Previous Episode Next Episode 

40Quotes from ‘PDA’

The Office: PDA

716. PDA

Aired February 10, 2011

On Valentine's Day, Michael and Holly's public displays of affection make their colleagues uncomfortable. Meanwhile, Erin spends the day with Andy trying to solve Gabe's romantic treasure hunt, and Pam and Jim return to work after a boozy Valentine's Day lunch.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Holly and I are like Romeo and Juliet. And this office is like the dragon that kept them apart.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: My perfect Valentine's Day? I'm at home, three cell phones in front of me, fielding desperate calls from people who want to buy one of the 50 restaurant reservations I made over six months ago.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: No, no, it's great. I love working at Dunder Mifflin, a division of Taliban Enterprises.

Quote from Holly

Holly: I cannot keep myself from Michael. Everything he does is sexy. He has this undeniable animal magnetism. He's a jungle cat. The man exudes sex. He can put both his legs behind his head.

Quote from Holly

Michael Scott: What are our plans for tonight? Umm...
Holly: [imitates a squeaky bed; they both laugh]

Quote from Darryl

Pam: Hey. How you doing?
Darryl: Thinking about my grandmother a lot.
Pam: Yeah.
Darryl: She was about to turn 97.
Pam: At least she lived a very long and I'm sure, a very happy life. Got you this card. When you're ready. We all signed it. We just wanted you to know we're thinking about you.
Darryl: Thank you. "Congratulations, Darryl. Let's get wasted." "Have fun today, big guy." "Aww, yeah. Party time. Whoo-whoop."
Pam: It's possible that some people thought it was your birthday.
Darryl: "Hooray. Live it up, big D. " "Days like this don't come often enough. Time to celebrate. You deserve this"?
[Dwight blows a party horn]
Andy: Birthday punches! [softly punching Darryl in the stomach] One, two, three, four, five...
Pam: I'm so sorry.

Quote from Phyllis

Phyllis: Blue Wasabi is so good, but get the cheeseburger. They say they won't do it, but they will if you make a scene.

Quote from Pam

Jim: We decided to have a Valentine's day lunch and then that way we can spend the entire night with Cece and avoid the Valentine's day dinner thing. It's a whole thing.
Pam: [loudly] Yeah, lunch was wonderful!
Jim: Shh.
Pam: Um, there was an amazing buffet and there was a chocolate fondue... station. And what else was there?
Jim: Um, bottomless champagne.
Pam: Yes. Never found that bottom, did we?
Jim: No.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: [on the phone] All right, I will fax over it to you. Whoop. I will fax it over to you. Okay. Thank you. [chuckles]
Dwight K. Schrute: [picking up the phone] Okay, my name is J-J-J-J-J-J Jim Halpert and I will fax it in to you... Under you. I'll fax it under you. Oh, excuse me. I just p-p-p-p-p pissed my pants. Not really. I didn't really.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: I don't know, guys. I, for one, enjoy watching them, because...
Angela: No, stop! Just don't.
Oscar: Kevin!
Kevin: Can I finish? Can I finish? Is that okay? I was saying... I enjoy watching them because it makes me horny.
All: [groans]
Angela: Kevin!

Quote from Michael Scott

Gabe: Seeing as it's Valentine's Day, I felt it would be apropos to have a little refresher course on romance in the workplace.
Michael Scott: Perfect. Yes. It is quite apro-propriate. Carry on.

Quote from Gabe

Gabe: Okay. So, PDAs. That's gonna include behaviors such as hugging, kissing, uh...
Kevin: Booby honking.
Gabe: Yeah, booby honking. Sure.
Kevin: Butt honking.
Gabe: Butt honking. Yeah, all the honking.
Creed: The one where you start in a crouched position, then you leap...
Gabe: Sure. Basically, there's no precise definition, but you know it when you see it.

