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42Quotes from ‘Local Ad’

The Office: Local Ad

409. Local Ad

Aired October 25, 2007

Michael is excited to take charge when Corporate sends a creative team to Scranton to film a local ad for Dunder Mifflin.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. In my second life, I was also a paper salesman, and I was also named Dwight. Absolutely everything was the same, except I could fly.

Quote from Jim

Jim: I think it's great that the company's making a commercial. Because not very many people have heard of us. When I tell people that I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers, or muffins, or mittens, or... And frankly, all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide.

Quote from Angela

Angela: I find the mystery genre disgusting. I hate being titillated.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Hey.
Pam: Eh, no talk. I'm animating.
Jim: Why don't we take a quick ten second break from that so I can show you what's going on here. Okay, this is Dwight's second life. He's on it all the time. So much so that his little guy here has created his own world. It's called Second Second Life, for those people who want to be removed even further from reality.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: All right, let me ask you this. Tell me if you think this is creative. When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn. And this is before I had even heard of one or seen one. I just drew a picture of a horse that could fly over rainbows and had a huge spike in its head. I was five. Five years old. Couldn't even talk yet.

Quote from Meredith

Meredith: I'm excited about doing the ad, but I'm not really used to doing videos with so many people around.

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: When I was younger, I always wanted to be an actor in commercials, then I realized I had a brain.

Quote from Michael Scott

Jim: Hey, everybody. Just want to welcome you all to the premiere of the real Dunder Mifflin commercial. The Michael Scott director's cut. Hope you like it.
Michael Scott: [on tape] It all starts with an idea. But you can never tell where an idea will end up. Because ideas spread. They change, grow. They connect us with the world. And in a fast moving world, where good news moves at the speed of time and bad news isn't always what it seems. Because when push comes to shove, we all deserve a second chance to score. Dunder Mifflin. Limitless paper in a paperless world.

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: [playing keyboard and singing] Out of paper Out of stock There's friendly faces around the block Break loose from the chains that are causing your pain [Creed, Andy, Kevin and Kelly join in] Call Michael or Stanley Jim, Dwight, or Creed Call Indian Kelly for your business paper needs Dunder Mifflin the people person's paper people Dunder Mifflin the people person's paper people

Quote from Jim

Jim: You playing that game again?
Dwight K. Schrute: Second Life is not a game. It is a multi-user virtual environment. It doesn't have points or scores. It doesn't have winners or losers.
Jim: Oh, it has losers.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Phyllis is like our Mrs. Butterworth. Kind of a less urban aunt Jemima.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Best ad ever? [singing] Gimme a break Gimme a break Break me off a piece of that- I am totally blanking. What is the thing?
Jim: Nobody tell him!
Andy: What? No. Why?
Jim: You got it. You're so close.
Andy: [singing] Break me off a piece of that- Bre- apple sauce
Jim: Break me off a piece of that apple sauce. I don't think-
Andy: piece of that Chrysler car
Jim: Nope.
Andy: football cream. Argh!
Michael Scott: Okay. It's football cream.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: You know what? I want this to be cutting edge. I want it to be fast, quick cuts, you know? Youthful, sort of a MTV on crack kind of thing.
Ad man: That sounds great.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Now this gentleman right here is the key to our... urban vibe.
Stanley: Urban? I grew up in a small town. What about me seems urban to you?
Michael Scott: Stanley's hilarious.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: These are our accountants. And as you can see, they are very different sizes. What you might wanna do is kind of a papa bear, mama bear, baby bear thing. That might be kind of fun.
Kevin: Mama bear.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Little girl in a field holding a flower. We zoom back to find that she's in the desert, and the field is an oasis. We zoom back further. The desert is a sandbox in the world's largest resort hotel. Zoom back further. The hotel is actually the playground of the world's largest prison. Zoom back further-
Ad man: Okay. I can tell your time's valuable.
Michael Scott: Actually I don't get paid by the hour anymore, but thank you. I get paid by the year, so...

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Andy: I need some advice. I've been spending a lot of time making out with Angela lately. We've been necking, but only necking, right? Not actually kissing our mouths. Just a neck on neck. It's just like rubbing/nuzzling our necks together. It's hot, I'm not gonna lie to you. But it's a little weird. But you seem like a guy with answers. So how do I fast-track this, get to first base?
Dwight K. Schrute: We cannot talk about this... because someone might hear us.
Andy: We'll use code names.
Dwight K. Schrute: Angela can stay the same, but we'll change Andy to Dwight.
Andy: That's not different enough.
Dwight K. Schrute: Dwike?

Quote from Michael Scott

David: [on the phone] Michael, David Wallace. What is this about dismissing the ad people?
Michael Scott: Yeah, I'm glad you called. Ryan is being a little bitch again.
Ryan: I'm on, Michael.
Michael Scott: What's up, my brother?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: And thus Michael Scott sealed his own destiny. In a good way.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Has anyone ever come up to you and said, "You're not creative."
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes.
Michael Scott: Well, they're wrong. You are creative. You are damn creative. Each and every one of you. You are so much more creative than all of the other dry, boring morons that you work with.
Jim: Who you talking to specifically?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: We have three scenes to film, big scenes. We have a song to write, so let's get cracking. Kelly, I want you to do make-up. Oscar, I would like you to do costume design obviously. Phyllis, I'd like you to look around town and see if we have any celebrities in our local area.

