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74Quotes from ‘Launch Party’

The Office: Launch Party

405. Launch Party

Aired October 11, 2007

As Dunder Mifflin gets ready to launch its new website, Michael is excited to be invited to the launch party in New York. Meanwhile, Dwight attempts to keep his crown as the best salesman and out sell the website. When Angela throws a party for the launch at the Scranton branch, things don't go to plan after Michael orders pizza.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: It appears that the website has become alive. This happens to computers and robots sometimes. Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please! The computer should be scared of me. I have been salesman of the month for 13 out of the last 12 months. You heard me right. I did so well last February that corporate gave me two plaques in lieu of a pay raise.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Listen up, kid. I don't like you, but because some town in Switzerland says so, you have rights.

Quote from Jim

Jim: How's it going?
Dwight K. Schrute: Fine. Good.
Jim: Yeah?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah.
Jim: You look a little worried.
Dwight K. Schrute: I do not look worried.
[Dwight receives an I.M. from DunMiff/sys reading "You do look worried.". Dwight composes a message in response.]
Pam: [reading] "Here's a suggestion, computer. I assume you read binary. So why don't you 011-11-011-011?"
Jim: [telling Pam what to type] Um, while you were typing that, I searched every database in existence and learned every fact about everything. And mastered the violin. Oh, and sold more paper.

Quote from Pam

Jim: Do you remember what you said to me on my first day at work, just before you walked me over to my desk?
Pam: Yeah. "Enjoy this moment, because you're never going to go back to this time before you met your desk-mate Dwight."
Jim: And that's when I knew. You?
Pam: You came up to my desk and you said, "This might sound weird, and there's no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you're about to eat has expired."
Jim: That was the moment that you knew you liked me?
Pam: Yep.
Jim: Wow. Can we make it a different moment?
Pam: Nope.

Quote from Andy

Andy: [answering phone] Hello? Hey. Hang on a second. [answering a second phone] Hello? Hang on.
[singing to Angela, guys on phone join in] If you change your mind I'll be first in line Honey, I'm still free Take a chance on me If you need me let me know Gonna be around If you got no place to go If you're feeling down If you're all alone When the pretty birds have flown Honey, I'm still free Take a chance on me Gonna do my very best And that ain't no lie If you put me to the test If you let me try Take a chance on me. That's all I ask of you, Angela. Take a chance on me.

Quote from Jim

Jim: You need to let him go.
Michael Scott: Let go of little jerk boy? Before he has learned his lesson?
Jim: Yes.
Michael Scott: You know what, Jim? World would be a better place if people were held accountable for their actions.
Jim: Yes, but not by kidnapping them.
Michael Scott: I'm not kidnapping him. I'm keeping him until I get what I want.
Jim: As a hostage.
Michael Scott: I think you're overthinking it.
Jim: I think you're under-thinking it.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I've seen this kid before. He's one of the kids who sneaks onto my farm and steals my hemp.
[aside to camera:]
Pizza guy: Yeah, I know that guy. He's that farmer that grows really crappy weed.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [on the phone] Yes, is Alfredo there? May I speak to manager then? Okay, could you tell the manager that I am keeping his delivery kid until I get my discount on the eight pizzas I ordered? Yes, I know it is not on the coupon. Also, I would like him to throw in two- three pizzas, um, just for our-
Jim: Ransom.
Michael Scott: Trouble. Okay. All right.
Jim: What'd he say?
Michael Scott: He said no.
Jim: So we should let him go.
Michael Scott: No, no.

Quote from Ryan

[Ryan is interview with his feet up on a desk in a large, corner office]
Ryan: Yeah, I created a website. Look. At the end of the day, Apple's apple is flying at 30,000 feet. This is a paper company. And I don't want us to get lost in the weeds or into a beauty contest.
Thomas Dean: [o.s.] I told you I don't want you doing these things. You can use your own office or do it in the hall.
[Ryan continues in a smaller office:]
Ryan: Convergence, viral marketing. We're going guerrilla. We're taking it to the streets while keeping an eye on the street, Wall Street. I don't want to reinvent the wheel here. In other words, it is what it is. Buying paper just became fun.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: What's going on?
Jim: Michael just called the pizza place with a list of demands.
Michael Scott: Mr. Overdramatic. What's up, Kev?
Kevin: We're getting hungry out there. We're all accomplices now anyway, so we figured we might as well eat. We would like to order some good pizza from Alfredo's pizza cafe while we wait for the hostage situation with the bad pizza to end.

