Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Local Ad’ Quotes

The Office: Local Ad

409. Local Ad

Aired October 25, 2007

Michael is excited to take charge when Corporate sends a creative team to Scranton to film a local ad for Dunder Mifflin.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. In my second life, I was also a paper salesman, and I was also named Dwight. Absolutely everything was the same, except I could fly.

Rate

Quote from Jim

Jim: I think it's great that the company's making a commercial. Because not very many people have heard of us. When I tell people that I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers, or muffins, or mittens, or... And frankly, all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide.

Quote from Angela

Angela: I find the mystery genre disgusting. I hate being titillated.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Hey.
Pam: Eh, no talk. I'm animating.
Jim: Why don't we take a quick ten second break from that so I can show you what's going on here. Okay, this is Dwight's second life. He's on it all the time. So much so that his little guy here has created his own world. It's called Second Second Life, for those people who want to be removed even further from reality.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: All right, let me ask you this. Tell me if you think this is creative. When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn. And this is before I had even heard of one or seen one. I just drew a picture of a horse that could fly over rainbows and had a huge spike in its head. I was five. Five years old. Couldn't even talk yet.

Quote from Meredith

Meredith: I'm excited about doing the ad, but I'm not really used to doing videos with so many people around.

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: When I was younger, I always wanted to be an actor in commercials, then I realized I had a brain.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jim: Hey, everybody. Just want to welcome you all to the premiere of the real Dunder Mifflin commercial. The Michael Scott director's cut. Hope you like it.
Michael Scott: [on tape] It all starts with an idea. But you can never tell where an idea will end up. Because ideas spread. They change, grow. They connect us with the world. And in a fast moving world, where good news moves at the speed of time and bad news isn't always what it seems. Because when push comes to shove, we all deserve a second chance to score. Dunder Mifflin. Limitless paper in a paperless world.

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: [playing keyboard and singing] Out of paper Out of stock There's friendly faces around the block Break loose from the chains that are causing your pain [Creed, Andy, Kevin and Kelly join in] Call Michael or Stanley Jim, Dwight, or Creed Call Indian Kelly for your business paper needs Dunder Mifflin the people person's paper people Dunder Mifflin the people person's paper people

Quote from Jim

Jim: You playing that game again?
Dwight K. Schrute: Second Life is not a game. It is a multi-user virtual environment. It doesn't have points or scores. It doesn't have winners or losers.
Jim: Oh, it has losers.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Phyllis is like our Mrs. Butterworth. Kind of a less urban aunt Jemima.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Best ad ever? [singing] Gimme a break Gimme a break Break me off a piece of that- I am totally blanking. What is the thing?
Jim: Nobody tell him!
Andy: What? No. Why?
Jim: You got it. You're so close.
Andy: [singing] Break me off a piece of that- Bre- apple sauce
Jim: Break me off a piece of that apple sauce. I don't think-
Andy: piece of that Chrysler car
Jim: Nope.
Andy: football cream. Argh!
Michael Scott: Okay. It's football cream.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You know what? I want this to be cutting edge. I want it to be fast, quick cuts, you know? Youthful, sort of a MTV on crack kind of thing.
Ad man: That sounds great.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Now this gentleman right here is the key to our... urban vibe.
Stanley: Urban? I grew up in a small town. What about me seems urban to you?
Michael Scott: Stanley's hilarious.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: These are our accountants. And as you can see, they are very different sizes. What you might wanna do is kind of a papa bear, mama bear, baby bear thing. That might be kind of fun.
Kevin: Mama bear.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Little girl in a field holding a flower. We zoom back to find that she's in the desert, and the field is an oasis. We zoom back further. The desert is a sandbox in the world's largest resort hotel. Zoom back further. The hotel is actually the playground of the world's largest prison. Zoom back further-
Ad man: Okay. I can tell your time's valuable.
Michael Scott: Actually I don't get paid by the hour anymore, but thank you. I get paid by the year, so...

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Andy: I need some advice. I've been spending a lot of time making out with Angela lately. We've been necking, but only necking, right? Not actually kissing our mouths. Just a neck on neck. It's just like rubbing/nuzzling our necks together. It's hot, I'm not gonna lie to you. But it's a little weird. But you seem like a guy with answers. So how do I fast-track this, get to first base?
Dwight K. Schrute: We cannot talk about this... because someone might hear us.
Andy: We'll use code names.
Dwight K. Schrute: Angela can stay the same, but we'll change Andy to Dwight.
Andy: That's not different enough.
Dwight K. Schrute: Dwike?

Quote from Michael Scott

David: [on the phone] Michael, David Wallace. What is this about dismissing the ad people?
Michael Scott: Yeah, I'm glad you called. Ryan is being a little bitch again.
Ryan: I'm on, Michael.
Michael Scott: What's up, my brother?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: And thus Michael Scott sealed his own destiny. In a good way.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Has anyone ever come up to you and said, "You're not creative."
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes.
Michael Scott: Well, they're wrong. You are creative. You are damn creative. Each and every one of you. You are so much more creative than all of the other dry, boring morons that you work with.
Jim: Who you talking to specifically?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: We have three scenes to film, big scenes. We have a song to write, so let's get cracking. Kelly, I want you to do make-up. Oscar, I would like you to do costume design obviously. Phyllis, I'd like you to look around town and see if we have any celebrities in our local area.

Quote from Darryl

Michael Scott: Time out. Time out. I thought I was under the impression that this was going to be a rap.
Darryl: What's rap?
Michael Scott: Okay, Darryl, wow. You need to learn about your own culture. I'll make you a mix.
Darryl: Great.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Who's that?
Jim: Oh, it's just my avatar guy, whatever.
Pam: He looks a lot like you! How much time did you spend on that?
Jim: Not much. It's just for tracking Dwight. There's no-
Pam: Right. You're a sportswriter in Philadelphia? Nice build, too.
Jim: Yep.
Pam: You have a guitar slung on your back. I did not know you played guitar.
Jim: I- Why don't we go back to the animation?
Pam: No, no! I want to see more of Philly Jim. I want Philly Jim.

Quote from Meredith

Jim: Pam is staying late tonight to achieve her dreams. So I'm pretty proud of her. Unfortunately, she was my ride home.
Meredith: You comin'?
Jim: I...
Meredith: Piss or get off the pot.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Claude Van Damme- Hair for men- Poison gas- Nutrasweet It's gotta rhyme with "piece." Fancy feast! Break me off a piece of that fancy feast. It's a cat food. Nailed it.


 Episode 407 Episode 410 
  Select another episode