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‘Prince Family Paper’ Quotes

The Office: Prince Family Paper

513. Prince Family Paper

Aired January 22, 2009

David Wallace sends Michael and Dwight to scope out a local family-run paper company. Meanwhile, the rest of the office debate the "hotness" of an actress.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: In nature, there's something called the food chain. It is where the shark eats the little shark, and the little shark eats the littler shark. And so on and so on and so on, until you get down to the single-cell shark. So now, replace sharks with paper companies. And that is all you need to know about business.

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Quote from Pam

Pam: Ladies, are we prepared to let the Kevins of the world decide anything for us? Anything at all? We don't even give him full Internet access.
Kevin: Wait, what?

Quote from Jim

Dwight K. Schrute: What's- What's this?
Jim: Looks like a red wire.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh. That wasn't here before.
Jim: It's a computer, Dwight. I mean, computers have wires.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yours doesn't.
Jim: Doesn't it?
Dwight K. Schrute: No. It's going in a different direction than the other wires.
Jim: I'm really busy. I can't talk about this anymore.
[Dwight follows the red cable]
Phyllis: Dwight, get out of here.
Dwight K. Schrute: Just shut up, Phyllis.
Stanley: What are you doing?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: I got 500 feet of red wire at a flea market up by Dunmore High School. Twenty bucks for the whole spool. Crazy. What a deal. Oh. [looking out the window and seeing Dwight climb a telephone pole] He'll be fine. I made it up there.

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: I am trying to be more optimistic in life. I've got, what? Twenty, thirty more years left. And my family history says I have less. Now the old Stanley Hudson would have found something to complain about with this actress. But that's no way to live life. Look at this healthy, sexy, pretty, strong young woman. Come on, people. She is hot.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I guess this is what they call a bittersweet moment. It is bitter because I slightly destroyed a wonderful little family. But sweet because David Wallace thought I did a good job. That's why I hate bittersweet chocolate. I don't even- What's the point of that? Why not just sweet? I mean, who are you helping?

Quote from Angela

Kevin: Ladies and gentlemen, even though the penis was fake, I kept expecting a second plot twist where we found out that Hilary Swank actually was a boy.
Pam: Kevin!
Angela: Okay, I wasn't going to dignify this discussion by getting involved, and I don't even get the discussion. Hot is a temperature, people. But Kevin deserves to lose for what he said. So, yes... She's hot. She's hot as heck. She's a female Boris Becker.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: And it was a terrible war. So many died. Far too many died. But if Frodo hadn't destroyed the ring, then goodness itself might have died.
Michael Scott: You're right.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [on the phone] What you talking about, Wallace?
David: Hi, Michael. How are you?
Michael Scott: I'm well. How are you?
David: Very good. So, listen, as you know, we haven't yet filled the regional supervisor job.
Michael Scott: Oh, have you not?
David: Correct, and I was wondering if I could get you to do the fieldwork that would normally go to the supervisor. Okay, there's an area from Carbondale to Marshbrook where we've never done any business. There's a small company there, Prince Paper. I can't get a report on it because it's not a public company. But we've been talking about going after their market. So I was hoping you could do some fact-finding for me.
Michael Scott: okay.
David: I'll fax over some of the things we're looking for.
Michael Scott: Fax? Why don't you just send it over on a dinosaur?
David: Look, this is important, Michael.
Michael Scott: Oh, then e-mail it, David.

Quote from Michael Scott

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, so let's go over the plan again.
Michael Scott: Okay. I'm a local business owner. I need to buy paper. I find out everything about their prices and policies.
Dwight K. Schrute: Your fictious name?
Michael Scott: Michael Scarn.
Dwight K. Schrute: Good. I am a paper salesman looking for a new job. I find out everything about their expenses and salaries.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Dwight K. Schrute: Then we meet at Denny's, and we compare notes.
Michael Scott: No. No, I never said Denny's. Ihop.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, I said Denny's. You know how I feel about Ihop.
Michael Scott: Don't start.
Dwight K. Schrute: Are you a socialist?
Michael Scott: I don't want to get into this debate again. I enjoy Ihop.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'll have a cup of coffee.
Michael Scott: You will have pancakes, and you'll like it.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: The store next to them is for lease.
Michael Scott: So what?
Dwight K. Schrute: It means they're not expanding.
Michael Scott: Maybe they're shrinking.
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Michael Scott: They could be shrinking.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, because the sign is centered perfectly above their store. No sign of the sign being moved.
Michael Scott: Uh-huh.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's lunchtime. But no sign of anyone coming in or out, which means they're not taking new customers out to lunch. They're not acquiring new business. So once again, no growth.
Michael Scott: Uh-huh. Yeah. And there are clouds. Clouds in the sky. That means it's gonna rain. Bad for business.
Dwight K. Schrute: It would if they were altocumulus, not cirrostratus.
Michael Scott: Argh, why are you all-
Dwight K. Schrute: Get your clouds right.
Michael Scott: Shut up.

