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39Quotes from ‘Michael Scott Paper Company’

The Office: Michael Scott Paper Company

523. Michael Scott Paper Company

Aired April 9, 2009

It's the first day at work for Michael, Pam and Ryan at the Michael Scott Paper Company. Meanwhile, Jim isn't sure about an instruction from Charles.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Maybe the Michael Scott Paper Company was a huge mistake. I should leave. I should go, and start my own paper company. That'll show 'em.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Yes, I am taking Andy hunting after work. Not long ago we were sexual competitors. I used to hate him, hate him, hate him, hate him. I studied him, to figure out why I hated him so much. But that blossomed into a very real friendship, as these things often do.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: It's Britney bitch. And I am back, in the form of a new company. The Michael Scott Paper Company. [attempts to parallel park, hits car.] Okay. Not gonna make this one.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: [playing guitar over Andy's banjo playing] Hey you want to sing with me? Almost heaven...
Dwight and Erin: West Virginia, Blue Ridge mountain, Shenandoah River
Dwight K. Schrute: In German! Das Leben ist dort alt, älter als Bäume, jünger als Berge und weht wie eine Brise
Dwight and Andy: Take me home, country roads, to the place, I belong. West Virginia, mountain momma, take me home, country roads. [Erin leaves]
Dwight K. Schrute: Take it, Andy! Take me home, to the place I belong, Ba bah dah duh
Toby: You have to stop.

Quote from Ryan

Michael Scott: Hey, Ryan, could you get to that copy from before?
Ryan: Pam's better at that stuff
Pam: That is so insulting.
Ryan: How is it insulting to say that you're good at something?
Pam: Because the thing you're saying I'm good at, is pushing a big green button a bunch of times.
Ryan: I'm not judging it, it's like ... I could run GM but I couldn't fix a car. It's not saying one is better than the other.
Pam: Seriously? Because it sounds like one of those is better than the other.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I don't know I think we've done absolutely everything you can do to prepare for the day. I've updated our contacts, I have gotten quotes from suppliers. I have sent out an E-vite for our big grand opening pancake luncheon. Six yeses, one maybe, only eleven noes. Um, and 788 not yet replieds. But of that group, 782 have viewed it.

Quote from Pam

Pam: I make that one copy, and I become the girl who makes copies, and by the end of the day I'm receptionist again. And the worst part is, I like making copies. The paper comes out all warm and stuff. And it's cold in there. Cause it's technically a closet.

Quote from Michael Scott

Pam: Morning, Michael.
Michael Scott: Hello. They took away my parking space but they can't take away my pride! [climbs out of his car]

Quote from Jim

Jim: The new receptionist is also named Kelly. So Kelly Kapoor has decided to hover around my desk, so that she can run into his Charles' office every time he calls for Kelly. She thinks if she says "You wanted me" enough, he will in fact want her. It's not the worse plan she's ever had.

Quote from Kelly

Charles: Oh, and Kelly...
Kelly: Yes, Charles? Yes, you wanted me?
Charles: Okay, I'm gonna call you Kapoor, okay? And you, Hannon.
Erin: If we're changing names, can I be Erin? It's my middle name.
Charles: Erin. Okay, that's very pretty.
Kelly: Well, you know what my middle name is? Rajani Ghanda! And I hate it! I hate it!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [After a toilet flushes] We are in the heart of it. And the surge of water carries our business out to the sea.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: You should come into town this weekend, man. Yeah, we'll hang out Scranton style.
Michael Scott: Hey, you said you were gonna be out of town this weekend.
Ryan: Please don't listen to my phone calls. Yeah, she's like um, she'd probably be a six in New York, but she's like a seven here in Scranton. And then uh, my boss is my old boss from Dunder Mifflin. It's a small space.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [on the phone] They're getting on my nerves Mom. Both of them. R thinks he's too good to be here, and P is not as much fun without Jim.
Pam: Michael, we can hear you.
Michael Scott: I'm on the phone, please. Mom, I'm gonna have to call you back. P's being a giant B.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: They always say that it is a mistake to hire your friends and they are right! So, I hired my best friends. And this is what I get?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: That's my corner.
Pam: I thought that was your corner.
Michael Scott: No, this is where I work. I can't relax in the same corner where I work.
Pam: So my corner's the one with the copier?
Michael Scott: Pam, I don't make the rules.