Quote from Kevin

Dwight K. Schrute: Michael. Confession: I have done PDA in the office.
Michael Scott: Thank you.
Dwight K. Schrute: I've had intercourse in the office.
Michael Scott: All right.
Dwight K. Schrute: As has Angela!
Angela: Dwight!
Dwight K. Schrute: As has Ryan. As has Kelly. As has Meredith. As has Phyllis. As has Darryl. As has Creed. [Creed smiles and nods] As has Michael and as has Holly.
Kevin: As has Kevin!
Angela: With who?
Kevin: She goes to another school.

Quote from Jim

Pam: Let me make something clear. Jim and I have never and will never have sex in the office.
Jim: No, because the office isn't what I'd consider a romantic place.
Pam: Besides, we have something those other people don't have, which is a home and a bed.
Jim: And a shower.

Quote from Gabe

Gabe: No one is a bigger fan of sexual touching than me. But with you two, it's reaching the level of a complex. I can think of three explanations. One, you're taking MDMA. Street name, Ecstasy. I've done it, and I know the feeling.
Holly: No, I don't think so.
Gabe: Number two, you're desperately trying to fit in a whole relationship before Toby comes back from jury duty and Holly has to go back to Nashua. Or three, you're at an age where your sexual climaxes aren't as powerful so you need to overcompensate with foreplay, taboo behavior...
Michael Scott: Yes, it was that. It's that one.
Holly: Yes. Number three.

Quote from Holly

Michael Scott: I haven't thought about you having to go back to Nashua.
Holly: Maybe we didn't want to think about it. We can make it work. We'll date long-distance.
Michael Scott: That's what we said last time. Remember? We broke up on the drive. How's this gonna be any different?
Holly: We weren't in love last time.
Michael Scott: I was in love with you.
Holly: I'm not saying it won't be hard. But we can make it work. That's what she said.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: It's like a time bomb...
Dwight K. Schrute: Shh.
Michael Scott: ...is ticking down. When it goes off, no more kissing. No more hugging.
Dwight K. Schrute: Just hush.
Michael Scott: Sexual time bomb.
Dwight K. Schrute: Just rock. Shh.
Michael Scott: [into recorder] Boner Bomb starring Jason Statham. Or we go against type with an Eisenberg or a Michael Cera.
Dwight K. Schrute: Movie idea?
Michael Scott: No. [into recorder] Saving the world has never been this hard.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make. As of today, officially, Holly and I are moving into together. Yay! [claps] Thank you. Thank you. Oscar, this must be tough for you, watching this go down. You could not stand in the way of true love, my friend!
Oscar: Are you kidding? I wasn't trying to break you guys up.
Kevin: Better luck next time, pal.
Michael Scott: Well, the point is, there will no longer be any need for PDA here at the office between us because, when we get home, we are going to make love to and with one another, and that, to me, is the best Valentine's Day present that a person could receive. So I bid you all adieu.
Holly: You do?
Michael Scott: I do.
Oscar: Go on, kiss each other already. [they kiss]
Kevin: Suck it, Oscar. This must kill you.
Oscar: I just told them to do it!

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: Anybody can be Prince Charming one day a year with the dinner and the flowers and all that. But you know what impresses me? When a guy can do that no days a year.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Holly and I are dating. It's been a week, and I still can't believe it. [sighs] It goes to show that everything you want in life, you get. And you can't work for it. It just comes to you.

Quote from Gabe

Gabe: And what do we have here?
Erin: From my secret admirer. That's you!
Gabe: Come on.
[aside to camera:]
Gabe: I dominate Valentine's Day. I practically make romance into a science.
[back:]
Erin: "Roses are red. Violets are blue. Look in the vase to find your first clue." Oh, my gosh. It's a romantic scavenger hunt!
Gabe: Oh, close. It's a romantic treasure hunt. A scavenger hunt is where you find items from a master list. This is where you follow clues that lead to a prize. Common misuse. Good luck.

