Oscar Martinez Quotes Page 1 of 8

Quote from Gay Witch Hunt

Oscar: I was going to quit, but Jan offered me a three-month, paid vacation and a company car. All I had to do was sign something saying I won't sue. Gil and I are going to Europe. Kids, sometimes it pays to be gay.

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Quote from New Guys

Angela: Oscar. Oscar, will you take him?
Oscar: No, I'm a dog person.
Angela: If you pray enough, you can change yourself into a cat person.
Oscar: Those guys always turn back, Angela.

Quote from A.A.R.M.

Oscar: I can't believe the doc is finally going to air. When this thing started, I was still having sex with women. As was Kevin, I believe.

Quote from Search Committee

Angela: Then I saw flashes. Reporters were there. They always find us. And everyone was crying, even his aide.
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: Angela's engaged to a gay man. As a gay man, I'm horrified. As a friend of Angela's, horrified. As a lover of elegant weddings, I'm a little excited. But overall, horrified.

Quote from Last Day in Florida

Phyllis: If Dwight's not coming back, does that mean we can open his treasure?
Oscar: You guys, we've gone over this, there is no treasure.
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: When the team left for Tallahassee, Dwight told everyone not to touch his treasure. Obviously he wants us to obsess about it. There's nothing in there. Which is obviously what he would want us to think, making it the perfect place to hide a treasure. Oh god, I'm Wallace Shawn in The Princess Bride.

Quote from Jury Duty

Andy: So, what did you bring?
Oscar: Oh yeah, I don't know if it's right, but-
Senator Lipton: Well, if it's anything like that gorgeous wrapping paper, you hit it out of the park.
Angela: Aw, preemie pajamas!
Oscar: Again, it may not be the right size. I can return-
Angela: No, I think he came early just so he could wear these. Thank you.
Kevin: I got Little Kevin "Call of Duty".
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: This baby is clearly not premature. They're lying about the date it was conceived. It's very interesting. And her husband's gay. I don't even know which thread to follow.

Quote from Shareholder Meeting

Oscar: The Dunder Mifflin stock symbol is DMI. Do you know what that stands for? Dummies, morons and idiots. Because that's what you'd have to be to own it. And, as one of those idiots, I believe the board owes me answers.

Quote from Goodbye, Toby

Oscar: Well, this is what happened. Ryan's big project was the web site, which wasn't doing so well. So Ryan, to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice. Once as office sales, and once as web site sales. Which is what we refer to in the business as misleading the shareholders. Another good term is fraud. The real crime, I think, was the beard.

Quote from Mafia

Oscar: Okay, who else is here? [to camera:] Pam and Jim are on their honeymoon, so there's not the usual balance between sane and others. Toby has mentally checked out since June. It's a very dangerous time. The coalition for reason is extremely weak.

Quote from The List

Oscar: Planking is a very stupid and dangerous trend. Basically, you lie like a plank in weird places. That's it. Sometimes you get run over. Welcome to the Internet.

Quote from The Target

Oscar: Yesterday, Angela may or may not have figured out [glances behind] that I'm having an affair with her husband. So I just have to wait and see. When she comes in, if she's cold and awkward and cruel to me, then great, it's business as usual.

Quote from Finale

Oscar: You take something ordinary, like a piece of paper. It's not much. But if you see it in the right way... And that's what you did with this documentary. But seriously, you made a nine-year documentary and you couldn't once show me doing my origami.

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