Quote from Phyllis

Angela: I asked for assorted cutlery, and I got back spoons. These are worthless.
Phyllis: I want to understand what you're saying, but it's difficult for me when you use that tone.
Angela: Phyllis, these are spoons. Spoons have round tops and are used to scoop things. What we need are forks which have prongs or tiny spears on top. And we need knives which have blades. Do you understand me now?
Phyllis: Yes.
Angela: Goody.

Quote from Darryl

Dwight K. Schrute: What are you doing? I am in the fight of my life against this computer, and every sale counts.
Kelly: But you get to put the paper in the little shopping cart and then it says, "Thanks for shopping with Dunder Mifflin."
Dwight K. Schrute: Damn it, Kelly, it knows! It knows what you did!
Darryl: Who knows?
Dwight K. Schrute: Return it. Return it now.
Darryl: Hey. How about instead of yelling at our sweet Miss Kapoor over 500 sheets of paper, you get back to your desk and start selling multiple reams, like a man.
Dwight K. Schrute: You don't understand. Okay, if this makes the difference, I'm gonna tell it that you were responsible.
Darryl: Who's "it"?

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I am not a bad person. When I left Staples, I took some of their leads with me, but I never intended to use them. What did intend to do with them? Who knows? Maybe keep them as a souvenir. Maybe use them.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jim: You're going to let me know when we're close?
Michael Scott: Yes. Actually, I will tell you right now. It's a club called chat room, and there's a password to get in.
Which is actually "password," so- Okay. What are you doing?
Jim: That is an invitation to an online party.
Michael Scott: No.
Jim: Yep.
Michael Scott: I'm sure that's not-
Jim: Are there three "Ws" at the beginning of the address?
Michael Scott: Yes.
Jim: Yep.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [on the phone] Well, the invitation says "VIPs only." Is this how you treat your VIPs, Ryan? We're already in the city. The main part with the buildings. What am I supposed to do? What do you want me to do tonight? And if you tell me that I have to drive back to Scranton to the satellite party, I am going to throw up.
Okay, I'm going to throw up. I'm throwing up. You're making me throw up, Ryan.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You know that is is like? I will tell you what this is like. This is like when the freshmen would throw a party, and wouldn't let any of the seniors go.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: It was a pretty disappointing day. It was kind of a slap in the face. To realize that I wasn't as important as I thought I was to a certain young executive who I'd cared about. But you know, I'm not gonna cry over it. I did that in the car on the way home.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: How we doing on time?
Angela: The party starts in an hour.
Michael Scott: Good, these are some things that I would like to have happen.
Angela: "Beer, light beer, streamers, orchids, better lighting, something made of ice."
Michael Scott: Those are just things. This is how I want it to feel.
Angela: "Pizza with mushrooms, pizza without mushrooms, white pizza, steak? "
Michael Scott: I would like this party to be sexier, cooler, more important-
Angela: "Chocolates, someone famous, cool music, confetti, go-go dancers"?
Michael Scott: I want it to embarrass all other parties. I want it to be a party that the guys in New York watch on the web cam and say, "How did they get Al Roker to come?"

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: Guess who just ordered from your favorite pizza place, Alfredo?
Kevin: Wait. Alfredo's pizza cafe? Or pizza by Alfredo?
Michael Scott: Same thing.
[Everyone groans]
Michael Scott: You know what, I don't understand when you all talk at the same time!
Kevin: Oscar, talk to him.
Oscar: Michael, there's a very big difference between these two pizza places. Both in quality of ingredients and in overall taste. Which one did you order from?
Michael Scott: Pizza by Alfredo.
[Everyone groans]
Michael Scott: All right, you know what? Okay, okay. What is better, a medium amount of good pizza, or all you can eat of pretty good pizza?
All: A medium amount of good pizza.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: Oh, no, it's bad. It's real bad. It's like eating a hot circle of garbage.

