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44Quotes from ‘Dinner Party’

The Office: Dinner Party

413. Dinner Party

Aired April 10, 2008

Jim, Pam, Andy and Angela spend an unforgettable evening with Michael and Jan after he invites them to a dinner party.

Quote from Michael Scott

Stanley: This is ridiculous.
Phyllis: Do you have any idea what time we get out of here?
Michael Scott: Nobody likes to work late. Least of all, me. You have plans tonight?
Jim: No, I don't. Remember when you told us not to make plans 'cause we were working?
Michael Scott: Yes, I remember. Mmm. This is B.S. This is B.S. Why are we here? I am gonna call corporate. Enough is enough. I'm- God, I'm so mad! This is Michael Scott, Scranton. We don't wanna work. No, we don't! It's not fair to these people! These people are my friends, and I care about them! We're not gonna do it! Everybody, I just got off the horn with corporate, and basically I told them where they could stick their little overtime assignment. Go enjoy your Friday.
Dwight K. Schrute: Thank you, Michael.
Michael Scott: Well, I think we dodged a bullet there.
Jim: I think you did.
Michael Scott: I think we should celebrate. How about you, Pam, mi casa. A little dinner, dancing, drinks?
Jim: Oh, I-
Michael Scott: You said you didn't have plans. That's what you said.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Pam, I hope she didn't do anything to the food.
Pam: Like what?
Michael Scott: I can't prove it, but I think she might be trying to poison me.

Quote from Pam

Pam: I know Jan didn't poison the food. I know that. But if she was going to poison the food of someone at that table, wouldn't it be me, "Michael's former lover"?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I finally broke down and bought myself a plasma TV. Check it out. I actually hung this on the wall myself.
Jim: That's good.
Michael Scott: I wanna show you something. A lot of people in the room, you need more space voila. Right into the wall.
Jim: Wow.
Michael Scott: Sometimes, I will just stand here and watch television for hours. I love it. I love this TV.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Michael has asked Pam and me to dinner at least nine times. And every time, we've been able to get out of it. But I've got to give him credit. He got me. Because I'm starting to suspect that there was no assignment from corporate.

Quote from Jan

Pam: So you have an office and a work space?
Jan: I do, you know. I just- I cannot create in the same space that I conduct business. I'm sure that you're the same with your doodles.

Quote from Jan

Jan: So this is the master bedroom. And these walls, they used to be, like white, like an asylum. So I wanted it to be softer so I had it painted in eggshell white.
Michael Scott: Guess what. White and eggshell white are exactly the same color.
Jan: Babe.
Michael Scott: Exactly.
Jan: [putting away a tripod-mounted camera near the bed] I thought you said that you were gonna tidy things up.
Michael Scott: Well, I-
Jan: Shame on you.

Quote from Jan

Pam: What a cute bench.
Michael Scott: Thanks. That's my bed. Jan has, uh, some space issues, so I curl up on that puppy.
Jim: Really? 'Cause It seems pretty narrow and short.
Michael Scott: It's actually a lot bigger than it seems. Look at that!
Jan: See, he fits perfectly.

Quote from Jan

Michael Scott: And I also built this table.
Jim: What is that, chestnut?
Michael Scott: No, it's either pine of Nordic cherry.
Jan: It's pine.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Jim: I'm just terrible at this stuff, so that's cool.
Jan: Really?
Pam: Yeah. Yeah, he tried to set up my Tivo for me, but then I didn't have audio for a week.
Michael Scott: If you ever need any help, I'm just a phone call away.
Jan: I bet you are.

Quote from Jan

Jan: How about we do the short tour, and then I'll start dinner?
Pam: Oh, I can help starting dinner, if you need it.
Jan: Oh, no, no, no. It's just the osso buco needs to braise for about three hours. Everything else's done.
Pam: Three hours from now, or three hours from earlier, like 4:00?
Jan: You know, Pam, in Spain, they often don't even start eating until midnight.
Michael Scott: When in Rome.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: How about a toast? Shall I? Here's to good friends.
Jim: Cheers.
Andy: Cheers.
Michael Scott: [drinking wine] Mmm. Kinda sorta an oaky afterbirth.
Jim: What was that?