Quote from Angela

Angela: I don't know if anyone else feels this way and don't get me wrong, I love Michael and Holly, and maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but... the PDA.
Oscar: Yes! The freaking PDA!
Angela: Uh-huh.
Oscar: Thank you! I mean, I'm thrilled for them.
Angela: No one is more thrilled for them than I am...
Oscar: Yes, yes, absolutely.
Angela: ...but it's totally inappropriate.
Darryl: Yeah, it's a little much.
Phyllis: Mm-hmm.
Darryl: Obviously, so happy for them both.
Oscar: So happy. Yeah.

Quote from Gabe

Gabe: [to Oscar] I hear them kissing all the time. It's this horrible plipping sound. You know, it's like Chinese water torture. Just...[plipping sound] like it's coming from my own head.

Quote from Gabe

Gabe: First things first. An office romance is permissible. Not something you'd expect to hear from corporate. Well, guess what. Sabre is 100% tolerant of office romances.
Ryan: Speaking of, Gabe, I don't see Erin at this meeting.
Meredith: Uh, I also don't see Andy.
Kevin: Ooh.
Jim: Ooh! Boom! Face!
Gabe: I get it. Andy's slamming my girlfriend. Very funny.

Quote from Gabe

Gabe: What I do not approve of, however, is public displays of affection, or PDAs. PDAs are totally superfluous to a happy, healthy office romance. Perfect example. Look at Jim and Pam.
Pam: Yeah. What? Us?
Gabe: They don't touch. They don't kiss. You would hardly even know that they were husband and wife.
Jim: Did it! [high fives Pam]
Pam: Yeah!

Quote from Gabe

Oscar: Are you guys listening to this?
Michael Scott: What, are you talking about me and Holly?
Pam: Yeah!
Gabe: Maybe you find your own chair.

Quote from Michael Scott

Holly: So we kiss occasionally?
Oscar: Not occasionally. All the time.
Phyllis: Yeah, and it's not just the kissing. It's the flirtatious whispering.
Stanley: The flirtatious tickling.
Michael Scott: Whispering and tickling have their place in business.
Darryl: That thing were you softly exhale on her neck.
Michael Scott: I... Okay, yeah, that's pretty hot. I will give you that. Look, you are all hypocrites. You all do it.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay. Fine. No more PDA.
Oscar: Good.
Michael Scott: You win. But here's what we are going to do. We are going to designate one of our closets as a hook-up zone.
Angela: No.
Michael Scott: Anything goes.
Oscar: Just leave it how you said...
Dwight K. Schrute: Michael, that's absurd. What if two couples want to go at the same time?
Michael Scott: Okay, then we have two closets. No, no, we're gonna have three closets, one for each base, no homers. Yes?
Dwight K. Schrute: And what is the hook-up zone policy on masturbation?
Michael Scott: Pro.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes!
Michael Scott: What? Problem solved.

Quote from Pam

Pam: That's weird. I mean, that's weird to have sex in the office. That's where you work, right?
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Pam: You know, you're in a meeting, and nobody knows that you've had sex there, except for you and him.
Jim: [snorts] Eww.

Quote from Erin

Erin: Don't mind us. You keep working.
Darryl: Okay. I'll keep working.
Erin: Oh, my God. It's a song.
Andy: Whoa.
Erin: What do you think is on it?
Andy: [softy] We should actually probably talk about it outside or we might make Darryl mad.
Erin: [softly] Not if we're talking like this. I think it's okay. He doesn't seem to hear us.
Andy: I think he can hear us.
Andy: [softly] That makes sense, 'cause I feel like I'd be able to hear us at this level.
Erin: Darryl.
Andy: Darryl is a jerk.
Erin: No, he's not.
Andy: No, I'm just testing if he can hear.
Darryl: I can hear you.
Andy: Oh. Okay.
Erin: Okay. Then no more talking. Let's just play the song.

