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48Quotes from ‘Boys and Girls’

The Office: Boys and Girls

215. Boys and Girls

Aired February 2, 2006

While Jan hosts a seminar for the women of Dunder Mifflin, Michael causes trouble with the guys in the warehouse.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Why can't boys play with dolls? Why does society force us to use urinals, when sitting down is far more comfortable?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Pizza. Great equalizer. Rich people love pizza. Poor people love pizza. White people love pizza. Black people love pizza. Do black people like pizza?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Remember on Lost when they met The Others?

Quote from Stanley

Ryan: You know what? We could get this done a lot quicker if we formed a type of assembly line.
Stanley: This here is a "run out the clock" situation. Just like upstairs.

Quote from Jan

Jan: Sports metaphors are one of the ways women feel left out of the language of the office. Now, I know this might sound silly, but many women ask to go over it, so, "fumble" means-
Phyllis: Mistake.
Meredith: Slip.
Jan: Right. "Par for the course" is a golf term. It means "right on track." "Below par" means "worse." Wait. That should mean better. That doesn't make sense.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: All right. Troops. This is an important day, a big day. Now, you may look around and see two groups here. White collar, blue collar. But I don't see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.

Quote from Angela

Angela: I'm not gaining anything from this seminar. I'm a professional woman, the head of Accounting. I'm in the healthiest relationship of my life. I just think it's insulting that Jan thinks we need this. And apparently, judging from her outfit, Jan aspires to be a whore.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jan: Women today, though we have the same options as men, we often face a very different set of obstacles- [knocking on door] in getting there. So-
Michael Scott: Hey, what's going on?
Jan: Michael- Yeah, you know what? I thought we agreed you wouldn't be here.
Michael Scott: I thought about it. I just have a few things I want to say.
Jan: What are you doing?
Michael Scott: Just hear me out. [clearing throat] What is more important than quality? Equality. Now, studies show that today's woman, the Ally McBeal Woman, as I call her, is at a crossroads.
Jan: Michael-
Michael Scott: And No, just- You have come a long way, baby. But I just want to keep it within reason.
Jan: Michael.
Michael Scott: They did this up in Albany-
Jan: You are not allowed in this session, okay?
Michael Scott: -and they ended up turning the break room into a lactation room, which is disgusting.
Jan: Now you're really not allowed in this session.
Michael Scott: Well, I'm their boss.
Jan: I am your boss.
Michael Scott: Anybody want any coffee or anything?
Jan: We're fine, Michael. We just need you to leave, please.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Women in the workplace. Yeah. Translation, I have been banned from my own conference room so that Jan can talk in secret to all the girls. Whoa, sorry. Women of the workplace. About what? I don't know. Clothes. Me. Ugh.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You know what? There is another side to this place, gentlemen. And I know we all love our cushy jobs and our fun, exciting office, but do you realize that underneath us, there's another world? The warehouse world. A world that is teeming with sweat and dirt and life. Life. The bowels of the office. These guys are down there, they are real men, doing real men's work. We are going to learn how a warehouse works.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Oh, I think this is gonna work out great. Because managing the warehouse is a very important part of my job, and I haven't been there in months.

Quote from Darryl

Michael Scott: So, let's meet the warehouse! Let's get some shots. Pan around there. This is Darryl. One of our warehouse staff. Darryl, what is your biggest fear?
Darryl: My biggest fear is that someone will distract us from getting all the shipments out on time.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You know what? Darryl is actually the foreman here, and not Roy, which is cool. There's Roy, riding the big rig. So, Roy is actually going to be marrying Pam sometime this summer. And she's our receptionist. Sort of a "Brangelina" thing.
Roy: Why?
Michael Scott: "Brangelina" is the Brad Pitt and Angelina.
Roy: I don't understand.
Michael Scott: Roy. Roy and Pam. It's a "Ram." It's a "Ram" thing.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: I bet Roy heard about you liking Pam. I bet he'll try to beat you up.
Jim: Thanks for the heads up, Kev.
Kevin: I got your back, if he does. But try to stay out of it.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Just in case there's somebody down here who shouldn't be. A little Good Will Hunting situation.

Quote from Darryl

Michael Scott: Let's start with the warehouse. What bothers you as guys? You know?
Darryl: My priority is safety.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Darryl: So it really bothers me when somebody comes in here, speeding around on the lift, playing with it like a toy. It kind of gets under my skin.
Michael Scott: Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. [shush]
Darryl: Uh, uh, uh. Don't shush me.
Michael Scott: No, that was just-
Darryl: That bothers me, too.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: What is our beef, as human men?
Lonny: You know, that's a good question, Hasselhoff.
Michael Scott: Okay. All right.
Lonny: What bugs us?
Michael Scott: Good. Guys ragging on each other. That's what guys do, and we love it.

