Previous Episode Next Episode 

27Quotes from ‘Basketball’

The Office: Basketball

105. Basketball

Aired April 19, 2005

Michael puts together a basketball team to challenge the warehouse workers, with the losers having to work on a Saturday.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: Corporate wants somebody to be here on Saturday and so we're going to have to have a couple of people come in on the weekend, and I know nobody's going to want to do it, and everybody's gonna complain and bitch and I don't wanna have to deal with that.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's why you have an assistant regional manager.
Michael Scott: Yes, it is. Assistant to the regional manager.
Dwight K. Schrute: Same thing.
Michael Scott: No, it's not. It's lower, so...
Dwight K. Schrute: It's close.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Can I be team captain?
Michael Scott: No, I'm team captain.
Dwight K. Schrute: Can I be team manager?
Michael Scott: No, I am the team manager. You can be assistant to the team manager.
Dwight K. Schrute: Assistant team manager?
Michael Scott: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, we'll see who's working this weekend then.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: When I am playing hoops, all of the stress and responsibility of my job here just melts away. It's gone. I'm in the zone. Who am I? Am I Michael Scott? I don't know. I might just be a basketball machine. What's Dunder Mifflin? I've never heard of it. Filing? Paperwork? Who cares? Possible downsizing? Um... Well, that's probably gonna happen, actually.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: The great thing about sports is that it is all about character. And you can learn lessons about life even if you don't win. But we did because we were ahead.

Quote from Jim

Dwight K. Schrute: So we need someone to work this Saturday and I think that should be Jim.
Jim: God, this is so sad. This is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Grumble, grumble, but you would follow me to the ends of the earth, grumbling all the way. Like that dwarf from Lord Of The Rings.
Dwight K. Schrute: Gimli.
Michael Scott: Nerd. But that is why you're not on the team.
Dwight K. Schrute: Just trying to be helpful.
Michael Scott: [in a nerdy voice] "I'll help. Elwyn Dragonslayer. Ten points, power sword."
Jim: That's him.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: So let's put together a starting line-up, shall we? Stanley, of course.
Stanley: I'm sorry?
Michael Scott: Uh, what do you play, center?
Stanley: Why "of course"? What's that supposed to mean?
Michael Scott: Uh. I don't know. I don't remember saying that.
Jim: Uh, I heard it.
Michael Scott: Well, people hear a lot of things, man.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hey, Pam, how would you like to be our cheerleader today? You know, some pigtails, a little haltertop, tie that up. And something a little, just, youthful, for a change. Just this once.
Pam: I don't think so, Michael.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Classic beginner's mistake, eating before a game.

Quote from Angela

Angela: Has anyone seen the first-aid kit? [Dwight holds it up] How many times have I told you? I'm the safety officer, not you.

Quote from Jim

Jim: You gonna wish me luck?
Pam: Yeah, you're gonna need it.
Jim: Whoa. Is that trash talk from Pam?
Pam: I'm just saying, Roy is very competitive and he wants to take the Wave Runner to the lake this Saturday so ...
Jim: Well, I'm going to the outlet mall on Saturday, so if you wanna save big on brand names, and Roy has to work, which he will, because I'm also competitive, you should feel free to come along.
Pam: Um, I think I'm gonna be up at the lake.
Jim: I think I'll see you at the mall.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: All right, guys, come on, let's bring it in! Here we go! Okay, listen, this is just going to be a friendly game, right? We are all on the same team here. The Dunder Mifflin team. Of course, if you beat us you're fired. That's a joke. Okay, let's do it.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: OK, we'll be skins.
Michael Scott: Aw, come on, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: What? Shirts on or off?
Michael Scott: On. Just put it on.
Dwight K. Schrute: You sure?
Michael Scott: Yes.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Football is like rock and roll, it's just bam-bam-boo. And basketball is like jazz, you know? You're kind of # Dupee-doo, dupee-do # It's all downbeat, it's in the pocket, it's like # Dupee-do, dupee-do, dapee-dah.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Today, at lunchtime, we're going to be playing the warehouse staff at a friendly little game of basketball. My idea. The last time I was down there, I noticed they'd put up a couple of hoops and I play basketball every weekend so I thought, "This might be kinda fun." And so I started messing around and I'm sinking a few, you know. Swish, swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans, so... You know, it's really just a good friendly game, a reason to get together.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Pam, Pam, thank you, ma'am. Messages, please.

Quote from Pam

Pam: My fiancé has plans for us this Saturday so I really hope Dwight doesn't make me work. Maybe I should sleep with him? I'm kidding. Kidding. Totally kidding.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: All right! Managing by walking around! This is our warehouse. Or, as I like to call it, the whorehouse. But don't you do that. I've earned the right.
Ryan: Fine, don't worry about that.
Michael Scott: And here we have "Mister Roger's Neighborhood".

Quote from Darryl

Michael Scott: This is the foreman, Mister Rogers.
Darryl: That's not my real name.
Michael Scott: No, Darryl is Mister Rogers.
Ryan: Darryl Rogers?
Darryl: Darryl Philbin. Then Regis, then Rege, then Roger, then Mister Rogers.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: And this is Roy. Roy dates Pam. The best-looking one upstairs.
Roy: Yeah.
Michael Scott: You still getting it regular, man, huh? I mean, I can tell her it's part of the job. Rapport.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: So, one o'clock sharp and we've got a game on.
Darryl: We're loading at one.
Michael Scott: I see, you're chickening out on me.
Darryl: No, we got a truck going out at 1:15. That's the busy time.
Michael Scott: Oh. Well, I'm glad that some time is a busy time because whenever I'm down here it doesn't seem too busy to me. [chuckles] Oh. Oh. You can dish it out but you can't take it. OK, fine, have it your way. [bwawks]

Quote from Ryan

Michael Scott: We have Ryan, the new guy, right? Untested. Willing to prove himself now. A lot of passion, a lot of heart.
Ryan: I'm getting paid to skip lunch, right?
Michael Scott: Yes, this is business.

Quote from Michael Scott

Oscar: I can help out if you need me.
Michael Scott: I will use your talents come baseball season, my friend. Or if we box.

Quote from Michael Scott

Kevin: I have a hoop in my driveway.
Michael Scott: No.
Phyllis: I have a sports bra.
Michael Scott: No, ridiculous.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jim: I'll do it. Wear a little flouncey skirt if you want.
Michael Scott: Yeah, and I bet you would. Just try not to be too gay on the court. And by gay I mean, um, you know, not in a homosexual way at all. I mean the uh, you know, like the bad-at-sports way. I think that goes without saying.

Quote from Michael Scott

Pam: Maybe Angela would cheerlead.
Michael Scott: Yeah, right.
Phyllis: I'll do it.
Michael Scott: Oh, yuck. That's worse than you playing. 'case, you know what, we need you as an alternate in case somebody gets hurt. That's where we need you. Blessed be those who sit and wait. You made it. Suit up, you're on the team! ... All right, cool! Very good.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: So, Dwight, you have the East German gal.


 Episode 104 Episode 106