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37Quotes from ‘Costume Contest’

The Office: Costume Contest

706. Costume Contest

Aired October 28, 2010

On Halloween, Michael is upset when he learns Darryl went behind his back to suggest an idea to corporate, while the office makes a big deal about Danny's former relationship with Pam.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I know how to sit on a fence. Hell, I can even sleep on a fence. The trick is to do it face down with the post in your mouth.

Quote from Stanley

Jim: Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug, and didn't seem to realize that it wasn't his hot coffee. So the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won't notice?
[back:]
Stanley: What's a seven letter word for purse?
Kevin: [sitting at Phyllis' desk, dressed like Phyllis] Satchel!
Stanley: Nope. Starts with an H.
Andy: [shirtless with a tie] Handbag.
Stanley: Hmm. Thank you.
Andy: Shh! Shhh!
Michael Scott: [wearing fake teeth] All right, everybody, take a seat. As you may have heard, our branch on the planet Jupiter is up eight thousand percent in sales!
All: Yay! [applause]
Stanley: [looks at the clock, then at his watch] Hold up! That clock is slow. It is five o'clock, I will see you all tomorrow:
Pam: [turns around, is wearing a mustache] Bye, Stanley! Love you! [waves, Stanley leaves]
Dwight K. Schrute: [standing next to a pony] So long, Stanley!
Stanley: Night, everybody.

Quote from Stanley

Andy: Suck it. [removes teeth] Bill Compton, from True Blood.
Stanley: How many freakin' vampires am I supposed to care about these days?

Quote from Kevin

Oscar: So what kind of statement are you making with that costume, Kevin?
Kevin: The statement that I am making, Oscar, is that I kind of look like Michael Moore.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: What the hell are they talking about?
Dwight K. Schrute: Hmm, Kevin and Gabe. Probably about the extremes of the human physique.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: Stop.
Dwight K. Schrute: Too late! If I was the real Scranton Strangler, you'd be so strangled right now. If you're out there, strangler, you will get caught! By me.
Jim: Sounds like someone's really trying to convince us that he's not the Scranton Strangler.
Dwight K. Schrute: To my chickens I'm the Scranton Strangler.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Darryl Philbin is the greatest guy in the world. And you know what I'd like? I would like to have all the racists brought together and take Darryl Philbin out to lunch. Just to see what they're missing.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay, this whole going over my head-gate? Is making people act weird. The chain of command is crumbling. Do you know what just happened? I just made Kevin cry. And Gabe looks like Lady Gaga. That's not Halloween. Halloween should be a day in which we honor monsters and not be mad at each other.
Darryl: I'm not mad. Are you mad?
Michael Scott: You went over my head. And then you lied to my face. So my head and my face have taken a beating.

Quote from Erin

Erin: Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin! Happy Halloween! How can I haunt you today?

Quote from Gabe

Gabe: In case you can't read m-m-my Poker Face... [laughs] we will be reviewing our sales policies.

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: Everyone realizes that this coupon book isn't actually worth fifteen thousand dollars, right? You'd have to spend two hundred thousand dollars on crap you don't actually need to get fifteen thousand dollars worth of benefits. I'm not the only one who sees this, right?
Toby: No.
Ryan: No.
Kelly: I get that. I get that.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: I am never gonna forget what Danny did to Pam. I forget nothing. I'm like an elephant in that way.

Quote from Angela

Angela: This is an amazing prize. I mean, I don't even want to give Pam a compliment, because she's so bleuch, but she did a good job. I really want that coupon book.

Quote from Kevin

Michael Scott: Oh my God! Okay. All right. All right. You know what? That's inappropriate, Kevin. I am your boss, and if you have something to say, it goes through me, and then I take it to Gabe. Chain of command. Do you understand?
Kevin: I am so sorry.
Michael Scott: Oh, you're sorry?
Kevin: I just thought-
Michael Scott: What did you just thought?
Kevin: Well, Gabe asked me if there were any really cool Lady Gaga moves that he could do for the catwalk. And so then I tol-[tries not to cry]
Michael Scott: All right.
Kevin: I told him that there was this one cool move where she powers down like a robot.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Kevin: Okay? But I- I am so sorry that I didn't tell you first.
Michael Scott: Well, don't let it happen again.
Kevin: [hysterical] You think that I would let this happen again?! No way, Jose! [bleep] you, Gabe!