Quote from Creed

Creed: These are terrible boss. You gotta make them in a circle so that they cook evenly.
Michael Scott: These are shaped like paper.
Creed: Well, I don't even want these.
Meredith: I'll take them for my kid.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I once had a dream. That I was eating a peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich. And, let me tell you something, it was delicious. So the next day, I decided to make that sandwich. And in real life it is disgusting. [The phone rings] It is a disgusting sandwich. [It rings again.] And the reason I tell you this story- Just, pick up the phone.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Who would have thought, that the thing that would save this company would be work? And pancakes? In the end, this day definitely had its ups and downs. I realize that we don't have the biggest office. Which is a surprise, because 165 square feet sounds like a lot. But, we have people with the biggest hearts. And I think for a small company that is really [flushing]... Someone went to the bathroom. That is really what's important.

Quote from Toby

Toby: [overheard from bathroom] "Not much? What's up with you? Nah it's okay. I'm in the bathroom. Hey you been watching Damages this year? It's so good. No, you gotta tune in, it's as good as anything on HBO. [sound of urine flow] Hey does blue go with tan?"
Michael Scott: Would someone just make the copy?
Toby: I have like, like a blue shirt? I don't wear a lot of colors, I have a lot of tan. Uh huh.
Michael Scott: Just make that copy okay?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I would like to invite you all to come away with me, on a journey. [tears down welcome ribbon] Welcome to the Michael Scott Paper Company!

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: So. I thought we could take the customer on a... Then. Then we could...
Jim: You realize you're not actually talking to me, right?
Kelly: And...
Charles: Hey, Kelly.
Kelly: Yes, Charles, you wanted me?
Charles: Oh. No, I meant, I meant that Kelly.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: I thought Rajini Ghanda was a boy's name?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I am going to need 800 of these, on nice bright paper. It is a coupon for unparalleled customer service.

Quote from Jim

Charles: Hey, Jim can I get a, um-
Jim: [Awkward] Hi.
Charles: Hi. I need a rundown of your clients. Can you get that to me?
Jim: Sure.
Charles: Yeah.
Jim: Okay.
Jim: [to camera] What the hell's a rundown?
Jim: [entering Charles' office] When did you need that rundown by?
Charles: As soon as possible.
Jim: Okay.
Charles: Just get it right.
Jim: Yeah. Gotcha. Of course. I'm gonna dive in. To the rundown. I'll be exhausted 'cause it's like a triathlon. Did you want to close this? Close, or keep it?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Erin: Oh.
Dwight K. Schrute: You know there's a ghost in this office
Erin: Really?
Dwight K. Schrute: A woman was murdered on this very floor in 1816. Haddie McGonagle. She was a prostitute.
Erin: Why was she in this building?
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, this whole place used to be a brothel. There was a tavern on the ground floor.
Erin: That's crazy.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, isn't it? She was bludgeoned to death by the business end of a riding crop.
Erin: Oh, my God!
Dwight K. Schrute: It was gruesome. They say she walks these hallways. If you ever feel a tapping on your shoulder, that could be Haddie. Begging for her life. And it could mean, that you're next. [Dwight taps her shoulder]
Erin: Oh! [They both laugh.]
Dwight K. Schrute: Just kidding. You finding everything okay?
Erin: Yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah?
Erin: Just got some ice.
Dwight K. Schrute: [eerie voice] Erin... Erin...

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Listen! Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. I need someone to make a copy of this. Because I don't make copies, I'm the boss. Got it? I make originals.
Ryan: Yeah, I make originals too.

Quote from Ryan

Pam: Seriously? This is what's so important, putting naked pictures on the desktop?
Ryan: That's me and my friend Jonathan from Thailand.
Pam: I don't want to look at your friend Jasmine's boobs all day.
Ryan: You could be hot too if you made any effort. At all.
Pam: Like how? Dyeing my hair blond?
Ryan: This is from the sun.
Pam: Oh, yeah I bet.

Quote from Ryan

Michael Scott: Listen up. It has come to my attention that some people in this office are not getting along with other people in this office. And I think I have come up with the reason why. This office space is too small.
Pam: Definitely.
Michael Scott: Okay. There are four corners in this room. Each corner is to be a personal space for each one of you. Whichever corner you want. And make it your own.
Pam: We could work from home.
Ryan: Or you could fire one of us. Whoever has less education.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay guys, thank you for the offers. But I want you to get pumped about this corner idea. All right? 1,2,3- What are we gonna do?
Pam: Corner idea?
Michael Scott: No, you're supposed to say, "Rock the house."
Ryan: Rock the house!
Pam: How would we know that?

Quote from Kevin

Jim: Hey, dude, you know what a "rundown" is?
Oscar: Use it in a sentence.
Jim: "Uh, can you get this rundown for me?"
Oscar: Try another sentence.
Jim: "This rundown better be really good"?
Oscar: I don't know but it sounds like the rundown is really important.
Jim: Charles asked me to do this rundown of all my clients.
Oscar: Why don't you just ask him--
Jim: No. I can't. It was like, hours ago.
Oscar: What have you been doing?
Kevin: Try another sentence.

