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‘Beach Games’ Quotes

The Office: Beach Games

323. Beach Games

Aired May 10, 2007

After Michael is invited to apply for a job at Corporate, he decides to use the annual office beach trip to find a worthy successor for his role.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Jim Halpert. Pros: Smart, cool, good-looking. Remind you of anybody you know? Cons: Not a hard worker. I can spend all day on a project, and he will finish the same project in a half an hour.

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Quote from Stanley

Stanley: Do you expect me to believe that you're truly making your recommendations on this basis?
Michael Scott: Word. Here we go. Let's see it.
[aside to camera:]
Stanley: I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than work for somebody else in this office besides myself. Game on!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: What happens to a company if somebody takes a boss away? I will answer your question with a question. It's like what happens to a chicken when you take its head away. It dies. Unless you find a new head. I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Dwight is an obvious candidate for my job. He has the best sales record in the office. He loves the work. He is, however, an idiot.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Andy Bernard. Pros: He's classy, he gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him.

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: If either of these guys are put in charge of the office, I will transfer to Albany. Gil can come if he wants. I'm kind of looking for a way out of that relationship, anyway. I think I might try girls for a while. Angela thinks I can cross over. We'll see.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Hey. I wanna say something. I've been trying to be more honest lately, and I just need to say a few things.
I did the coal walk. Just- I did it. Michael, you couldn't even do that. Maybe I should be your boss. Wow, I feel really good right now. Why didn't any of you come to my art show? I invited all of you. That really sucked. It's like sometimes some of you act like I don't even exist. Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And now we're not even friends. And things are just, like, weird between us, and that sucks. And I miss you. You were my best friend before you went to Stamford. And I really miss you. I shouldn't have been with Roy. And there were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding. But the truth is, I didn't care about any of those reasons until I met you. And now you're with someone else. And that's fine. It's- Whatever. That's not what I'm- I'm not- Okay, my feet really hurt. The thing that I'm just trying to say to you, Jim, and to everyone else in the circle, I guess, is that I miss having fun with you. Just you, not everyone in the circle. Okay, I am gonna go walk in the water now.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: Yeah. It's a good day.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I am also considering Stanley because of all the good that black people have done for America.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Look, I don't- I don't wanna leave this branch that I love to an outside hire. Therefore, we're going to have a 100-point, winner-take-all, sudden death, Tribal Council round to test the aspect of my job that I think is the most important. Something I call the Bob Hope factor.
Kelly: Who's Bob Hope?
Michael Scott: God! He's- He's a comedian.
Kelly: Oh, like Amanda Bynes.
Michael Scott: Who's Amanda Bynes?
Kelly: She's from What a Girl Wants.
Michael Scott: Oh, I love that movie. Yes. Kelly is right. The person to replace me has to have a great sense of humor. And they have to possess the leadership qualities of a Bynes or a Hope.

Quote from Michael Scott

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, where does it hurt?
Michael Scott: Just- All over. I don't want to do anything. I'm dying.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, that's not how it works. You have to point to a specific part of the body.
Michael Scott: Right there.
Dwight K. Schrute: Abdomen. Menses.
Michael Scott: Maybe.
Dwight K. Schrute: "The uterus contracts after your egg passes through it."
Michael Scott: Not it, I don't have eggs.
Dwight K. Schrute: So when did this start?
Michael Scott: About 10 minutes ago. I don't-
Dwight K. Schrute: When I came in with the paperwork?

Quote from Pam

Pam: About 40 times a year, Michael gets really sick but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay. Everybody have their towels and swimsuits? We have about an hour and a half. I suggest that you all go potty now, and then we will be congregating on the party bus.