Quote from Darryl

Gabe: [singing on boom box] The temp at night. The temp at night. The temp at night. The temp at night.
Andy: The temp at night?
Erin: What do you...
Darryl: You got it. Pick it up. Take it out.
Andy: Pi-
Darryl: Pick it up.
Andy: Okay.
Darryl: Take it out. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Take it out.
Andy: Right. Okay.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hey, you know why people here are complaining? They are jealous of two people in love on Valentine's Day.
Holly: Two people in love?
Michael Scott: I love you.
Holly: Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean, "you love me"? We've only been dating for a week. Do you mean you love me like, "Oh, hey, there's Holly. I love that girl." Or you do you mean you love me like you love me-love me?
Michael Scott: I love you-love you.
Holly: Wow, you love me-love me. I love you-love you.
Michael Scott: I am really disappointed in the office's policy on PDA at this moment. I love you. [shakes Holly's hand]
Holly: I love you.

Quote from Pam

Andy and Erin: [rushing out of Ryan's closet] Hey.
Andy: No time to chat.
Erin: Sorry.
Jim: Well, we were just looking for Ryan, so he's not here.
Ryan: Hey. You're looking for me?
Pam: Oh, yeah, we were. We were just looking to say hi. So hey.
Ryan: No, you weren't.
Pam: No, we weren't.
Ryan: You wanted to have sex in my office.
Pam: No.
Jim: Definitely not. That's disgusting.
Ryan: Uh, it's- It's cool. Just try to put everything back were you found it. Text me when you're finished. I'll be out here.
Jim: Hey, you don't have to...
Pam: That was so embarrassing. I'm gonna die.
Jim: That was really rough.

Quote from Erin

Erin: Oh. One Erin Special, please.
Hank: Here's your bottle of sparkling cider.
Andy: Hey.
Erin: [laughs] That's my favorite.
Hank: I'm now supposed to tell you to enjoy a mind-hunt break and look for a heart or some [bleep] in the break room when you're through.

Quote from Kevin

Dwight K. Schrute: Kevin! Do more stupid faces.
Kevin: Which one? I have a lot of stupid faces.
Dwight K. Schrute: I don't know.
Michael Scott: Do the monkey face.
Dwight K. Schrute: Do the monkey face!
Michael Scott: I love that. I love that face.

Quote from Michael Scott

[to Kevin as he does his "monkey face":]
Dwight K. Schrute: Good. He loves it. Good. Jump. Jump up and down.
Michael Scott: No. The monkey!
Dwight K. Schrute: Go back to the monkey!
Michael Scott: Don't do the squirrel. Throw your poop.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hurl your feces.
Michael Scott: That's good.
Dwight K. Schrute: Good.
Michael Scott: That's good. He's throwing it.
Dwight K. Schrute: They really do that.
Michael Scott: I know.

Quote from Erin

Erin: [at vending machine] B-9.
Andy: B-9.
Erin: Like a benign tumor.
Andy: Maybe it's just more like, "be mine."
Erin: Oh, yes. There's a note. "A little cookie for you, my miss. But the real treasure is your Valentine's kiss."
Andy: Hmm.
Erin: Hmm. Oh, so we're suppose to... Hmm [leans in to kiss Andy, Andy points to Gabe at the window, who is blowing Erin a kiss]

Quote from Holly

Michael Scott: Holly, I love you so, so, so much. And I think we need to break up.
Holly: What? What are you talking about?
Michael Scott: Actually, it's Valentine's Day. Shouldn't be doing this today. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Holly: No, we're gonna talk now. You're not breaking up with me.
Michael Scott: You're gonna go back to Nashua, eventually, and I can't handle it. So let's just- Let's-
Holly: What if I said it wasn't up to them?
Michael Scott: Who?
Holly: The company. Nobody knows our future, but it's not gonna be decided by the company. It's not gonna be decided by anybody but us. What we are is up to you and me.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: Flowers, diamonds, three-course meal, violinist comes to my table to serenade me...

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: Pizza, soda, the moon, someone to share it with.


 Episode 715 Episode 717