‘The Boat’
Season 9, Episode 6 - Aired November 8, 2012
Andy is dealing with his family's financial troubles well, until it comes time to sell the family boat. Meanwhile, Nellie, Jim and Pam have fun with Dwight when he's supposed to give a radio interview.
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Dwight K. Schrute: [wagging tongue for voice exercises] blah blah blah. Greta the tittle-tattle prattled on about the little metal bottle. She spat a bit of spittle on the moth that bit the cattle in a bitter battle. Hey, hey! Stop questioning my methods, okay? I was chosen for this task for a very good reason.
Jim: No, you chose yourself.
Dwight K. Schrute: Tricky Siskel spat a bit of wicked biscuit....
Quote from Creed
Pam: [on the phone] Oh, great! Yeah, um, I'll get right back to you. [hangs up] Hey, guys. Anyone ever heard of Iris Black on the radio?
Creed: Yeah, she hosts the Dr. Laura Show.
Pam: Nope, that's Dr. Laura.
Quote from Nellie
Dwight K. Schrute: [on the phone] Iris, let me tell you. David Wallace is the CEO, but he's not hands on.
Nellie: [as Iris] So the day-to-day operations are entirely under your command?
Dwight K. Schrute: Entirely is the perfect way to describe it, Iris.
Nellie: Uh, excuse me. [reading card held up by Jim] I'm being told by my sound engineer, Steve, that uh there is a clinking sound coming from your end. Does your shirt have buttons?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes..?
Nellie: I'm so sorry we're going to have to ask you to remove the shirt all together.
Dwight K. Schrute: [shirtless] Now then, we were saying. When my workers-gather-
Nellie: Oh, I'm so sorry. I am told we are still having problems, Mr. Schrute. Your voice, it's sounding a little feminine.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's impossible.
Nellie: Are you by any chance wearing pants with a metallic zipper?
Quote from Andy
Andy: Are the 'Nard's hurting? Yeah, you bet. Got kicked pretty hard. Family shattered, super sad. But, I'm kinda crushing it in the damage control department. So, that's cool. I wish my dad could see me now. Of course he caused this whole mess, so, [bleep] him.
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Pam: Well, her show, Biz Whiz, wants someone from Dunder Mifflin to come on the air today. Does anybody feel particularly passionate about local business issues? [Dwight raises hand]
Dwight K. Schrute: I do. I do. I do. I do. I do.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: The media can make you famous. And do you have any idea how easy it is to sell something when you're famous? "Uh, yeah wow. 10 reams of 40 pound bond at only $690 after discount? Um, whatever you say, Brad Pitt." It's that easy.
Quote from Kevin
Angela: The Senator is exhausted. This campaign is wearing him out.
Oscar: That's a tough one.
Angela: That man he's up against is so dirty. And the senator's just pushing back as hard as he can.
Kevin: Please, stop.
Angela: What?
Kevin: Please, stop.
Angela: Anyways, last night he was tired and just wanted a little Mexican brought in. [Kevin laughs]
Kevin: [getting up to leave] I can't, it's too much! [laughing]
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: I'm in big trouble.
[also to camera:]
Kevin: Yeah, Oscar's in big trouble.
Quote from Nellie
Jim: What the heck is going on?! The stock price is plummeting! Are you gonna take control of the message or do I have to send in someone who understands the media?!
Dwight K. Schrute: Get out of here moron! [Jim leaves]
Nellie: Excuse me, Mr. Dwight, who are you talking to?
Dwight K. Schrute: Uh, no one.
Nellie: Did you just call Ms. Mick a moron?
Dwight K. Schrute: No, everything's fine.
Nellie: Are you insulting my guests?
Dwight K. Schrute: [chokes up]
Quote from Nellie
Nellie: [as Iris] The fallout from this morning's revelation continues to mount, since Mr. Dwight Schrute began speaking, Dunder Mifflin share prices fell 73%. Mr. Schrute, shareholders demand accountability from corporate leadership. Can we announce your resignation at this time?
Dwight K. Schrute: [on the phone] My resignation? What are you talking about? No! I was just following orders! Listen, the person responsible for this catastrophe is the CEO and chairman, David Wallace!
Quote from Oscar
Oscar: [to camera crew] Can you guys come with me for a minute?
[later:]
Oscar: I know you saw me with the Senator. I think I'm in love, possibly for the first time. So yes, Senator Lipton and I are having an affair. I hope that I can count on your sensitivity, maturity and discretion. [turns to see Kevin, who looks shocked and drops his ice cream] Why?
Quote from Andy
Pam: Andy's family had a total meltdown. His dad blew through all their money and took off to Argentina with a younger woman.
Jim: And his brother, Walt Jr., locked himself in the wine cellar.
Pam: The weirdest part is Andy. The aftermath got dumped on him and the way he's been handling it is just so...
Jim: Competent.
Pam: Right?