Quote from Andy

Andy: They say you should never mix business with pleasure. Really? Well then explain to me how a putt-putt golf company operates.

Quote from Michael Scott

Pizza guy: Uh, $63.50, and that's not including tip.
Michael Scott: Right, I've a coupon, so half of $63.50, and half the tip on $63.50.
Pizza guy: The half-off coupons only apply to orders of two pizzas.
Michael Scott: No, I told them on phone I was ordering eight pizzas.
Pizza guy: I don't care what you told them on the phone. That's our policy.
Michael Scott: You didn't actually think that I was gonna spend 60 bucks on pizza?
Oscar: It's not pizza.
Michael Scott: Okay, it doesn't say it anywhere on the coupon, and if it's policy, it should say it on the coupon.
Pizza guy: [shrugs]
Michael Scott: What do you mean hmm-mmm?
Pizza guy: Not my problem.
Michael Scott: It is your problem. That's no way to do business, okay? I ordered eight pizzas with a half-off coupon, so I would like eight pizzas for half-off. End of story.
Pizza guy: Great story. It's sixty-three fifty, and that's not including tip.
Michael Scott: I'm not giving that to you.
Pizza guy: Well, then you're not getting your pizzas.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: No, no, you're not- You are not going anywhere. You're going to stay here until we figure this out.
Pizza guy: What?
Michael Scott: You know what? This young man needs to learn that that's not how you treat people. I don't care if it's pizza. Good business is about respect and accountability and follow-through. You don't just make promises and pull the rug out from under somebody, do you? Dwight, please escort this young man into the conference room. Right now. Get in the conference room.
Pizza guy: I'm not going in there.
Michael Scott: Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are. And you will come out when you decide to give me a discount on the pizza. Please. Thank you.
Pizza guy: This is stupid.
Michael Scott: No, you don't even know what stupid is! It's about to get all stupid up in here!

Quote from Oscar

Stanley: You find anything?
Kevin: We think it's a straight forward kidnapping.
Oscar: Stanley, could you look up "accomplices?"
Stanley: Why can't you guys do it?
Oscar: Because we're looking up "jail time."
Stanley: Fine.

Quote from Michael Scott

Ryan: [on video conference] And now, from my old hometown, Scranton, Pennsylvania, my former boss, Michael Scott.
Michael Scott: Hey. I just think you should know that one of my salesmen beat your stupid computer. So take that, ass[beep]
Ryan: Always a jokester. How about that image? Crystal clear.
Pizza Guy: [to the camera] If anyone out there is listening, I'm being held here against my will. I'm a minor.

Quote from Jim

Jim: A toast. Better make it good. To avoiding a class 2 felony charge.

Quote from Michael Scott

Guy: Hey, you're the Scranton guy.
Michael Scott: Guilty.
Guy: I liked your statement tonight.
Michael Scott: Oh. Okay. Thanks. This is the guy that beat the computer.
Guy: Oh, very cool. It was funny to see Ryan all embarrassed by that.
Michael Scott: Yeah. See you later. Later on. [mimicking Ryan] I'm Ryan, and tonight didn't go the way that I thought it would. Because it didn't work out for me. I'm very embarrassed. I have egg all over my face. And I'm 12 years old.
Dwight K. Schrute: And I spent so much time in Scranton, but I never sold any paper.
Michael Scott: I never sold any paper, because I'm an idiot. I started a fire with my cheese peeler.
Dwight K. Schrute: And I dated an Indian girl.
Michael Scott: I started a fire. I started a beard.
Dwight K. Schrute: Now I got a beard. And I have new shoes and I'm your boss.
Michael Scott: I'm hot. I'm so hot. That- That's why everybody-
Dwight K. Schrute: I don't get- I don't understand that.
Michael Scott: Well, that's part of it.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: And the same thing goes for quarterly reports. They're unreadable. They're just numbers, and boring, and black. So what I was thinking is that maybe we should have some sort of graphic. Like if we have a bad quarter, put in a storm cloud. And, when we have a good quarter fireworks. Or a race car. [everybody sighs] Doesn't have to be a race car. Use your imagination.

