Michael Scott: Corporate wants somebody to be here on Saturday and so we're going to have to have a couple of people come in on the weekend, and I know nobody's going to want to do it, and everybody's gonna complain and bitch and I don't wanna have to deal with that.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's why you have an assistant regional manager.
Michael Scott: Yes, it is. Assistant to the regional manager.
Dwight K. Schrute: Same thing.
Michael Scott: No, it's not. It's lower, so...
Dwight K. Schrute: It's close.

Dwight K. Schrute: So we need someone to work this Saturday and I think that should be Jim.
Jim: God, this is so sad. This is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head.

Michael Scott: Grumble, grumble, but you would follow me to the ends of the earth, grumbling all the way. Like that dwarf from Lord Of The Rings.
Dwight K. Schrute: Gimli.
Michael Scott: Nerd. But that is why you're not on the team.
Dwight K. Schrute: Just trying to be helpful.
Michael Scott: [in a nerdy voice] "I'll help. Elwyn Dragonslayer. Ten points, power sword."
Jim: That's him.

Michael Scott: So let's put together a starting line-up, shall we? Stanley, of course.
Stanley: I'm sorry?
Michael Scott: Uh, what do you play, center?
Stanley: Why "of course"? What's that supposed to mean?
Michael Scott: Uh. I don't know. I don't remember saying that.
Jim: Uh, I heard it.
Michael Scott: Well, people hear a lot of things, man.

Dwight K. Schrute: Can I be team captain?
Michael Scott: No, I'm team captain.
Dwight K. Schrute: Can I be team manager?
Michael Scott: No, I am the team manager. You can be assistant to the team manager.
Dwight K. Schrute: Assistant team manager?
Michael Scott: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, we'll see who's working this weekend then.

Michael Scott: When I am playing hoops, all of the stress and responsibility of my job here just melts away. It's gone. I'm in the zone. Who am I? Am I Michael Scott? I don't know. I might just be a basketball machine. What's Dunder Mifflin? I've never heard of it. Filing? Paperwork? Who cares? Possible downsizing? Um... Well, that's probably gonna happen, actually.

Michael Scott: The great thing about sports is that it is all about character. And you can learn lessons about life even if you don't win. But we did because we were ahead.

Michael Scott: This is the foreman, Mister Rogers.
Darryl: That's not my real name.
Michael Scott: No, Darryl is Mister Rogers.
Ryan: Darryl Rogers?
Darryl: Darryl Philbin. Then Regis, then Rege, then Roger, then Mister Rogers.

Michael Scott: Football is like rock and roll, it's just bam-bam-boo. And basketball is like jazz, you know? You're kind of # Dupee-doo, dupee-do # It's all downbeat, it's in the pocket, it's like # Dupee-do, dupee-do, dapee-dah.

Michael Scott: Today, at lunchtime, we're going to be playing the warehouse staff at a friendly little game of basketball. My idea. The last time I was down there, I noticed they'd put up a couple of hoops and I play basketball every weekend so I thought, "This might be kinda fun." And so I started messing around and I'm sinking a few, you know. Swish, swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans, so... You know, it's really just a good friendly game, a reason to get together.