Clark Quotes Page 1 of 2

Quote from New Guys

Clark: I've always been good at anything that required balance. My doctor says I have gigantic inner ears.

Quote from Couples Discount

Dwight K. Schrute: Two seconds of the turd dog and he loses the biggest sale this branch has ever seen.
Clark: [emotional] Do you have any idea what I had to do to get that sale from Jan? I mean, I went all out. All out. I mean like everything was out the whole week.

Quote from Andy's Ancestry

Andy: Alright! We gotta get rid of all this junk food. Get fit, America! Not sure if the buzz has reached the annex yet, but, uh, I'm related to Michelle Obama.
[Clark and Peter clap; together to camera:]
Pete: Yeah we noticed early on, Andy really appreciates enthusiasm.
Clark: So we decided the best way to get ahead here is to be his cheerleaders. It's starting to have this reverse effect, though, where I really do think the stuff he does is awesome.
Pete: Yeah, me too. It's weird. Hard to remember what's real at this point.
Clark: Just clap through it, man.

Quote from Junior Salesman

Clark: This sucks, you know? You put in 12 grueling weeks at a company, and what do they do? They make you compete for a promotion, like an animal. You know, I thought this was an office, not the Thunderdome.

Quote from Suit Warehouse

Oscar: Hey, look who's back, Dwight Junior.
Kevin: Hey, so how was it? I mean... the sex with Jan.
Clark: A gentleman doesn't discuss such matters. Especially when the feelings of a lady are involved.
[aside to camera:]
Clark: Women reach their sexual peak at whatever age Jan was last week. I mean it was... like making love with a wild animal. But not like a cougar like you might think. It was, uh, like a swarm of bees. Bees that just find something wrong with every hotel room.

Quote from The Farm

Pam: Oh my god! Is everyone OK?
Phyllis: Last night, I got out all of my old dolls and played with them on the living room floor. Then, I ordered ten American Girl outfits online. It was thousands of dollars.
Nellie: Yeah? Well, count yourself lucky, Phyllis. I got the toilet.
Stanley: Me too. [holds up four fingers]
Clark: I went Christmas caroling in March and I fertilized some bushes along the way. So, not my best night. But, not my worst night.

Quote from Vandalism

Dwight K. Schrute: [pulling Clark across the parking lot] I never want to see you working in the upstairs office again. Do you hear me?
Clark: Well, my only crime was loving the local sports teams and trying to be one of the guys.
Dwight K. Schrute: Silence. You'll now be working in the warehouse with the untouchables. Now, go make your hands rough with work.
Clark: OK, boss. [quietly] Pam, you know this is ridiculous, right? Like you're smarter than this.
Pam: Shh, shh.
Clark: This is never gonna work.
Pam: Shh. Remember your lines.
Clark: What lines?

Quote from Livin' the Dream

Jim: Okay. The annex it is. I'll be sitting at your desk if that's okay with you.
Clark: That's fine with me. But be careful, it is very easy to get lost in Pete's beautiful, dead eyes.

Quote from Couples Discount

Andy: This is what I'm talking about. This would be good to know. All right, what else?
Phyllis: We started selling balloons.
Andy: What?!
Clark: Yeah. And, uh, Kathy Ireland signed on as the official spokes-babe of Dunder-Mifflin.
Andy: No kidding?
Clark: Yeah. In the European billboards, she's gonna be topless.
Andy: Wow. Go Kathy. She's like 50.
Clark: They're tasteful.

Quote from Suit Warehouse

Sam Stone, Jr.: I'm sorry, you guys are here to sell us paper?
Dwight K. Schrute: Do you mind? The men are talking.
Sam Stone, Sr.: Sons used to idolize their fathers.
Dwight K. Schrute: Us old timers need to stick together. And how better than by signing a contract?
Sam Stone, Jr.: I'd love to! Sam Junior here, he runs the business now. Kind of pushed me out, truth be told. I'm just here for human contract.
Sam Stone, Jr.: Okay Pop...
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait, so you're the boss?
Sam Stone, Jr.: That's right.
Clark: Hi, I'm Clark.
Sam Stone, Jr.: Hey.
Clark: Let's talk.
Sam Stone, Jr.: Okay.
Clark: So if you look at our catalog here...

Quote from Suit Warehouse

Clark: I mean, look, you and I both know that in paper or fashion, styles change. Check out my dad's suit. You are looking at pure acrylic. That's why his face always breaks out.
Sam Stone, Jr.: Does that suit come with a fire extinguisher? [Clark chuckles]
Clark: You know what, Dad? Maybe you should buy me a suit. I mean, I'm going to need one right? If I'm ever going to get a "real job" and move my "lazy ass" out of your "G.D. house".
Sam Stone, Jr.: He's got you there.

Quote from Here Comes Treble

Andy: But you have no idea how lucky you are because HCT is doing a set at our Halloween party.
Stanley: Ugh. I don't want to sit through a whole concert of that.
Clark: I do. I love the boss's interests.
Andy: Atta boy, Clark!

Quote from Promos

Dwight K. Schrute: Clark, I need your advice. I'm having some lady troubles.
Clark: What's her name?
Dwight K. Schrute: Esther Bruegger.
Clark: Sweet.
Dwight K. Schrute: Lives on the neighboring farm. 85 acres.
Clark: Oh, yeah. Keep talkin'.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, we've been out three times. There has been physicality, but the thing is we were hanging out with her father the other night looking at a farm catalog, next thing I know he wants to lease a tractor with me.
Clark: Oh.
Dwight K. Schrute: [laughs] What do you think?
Clark: The same thing that you think.
Dwight K. Schrute: A long term tractor lease is going to put pressure on a relationship.
Clark: God, one of my buddies is going through the same thing right now. Something in the air.

Quote from Here Comes Treble

Clark: Wait! Wait. Hold on. Where's the band? ‘Cause there's just no way you guys are making this magic with just your mouths.
Creed: Yeah. That's what she said.
[aside to camera:]
Clark: What, am I overdoing it? No. No.

Quote from Junior Salesman

Clark: You know what, man? I deserve this job.
Dwight K. Schrute: Mm-hmm.
Clark: I scored Stone and Son Suit Warehouse with you, and God knows, to get the Scranton White Pages with Jan, I went above and beyond. And under.