Quote from Meredith

Meredith: Oh, I'm excited. Today is Beach Day. Michael is taking the whole office to the beach. So I'm wearing my bathing suit underneath my shirt. [lifts shirt, is topless] Oh, yeah. I packed it in my purse.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: [singing] And the night got deathly quiet And his face lost all expression Said, "If you're gonna play the game, boy You gotta learn to play it right."
All: [singing] "You got to know when to hold 'em Know when to fold 'em Know when to walk away Know when to run You never count your money When you're sitting at the table There'll be time enough for counting When the dealing's done"

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Everybody, may I have your attention, please? Today, we are not just spending a day at the beach.
Stanley: Oh, sweet mother of God.
Michael Scott: If you don't like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus.
Stanley: Excuse me?
Michael Scott: Or the front of the bus or drive the bus.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: We are going to choose team names. Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: We will be called Gryffindor.
Jim: Really? Not Slytherin?
Dwight K. Schrute: Slytherin are the bad guys, Jim.
Jim: I know. Okay, we will be Voldemort.
Dwight K. Schrute: He Who Must Not Be Named? I wouldn't do that.
Jim: Voldemort. Voldemort.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, seriously-
Jim: Voldemort. Voldemort.
Dwight K. Schrute: You really shouldn't be saying Voldemort.

Quote from Stanley

Michael Scott: Stanley, your team name?
Stanley: I don't care what you call my team.
Michael Scott: Then I will name your team the Red Team.
Stanley: No, the Blue Team.

Quote from Stanley

Michael Scott: It is time for the great spoon and egg race. This one is with a little twist.
Stanley: There's already a twist, you're carrying an egg on a spoon.

Quote from Angela

Dwight K. Schrute: Sabotage.
Angela: What? What are you saying? Did you say sandwich?
Dwight K. Schrute: No. I was saying that before. Not now. Now I am saying sabotage. The ancient Dutch art of screwing up your own team.
Angela: I knew you were saying sabotage. I was giving you an example of it. I will misunderstand everything that Andy says until he goes insane.
Dwight K. Schrute: If Michael organizes some kind of group hug, stand next to me.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Oh, my God. I have never seen that look in a man's eyes, ever. I thought that I might die. On Beach Day.

Quote from Angela

Andy: Help. Help! Angela! Angela, hey. Oh, thank God. Go tell somebody.
Angela: What, Andy? Andy, what should I tell them?
Andy: Go tell them I'm floating away, obviously.
Angela: I don't understand what you want from me.
Andy: Angela, it's pretty simple. Look at what I'm doing and go tell somebody it!
Angela: Sorry! Bye, Andy!
Andy: Angela!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I knew that finding a successor would be difficult. I did not know that it would be impossible. Thus far the candidates have been wildly disappointing. Jim is not taking it seriously. Uh, Stanley is having a stroke. And Andy, where is he? Where the hell is Andy? Where is he, Pam? Do you know?

Quote from Jim

Karen: [on the phone] Hello? Yeah, hi, David. Yes, I would like to be considered for the corporate position in well.
Jim: "In well"?
Karen: As well.
Jim: How would that work, in well? I just want to know.
Karen: Yes. Wait a minute. That would be fine.
Jim: If this job is in a well, I don't want it. I don't.

Quote from Stanley

Michael Scott: What does a great manager need most of all? Courage.
Stanley: How so? I mean, sure thing. That sounds smart. I can't do this anymore. I'm going to sit in the bus.
Michael Scott: Your loss, Stanley.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay? This is about guts. It takes guts to be a regional manager. Jim, you're up.
Jim: Nope.
Michael Scott: Why not? Come on.
Jim: Oh, 'cause I don't want my feet to get burned.
Michael Scott: You do not have what it takes to be a regional manager.
Jim: That's harsh.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Hello? Who's there? My name is Andrew Bernard, I was with a group called Dunder Mifflin. Hello?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: No! It's okay. I will do this, Michael.
Michael Scott: Don't, Dwight-
Dwight K. Schrute: I will walk and stand on these coals until you award me the position of regional manager!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I just I don't see the connection between a fire walk and management.Worst $75 I ever spent. You know what? If I had to pick my replacement based on today, it would be Mr. Outside Hire.
Angela: Or Mrs. Outside Hire.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Uh-huh. True.

Quote from Andy

Andy: [all singing] Flintstones. Meet the Flintstones They're a modern stone age family From the town of Bedrock They're a page right out of history Let's ride with the family down the street Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet When you're with the Flintstones You'll have a yabba dabba doo time A dabba doo time You'll have a gay, old time!
Michael Scott: Wilma!
Dwight K. Schrute: Nice.


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