Michael Scott: Decisiveness. One of the keys to success, according to Small Businessman. [to camera:] I do. I read Small Business man. I also, uh, subscribe to USA Today and American Way Magazine. That's the in-flight magazine. Some great articles in that. They did this great profile, last month, of Doris Roberts and where she likes to eat when she's in Phoenix. Illuminating.

Michael Scott: Coffee is the great incentivizer in the office. It's a drug. It is quite literally a drug that speeds people up. It's not the only drug that speeds people up. You hear stories about Dunder Mifflin in the '80s, before everybody knew how bad cocaine was. God! Man, did they move paper.

Dwight K. Schrute: The purse girl hits everything on my check list. Creamy skin, straight teeth, curly hair, amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.

Michael Scott: You should sell a lot here because this branch made over $1 million last year. Not that we're all millionaires. I'm probably closest.

Katy: I guess a cup of coffee would be great.
Michael Scott: Wait a second. Oh, I should have spotted another addict. Gotta love the 'bucks.
Katy: What?
Michael Scott: It's like a slang for Starbucks. They're all over the place. Oh, man. That place is like the promised land to me. What a business model, too.

Michael Scott: I live by one rule. No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate. No. But I live by another rule. Just do it. Nike.

Michael Scott: Whoa. That's my Drakkar Noir.
Ryan: No, this is Rite Aid Night Swept.
Michael Scott: No, it is a perfect smell-alike. I'm not paying for the label. Right here. Give it.
Ryan: Well, it's empty.
Michael Scott: Not it's not, there's some in the straw. [applies some] There, now you may throw it out.

Michael Scott: She asked me for a ride and so I am going to give her a ride home.
Dwight K. Schrute: Is that all it is? Just a ride home? Like a taxicab?
Michael Scott: Well, might be a ride home. Might be a ride home and we stop for coffee and dot-dot-dot...
Dwight K. Schrute: Please. Please, I am your inferior and I'm asking you this favor. Can you promise me that it will just be a ride home?
Michael Scott: No. I cannot promise you that.
Dwight K. Schrute: You cannot promise me, or you won't promise me?
Michael Scott: Listen, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Do you love her?
Michael Scott: Dwight, no. I don't know. It's too early to tell. I don't know how I feel.

Jan: We've created an incentive program to increase sales. You can reward your top seller with a prize worth up to $1,000.
Michael Scott: Woo. Howdy-ho. Wow. A thousand big ones. That's cool. Do I, uh, get to pick the prize?
Jan: Yes. Yes, you can.
Michael Scott: Question. Does top salesman include people who were at one time such outstanding salesmen that they've been promoted to-
Jan: No, Michael. No, you can't win this prize.
Michael Scott: Well, I didn't mean me.

Michael Scott: Michael: Well, first what we have to do is find out what motivates people more than anything else.
Dwight K. Schrute: Sex.
Michael Scott: It's illegal, can't do that. Next best thing.
Dwight K. Schrute: Torture.
Michael Scott: Come on, Dwight. Help me out here. This is stupid.