Quote from Michael Scott

Roger Prince, Sr.: How can I help you?
Michael Scott: My name is Michael Scarn. I am a local business owner, and I would like to find out about your company.
Roger Prince, Sr.: Please come in.
Michael Scott: Thank you.
Roger Prince, Sr.: What kind of business are you in?
Michael Scott: We're a law firm.
Roger Prince, Sr.: I assume your primary paper needs are stationery, general office.
Michael Scott: You know, I'll be honest with you about something. Where I used to live, our paper supplier had a lot of big clients, and I just didn't feel like a priority. So, I guess my question to you would be [reading from a note], how many clients do you have?
Roger Prince, Sr.: About 80.
Michael Scott: Really? That many? This doesn't seem like a very big operation.
Roger Prince, Sr.: Well, it's just me, my wife and my son.
Michael Scott: Ah. So when- When did you set up shop?
Roger Prince, Sr.: I opened this place after I came back from Vietnam.
Michael Scott: Ooh, Vietnam. I hear it's lovely.

Quote from Kevin

Andy: Each side will have three minutes to prepare opening arguments. Topic. Hilary Swank is attractive.
All: Hot.
Kevin: The debate is whether she's hot.
Stanley: What difference does it make? Attractive, hot, beautiful... We're talking about the same thing here.
Kevin: Huge difference. A painting can be beautiful, but I don't want to bang a painting.
Andy: Okay, T.M.I.

Quote from Michael Scott

Roger Prince, Jr.: So why are you considering leaving Dunder Mifflin?
Dwight K. Schrute: My boss.
Roger Prince, Jr.: Oh, yeah? Do tell.
Dwight K. Schrute: His insensitivity could border on the cruel. This is a man who does not listen to the needs of his underlings.
Michael Scott: Hey! Hey!
Dwight K. Schrute: He's way-
Michael Scott: How's the interview going?
Dwight K. Schrute: Very well.
Michael Scott: Don't blow it.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Math. That's not so hard. There are four of these. Ignore the parenthesis, right? Why is this little two so small? It's weird. You just don't Just go by the "x." The "x" means "times." So that means four times x-two.
What is double four?
Rebecca: Eight.
Michael Scott: Right. Excellent. Way to go. Nice.
Linda: [to her granddaughter] Don't put that.

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: See that? The obvious symmetry of the face. It's the natural appeal of the scientific standard of koinophilia, features that are a composite average of many features. Yes, she's attractive, but she is not hot.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: What will happen to that family if I call Wallace and give him this information?
Dwight K. Schrute: It's simple. Wallace would use that information to destroy them.
Michael Scott: Okay. You know, our sales are fine. We're doing fine. They're doing fine.
Dwight K. Schrute: Could be better.
Michael Scott: Why don't we live and let live?
Dwight K. Schrute: What?
Michael Scott: Live and let live.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm not familiar with that.
Michael Scott: It's a James Bond-
Dwight K. Schrute: It doesn't make any sense. Of course, I'm alive.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I'm not going to make this call.
Dwight K. Schrute: Michael, you have to. Have you ever seen a lioness devour her cub? Have you ever seen a baboon devour its mate? Have you ever seen a raccoon devour a squirrel?
Michael Scott: My heart says no.
Dwight K. Schrute: Your heart is a wonderful thing, Michael. But it makes some terrible decisions.
Michael Scott: That's true. That's true.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes. Gosh.
Michael Scott: It has gone down the wrong path many, many times. Jan, Ryan...

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You are right. I will call Wallace, and I will give him the customer list. And I will give him all of my info.
Dwight K. Schrute: You are doing the right thing, Michael. Good. So... Where are you going?
Michael Scott: Just something I have to do first.
Dwight K. Schrute: Where are you taking the client list?
Michael Scott: Someplace safe where it can't hurt anyone.
Dwight K. Schrute: Michael! Michael! Michael, get back here! Michael, don't do this! Shoot. Freeze. Stop. Give me the list! No! No! I can't let you do this.
Michael Scott: Those people will be ruined!
Dwight K. Schrute: It's business! It's not personal!


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