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: Could you for once just let us enjoy a party instead of making it about all your issues?

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: I present to you the [air quotes] "rational consumer", as it were.

Quote from Angela

Pam: Angela as the nurse!
[aside to camera:]
Angela: I don't like your tone! Look, they were sold out of all the other costumes, okay? I think we all live in the real world, here. Let's not pretend to be unaware of what sells in this office.

Quote from Jim

Jim: To be honest, I still can't believe he didn't call her back. Who doesn't call a dork like that back?

Quote from Oscar

Pam: Okay, everyone, I've tallied the votes, and the winner of the costume celebration spectacular and the Scranton Wilkes-Barre coupon book, Oscar Martinez.
[later, individually to camera:]
Kelly: If I have to vote for someone, I don't want it to be someone who can beat me.
Ryan: Shake things up. I'm a Nader guy.
Creed: Best Edward James Olmos costume I've ever seen. Like, freaky good.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: A lot of people are really getting into Halloween this year! Six seconds, MacGruber! [lifts head] Pam's got a lot of fun stuff planned! Uh, two seconds MacGruber! Including a costume contest, and bobbing for apples, and a Ouija board. Oh! Boom! Oh, explosion! MacGruber!

Quote from Pam

Pam: People are really into the costume contest this year. Might have something to do with the prize, maybe you've heard of it. The 2011 Scranton Wilkes-Barre coupon book worth over fifteen thousand dollars in savings!

Quote from Jim

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh-ho! That's very funny. Looks like someone decided to dress up as old Dwight Schrute's mom.
Pam: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: You're only one third as beautiful and only half her height.
Pam: I'm supposed to be Olive Oyl. And it makes more sense when I'm standing next to Popeye, but... Jim doesn't want to put his costume on.
Jim: [places pipe in mouth] I am Popeye!

Quote from Jim

Jim: I've never really been a costume guy. Even when I was a kid, it just felt like something I was too old for. And then this morning, when Pam hands me this little number ... no.

Quote from Michael Scott

Todd: Lame. Why don't witches wear panties?
Michael Scott: Oh, here we go!
Todd: Because they need to grip the broom!
Michael Scott: [laughs] OH! Who likes to water ski on Lake Erie? No wait. Where does Dracula like to water ski?
Dwight K. Schrute: Lake Erie.

Quote from Creed

Danny: Excuse me, everybody. I want to invite you all to the Halloween party I'm having at my bar.
Kevin: You own a bar?
Danny: Public School, at exit 11.
Oscar: That's a great name. You're hilarious. A+!
Danny: So. You're all on the list!
Ryan: Hey, man, can I get a plus five? It's all guys.
Creed: Hey, what's the crowd like, Danny? Our age?
Danny: Okay.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Kevin: I don't think that she would leave Jim for Danny.
Phyllis: I don't know, they're both handsome.
Dwight K. Schrute: Pam is gonna choose whoever has a scent most like that of her father. Does anyone remember what her dad smelled like?

Quote from Pam

Jim: So four years ago, when I was in Stamford, Connecticut, and dating someone else, Pam went on two dates with Danny. Which was obviously the greatest love story ever told, given how much people are walking on eggshells around us.
Pam: We were basically Romeo and Juliet.
Jim: That's right.
Pam: Except where Juliet doesn't have that great a time and Romeo doesn't call back after two dates.
Jim: Yikes.
Pam: But I've learned to love again. He's a cartoon sailor.
Jim: Oh, no.
Pam: And looks so handsome in his uniform! Please?
Jim: No. No, I'm not gonna- No.

Quote from Kevin

Andy: You know what else? [pulling fake teeth out of his mouth] The-this... this sucks for Jim. Right? But it also sucks for us. Because we don't get invited to a ton of Halloween parties. [puts teeth back in]
Kevin: Yeah, and everyone else is gonna be there. Stanley, Phyllis, Angela, Darryl... Creed's a maybe.
Andy: [removes teeth] Creed's going?!

