can press, and it'll launch that lighthouse into space.

Quote from Initiation

Stanley: I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive.
And then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But, on pretzel day... Well, I like pretzel day.

Quote from Money

Michael Scott: [on the phone] Yes, is Mr. Hudson there?
Stanley: Yeah, who is this?
Michael Scott: Well I'm just calling because you responded positively to-
Stanley: Michael?
Michael Scott: Stanley?
Stanley: Why are you calling me here at home?
Michael Scott: [in a Mexican accent] Señor, are you happy with your long distance, sir?
Stanley: Michael, I know that's you. Why are you calling me here at home?
Michael Scott: [different voice] Have you con- Have you considered satellite television?
Stanley: Michael, I know that's you. I know your voice.
Michael Scott: All right.
Stanley: Why are you calling me here at home? When I'm at home at night in my own house in my sweats, drinking some red wine, watching my mystery stories, the last thing in the whole godforsaken world I want to hear is the voice of Michael Scott.

Quote from Doomsday

Andy: You know what, fine! I try to start fun traditions for you guys, but if you don't want to sing, no traditions!
Stanley: [singing] Closing time, every new beginning...
[aside to camera:]
Stanley: I've never heard that song before. And once I heard it, I did not care for it. But that song means it's time to go home. Now, it's my favorite song.

Quote from Livin' the Dream

Stanley: Andy's from the generation that thinks they should all be famous. What happened to the generation that knew you shut up, did your work, and died quietly from a heart attack?

Quote from Scott's Tots

Pam: What's "Scott's Tots?"
Stanley: [breaking out laughing] Has it really been ten years?
[aside to camera:]
Stanley: [holding up a newspaper] "Local businessman pledges college tuition to third graders" [laughs]

Quote from Christmas Wishes

Andy: Who's excited to get their holiday wishes?
Stanley: "Holiday wishes."
Andy: What's that, Stanley?
Stanley: We know exactly what holiday you're referring to.
Andy: It is important to be mindful of all belief systems at our holiday party.
Stanley: I've been here eighteen years and have suffered through some weird thematic Christmases. A Honolulu Christmas, A Pulp Fiction Christmas, A Muslim Christmas, Moroccan Christmas. Mo-rocca Christmas. I don't want it. Christmas is Christmas is Christmas is Christmas.

Quote from Christmas Wishes

Stanley: I don't want no Kwanza wreath. I don't need a dreidel in my face, that's its own thing. And who's that black Santa for?! I don't care! I know Santa ain't black! I could care less. I want Christmas! Just give me plain baby Jesus, lying in a manger, Christmas!

Quote from Beach Games

Stanley: Do you expect me to believe that you're truly making your recommendations on this basis?
Michael Scott: Word. Here we go. Let's see it.
[aside to camera:]
Stanley: I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than work for somebody else in this office besides myself. Game on!