Jim: I've been studying Michael for years, and I've condensed what I've learned into this chart. How Michael spends his time. As you can see, we have procrastinating and distracting others, and this tiny sliver here is critical thinking. I made it bigger, so that you could see it.

Dwight K. Schrute: People are starting to notice how terrible Jim is. It's great. Eventually, they'll rise up and revolt. My only hope is that they do it sooner rather than later. If the people here were our founding fathers, the Revolutionary War would have been delayed ten years. Because Stanley Washington was napping. And Phyllis Hancock was still signing the declaration. And Kevin Jefferson was distracted by a butterfly.

Oscar: Look, it doesn't take a genius to know that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. A boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes?

Kelly: I love rivalries. Michael or Jim, Paris or Nicole, Heidi or L.C. It's so much fun. But I guess if I'm really thinking about it and answering your question honestly, I'd have to go with L.C. Heidi's a bad friend, and her skin is terrible.

Phyllis: Hey, did you guys register for wedding gifts?
Pam: We did, but mostly because people expect us to. We're also accepting other gifts not on the registry... However much.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: It's awkward asking people for money, but we could really use it. Why doesn't Crate & Barrel let you register for a toaster full of cash?

Jim: Okay, maybe we should talk specifics.
Michael Scott: Let's do.
Jim: Okay. Yesterday, we had a meeting about planets.
Michael Scott: N- Well, to be fair, Jim... James... Jimothy... To be fair, Jimothy, the- Ah, that sounds weird. Are you okay with being called Jim?
Jim: I am.
Michael Scott: Jim, to be fair, the conversation wasn't about planets at first, we were talking about introducing a line of toilet paper. And what part of the human body does one use toilet paper upon? So you draw a line from there to the other planets, and I think by the end, we all learned a little bit about how small we are.
Jim: Yes, I agree.
Michael Scott: Because it's a big universe, and we're all just little, tiny specks of dust.

Jim: I just think that maybe they're eating large amounts of the day.
Michael Scott: You know what eats a large amount of the day are naps. You go to sleep, it's light out, you wake up, it's dark. That's the whole day. Where did that day go? I have no idea.
Jim: You mean on a weekend?
Michael Scott: ... Yes.

Phyllis: What's going on?
Pam: I need to fit into my wedding dress. However, I'm also pregnant. [eats donut]
Ryan: You know, it's a myth that women have to gain more than nine pounds in a pregnancy. Look at these actresses. Some of them lose weight.

Creed: Hey, why haven't we ever, um...
Meredith: We have.

Jim: Okay. You know what would help is a pros and cons list for our options.
Michael Scott: Jim, don't take this the wrong way. Are you gonna take this the wrong way?
Jim: It's hard to tell so far.
Michael Scott: You use your brain too much.
Jim: I'm sorry, are you advocating that I use it less?
Michael Scott: Sometimes the smartest people don't think at all.
Jim: You just came up with that.
Michael Scott: As I was saying it.