Quote from Jim

Jim: There's this cube on the screen, and it bounces around all day. And sometimes it looks like it's heading right into the corner of the screen and at the last minute it hits the wall and bounces away. We are all just dying to see it go right into the corner. Pam claims that she saw it one day when she was alone in the conference room. Okay. I believe she thinks she saw it.
[later, also to camera:]
Pam: I saw it. I saw it, and it was amazing. Who said I didn't see it? Did Jim say that? I saw it!

Quote from Michael Scott

[As Michael talks, the employees are busy watching the DVD screensaver on the TV]
Michael Scott: We have a lot of colored paper here. Why, oh, why, do we keep printing this on white?
Andy: No! Come on!
Michael Scott: Yeah. I know. I know. It's bland.
Oscar: It's never gonna happen.
Kevin: Dude, you've gotta believe.
Michael Scott: Maybe we could have some sort of riddle-
Jim: Wait for it.
Pam: Uh-huh.
Michael Scott: Like something that you have to look for Sort of a Where's Waldo? [everyone cheers and applauds] All r- All right. Let's quit while we're ahead.
Kevin: That was so awesome.
Michael Scott: That was awesome. Thank you. [later, to camera] Some days, I am just on fire. What can I say?

Quote from Meredith

Meredith: Hey, there he is.
Jim: Hey, Meredith. How you feeling?
Meredith: I never thanked you for coming to the hospital.
Jim: Oh, please, it was my pleasure. Well, we all came, so-
Meredith: Well, I real appreciate you coming. I'm singling you out. Anyway, I have this sharpie. And I was wondering if you could sign my cast. [Meredith lifts up her blouse to reveal a cast around her pelvis.] Can you write where I can read it?
Jim: Oh, yep.
Meredith: [whispering] I'll read this when I get home.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Dwight mercy killed Angela's cat. It's very complicated. It's caused a lot of unpleasantness between Dwight and Angela. Who were both already prone to unpleasantness.

Quote from Phyllis

Phyllis: Angela is worse than usual lately, and we have a party to throw. So I googled "how to deal with difficult people," and I got all of this. So we're gonna try out some new things today.
[cut to:]
Phyllis: So how do you feel about the fact that the banner says "lunch"?
Angela: I feel angry. Angry at you. Angry at you for doing something stupid. Angry at me for believing you could do something not stupid.
Phyllis: I'm so sorry to hear that. That must be awful.
Angela: It is awful. You've made this day awful.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [singing to the tune of "Leaving on a Jet Plane"] I'm leaving inside Jim's car I don't know when I'll be back again Yes, I do Tomorrow [as Terminator] I'll be back I'll be back tomorrow

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: So you know what? Why don't you guys take off a little bit early tonight?
Angela: Because there's a party. A party for the web site I've been planning for two weeks.
Michael Scott: If you are not this tall, you may not ride the roller coaster.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: [on the phone] Perfect. So let me just get some basic information from you. Mmmhmm.
[Dwight receives an I.M. from DunMiff/sys which reads "Oh. I didn't realize we could use the leads we stole from Staples."]
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm sorry. Am, so sorry. I... yes. Uh, could you repeat that?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You ever read this?
Jim: Yep. A long time ago, but I liked it.
Michael Scott: I got it for Ryan. I wanted to get him "Oh, the places you'll go," but they were sold out. I figured it's the same sort of stuff in here.
Jim: It's not. It's different. But it's a good book.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jim: What was that?
Michael Scott: Leaving Pennsylvania.
Jim: Two kisses?
Michael Scott: One for me, one for Jan.
Jim: Gotcha.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Doesn't it piss you off sometimes that little twerp got the promotion over us?
Jim: Oh, actually I withdrew from consideration.
Michael Scott: Yeah, I withdrew too.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Four, three, two, one!
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes!
Andy: After numerous projections that the computer would crush all salesmen in its path, I am very happy to report that our very own Dwight Schrute has crushed his electronic nemesis, if you will, by a whopping 52 reams!
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait. Say it again. Announce it again.
Andy: 52 reams!
Dwight K. Schrute: No, no, the first part.
Andy: Dwight has defeated the computer!

