Clark Quotes Page 1 of 3

Quote from New Guys

Clark: I've always been good at anything that required balance. My doctor says I have gigantic inner ears.


Quote from Couples Discount

Dwight K. Schrute: Two seconds of the turd dog and he loses the biggest sale this branch has ever seen.
Clark: [emotional] Do you have any idea what I had to do to get that sale from Jan? I mean, I went all out. All out. I mean like everything was out the whole week.

Quote from Andy's Ancestry

Andy: Alright! We gotta get rid of all this junk food. Get fit, America! Not sure if the buzz has reached the annex yet, but, uh, I'm related to Michelle Obama.
[Clark and Peter clap; together to camera:]
Pete: Yeah we noticed early on, Andy really appreciates enthusiasm.
Clark: So we decided the best way to get ahead here is to be his cheerleaders. It's starting to have this reverse effect, though, where I really do think the stuff he does is awesome.
Pete: Yeah, me too. It's weird. Hard to remember what's real at this point.
Clark: Just clap through it, man.

Quote from Junior Salesman

Clark: This sucks, you know? You put in 12 grueling weeks at a company, and what do they do? They make you compete for a promotion, like an animal. You know, I thought this was an office, not the Thunderdome.

Quote from Suit Warehouse

Oscar: Hey, look who's back, Dwight Junior.
Kevin: Hey, so how was it? I mean... the sex with Jan.
Clark: A gentleman doesn't discuss such matters. Especially when the feelings of a lady are involved.
[aside to camera:]
Clark: Women reach their sexual peak at whatever age Jan was last week. I mean it was... like making love with a wild animal. But not like a cougar like you might think. It was, uh, like a swarm of bees. Bees that just find something wrong with every hotel room.

Quote from The Farm

Pam: Oh my god! Is everyone OK?
Phyllis: Last night, I got out all of my old dolls and played with them on the living room floor. Then, I ordered ten American Girl outfits online. It was thousands of dollars.
Nellie: Yeah? Well, count yourself lucky, Phyllis. I got the toilet.
Stanley: Me too. [holds up four fingers]
Clark: I went Christmas caroling in March and I fertilized some bushes along the way. So, not my best night. But, not my worst night.

Quote from Here Comes Treble

Andy: But you have no idea how lucky you are because HCT is doing a set at our Halloween party.
Stanley: Ugh. I don't want to sit through a whole concert of that.
Clark: I do. I love the boss's interests.
Andy: Atta boy, Clark!

Quote from Here Comes Treble

Clark: Wait! Wait. Hold on. Where's the band? ‘Cause there's just no way you guys are making this magic with just your mouths.
Creed: Yeah. That's what she said.
[aside to camera:]
Clark: What, am I overdoing it? No. No.

Quote from The Whale

Pete: Toby got us all to participate in Movember. It's a charity for prostate cancer. You pledge money and then you grow a mustache for the month of November.
Clark: So, this is how we look now. I hope you like being turned on all the time.

Quote from Suit Warehouse

Sam Stone, Jr.: I'm sorry, you guys are here to sell us paper?
Dwight K. Schrute: Do you mind? The men are talking.
Sam Stone, Sr.: Sons used to idolize their fathers.
Dwight K. Schrute: Us old timers need to stick together. And how better than by signing a contract?
Sam Stone, Jr.: I'd love to! Sam Junior here, he runs the business now. Kind of pushed me out, truth be told. I'm just here for human contract.
Sam Stone, Jr.: Okay Pop...
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait, so you're the boss?
Sam Stone, Jr.: That's right.
Clark: Hi, I'm Clark.
Sam Stone, Jr.: Hey.
Clark: Let's talk.
Sam Stone, Jr.: Okay.
Clark: So if you look at our catalog here...

Quote from Suit Warehouse

Clark: I mean, look, you and I both know that in paper or fashion, styles change. Check out my dad's suit. You are looking at pure acrylic. That's why his face always breaks out.
Sam Stone, Jr.: Does that suit come with a fire extinguisher? [Clark chuckles]
Clark: You know what, Dad? Maybe you should buy me a suit. I mean, I'm going to need one right? If I'm ever going to get a "real job" and move my "lazy ass" out of your "G.D. house".
Sam Stone, Jr.: He's got you there.

Quote from Junior Salesman

Clark: You know what, man? I deserve this job.
Dwight K. Schrute: Mm-hmm.
Clark: I scored Stone and Son Suit Warehouse with you, and God knows, to get the Scranton White Pages with Jan, I went above and beyond. And under.

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