Quote from Pam

Pam: I don't care what they say about me. I just want to eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for. At a dinner party.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Michael and Jan seem to be playing their own separate game. And it's called, "Let's see how uncomfortable we can make our guests." And they're both winning. So I am going to make a run for it.

Quote from Jim

Jim: You'll never guess. I just got a message from my landlord. Apparently, my apartment flooded. Something with the sprinkler.
Jan: Oh, no!
Jim: Pam, we should probably get going to see the damage.
Pam: Oh, okay.
Michael Scott: Well, you don't need two of you to do that.
Jim: That's true. Um, dinner sounded delicious. Pam, I'll see you at home. Thank you so much.
Pam: Oh, Jim, I don't think you're going to abandon this party here all by itself.
Jim: I don't know, because everything I own is there.
Pam: You can buy new stuff, but you can't buy a new party.
Michael Scott: That's true. That is a great point. Come on down here. Sit down on that couch and be amongst friends, and we're not gonna think about all your stuff being destroyed.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: First name is Tom.
Jan: No, no, no. No names. No names, no rhyme no soundalikes.
Michael Scott: All right, okay. You're getting into my head!
Michael Scott: First name is blank, and he goes on a cruise. He goes on a Caribbean cruise.
Angela: I don't know.
Jim: Katie Holmes.
Michael Scott: No, but he's married to her!
Jim: Oh, Dawson's Creek.
Michael Scott: Come on! No, no, I'm gonna pass. I'm gonna pass.

Quote from Jim

Michael Scott: Oh, okay! Rhymes with Parnold Schporzenegger.
Jan: No rhyming!
Jim: Not really a rhyme.
Angela: Another clue!
Michael Scott: Okay, he's the governor of California. He is the Terminator.
Angela: Those aren't helpful.
Jim: Tom Cruise!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: So I spend most of my time right here. Have a hand. So, Jim, I noticed you checking out Jan's candles.
Jim: Oh, no, she just put it in front of my face.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Did you know that candles are the number one fastest-growing product in the scent aroma market? $2 billion a year industry. And for only $10,000, you could become a co-owner of "Serenity by Jan." What do you think about that?
Andy: Thought about it. I'm in.
Jim: I'm sorry, are you really trying to get us to invest in Jan's company?
Michael Scott: I'm sorry.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jan: Fine. Whatever you want. Just like always. Whatever you want.
Michael Scott: Whatever I want? It's never whatever I want.
Jan: It's fine, Michael.
Michael Scott: When I wanted to see Stop and you wanted to see Wicked, what did we see?
Jan: We saw Wic-
Michael Scott: When I said that I wanted to have kids, and you said that you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do? And then, when you said that you might wanna have kids, and I wasn't so sure, who had the vasectomy reversed? And when you said you definitely didn't want to have kids? Who had it reversed back? Snip, snap! Snip, snap! Snip, snap! I did!
Jan: Okay.
Michael Scott: You have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person! And I bought this condo to fill with children.
Jan: I am so sorry that I don't want to bring kids into this screwed-up world. Okay? But look-
Michael Scott: I'm sorry too.
Jan: If you want to have kids, then fine, you win. Let's have a [beep] kid!
Michael Scott: Do you mean it? You wanna have a kid?
Jan: I hate my life.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Hmm. Great turkey leg.
Jan: [sobbing] Okay, I'm just gonna check on dinner.
Dwight K. Schrute: Angela, would you like some of my beet salad?
Angela: I hate beet salad.
Dwight's babysitter: It's actually really good.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey, hey, hey! I know you love beet salad. I've seen you eat it many times.
Angela: The thought of popping one of your beets into my mouth makes me want to vomit.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: So... How do you guys know each other?
Dwight's babysitter: I was his babysitter.
Pam: And now you guys are dating?
Dwight K. Schrute: It's purely carnal, that's all you need to know.
Jim: Would you write down your email? Because I have just so many questions.
Dwight's babysitter: Email?
Jim: Never mind.

