Toby: How will your experience selling refinery equipment translate to our smaller scale here?
Robert: You don't work in sales, do you?
Toby: Uh, human resources.
Robert: You see, I sit across from a man. I see his face. I see his eyes. Now, does it matter if he wants a hundred dollars of paper or a hundred million dollars of deep-sea drilling equipment? Don't be a fool. He wants respect. He wants love. He wants to be younger. He wants to be attractive. There is no such thing as a product. Don't ever think there is. There is only... sex. Everything... is sex. You understand that what I'm telling you is a universal truth... Toby?
Toby: Yes.

Darryl: Think about it! What other mammal, besides humans, drinks the milk of another mammal? I mean, you don't see a bear drinking raccoon milk.

Kelly: What was that?
Gabe: We just have a lot of serious candidates to get through today, so...
Kelly: Am I not a serious candidate?
Gabe: What do you want me to say? I mean, there's a line of qualified people out there. We have a video CV from England. [to Jim and Toby] Are we all just gonna pretend to-- okay. [to Kelly] Um, what are your weaknesses?
Kelly: I don't have any, ass[bleep].

Dwight K. Schrute: What makes you feel qualified to judge a place after a mere interview? [Robert stares at Dwight] What are you doing..? [Dwight sits up abruptly] Stop trying to figure me out.
Robert: I just did.
Dwight K. Schrute: You can't.
Robert: It's done.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, it's not.
Robert: I know you now. I know your nature. I'm done. Not worth continuing.
Dwight K. Schrute: You don't know me! Anything about me! Get out of my head! Stop trying to figure me out. Do you even know anything about paper? How it's made?
Robert: I saw an episode of how they make paper on Sesame Street.
Dwight K. Schrute: Get out.

Ryan: I want an outsider.
Jim: Perfect. There are several outside candidates that we think would be really-
Ryan: No, I mean an outsider. Like someone on the margins of society, who doesn't see things the way we do, like a homeless person.
Pam: A homeless person. Really? A homeless person.
Ryan: No, you're right, Pam, let's just leave him to the welfare system and let that handle it.
Pam: No, I want you to say that you think the best person to be our new manager is a homeless person.
Ryan: Let me guess who you want, Pam. Rachael Ray? The ladies of The View?
[aside to camera:]
Ryan: I got away with everything under the last boss, and it wasn't good for me, at all. So, I want guidance. I want leadership. But don't just, like, boss me around, you know? Like, lead me. Lead me... when I'm in the mood... to be led.

Warren Buffett: Can you do any better on salary?
Jim: Unfortunately, that range is set at corporate.
Warren Buffett: What about mileage when I use my car? I mean, gas ain't cheap, you know.
Jim: Heh. We think that 25 cents a mile is pretty generous.
Warren Buffett: How about 27? And, uh, when I make long-distance calls, will they be monitored or is it on the honor system?

Pam: Corporate needs you to find the differences between this picture and this picture. Intel has told us there were at least seven.
Creed: Okay. I already see one, gimme. Okay.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: They're the same picture.

Jo: Oh for god's sake. He's texting me his resume one line at a time. These are costing me ten cents a piece, you jackass! I'm roaming!

Nellie: First, I'll take down the cubicle walls.
Toby: But there aren't...
Nellie: Symbol of transparency. There'd be no titles. Everyone would have the same job. Same goes for me. I'd take your job, but I'd reject the title.
Gabe: A little unspecific.
Nellie: Everyone would be known for their accomplishments.
Jim: That's very interesting. Um, I feel like there might be a conflict there, and if a conflict did arise, how would that be dealt with?
Nellie: Ooh? Yeah. Mm. Scratch everything from before. I tell you what I'd do. Go the other way. More cubicles. More division. Everyone is somebody's boss, and that person can fire the person below them.
Jim: That's crazy.
Nellie: At least once a month, the lowest performing person... bye-bye!
Gabe: How would you compare, like, an accountant and HR?
Nellie: Well, I'll tell you how. Shall I? I'll tell you how.
Gabe: Okay.
Nellie: By splitting the difference. Just... Just, somewhere in the middle.
Jim: I think that's probably all we need to hear from....
Nellie: Zen office. Hmm? Thought of that? That's what I'd do. Everyone takes their shoes off, before they come in. Okay. There'd be no desks. You just sit on the floor.
Jim: That's very...
Nellie: You've got a Thai woman, out the back. Sockee! Sockee!
Gabe: Okay, that's not gonna be...
Nellie: Sockee!... is her name. Okay? She's administering massage, alright, if you need it. If you don't, whatever, just talk to her! She's a person! Either way, 50 minutes of that and you... You are cracking to go.

Angela: Then I saw flashes. Reporters were there. They always find us. And everyone was crying, even his aide.
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: Angela's engaged to a gay man. As a gay man, I'm horrified. As a friend of Angela's, horrified. As a lover of elegant weddings, I'm a little excited. But overall, horrified.