Andy: Creed's head of quality assurance. So he'd definitely be wrapped up in this.
[separately to camera:]
Creed: So there I am, minding my own business and Darnell offers me three bucks. All I gotta do is walk by Andy and go like this. [draws finger across neck] Darnell's a chump. I would have done it for anything. I've done a lot more for a lot less.

Andy: Hey, Stanley. One of my clients just called and said that their Sabre printer started smoking and caught on fire.
Stanley: My doctor told me to cut out hot dogs. We all got problems.

Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, I'm good. Hey, you know an exercise for two people that uses the whole body?
Donna: [chuckles] Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about.
Dwight K. Schrute: Tractor pulling. Too bad there's not a tractor here.

Kelly: Wait, that's crazy far. Are you sure she's not cheating?
Michael Scott: You know what, Kelly? This is the real world. Not The Real World: Scranton.
Kelly: Oh my God, this is super weird. When Ryan had two girlfriends, he used to take me to some diner in Hazelton just so the other girl wouldn't see.
Ryan: Some diner?! It was the Starlight Diner! It's in a LIFE magazine spread about Americana.

Michael Scott: Well, that's easy for you to say. You have a bad imagination. It's stupid. I live in a fantasy world.
Jim: You do?
Michael Scott: Yes, Jim, I do. And I can't stay in a relationship that is full of lies and deceit.
Jim: But you didn't believe any of this was true five minutes ago.
Michael Scott: That's what makes it so wrong.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Ever since I found out that Donna might be cheating on me, I have not eaten or slept. This not knowing, that's what's killing me.

Andy: [to Gabe] Let me know what they say.
Darryl: [puts newspaper down] Wow. That dude is good.
Andy: What do you mean?
Darryl: You didn't feel like he was hiding something?
Andy: I don't know.
Darryl: Like he was... covering something up? Maybe.
[aside to camera:]
Darryl: Two years ago, Andy blamed the warehouse for a late shipment that he forgot to process. We got yelled at pretty bad. Almost lost my job, and I was mad as hell at the time. But I said "Darryl, just wait. He's a fool. There's gonna be an opportunity. Just be patient."

Michael Scott: And she won't say, "I love you."
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, no.
Andy: How many dates have you been on?
Michael Scott: Nine dates. I said it on the second date.
Oscar: That seems quick. Even for lesbians.

Michael Scott: Who enjoys the weekends? Of course. Now the weekend is always great if you have someone, which I do. I have Donna. She is hot. She has a Pilates butt. But we need to find something to do this weekend beside have sex. Did I say that? Yes, I did. And the reason you are here is that I need ideas for things that Donna and I could do on the weekend. So just shout it out.
Stanley: I have an idea for your weekend.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Stanley: Let me get back to my desk right now.
Michael Scott: Okay, you get out of here, big dog. [high-fives Stanley] Ah, no, no, no, no. You guys sit down. I need ideas.
Pam: Stanley got to go.
Michael Scott: Yeah, well, Stanley doesn't help with anything.

Ryan: Does she keep her phone locked around you, Michael? Does she watch how much she drinks around you, Michael?
[aside to camera:]
Ryan: Does she leave the room when she takes phone calls? Does she keep perfume in her purse? Does she shower before sex? Does she shower after sex? Does she-
[back:]
Michael Scott: Yeah, she does all that.
Ryan: Sorry, dude.

Pam: Michael, do not let your imagination run amok.
Michael Scott: Run what?
Pam: Amok. It means, don't let your imagination run out of control.
Michael Scott: Why didn't you just say that, Pam?
Pam: Michael, do not let your imagination run out of control.