Quote from Darryl

Lonnie: Yeah, on our salaries, man. What do they expect? You know, "Take us out every weekend," you know what I mean?
Michael Scott: I feel you, man.
Lonnie: We're not millionaires.
Michael Scott: I feel you.
Darryl: No, you don't. You don't feel us. How can you? You know what?
Dwight K. Schrute: Not literally.
Darryl: You say we're the same, but we get compensated very differently.
Michael Scott: Yes.
Darryl: We work the same hours as you, and you just said we work a lot harder.
Michael Scott: You do. So-
Darryl: But we get paid a lot less.
Dwight K. Schrute: Word.
Roy: Like, next to no benefits.
Michael Scott: I know. God, what is that?
Roy: Exactly.
Michael Scott: It blows. It blows, man!

Quote from Jan

Michael Scott: This is important. Ladies, take a breather. Jan, I wanted- [to Pam] Can I help you? I wanted to say that the guys downstairs are thinking about forming a union, and they have some good points.
Jan: What? A union?
Michael Scott: Don't get hysterical.
Jan: I'm not.
Michael Scott: [to camera:] Part of my job is knowing how to talk to women.
Michael Scott: Let's be rational here. What are the pros? What are the cons?
Jan: The cons are that everyone will lose their job, Michael. Everyone. Office, warehouse. What do you think the pros are here?
Michael Scott: Don't talk to me that way, please. Just- They're gonna want to hear this from you.
Jan: Oh, you got yourself into this, Michael, so-
Michael Scott: We're bonding down there.
Jan: -you get yourself out of it. That's too bad.
Michael Scott: I just don't want to have to tell them something they're not gonna want to hear.
Jan: Now who's getting hysterical?

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: What about "second base"? Like, if Michael said he got to second base with you, does that mean you, like, closed a deal?
Jan: Excuse me?
Kelly: I mean, that's a baseball term, right?
Jan: I don't know what Michael was talking about. I don't know.

Quote from Pam

Pam: How's it going down there?
Jim: It's a complete- Well, actually, it's exactly what you'd expect, so- How are the girls?
Pam: Good. We watched a video about our changing bodies.
Jim: Did you really?
Pam: No. [chuckling]
Jim: Oh.
Pam: Almost.

Quote from Kelly

Angela: Are you married?
Jan: I'm divorced.
Phyllis: That must have been hard.
Jan: It was, yes.
Kelly: You were probably feeling really depressed and sad, and that's why you did that thing with Michael.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: How can someone so beautiful be so sad?

Quote from Jan

Jan: Excuse me. Excuse me. I'm told that there has been some interest in forming a union, and that Michael supported it. Obviously, he's not a friend of yours, because he didn't tell you the facts. So, let me. If there is even a whiff of unionizing in this branch, I can guarantee you the branch will be shut down like that. They unionized in Pittsfield, and we all know what happened in Pittsfield. It will cost each of you a fortune in legal fees and union dues, and that will be nothing compared to the cost of losing your jobs. So, I would think long and hard before sacrificing your savings and your futures just to send a message. If you have any further questions, you can direct them to- To Michael.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Is it good to be back? Yeah. I mean, I love the guy stuff, but to run an office, you need men and women. You know why? Because you need to have that crazy sexual tension to keep things interesting.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Today is a "women in the workplace" thing. Jan's coming in from Corporate to talk to all the women about- Um... I don't really know what. But Michael's not allowed in. She said that about five times.

Quote from Jan

Jan: Ladies, I am so, so sorry. Can we start again? We were on such a roll. I really apologize-
Pam: Jan?
Jan: -for that. Yes, Pam?
Pam: Michael's still at the door.
Jan: Michael!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Everyone? Guys? Circle up, please. Come on over. Bring your chairs. Toby? Come on over. You're a guy, too. Sort of.

Quote from Roy

Roy: Jim. Jim Halpert. Hey, I, you know, heard there's a rumor going around about you used to have a crush on Pam and-
Jim: Oh, no, no.
Roy: No, no, it's cool, 'cause I know you're a good guy, and I know that that crush ended a long time ago. So, you know, we're cool. All right?
Jim: Yeah. No, yeah. Definitely.
Roy: You know, it's great with me. 'Cause that way I'm glad she has a friend at work she can get through the day with.
Jim: Oh.
Roy: And then she's not all "bap, bap, bap, bap," you know, when she gets home.
Jim: Yeah. I like talking to her, too.
Roy: So, we're cool, right?
Jim: Yes. Yeah.

Quote from Michael Scott

Darryl: Hey, Mike, look. How about we go upstairs, too? You know, learn how an office works.
Michael Scott: Oh, well.
Darryl: We can both switch places for the day.
Michael Scott: Okay. Yeah. You know what? I don't- You- Your- My job sucks compared to this. I don't think you'd like it up there.
Darryl: An experience-
Michael Scott: Guys! Want to start unloading the truck?

Quote from Meredith

Meredith: In five years, I'd like to be five years sober.
Jan: That is an excellent goal.
Meredith: Four and a half.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: I'll tell you one thing. I am not gonna be one of those women schlepping her kids around in a minivan.
Jan: Great. Uh-huh.
Kelly: I want an SUV with three rows of seats.

