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‘Dwight's Speech’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Office: Dwight's Speech

217. Dwight's Speech

Aired March 2, 2006

Dwight is nervous about giving a speech at a convention honoring the best salespeople. Meanwhile, Jim ponders taking a trip to get away from things.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: No revolution is worth anything unless it can [pounds the podium] defend [pounds] itself! Some people will tell you "salesman" is a bad word. They'll conjure up images of used car dealers and door-to-door charlatans. This is our duty to change their perception. I say, salesmen and women of the world, unite! We must never acquiesce, for it is together- Together that we prevail! We must never cede control of the motherland! For it is...
All: Together that we prevail!
[As Dwight receives a standing ovation, he repeatedly pounds the podium with his fist]

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Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: All right, Dwight Schrute, everyone. Good luck, that is a tough crowd.
Dwight K. Schrute: [breathing heavily, clearing throat, pounding the podium with his fists] Blood alone moves the wheels of history! Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation, which everyone finds during the day, how long we have been striving for greatness? [pounds podium] Not only the years we've been at war, the war of work, but from the moment, as a child, when we realized that the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime struggle, [pounds] a never-ending fight! I say to you, [pounds] and you will understand, that it is a privilege to fight! [applause] We are warriors! Salesmen of Northeastern Pennsylvania, I ask you [pounds], once more rise and be worthy of this historical hour! [laughs] Yeah! Yeah!

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: This is karma because of what he did to Jennifer Aniston.

Quote from Jim

Jim: You know, I majored in Public Speaking in college.
Dwight K. Schrute: You did?
Jim: Mmm-hmm. And the first thing that they teach you is that you've gotta be true to yourself. And you are all about authority.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes. I am.
Jim: The great speakers throughout history were not joke tellers, they were people of passion. So, if you wanna do well today, you gotta do what they did.
Dwight K. Schrute: Which is?
Jim: You've gotta wave your arms, and you've gotta pound your fists many times. You're supposed to emphasize your point.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Okay, I didn't actually major in Public Speaking. But I did download speeches from some of history's famous dictators. Like this one, originally given by Benito Mussolini.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: When I was in the sixth grade, I was a finalist in our school spelling bee. It was me against Raj Patel. And I misspelled in front of the entire school the word "failure."

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Excuse me! May I have your attention, please? There has been an accident on 84 West. Cars have skidded off the road into the safety railing. Several cars have flipped, there is broken glass everywhere, several people are injured.
Pam: Do we know anyone who was in the accident?
Dwight K. Schrute: Brad Pitt. Also, there will be no bonuses.
Stanley: Why would this affect our bonuses?
Dwight K. Schrute: They're unrelated.
Kelly: Is Brad okay?
Dwight K. Schrute: He will never act again. Also, this branch is closing.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: Dwight, if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Dwight K. Schrute: I can travel anywhere, except Cuba, and I will travel to New Zealand and walk The Lord of the Rings trail to Mordor, and then I will hike Mount Doom. So now, just leave me alone.

Quote from Jim

Pam: Australia? I have always wanted to go there.
Jim: I'm going. I'm a little nervous to run into Dwight on his connecting flight to Mordor, but, other than that- Yeah, I bought the ticket, non-refundable.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You would not believe what happened here.
Dwight K. Schrute: What? Something happened?
Michael Scott: Oh, this woman came in, sat down, ordered a drink. The bartender asked for her ID, which I thought was odd, because I pegged her at, like, 35.
Dwight K. Schrute: Weird.
Michael Scott: Yeah, really weird. So, she's like, "I don't have my ID, please give me one." And he's, like, "I can't do that. I can't serve you."
Dwight K. Schrute: Con artist.
Michael Scott: She might have been. So she says, "Fine. I will go to my room, I will get my purse, I will come back, I'll show you my ID." She hasn't come back yet. She's probably in the room, drinking from the mini bar. Right?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: That's what she said.
Dwight K. Schrute: [laughs] I don't get it.
Michael Scott: Grapes, seductive.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, they're having a sale on TiVo. Maybe I should get a TiVo. Ooh, DVD burner. Maybe I should get one of those. You are so lucky, Jim. You're so lucky you don't have this problem. What was the ninth-place prize again? A loaf of bread?
Jim: A Cugino's Pizza.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, great. Tasty, terrific pizza. Question: Do their pizzas play DVDs?

Quote from Jim

Jim: Dwight was the top salesman of the year at our company. He wins a little prize money and gets honored at some convention. It is literally the highest possible honor that a Northeastern Pennsylvania-based mid-sized paper company regional salesman can attain. So...

Quote from Pam

Pam: I have a ton of stuff to do for the wedding. And I have to do it in the office. And that can be kind of awkward. Just because people can get all weird about wedding stuff and I just- I don't want to offend Angela or someone.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Speaker at the sales convention. Been there, done that. Went there again, did it again. Two years in a row. Consecutive. I just I miss the feeling of knowing that you did a good job because somebody gives you proof of it. "Sir, you're awesome. Here's a plaque. " What, a whole year has gone by and you need more proof? "Here's a certificate." They stopped making plaques that year.

Quote from Michael Scott

Dwight K. Schrute: I can't do this.
Michael Scott: That's because you're incapable of doing it, because you don't know how, because you have no skills. Dwight, there's no way I can possibly teach you what you need to know about public speaking by speech time.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, okay. But I can teach you enough so that you don't embarrass me or the company.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, deal. I'll do whatever you say, no questions asked.
Michael Scott: Well, if you have a question, you should ask me.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'll try and think of one. When-
Michael Scott: Don't try to think of a question to humor me. Just try not to be such an idiot.
Dwight K. Schrute: Is that an insult, or is that part of the public speaking advice?
Michael Scott: Insult.

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