Quote from Ryan

Ryan: [on the phone] Yeah. I wish my iPod could make phone calls. No, I don't want an iPhone. I know what an iPhone is.

Quote from Jim

Charles: You started on that rundown yet?
Jim: Oh, this is just something I'm taking a break with.
Charles: Oh.
Jim: I will get back to the rundown, uh, right now.
Charles: Okay, great.
Jim: Hey, you know what? Do you have a rundown that I could take a look at, just so I know what type of rundown you're looking for?
Charles: Just keep it simple.
Jim: Keeping it simple, that's what I'm doing. But I am working hard on this one. Real hard.
Charles: You're working hard? On this?
Jim: No. Not too hard. Not harder than I should.
Charles: Right. I mean why work harder than you should.
Jim: [chuckles] No, I....

Quote from Pam

Pam: Hey, Charles.
Charles: Hey, Pam.
Pam: I know you're a very busy man so I'll cut right to the chase. I'd like my old job back.
Charles: I don't know what to tell you. The job's been taken.
Pam: Um, well, I could come back as a salesman. I have experience now.
Charles: Um.
Pam: Or I could come back as your personal assistant. You know? Sort your mail, set your appointments. I know all the people.
Charles: Yeah, I know.
Pam: Personal shopper?
Charles: No.
Pam: Well it was great catching up with you. And I'll see you around the building.
Charles: Okay.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: I'm just gonna sit here for a little bit longer if that's okay. The air smells so good. I don't remember it smelling so good. The chairs are so comfortable.

Quote from Stanley

Michael Scott: Oh, hey. Stanley, Phyllis. Come on in. Welcome, welcome. Let me give you the tour.
Stanley: I get it. [To Phyllis] You need to see more?
Phyllis: It's really cute.
Michael Scott: Thank you. You remember Ryan. [Stanley laughs deeply] And Pam is around here somewhere.
Stanley: She's upstairs talking to Charles.
Michael Scott: What for?
Stanley: I don't know.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Get your free pancakes. They are delicious. They are nutritious. They are complimentary. Young sir, would you like a free pancake?
Ryan: I'm texting. I don't want to get my fingers sticky.
Michael Scott: Ryan, enough with the texting machine. Come on. And tuck in your shirt, you're the face of this company.

Quote from Pam

Michael Scott: Hey, Pam.
Pam: Hey.
Michael Scott: You sorta disappeared there for a while. Where ya been?
Pam: Yeah, I needed to take care of some stuff.
Michael Scott: Yeah?
Pam: That's as specific as I'd like to be.
Michael Scott: Well, at least you're still being honest with me.

Quote from Jim

Jim: There's the rundown you asked for. I may have expanded some areas that you weren't prepared for.
Charles: Great. Fax that to everyone on the distribution list.
Jim: Yeah, sure. Do you want to look at it first?
Charles: Do I need to?
Jim: No. No, I just wanted to make sure, it was in the same format. So that distribution list is gonna be my...?
Charles: What's that?
Jim: The one I have. I'll use the one I have.
[later, to camera at the copier:]
Jim: Just faxing. My Dad. A rundown.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Dunder Miff... Michael Scott Paper Company, this is Pam. Oh, hi Russell from the pancake luncheon, how are you? Well, we'd like to do business with you too! How can I make that happen?
Ryan: Keep going.
Michael Scott: Tell them we have free delivery!
Pam: We already offered free delivery!
Michael Scott: They don't know that!
Pam: Um, I can offer you free delivery on any order that you place today. Okay, twenty boxes? I can do... just a second. I can do 20 boxes at 43 dollars a box. Great!
Ryan: Write it down.
Michael Scott: Give him a guarantee.
Pam: A guarantee of what?
Michael Scott: Just say the word.
Pam: And I guarantee, that you will be satisfied! 'Cause your satisfaction is our guarantee! We guarantee it. We look forward to doing business with you, too. Thank you Russell.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Literally every song is better a cappella. Name a song.
Dwight K. Schrute: Cherry Pie, Warrant.
Andy: Better a cappella!
Dwight K. Schrute: No! Really?
Andy: Yeah. Name another.
Dwight K. Schrute: Enter Sandman, Metallica.
Andy: Better a cappella.
Dwight K. Schrute: Rebel Yell, Billy Idol.
Andy: Aw!! Way better a cappella
Dwight K. Schrute: Really?
Andy: Yeah.


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