Michael Scott: In nature, there's something called the food chain. It is where the shark eats the little shark, and the little shark eats the littler shark. And so on and so on and so on, until you get down to the single-cell shark. So now, replace sharks with paper companies. And that is all you need to know about business.

Pam: Ladies, are we prepared to let the Kevins of the world decide anything for us? Anything at all? We don't even give him full Internet access.
Kevin: Wait, what?

Dwight K. Schrute: What's- What's this?
Jim: Looks like a red wire.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh. That wasn't here before.
Jim: It's a computer, Dwight. I mean, computers have wires.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yours doesn't.
Jim: Doesn't it?
Dwight K. Schrute: No. It's going in a different direction than the other wires.
Jim: I'm really busy. I can't talk about this anymore.
[Dwight follows the red cable]
Phyllis: Dwight, get out of here.
Dwight K. Schrute: Just shut up, Phyllis.
Stanley: What are you doing?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: I got 500 feet of red wire at a flea market up by Dunmore High School. Twenty bucks for the whole spool. Crazy. What a deal. Oh. [looking out the window and seeing Dwight climb a telephone pole] He'll be fine. I made it up there.

Stanley: I am trying to be more optimistic in life. I've got, what? Twenty, thirty more years left. And my family history says I have less. Now the old Stanley Hudson would have found something to complain about with this actress. But that's no way to live life. Look at this healthy, sexy, pretty, strong young woman. Come on, people. She is hot.

Michael Scott: I guess this is what they call a bittersweet moment. It is bitter because I slightly destroyed a wonderful little family. But sweet because David Wallace thought I did a good job. That's why I hate bittersweet chocolate. I don't even- What's the point of that? Why not just sweet? I mean, who are you helping?

Kevin: Ladies and gentlemen, even though the penis was fake, I kept expecting a second plot twist where we found out that Hilary Swank actually was a boy.
Pam: Kevin!
Angela: Okay, I wasn't going to dignify this discussion by getting involved, and I don't even get the discussion. Hot is a temperature, people. But Kevin deserves to lose for what he said. So, yes... She's hot. She's hot as heck. She's a female Boris Becker.

Dwight K. Schrute: And it was a terrible war. So many died. Far too many died. But if Frodo hadn't destroyed the ring, then goodness itself might have died.
Michael Scott: You're right.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah.

Michael Scott: [on the phone] What you talking about, Wallace?
David: Hi, Michael. How are you?
Michael Scott: I'm well. How are you?
David: Very good. So, listen, as you know, we haven't yet filled the regional supervisor job.
Michael Scott: Oh, have you not?
David: Correct, and I was wondering if I could get you to do the fieldwork that would normally go to the supervisor. Okay, there's an area from Carbondale to Marshbrook where we've never done any business. There's a small company there, Prince Paper. I can't get a report on it because it's not a public company. But we've been talking about going after their market. So I was hoping you could do some fact-finding for me.
Michael Scott: okay.
David: I'll fax over some of the things we're looking for.
Michael Scott: Fax? Why don't you just send it over on a dinosaur?
David: Look, this is important, Michael.
Michael Scott: Oh, then e-mail it, David.

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, so let's go over the plan again.
Michael Scott: Okay. I'm a local business owner. I need to buy paper. I find out everything about their prices and policies.
Dwight K. Schrute: Your fictious name?
Michael Scott: Michael Scarn.
Dwight K. Schrute: Good. I am a paper salesman looking for a new job. I find out everything about their expenses and salaries.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Dwight K. Schrute: Then we meet at Denny's, and we compare notes.
Michael Scott: No. No, I never said Denny's. Ihop.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, I said Denny's. You know how I feel about Ihop.
Michael Scott: Don't start.
Dwight K. Schrute: Are you a socialist?
Michael Scott: I don't want to get into this debate again. I enjoy Ihop.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'll have a cup of coffee.
Michael Scott: You will have pancakes, and you'll like it.

Dwight K. Schrute: The store next to them is for lease.
Michael Scott: So what?
Dwight K. Schrute: It means they're not expanding.
Michael Scott: Maybe they're shrinking.
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Michael Scott: They could be shrinking.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, because the sign is centered perfectly above their store. No sign of the sign being moved.
Michael Scott: Uh-huh.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's lunchtime. But no sign of anyone coming in or out, which means they're not taking new customers out to lunch. They're not acquiring new business. So once again, no growth.
Michael Scott: Uh-huh. Yeah. And there are clouds. Clouds in the sky. That means it's gonna rain. Bad for business.
Dwight K. Schrute: It would if they were altocumulus, not cirrostratus.
Michael Scott: Argh, why are you all-
Dwight K. Schrute: Get your clouds right.
Michael Scott: Shut up.