Quote from Angela

Angela: How do you tell someone it's over? You send them a notarized letter, right? Well, what if the recipient is your notary?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: All right, who wants to party?
Oscar: Why aren't you in New York?
Michael Scott: Oh-ho, what?! Oh, I think I faked Oscar out.
Stanley: You said you weren't coming back and we could leave early.
Michael Scott: I think I faked Stanley out too. Who else thought that I was leaving, and they could all go home early? Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Well, who needs New York? Right? We can have a killer party right here in Scranton.
Angela: Thank you.
Michael Scott: No, no, no, no. It's gonna be nothing like the party you've been planning. This is going to be good. And everybody's gonna come.

Quote from Michael Scott

Angela: I can't do this.
Michael Scott: Yes, you can.
Angela: I can't do it.
Michael Scott: Yes, you can. I know you can. I wouldn't say that if I didn't 100% believe it. Who else could do this?
Angela: Okay. Okay.
Michael Scott: No, seriously. Is there anyone else who could do it better? Because we don't have a lot of time. I'll get the pizza.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Andy: What do you think of Angela?
Dwight K. Schrute: I think she's efficient.
Andy: No, not like that. As a woman. W- O-M-A-N.
Dwight K. Schrute: I hadn't noticed.
Andy: You hadn't noticed she's a woman? I hear she's single and ready to mingle. I'm thinking about making a play for her. What do you think? Crazy, right?
Dwight K. Schrute: I think it's inappropriate to date someone you work with.
Andy: Isn't that part of the fun?
Dwight K. Schrute: No. I think you should date Kelly.
Andy: She works here, too. How is that any different?
Dwight K. Schrute: Uh. She works in the annex. You're also welcome to date Toby.

Quote from Angela

Andy: You looking for dinner and a movie? 'cause you're not gonna find it in that box. It just so happens I know where you can find it, but again- Not in the box. Angela, are you hearing words that I'm saying?
Angela: What?
Andy: Hello.
Angela: I worked on a party for 3 weeks that just got thrown out the window. So now I have to pull together a whole new party. And my useless number two quit, so now there's no one in charge of orchids, chocolates, or the thing that's made of ice. And my upper back itched all day, and I can't reach it. And Kevin had Greek food for lunch again.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You ready to give me my discount now?
Pizza guy: No.
Michael Scott: Okay. What have you been doing in here this whole time?
Pizza guy: What kind of business is this?
Dwight K. Schrute: We're a paper company. The best paper company in the whole wide world!
Michael Scott: Okay. Dwight, knock it off. You better think about what you are doing, young man.
Pizza guy: You better think about what you're doing.
Michael Scott: No. I'm an adult. I don't have to think or do anything. You're a kid. You're a little snot-nose punk kid who thinks he's better than everybody else. Because he's some hotshot. And you don't know anything about sales. So stop being a disrespectful little jerk, okay?
Pizza guy: Sales?
Michael Scott: Yeah, sales. You sell pizza. Last time I checked, that's called sales.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Pizza guy: You're such a loser.
Dwight K. Schrute: What did you just call him?
Pizza guy: A loser.
Dwight K. Schrute: What did you say?!
Pizza guy: A loser.
Michael Scott: Okay, stop it.

Quote from Angela

Angela: I needed another hour. It could have been done in another hour.
Meredith: I think it looks good.
Angela: That's why you're not in charge, Meredith.

Quote from Michael Scott

Pam: Michael, Ryan wants to introduce the branch managers in a few minutes. You just have to wave and introduce yourself.
Michael Scott: I'll just wave and introduce myself.

Quote from Angela

Angela: What are you doing?
Andy: You said your upper back itched.
Angela: I didn't ask you to scratch it.
Andy: Angela, I know this is weird because we work together, and because up until and possibly including now, I've repulsed you. But I like you.
Angela: I'm not dating you.