Quote from Darryl

Michael Scott: Hi, Darryl, come out here, please.
Darryl: [on speaker phone] I'm good.
Michael Scott: You need to stop being so shy, come out here, and embrace who you really are, superstar!
Darryl: This is embarrassing, Michael.
Michael Scott: Yeah, I bet it is! If you're gonna do your job well here, you gotta get used to being embarrassed.
Darryl: Let me put my shoes on.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: I'm a little peeved at Darryl right now.
Dwight K. Schrute: He went to Gabe behind your back.
Michael Scott: No, he didn't go behind my back. He went over my head.
Dwight K. Schrute: He went over your head to go behind your back.
Michael Scott: What is taking someone from behind?
Dwight K. Schrute: No. Shh. Michael, listen. This cannot stand. We can't have workers going straight to corporate. Makes your job superfluous.
Michael Scott: It was a good idea, though.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah. Here's another good idea. Corporate chain of command. We need to strangle Darryl's idea.

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: I guess you could say I'm still in costume. I'm a rational consumer.
Phyllis: Oh.
Oscar: Stupid coupon booklet. Have you seen my costume? I'm a rational consumer.
Ryan: Yeah, I uh, heard you say it to Phyllis. That's a good line.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Yeah, I gotta get in on this. [imitating Darryl] Hey, it's cool, man, I work in the warehouse! I'm cool! I'm hip and I'm jive! And I don't care about nobody! Do you know who I am? Happy Halloween, jerk!
Michael Scott: Still don't know who I am? I'll give you a hint. I go over other people's heads.
Pam: Michael, this is a bad idea.
Michael Scott: What's a bad idea?
Pam: Dressing up as somebody. I mean, when has that ever worked for you?
Michael Scott: Never! Okay, you know what? Fine. I'm not Darryl. And thank God I'm not Darryl.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Phyllis: What should we ask?
Michael Scott: Hey, can I play? Why don't you ask if Darryl is a bad friend who backstabs people in the back?
Jim: We have one question to ask the spirit world and you want us to ask that?

Quote from Jim

Jim: When you work hard, you play hard around here. Even if you don't work hard. Oh, here's something. Uh, why didn't you ever call Pam back?
Danny: Are you serious?
Jim: Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying that everyone has to fall in love, or anything, I'm just saying... but you know, to not even call her back is...
Danny: You know what it was? I think she gave me her number but then her fours look like eights, and...
Jim: Could be. But you also called her the second time so you had the number right.
Todd: Halpert, you looking for someone to bang your wife?
Jim: Nope.
Danny: Okay. You wanna know? I didn't call her back because she spent the whole date talking about you. She was obviously in love with you.

Quote from Pam

Pam: I'd remember talking about Jim. That wasn't it.
Jim: Just tell her the real reason.
Danny: Do you honestly want to know why I didn't call her back on a date over four years ago?
Jim: Hey. She had a nice time. It seems rude.
Pam: I did. And it's just one of those things that's going to keep gnawing at me, like "gnaw, gnaw, why? Why didn't he? I have no idea why."
Danny: Okay. Honestly. I didn't call you back because I-thought you seemed a little... dorky.
Jim: Hey, man.
Pam: Thank you! Thank you. I got it. Now I know. You thought I was a little dorky. You know? [gibberish sounds] Okay. Well, excuuuuse me.

Quote from Darryl

Gabe: In the future, you need to get Michael's approval on anything before coming to me.
Michael Scott: Thank you.
Darryl: You're gonna be missing out on some good ideas.
Gabe: Okay, well, obviously if it's a really, really good idea, my door is open.
Michael Scott: If they're good ideas, I'm not gonna say no!
Darryl: You said no to this one!
Michael Scott: That was- Okay, I made one mistake in fifteen years and you drag me over the coals, after everything I did for you?
Darryl: What have you done for me?
Michael Scott: Oh...
Darryl: What have you done for me?
Michael Scott: Well...
Darryl: Ed Truck hired me. Jo promoted me. Gabe listened to me. All you've ever done is say no to me. I have ambition. And you kept me at the same level for years.

Quote from Darryl

Andy: What's up, man?
Darryl: Sometimes it seems like it was better down in the warehouse, you know?
Andy: When I was a freshman in college, I worked at the student newspaper, the Cornell Daily Sun? This was at Cornell. I had to write an op-ed column every day. Bernard's Regards.
Darryl: This was your freshman year.
Andy: I started to ask myself, "Do I have big plans here?" I didn't want to become editor of that paper, so I got up and walked right out of Walter Bernard hall, and that's actually when I heard eight male voices, singing, unencumbered by instruments. I was hooked. So is becoming CEO of this company your a capella group? Come on, we're going to Danny's bar, Public School.
Darryl: No. I got some work to do. I do got big plans at this company.


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