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‘The Seminar’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

The Office: The Seminar

714. The Seminar

Aired January 27, 2011

When Andy hosts a seminar for small business owners, he struggles to convince his co-workers to help him out. Meanwhile, Michael tries to cheer Holly up, following her break-up with AJ, and Jim hides from a childhood friend.

Quote from Erin

Erin: I'm playing Scrabble with Gabe, and I've never won a game.
[aside to camera:]
Erin: The winner gets to pick the movie we watch. I have won no games. So far I've seen "The Shining", "Rosemary's Baby", "The Ring". Not really my thing. Although, I... I do like the early parts of the movies where they have a perfect family and everything.


Quote from Erin

Oscar: Why did you play "moo"?
Erin: Because I'm playing to win. I'm playing "moo", I'm playing "milk". Whatever it takes.
Oscar: Okay, but look, you could have hit "mood". Would have played a triple word.
Erin: Like the cow "mood" yesterday. God.
Oscar: Or moon.
Erin: The cow jumped over the moon.
Oscar: She's stuck on that one thing.
Pam: You know, it doesn't have to just be cow stuff, right?

Quote from Creed

Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, our special guest speaker will provoke you. He will inspire you. He is... Creed Bratton. [applause]
Creed: Two eyes, two ears, a chin, a mouth, ten fingers, two nipples. A butt, two kneecaps, a penis. I have just described to you the Loch Ness Monster. And the reward for its capture? All the riches in Scotland. So I have one question: Why are you here?

Quote from Kelly

Andy: I'm really excited to introduce you guys to Ryan Howard. He has achieved a great deal in the last...
Kelly: But perhaps no achievement is greater than his on-again, off-again girlfriend.
Andy: What are you...
Kelly: Who am I? I'm Kelly Kapoor, the business bitch.
[aside to camera:]
Kelly: It is important to brand yourself, so I have a couple of things in works. "The Business Bitch", "The Diet Bitch", "The Shopping Bitch", "The Etiquette Bitch."

Quote from Gabe

Gabe: I picked out our movie. It's called "Suspiria". It pushes all the boundaries. All your preconceived notions about what horror can be come crashing down.
Erin: When I win...
Gabe: Ooh.
Erin: We're gonna watch "WALL-E", where all the boundaries of color are pushed.
[aside to camera:]
Gabe: It is hard to explain why Erin is doing so well today. The only thing I can think is Erin is living out some "Slumdog Millionaire" scenario, where every word she's playing has a connection to her orphan past. It's possible.

Quote from Andy

Erin: Your first student is here, Mister Bernard.
Andy: That's actually "Master of Ceremonies" Bernard.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: Last year, I went to a seminar called "The Ten Secrets of Real Estate". Turns out it was just a ploy to sell me time-shares in Idaho. Cut to, you know, spending a weekend in Boise, terrible time, super lonely. But I get to thinking maybe I should put on my own seminar to lure clients.

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: I could sit here, and I could tell you the ten secrets of business, and you would have a great time, and you would learn a lot. But who better to tell you than the Yale University adjunct professor in management, Professor Scott Powell, who I have on my Blackberry. It's ringing.
Professor Powell: Hey, Kelly Kapoor. What a delicious surprise.
Kelly: Profess Powell, you are on speakerphone.
Professor Powell: Uh, why?
Kelly: Do you think you could tell us the ten secrets of business?
Professor Powell: Um, there aren't really ten secrets.
Kelly: Come on Scott, please? It's me.
Professor Powell: Um, all right. Well, um, I guess know your market would be key. Practice fiscal discipline.
Kelly: Mm-hmm.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: That brilliant little bitch.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I am the plant. Every great seminar has one. My job is to make the speaker look good, and I do this through the techniques of leading questions and laughing at all jokes. And the character "Mikanos", is just a little added flava. "Mikanos" is loosely based on another character I do, "Spiros", who is more about the ladies.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Thank you so much Tuna Turner. You are simply the best.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Holly broke up with AJ last week, which is the greatest thing that has ever happened... to me. To Holly, it's been the worst week of her life, and I know for a fact that there was a week for her in high school when she got mono and her first period ever. Too much information? That's what I thought. But, you know what? Here I am using it.

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