TV Quotes

Holly: [as Clint Eastwood] Well, well, well, if it isn't Michael Scott. You old bastard.
Michael Scott: [imitating her] Well, I never thought I'd see your face around these parts, you old bastard.
Holly: Well I did show my face around these parts, you old bastard.
Michael Scott: [as Curly] Why, you're some sorta wise guy, huh?
Holly: [as Curly] I most certainly am.
Michael Scott: Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!
Holly: Ungh!
Michael Scott: [as Homer] D'oh!
Holly: [as Marge] Oh, Homey.

Holly: I'm sorry about your friend.
Michael Scott: Nah, he's an ass.
Holly: [Brahmin accent] You are.
Michael Scott: [Brahmin accent] You are.
Holly: What are you wicked smart?
Michael Scott: No you are.
Holly: Who are?
Michael Scott: [kisses her, speaks normally] You are.

Darryl: 2,336 pounds. Y'all need to learn some portion control.
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait a minute. Pam is on the scale.
Michael Scott: Oh, Pamcake. No, no, no. We would love your extra poundage, but you are going to be leaving us next week, so vamoose. Vamoose, Pam. Dunder Mifflin family only.
Dwight K. Schrute: Family only.
Darryl: All right, got it. 2,210 pounds.
Kevin: Pam, you weigh 226 pounds?
Holly: Almost, Kevin.
Pam: Not almost, though, Holly. I mean, not- Not close to 200.
Holly: [whispering to Kevin] Math is hard.
Kevin: Yeah.

Holly: It's kind of a good news, bad news situation. The bad news is we're not doing very well, so we really had to starve ourselves this whole week. But the good news is that all the other branches are doing just as bad as we are. So corporate upped the prize to 5 days. So if we stay fat long enough, we may actually get a whole month off.

Holly: Okay, so I've gone over this, and I've thought about it, and I just don't think there's any way I can write a report that doesn't end with her being terminated.
Michael Scott: Wow. Terminator.
Holly: [as Arnold Schwarzenegger] I'm from the future.

Holly: Cool. You drive your own car?
Kevin: Yup, this is my car. Do you drive your own car?
Holly: Yep, just like you.
Kevin: Okay, bye.
Holly: Bye. Kevin, I'm really proud of you.

Dwight K. Schrute: Male. Caucasian. Forties. Black hair. Facial type: marsupial.
Erin: He answers to Michael. Michael G. Scott. Michael J. Fox. Mr. Fox. The Incredible Mr. Fox.
Attendant: Yeah, he just left.
Holly: Which way did he go?
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey, hey, hey. Let me answer this. Stupid question. He went back to the office, obviously, which is that way.
Holly: Oh, really? You don't think he walked by the bakery just for the smell of it?
Attendant: She's right. He went that way.
Dwight K. Schrute: Alright. Don't get a swelled head. You're no tracker. [Dwight and Erin low-five] Let's ride.

Michael Scott: So are you in town this weekend? 'Cause I'm not- I'm not- I'm not gonna be in town. I'm going out of town.
Holly: Oh. So you can't make my orgy? Kidding.
Michael Scott: Kidding. Acting!
Holly: Acting!
Michael Scott: Acting!
Holly: Lovitz.
Michael Scott: Yeah.

Oscar: If you're into yoga, I take a great Bikram class in Dickson City.
Holly: Thanks, I should check that out.
Oscar: Also, and no pressure, the teacher, he's a catch.
Holly: Actually, I'm a lesbian.
Oscar: I'm gay.
Holly: I'm not a lesbian. I don't know why I said that. Stupid joke.
Oscar: What's the joke?
Holly: There is no joke. I just said it because I haven't had much luck lately, and I'm not really looking to date, so... Maybe I should switch to women.
Oscar: You think it's a choice?
Holly: Um. I'm gonna head back to my work area and just-
Oscar: I'm messing with you, Holly.
Holly: I knew that. Okay, bye.

Michael Scott: Well, in his infinite wisdom, David Wallace has authorized us to put on a little presentation about the history of Dunder Mifflin.
Holly: Yep, the old comedy team is back together again.
Michael Scott: That's right.
Holly: [in a New York accent] Have ya hoid the news? Extry! Extry! Read all about it!
Michael Scott: Newspapers for sale!