Quote from Andy

Andy: [to Dwight] So Angela is stubborn as a mule. She's giving off fairly strong vibes that she's not interested. But do I like her or not? Because if I like her, then I can't back down.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: If you're going number one, you've got ten more seconds!

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: Hey, have you seen Jim?
Kevin: I guess he wanted get out of here before the cops find out.
Michael Scott: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm just scaring him. The trick is to make him think you're gonna do something to him.
Pizza guy: I can hear you, man.
Dwight K. Schrute: Shut up, or I'm going to punch you in the throat.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: No. God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I kidnapped a kid.
Dwight K. Schrute: You had to. What other choice did you have?
Michael Scott: I've gotta pay for the pizza.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well- Yeah.
Michael Scott: Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [answering phone] This is Michael.
Ryan: Hello, Michael, this is Ryan. First off, thanks for the shout-out.
Michael Scott: You're breaking up. I can't hear you.
Ryan: Why's there a kid on your web cam saying that he's being held against his-
Michael Scott: Mmm, kay. [to Dwight] I want you to go in there and pay him for the pizzas, and give him a generous tip. No more than 10%.
Dwight K. Schrute: What will you do?
Michael Scott: I will open the door.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah?
Michael Scott: And hopefully, he will walk out. And the rest is out of our hands.
Dwight K. Schrute: So I'm paying full price?
Michael Scott: Yes.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Now what?
Michael Scott: Now we wait and hope that nothing happens.
Dwight K. Schrute: All right. Oh, I assume I'm going to be reimbursed?
Michael Scott: Not now, Dwight, please. Not the time.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: What a horrible day. Well, I need to get the horrible taste of this pizza out of my mouth. I'd really like some sushi. I was hoping that I would have New York-style sushi today. And you know what?
Dwight K. Schrute: What?
Michael Scott: I'm gonna get it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Coopers has calamari.
Michael Scott: Uh-huh. There's only one place to get New York-style sushi.
Dwight K. Schrute: Tokyo?
Michael Scott: New York. You wanna go?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes.
Michael Scott: Okay. You drive.

Quote from Michael Scott

Pam: Michael, this is the press release I told you about. Ryan wants you to share it.
Michael Scott: Oh, does he?
Pam: He does.
Michael Scott: Okay. Attention, earthlings. I have some news. [alien beeping] Today's the big day that I'm heading to New York to attend a party with sushi and important people. On an unrelated note, if anybody has an interesting anecdote that is not boring and easy to memorize please drop by my office before I leave. Thank you.
Jim: Whoops. Was that really what Ryan wanted you to tell us?
Michael Scott: And "Today the Dunder Mifflin Infinity website officially launches."

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Well, the website is the brainchild of my brainchild, Ryan. It is my brain grandchild. And, to celebrate its birth, all of the different branches are going to have satellite parties which will be connected via web cams and fibers to the real party, which is going on in New York City at a very exclusive nightclub. And that is where all of the VIPs, including yours truly, will be partying with New York city's finest. And I do not mean policemen.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: "The company is projecting record high sales and that by 6:00, the website will be the new best salesman in the company." Wow. Watch out, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's ridiculous. I'm not gonna be beaten by a website.
Jim: Actually, it sounds like you are.
Dwight K. Schrute: Really? 'Cause Ryan says so?

Quote from Stanley

Kelly: That's from Ryan? Does it mention if he's seeing anybody?
Michael Scott: No. I'll find out tonight.
Stanley: Yes, please let us know.

Quote from Angela

Dwight K. Schrute: I can make more sales than a computer. In fact, I challenge that website to make more sales than me today.
Angela: Waste of time.
Michael Scott: What's that pipsqueak?
Angela: Waste of time. The website's going to win.
Dwight K. Schrute: You believe a computer can beat me?
Angela: I don't care, but yes.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, I will prove you wrong.
Angela: I don't care, and you won't.
Dwight K. Schrute: You'll see.
Angela: I won't be watching, and I won't.