Quote from Michael Scott

Dwight K. Schrute: Michael, what time should I be arriving?
Michael Scott: Dwight, it's couples only. And besides, I only have six wine glasses. So it will be me and Jan, and Pam and Jim. And Angela and Andy.
Andy: Hey-O!

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Does it bother me that I wasn't invited to Michael's dinner party? [sobbing]

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: So what have you been doing?
Jim: Let's see, since I saw you an hour ago?
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Jim: I have been getting ready, and then driving over here. So..
Michael Scott: Well, we've been doing pretty much the same thing.
Jim: Really?
Michael Scott: Except driving.

Quote from Jan

Pam: We- We got you this.
Jan: Oh, well, Pam, thank you. This will be great to cook with.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Well, have a seat, or come on in or- I don't know, make yourself to home. This is our casa.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jan: Smell.
Jim: It's fire.
Michael Scott: Bond.
Jan: Bonfire. Men love this one.
Michael Scott: James Bond fire! I am Bond fire, James Bond fire. Michael Scott!

Quote from Jan

Jan: When I get frustrated, or irritated or angry, I come up here and I just smell all my candles! And it just goes away.
Jim: Just like that.
Jan: Just like that.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jim: Well, I saw- Oh, your Dundies. I'm surprised they're not out on a coffee table for everybody to see.
Jan: Well, it was between the neon beer sign and the Dundies, so I said, "Honey, keep the trophies."
Michael Scott: Oh, honey, I have the best trophy right here. Aside from my Dundies.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Tuna! What's up, Tuna? We gonna have some tuna for dinner? I bet you're sick of tuna, right? You probably tuna every night.
Jim: All right.
Andy: Tuna.

Quote from Angela

Andy: These are for you.
Jan: Oh, how thoughtful.
Michael Scott: Very nice.
Andy: Except for one flower, which is for my flower.
Angela: What am I supposed to do with this?

Quote from Jan

Jan: So music? Should we turn some music?
Michael Scott: That sounds good.
Jan: So do you guys remember my old assistant, Hunter? He is an excellent song writer. Wait until you hear this.
Okay, here we go.
Hunter: [singing on CD] You took me by the hand Just made me a man That one night You made everything all right So raw, So right All night, all right Oh yeah! So raw, so right, All night, all right Oh yeah!
[Jan starts dancing, slapping her behind, then holding Jim's hand before settling in with Michael]

Quote from Jan

Michael Scott: You know what? Hunter was a terrible assistant. That's probably why Ryan fired him.
Jan: Well, he's probably just as reliable as Pam, being that it usually takes you an afternoon to get back to me.
Angela: Sometimes I think she holds on to faxes.

Quote from Andy

Jan: Cow.
Andy: No, it's a hump. There's a hump.
Jan: Joe Camel.
Andy: Yes! Okay, yes. First name of that animal, and the second name is the state where Helena is the capital.
Pam: Montana. Joe Montana?
Angela: Yes! Yes!
Michael Scott: Time's up!
Pam: Why don't say 49ers quarterbacks?

Quote from Jan

Jan: Babe, can you just, like, really- You're just, like, really-
Michael Scott: What? What?
Jan: Could you just simmer down?
Michael Scott: I'm just making people laugh.
Jan: No.
Michael Scott: Yes, I was watching Jim's face.
Jan: I was watching Jim.
Michael Scott: And he was laughing.
Jan: No smile.
Michael Scott: Look at him. He's laughing.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jan: I'm so, so sorry for the temperature in here. The, um sliding glass door shattered. So... It's actually a really cute story. Do you wanna tell it, babe or should I tell it?
Michael Scott: I don't like that story, babe.
Jan: Come on! It's a cute story. Michael ran through the sliding glass door because he thought he heard the ice cream truck. [laughing]
Michael Scott: Stop. Stop it! I mean, I like ice cream, okay? Sue me. Oh, no, don't. I shouldn't say that jokingly because she will sue me. She loves to sue. She loves lawsuits. You know, honey, that door was extremely clean and it looked invisible.
Jan: You are so right. You are so right! Because before I lived here, the glass was always covered in smudges. And I moved in and I cleaned it, so I guess that makes me the devil.
Michael Scott: [laughing] You are! She is! She is the devil! I'm in hell! Argh! I'm burning. Help me.

