Pete: Nicely done. Very nicely done. All right, this next one goes to Darryl for pocket dialing a customer while having sex.
Nellie: Oh, you salty dog.
Darryl: Well, yeah, what can I say, a player's gotta play.
Pete: There you go.
[aside to camera:]
Darryl: Actually, that was the sound of me eating spaghetti. But I'm gonna let them think the other thing.

Oscar: Yesterday, Angela may or may not have figured out [glances behind] that I'm having an affair with her husband. So I just have to wait and see. When she comes in, if she's cold and awkward and cruel to me, then great, it's business as usual.

Pam: If you're an artist, you have to be okay with the idea that you can't please everybody all the time.
Hide: You paint very bad!
Pam: Shut up, Hide! I mean, do you think Kevin cares what people think about him? Or Creed or Meredith? Oh my gosh, these are my role models now. You know what? I'm okay with that.

Pete: One of my jobs is to input customer complaints into the computer. And when they're in, I fill out one of these cards. But the information's already on the computer, so why am I filling out the card? I asked Andy, and he told me to "chillax," and then went away on a big, long boat ride. So here we are. Don't give me a pointless office chore, because I will build a little paper house. Fight the power.

Pam: I could get us a complaint.
Meredith: You? Little Miss Priss? You wouldn't fart on a butterfly.
Pam: No, I wouldn't. I can't even relate to that impulse. But I bet I could get us a customer complaint. I'd like to try.

Dwight K. Schrute: You can't have someone murdered.
Angela: What if they deserved it?
Dwight K. Schrute: What did they do to you, Angela?
Angela: They're sleeping with my husband.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, monkey. Oh, I feel for you.
Trevor: This seems a little crazy.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes. Crazy. Thank you.
Trevor: But I think I'm up for it.
Dwight K. Schrute: No! No!
Angela: Thank you.
Dwight K. Schrute: Absolutely not. There are a lot of different ways to get revenge. I've had great success by defecating in a paper bag, put it on the porch...
Trevor: That's very effective. I've been on the receiving end of that quite a few times. It's devastating.

Oscar: Good morning. [clears throat]
Angela: Oscar? [sighs] Can I ask you a question?
Oscar: [soflty] Of course, ask me a que- questions.
Angela: Is it cool in here to you?
Oscar: [hoarsely] Yes, a little bit. [normal voice] Yes.
Angela: I think the thermostat is acting up again.
Oscar: It's the stupid thermostat! That thing is a catastrophe. So I'm gonna, um, on your suggestion, get someone to fix it. I'll just go downstairs.
Angela: Thank you.
Oscar: No, thank you, Angela.
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: She doesn't know. I shouldn't be surprised. This is a woman who married a man who is obviously a homosexual. [Angela appears in the window behind Oscar, giving him evils, while holding a long pair of scissors] Basically, she has her head in the sand. In a way I feel sorry for her. I guess the universe rewards true love.

Trevor: Is it safe to talk?
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, this documentary crew has been following our every move for the past nine years, but I don't see them so I think we're good.
Angela: So, what are your credentials?
Trevor: I started following people around to get exercise. Turns out, I'm damn good at it.
Angela: Do you have a gun?
Dwight K. Schrute: [snickers] Does he own a gun? Show her.
Trevor: You tell me.
Angela: What is this?
Trevor: It's the receipt for my gun.
Angela: You don't carry it with you?
Trevor: Read the receipt. That's a $300 gun. Someone could steal it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Do you have any idea how many guns Trevor's had stolen from him?
Trevor: Now I keep it in a safe.
Dwight K. Schrute: Mm-hmm. Good safe?
Trevor: Oh, you tell me. [shows Dwight receipt]
Dwight K. Schrute: Wow!

Pam: I guess if I make a mistake, I can just paint over it with a shrub or something. It's just, I think less of paintings with a lot of shrubs. So, I'm gonna limit myself to one shrub.

Pete: This next card comes to us thanks to Meredith Palmer, who called Eastern Pennsylvania Seminary a, quote, "sausage factory".