Dwight K. Schrute: I know how to sit on a fence. Hell, I can even sleep on a fence. The trick is to do it face down with the post in your mouth.

Jim: Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug, and didn't seem to realize that it wasn't his hot coffee. So the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won't notice?
[back:]
Stanley: What's a seven letter word for purse?
Kevin: [sitting at Phyllis' desk, dressed like Phyllis] Satchel!
Stanley: Nope. Starts with an H.
Andy: [shirtless with a tie] Handbag.
Stanley: Hmm. Thank you.
Andy: Shh! Shhh!
Michael Scott: [wearing fake teeth] All right, everybody, take a seat. As you may have heard, our branch on the planet Jupiter is up eight thousand percent in sales!
All: Yay! [applause]
Stanley: [looks at the clock, then at his watch] Hold up! That clock is slow. It is five o'clock, I will see you all tomorrow:
Pam: [turns around, is wearing a mustache] Bye, Stanley! Love you! [waves, Stanley leaves]
Dwight K. Schrute: [standing next to a pony] So long, Stanley!
Stanley: Night, everybody.

Andy: Suck it. [removes teeth] Bill Compton, from True Blood.
Stanley: How many freakin' vampires am I supposed to care about these days?

Oscar: So what kind of statement are you making with that costume, Kevin?
Kevin: The statement that I am making, Oscar, is that I kind of look like Michael Moore.

Michael Scott: What the hell are they talking about?
Dwight K. Schrute: Hmm, Kevin and Gabe. Probably about the extremes of the human physique.

Jim: Stop.
Dwight K. Schrute: Too late! If I was the real Scranton Strangler, you'd be so strangled right now. If you're out there, strangler, you will get caught! By me.
Jim: Sounds like someone's really trying to convince us that he's not the Scranton Strangler.
Dwight K. Schrute: To my chickens I'm the Scranton Strangler.

Michael Scott: Darryl Philbin is the greatest guy in the world. And you know what I'd like? I would like to have all the racists brought together and take Darryl Philbin out to lunch. Just to see what they're missing.

Michael Scott: Okay, this whole going over my head-gate? Is making people act weird. The chain of command is crumbling. Do you know what just happened? I just made Kevin cry. And Gabe looks like Lady Gaga. That's not Halloween. Halloween should be a day in which we honor monsters and not be mad at each other.
Darryl: I'm not mad. Are you mad?
Michael Scott: You went over my head. And then you lied to my face. So my head and my face have taken a beating.

Gabe: In case you can't read m-m-my Poker Face... [laughs] we will be reviewing our sales policies.

Angela: This is an amazing prize. I mean, I don't even want to give Pam a compliment, because she's so bleuch, but she did a good job. I really want that coupon book.