Quote from Jan

Angela: So you keep a very tidy house.
Jan: You should see our bathroom after Michael takes a bath. Whoo! But I don't need to tell you, Pam.
Pam: Oh, yeah... What?
Jan: Oh, don't tell me that he's really changed since you guys dated.
Pam: Oh, are you joking?
Jan: Michael told me a little bit about it, but I see the way you look at him.
Pam: I have never, ever dated or wanted to do anything resembling dating Michael, ever. Not ever, not now, not then, not now, not ever, ever.
Angela: I've noticed how you look at him at the office.
Jan: Uh-huh.

Quote from Michael Scott

Dwight K. Schrute: Hello.
Jan: What are you doing here?
Dwight K. Schrute: We came here to eat dinner and to party. This is a dinner party, right?
Pam: Awesome!
Dwight K. Schrute: What is he doing here?
Angela: Yes, what are you doing here?
Michael Scott: Dwight is friend.
Dwight's babysitter: We weren't invited?
Michael Scott: You said that I could not invite Dwight because he was not part of a couple, and because we didn't have enough wine glasses. Dwight brought glasses and a person.

Quote from Michael Scott

[After Michael dips his forkful of food into his wine glass]
Jan: Can you not do that? It's disgusting.
Michael Scott: You know I have soft teeth. How could you say that?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Jan thinks Hunter is very talented. You know what? I don't think he's that good.
Jan: At least he's an artist.
Michael Scott: B.F.D., I'm a screenwriter.
Jan: And I'm a candle maker, but you don't hear me braggin' about it!
Michael Scott: No, all you do is you get me to try to work on my rich friends.
Jan: For an investment opportunity!
Michael Scott: Man, I would love to burn your candles!
Jan: You burn it, you buy it!
Michael Scott: Oh, good, I'll be your first customer!
Jan: You're hardly my first.
Michael Scott: That's what she said!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: That is a $200 plasma screen TV that you just killed! Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year salary plus benefits, babe!
Dwight's babysitter: I'm gonna get going.
Dwight K. Schrute: Fine, get out of here.
Jim: It's getting late.
Michael Scott: You know what, she'll be out of the bathroom soon.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jim: Of course.
Dwight K. Schrute: Get out of my way. I'll take care of this. Okay, what seems to be the problem, officers?
Officer #1: Not now, Dwight. We got a call about a disturbance?
Michael Scott: No. Nope. Nothing disturbing here. Just a couple of friends having an awesome dinner party.
Officer #2: Your neighbors said they heard some shouting.
Michael Scott: Yes, there was screaming, but... My girlfriend threw a Dundie at my TV. A plasma.
Officer #1: You want to press charges?
Michael Scott: Would she get into trouble?
Officer #1: Yeah, she'd be charged.
Michael Scott: I will take the fall. I did it.
Officer #2: You don't have to press charges. You could just try to be more quiet.

Quote from Jim

Jan: Michael! Michael! What what are you doing to him?
Officer #1: Sir, do you have any other place you could stay? Maybe with one of your friends here?
Dwight K. Schrute: Michael can come home with me.
Michael Scott: Jim, Pam?
Jim: Oh, my apartment's on fire.
Pam: [whispers] Flooded.
Jim: Flooded.

Quote from Michael Scott

Dwight K. Schrute: You people! Come on, you're sleeping with me.
Michael Scott: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm gonna take you home, Michael.
Michael Scott: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: Come with me.
Michael Scott: All right.
Jan: Bye, babe!

Quote from Jim

Pam: This is the best burger I've ever had, babe.
Jim: Babe, I should have told you, but I did something bad. I stole this. [holding up Hunter's CD] For you, babe. [starts playing Hunter's CD]
Pam: [singing] One Night.
Jim: I love that.


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