[Andy, Angela, Phyllis, Ryan and Kelly watch a video on Oscar's computer of the Cookie Monster from Sesame Street]
Cookie Monster: [Kevin's voice] Oscar, Toby said he left my Girl Scout cookies on my chair. Have you seen them? Wait I'm sitting on them. [all laugh]
Andy: This is awesome!
Oscar: Thank you. It didn't even take that long.
Cookie Monster: [Kevin's voice] What's the difference between a chimichanga, a chalupa, and a tostada? Call me back ASAP. It's urgent.
Kevin: This isn't funny. I don't talk like that.
Phyllis: Say "Me eat cookie."
Kevin: No. I won't say it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Why is everyone clumped around accounting? Break it up, you clique.
Ryan: It's Kevin as Cookie Monster from Sesame Street.
Dwight K. Schrute: Is that the program where all those puppets live in the barrio?
Phyllis: Mm-hmm.
Dwight K. Schrute: I love that show.
Cookie Monster: [Kevin's voice] This is Kevin. This is Kevin.
Ryan: Good work, buddy.
Oscar: Thank you.
Dwight K. Schrute: That is an amusing link. I'd like it sent to me, please.
Oscar: Yes.
Kelly: Me, too Oscar.
Ryan: C.C. me.
Kevin: Angela, this is inappropriate.
Angela: This is my favorite day.

Pam: Ooh. Ah-ah-ah. Ha-ha.
Jim: What's up?
Dwight K. Schrute: Her milk is coming in. She's getting uncomfortable.
Jim: Dwight, don't be gross.
Pam: No, no, he's right.
Dwight K. Schrute: Same thing happens with my cows if I don't tend them frequently enough. You gotta milk them, or else they'll moo like crazy.
Pam: That's weird, my breast pump is missing. Have you seen my breast pump?
Dwight K. Schrute: [removes jacket, applies hand sanitizer] All right, this is gonna traumatize me a hell of a lot more than you, believe me.
Pam: You know what, Dwight? Let me just check the bathroom first. Okay?
Dwight K. Schrute: Really? Fine. Let your breasts explode. Three squeezes and I would drain you.

Michael Scott: You know what, I wouldn't worry about Angela. She doesn't hold a candle to you, Erin. She's old enough to be your mom for one thing. And she's, like, three feet tall. And she wears pioneer women clothing. And I don't think she's ever pooped in her life. And Andy, you know, come on. Andy, his butt looks big in those khakis.

Erin: And then my last job was at a Taco Bell express. But then it became a full Taco Bell, and I don't know, I couldn't keep up. My favorite part about being a receptionist is that I get to have my own desk. In my foster home I never had a desk. So it's like... I don't mean that I didn't like my foster home. I did like it. I just didn't have a desk there. Did you have a favorite age? Or month?
Michael Scott: An age or month?
Erin: Yeah, like a favorite month. Like I like April when I was seven.

Andy: It's Secretary's Day. And it is Erin's and my three-week anniversary. So perfect storm for a romantic gesture. Want to make sure the whole office remembers it's Secretary's Day. I sent an e-mail blast, a text blast, a good, old-fashioned talk blast. I sent a snail mail blast a week ago. And a stern reminder via fax at 7:05 this morning, so people better step up and appreciate the crap out of Erin. I do. If it wasn't for secretaries, I wouldn't have a stepmom.

Kevin: They're making fun of Cookie Monster. I get that. But in a strange way, it feels like they're making fun of me.

Gabe: The beginning here has been a little bit of a fiasco. Either they don't respect me or they respect me too much. And some of them still think that I'm the I.T. guy. This Cookie Monster thing is an opportunity to show people that I'm an authority figure. [nervous silence]

Pam: It's my first day back after maternity leave. And I miss Cece, of course. But we need the money. What was maternity leave like? Oh, how do I explain it?... It rocked. It rocked my ass off.

Pam: [picking up a wilting plant on her desk] Oh. You couldn't have watered it?
Jim: I literally did not know that existed until this moment.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, I knew it existed, and I chose to let it die.
Pam: It's nice to see you again, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hello, Pam.

Meredith: Have a cookie, Kev.
Kevin: Yeah, ha ha. Tray of cookies. I'm not falling for that.
Darryl: I brought those in. It's my birthday. That's some stone-cold narcissism right there.
Kevin: Man, Darryl, I'm sorry. Happy Birthday.
Darryl: Thank you. [while Kevin eats a cookie, as Cookie Monster] Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.