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‘The Delivery’ Quotes Page 1 of 8    

The Office: The Delivery

617. The Delivery

Aired March 4, 2010

When Pam's contractions start at the office, she vows not to leave for the hospital until midnight. As the contractions get closer and Pam is still unwilling to go, Jim realizes she's afraid of giving birth. Meanwhile, Dwight seeks out Angela for a "business" proposal.

Later, with Pam and Jim at the hospital, Dwight does some renovation work on their house, and Michael attempts to play matchmaker at the office.

Quote from Kevin

Pam: Kevin, you're such a gourmand.
Kevin: I cooked my way through Julia Childs' cookbook, and now, I'm halfway through the Twilight cookbook. Last night, I had Edward's corn flake chicken.
Pam: Hmm.
[aside to camera:]
Kevin: Pregnant Pam and I, we get hungry at the same times, so we've been eating together a lot. Not all meals. Just second breakfast, lunch, second lunch, and first dinner.

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Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Yesterday, I was dispatched to Jim and Pam's house to find Pam's iPod. I searched everywhere, but I didn't find it. What I did find, was mold, and lots of it. So, I did what anyone would do. Read a book, had a bath, I got a good night's sleep, and I made plans to eradicate it. I also made plans to ask Jim where he bought his marvelous sheets. Time to get to work.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Guys, word of advice. Speaking as a former baby. Don't get too hung up on baby names. I was named Walter Jr. after my father until I was about six or so, when my parents changed their minds.
Erin: I thought you said your younger brother was named Walter Jr.
Andy: My brother was born, and my parents felt he better exemplified the Walter Jr. name, so they gave it to him. I was given Andrew, which they got out of a baby name book.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I love escorting people. In fact, a few years back, I put an ad in the paper starting an escort service. I got a lot of responses. Mostly creeps. Made a few friends.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Acceptable names include and are limited to: Ebenezer.
Angela: Jedediah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Jonas.
Angela: Jedediah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Warf.
Angela: No Star Trek names.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay. Fine.
Angela: What if it's a girl?
Dwight K. Schrute: Irrelevant question. Section 5A, child shall be male.
Angela: Hey. Uh-uh. I cannot control that. You can't put that in here.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes you can.
Angela: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's as simple as keeping the womb extremely warm for two days after sex, and then extremely cold for five months.
Angela: Absolutely not.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Pam: [on the phone] I just wanted to check and see if there's anything you needed before I went on my maternity leave. Yeah, I'm pregnant. Great, well, I'll write up the order. Okay, thanks.
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait a minute! You can't do that. You cannot exploit your baby for sales.
Jim: [on the phone] Hey, did I tell you we were going to have a baby? Oh, thank you very much. I'm excited. Oh, definitely.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, no! You need to come by your sales honorably.
Pam: There is nothing dishonorable about talking about your life. People like it.
Dwight K. Schrute: [later, on the phone] Hey there. Dwight Schrute here. Listen, uh, would you be interested in restocking on paper? Yeah, I could sure use the money. My cousin, uh, came down with a case of that nasty new goat fungus. Oh, it's just horrific. The doctor says he'd never seen it beard so quickly. Okay.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: I need a baby. I'll never outsell Jim and Pam without one. Also, I've been noticing a gaping hole in my life. Sometimes I wake up cradling a gourd.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Angela: Good afternoon.
Dwight K. Schrute: Have a seat.
Angela: What is this?
Dwight K. Schrute: Before we conceive a child, uh, it is important that we bang out a parenting contract.
Angela: Of course.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's been a long time since we've come down here separately.
Angela: You know I was thinking...
Dwight K. Schrute: Now, then. Let's get to it, shall we? Item one: [speaking into a voice recorder] Child will be breast fed by the mother for exactly six months, then weaned onto a nutrient-rich winter vegetable mash provided by the father, Dwight Schrute, hereafter referred to as Morpheus. Agreed?
Angela: Agreed.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: There she sat. Her name was Pam. She was a receptionist. She was engaged to an animal. There sat Jim. He was a gawky, tall salesman. The odds of them getting together were insur-mountain-able. I made a family! I got these two together, and I made a family.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: I got it! I got it! Everybody it's go time! At your stations. Stanley, man the phones. Meredith, please, get bottled water. Erin, call an ambulance, please!
Dwight K. Schrute: No, no, no. Ambulances are emergencies only. You call an ambulance, I call the cops.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Why was I hiding behind the plant? Ha, well, in college, I took a botany class, and there was lots of drama in that class. Uh, kids would gossip about me, so I would eavesdrop on them by hiding behind different plants in the botany class. And then, uh, they would say things like "Oh, this guy's going to fail this class," or, "What's this guy doing spying on us from behind plants?" And then I would jump out of them and confront them, and be like, "Oh, you think all I do is hide behind plants and spy on people? Busted." Oh, the reason? The reason I was hiding behind that plant in this situation was that I thought that Erin and Kevin were kind of hitting it off, and I was jealous.

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