Quote from Jan

Jan: I'll be honest. One of the goals of these women's seminars is to feel out if there's any standouts, women who could be a valuable addition to our corporate life. [silence]

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: So, guys' gripe session. Here we are. Now, we definitely live in different worlds, but we have a lot in common. We even like the same girls, some of us. And that's gonna happen. You know, we're guys, so-
Madge: Hey, do you want me to go?
Michael Scott: No, why would I? You can-
Madge: I'll go.

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: That's dangerous, Mike. Come on, get down off the lift. Hey, you're gonna hurt yourself. Mike!
Michael Scott: Stand clear.
Darryl: Mike, get off of the lift. Please! Come on, now.
Michael Scott: I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.
Darryl: Look, would you- Look!
Michael Scott: We'll get somebody to clean that up.
Darryl: We're the ones that gotta clean that up!
Lonny: Damn it, Michael!

Quote from Jan

Jan: And, Pam? What about you? What is your dream?
Pam: Well, I always dreamed of a house with a terrace upstairs. Plant flowers on it, stuff like that. Since I was a girl. Um. More seriously, though, a husband that I love. Roy. And I love to draw. And I did a little in college, and I'd still love to do something where I could work with art or graphic design in some way.
Phyllis: She's real good.
Pam: Thanks.
Jan: You know, the company is offering a design training program in New York.
Pam: Well, I have a job right now. So, I can't really take time off.
Jan: Well, it's only on weekends. And then a few weeks in New York, but I'm sure that I could ask Corporate to help you out.
Pam: Well, it's just that the weekends aren't good because-
Jan: There are always a million reasons not to do something.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Roy: I hate it when girls insist on taking them out to new restaurants every weekend night, and then they're like, "When are we gonna go on a date-date?"
Guy: I hate that, too! I hate that, too!
Kevin: That sucks so hard.
Guy: It totally sucks!
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, and then they make you drive them to church the next morning. Like, gas ain't free.

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: You know, this would not happen if we had a union.
Roy: That's what I'm talking about.
Michael Scott: No, no, no.
Darryl: Absolutely, that's what we need to do.
Guy: You're right.
Darryl: See, that's what I've been saying, man. We need to do this, finally.
Michael Scott: You know what, is that necessary? 'Cause you already, sort of, have a union of guys.
Darryl: It's more than necessary, Mike. We need this.

Quote from Darryl

Michael Scott: You know what? I think our problem is the chicks. The problem is the chicks.
Darryl: Union! Yeah!
Michael Scott: And you gotta blame them.
Darryl: Are you with us, Mike?
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Darryl: Welcome to the warehouse.
All: [chanting] Michael! Michael! Michael! Michael!

Quote from Jan

Michael Scott: Okay. Come on, Jan. After all we've been through-
Jan: Michael, Michael.
Michael Scott: We have a history. We have a history between us.
Jan: Michael. Don't say another word. Get yourself downstairs.
Michael Scott: I'm just saying that we have something. Okay. Whatever.

Quote from Pam

Pam: But, hey, something kind of cool, there's this internship in graphic design that Jan was telling us about. She made it sound, like, really great.
Jim: Nice! Well, what's it all about? I think you should do it. That's great!
Pam: It's really cool.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Cold front coming into the warehouse! Better put on your ski boots! Happy New Year, Darryl. Hey, Darryl. You ever done this?

Quote from Angela

Jan: I think you should all spend a little more time thinking about your careers, and less time on personal stuff.
Phyllis: I think we're all okay with the balance we've struck.
Angela: At least you don't have kids. You have no kids, right? Thank God.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Dreams are just that. They're dreams. They help get you through the day. Like the thing about the terrace. It's nice, but, I don't know, it was just something I read in this book when I was 12. The girl in the book has a terrace outside of her bedroom, and she planted flowers on it, and I just loved that. It just always kind of stuck with me.

Quote from Pam

Jim: So, you're not doing it.
Pam: How did you know?
Jim: Why not?
Pam: It's just, like- No big reason. Just a bunch of little reasons.
Jim: Come on.
Pam: Roy's right. There's no guarantee it's gonna lead to anything, anyway.
Jim: Roy said that?
Pam: What? You have something you want to say?
Jim: You gotta take a chance on something, sometime, Pam. I mean, do you want to be a receptionist here, always?
Pam: Oh, excuse me, I'm fine with my choices.
Jim: You are?
Pam: Yeah.

Quote from Pam

Pam: It's impractical. I'm not gonna try to get a house like that. They don't even make houses like that in Scranton. So, I'm never gonna...

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I'm just gonna put this over there.
Darryl: This is not a good idea, right here.
Michael Scott: Easy does it. Okay.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: That's a terrible idea.
Jim: What is?
Dwight K. Schrute: Them in there all together. They stay in there too long, they're gonna get on the same cycle. Wreak havoc on our plumbing.


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