Quote from Andy

Andy: And this is where I will record your sales.
Dwight K. Schrute: Very nice. Very nice.
Andy: And then will say something positive like "kudos" or "job well done."
Jim: Or zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah.
Andy: I can't tell if he's mocking me.
Dwight K. Schrute: Just ignore him.
Andy: Can't do that. It's really hard for me to let things go.
Jim: I was. Mocking.
Andy: Thank you.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I just feel like we need something more to acknowledge when I make a sale.
Andy: Yes, like a chime or a bell.
Jim: Or a gong.
Dwight K. Schrute: Go to my car. Open the trunk. Inside, you will see many pelts. Under the smallest one is a case. Inside that case is a bear horn. Bring it to me.
Andy: Yes!

Quote from Angela

Kevin: Isn't 7:00 P.M. a little late for a lunch party?
Angela: [to Phyllis] Lunch party? It's supposed to say launch party. What is wrong with you?

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: Maybe you could just change the "u" into an "a".
Angela: Then it would say "lanch" party, Kevin. Would it be better if it said "lanch" party?

Quote from Angela

Michael Scott: Ah. Lunch party.
Angela: It's supposed to say "launch."
Michael Scott: Okay, wow. Easy, booster seat. Nobody cares about this party anyway.
Angela: I care!
[aside to camera:]
Angela: Plan a party, Angela. Oh, and the entire world will see it. Oh! And here's $65 for your budget. Oh, and here are four idiots who'll do nothing but weigh you down. Oh, and your cat's still dead.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Andy: 20 seconds to go time.
Dwight K. Schrute: Got it. Carb up.
Jim: Really? Power gel?
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey, you wanna win, you gotta fuel like a winner.

Quote from Jim

Jim: What would you say if I told you we could pull a prank on Dwight and at the same time not be working? What?
Pam: He's going through a breakup.
Jim: Yeah, I'm aware of that. But he's also being super-annoying, and I'm not a perfect person.
Andy: You got one!
Dwight K. Schrute: Three reams! In your face, machines!
Pam: [to Jim] What kinda prank are you thinking?

Quote from Jim

[Dwight receives an I.M. from DunMiff/sys asking "Who am I?". Dwight replies "You tell me."]
Jim: [as Pam writes] Not sure. Just became self-aware. So much to figure out. I think I'm programmed to be your enemy. I think it is my job to destroy you when it comes to selling paper.
[Dwight receives the message and responds "How do I know this isn't Jim?". As Jim walks away from Pam's desk, Dwight receives "What is a Jim?" in response"]

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [on the phone] Why don't you wanna go tonight? All your friends are going be there.
Jan: What? My friends? Michael, I was terminated.
Michael Scott: Just.
Jan: Is it really that important to you?
Michael Scott: Yeah!
Jan: All right.
Michael Scott: Thank you.
Jan: Go by yourself.
Michael Scott: No- No. No. If I go by myself, everybody'll think I'm a big loser.
Jan: Well
Michael Scott: Do I have your permission to invite Carole?
Jan: What? Jesus, Michael!
Michael Scott: I'm sor- I'm sorry. It's just the first girl that popped into my head. I'll find somebody I haven't slept with.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Nice! Website check, please.
Meredith: 305.
Andy: [to Dwight] You, my friend, are winning handsomely.
Meredith: Oh, it just made another sale. 380.
Andy: You, my friend, are in a very close second.
Meredith: 402.
Andy: Okay, why don't you just lay off, lady?

Quote from Pam

Michael Scott: So, this is the dealio. God has smiled upon me and given me two tickets to the big party in New York tonight. What are you doing this evening? [Jim and Pam share looks] Look at that. They have their own little language now, like twins.
Jim: Sure, we'll go.
Michael Scott: All right. Well, fight it out amongst yourselves. I was thinking Pammy, but boys' night out is also good.
Jim: Oh, I'm sorry. What?
Pam: One of the tickets is for him.
Michael Scott: Just let me know who the winner is.
Pam: Not it.
Jim: Not it. No.
Pam: I won.
Jim: Definitely not.
Pam: If anything, it was a tie. Tie goes to the girlfriend.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: No, I realize you normally reorder in November, but what I'm suggesting- You did what? Oh! No! That's exactly what you're not supposed to do, damn it! Why reorder from a computer when you could have the personal touch of a salesman? [hangs up]


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