Quote from Darryl

Michael Scott: Time out. Time out. I thought I was under the impression that this was going to be a rap.
Darryl: What's rap?
Michael Scott: Okay, Darryl, wow. You need to learn about your own culture. I'll make you a mix.
Darryl: Great.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Who's that?
Jim: Oh, it's just my avatar guy, whatever.
Pam: He looks a lot like you! How much time did you spend on that?
Jim: Not much. It's just for tracking Dwight. There's no-
Pam: Right. You're a sportswriter in Philadelphia? Nice build, too.
Jim: Yep.
Pam: You have a guitar slung on your back. I did not know you played guitar.
Jim: I- Why don't we go back to the animation?
Pam: No, no! I want to see more of Philly Jim. I want Philly Jim.

Quote from Meredith

Jim: Pam is staying late tonight to achieve her dreams. So I'm pretty proud of her. Unfortunately, she was my ride home.
Meredith: You comin'?
Jim: I...
Meredith: Piss or get off the pot.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Claude Van Damme- Hair for men- Poison gas- Nutrasweet It's gotta rhyme with "piece." Fancy feast! Break me off a piece of that fancy feast. It's a cat food. Nailed it.

Quote from Phyllis

Michael Scott: Yeah, everything! It's all good! Phyllis.
Phyllis: Dancing babies!
Michael Scott: Dancing babies. I love it!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: We are making a commercial for Dunder Mifflin today. Our first ad ever. Corporate purchased some airtime in local markets to spread the word about Dunder Mifflin Infinity, and they are even sending up a professional ad company to help us make it later, so it's not too shabby.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: All right, so anybody else?
Pam: I'm taking a computer animation class, so I could try to do a logo.
Michael Scott: Look at that. Even the receptionist is getting in on the creativity. Very good.

Quote from Andy

Michael Scott: All right. Great. Well, this is what we have to work with. I would like you to meet Andrew Bernard. The 'nard dog. Who let the 'nard dog out?
Andy: Hoo, hoo, hoo-hoo.
Michael Scott: He gives the best back rubs in the office.
Andy: That's true. I give a mean back rub. I also do good aromatherapy. [blows raspberry] Not! You just got 'nard dogged!

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: That's what national came up with? That sucks! Wow.
Ad man: That's what we came up with.
Michael Scott: Well, we can do better than that.
Koh: Well, the main part of the ad has to stay the same, actually.
Ad man: Yeah, it's the last five seconds where we've some leeway.
Michael Scott: The waving?
Ad man: Well, no, no. You won't be waving. That was just what they did. You guys can be clapping, sitting. Standing outside, inside, whatever. I mean, this is where you really get to be creative.

Quote from Michael Scott

Ryan's assistant: You have a call from Eddie Murphy.
Ryan: [answering the phone] Hello?
Michael Scott: Shrek! Shrek, I'm a donkey! I'm a donkey, Shrek! [laughing] I'm just kidding. It's me. Hello, Ry.
Ryan: What?
Michael Scott: Okay, calm down. I just have a small problem.
Ryan: I told you not to call about small problems.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Well, when I call about big problems, you don't like that either, so make up your mind, kiddo.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [on the phone] Here is the deal. The ad guys that you sent are locking me in a creative box and sort of ignoring my ideas.
Ryan: That's good. They're creative, you're not.
Michael Scott: I'm creative, Ryan.
Ryan: It's not part of your job. It's like, maybe you can cook, but that doesn't mean you should start a restaurant.
Michael Scott: Well, actually I can't cook, and I am starting a restaurant. "Mike's Cereal Shack." I'm thinking we'll have as many varieties as you can buy in the store.
Ryan: Okay. I'm not really interested in that right now. I'm delegating creativity to creative professionals. It's a different skill set. Look, I wasn't good at sales, right? But I'm good at managing people who do sales.
Michael Scott: Are you? I don't think you're doing such a great job here, suppressing ideas and creativity.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hey, guys. You know what? We cannot shoot this ad today.
Koh: Okay, when should we come back?
Michael Scott: How about never hundred hours, sir?

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: I kind of know what it's like to be in commercials. My nickname in high school used to be kool-aid man.

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: [playing keyboard and singing] Out of paper Out of stock There's friendly faces around the block Break loose from the chains that are causing you pain Call Mike and Stanley Jim, Dwight, and creed Call Indian Kelly for your business paper needs [Creed, Andy, Kevin and Kelly join in] Call Dunder Mifflin people person's paper people Dunder Mifflin people person's paper

Quote from Andy

Andy: Break me off a piece of that lumber tar- Snickers bar

Quote from Phyllis

Michael Scott: What, Phyllis?
Phyllis: [sobbing] Well, I got in line to buy Sue Grafton's book. On my turn, I asked her if she wanted to be in the ad, and she said "No, thank you," but I wasn't supposed to take "no" for an answer.
Michael Scott: That a girl.
Phyllis: So I kept on asking, and they finally threw me out of the store in front of all my friends.
Michael Scott: Did you or did you not get Sue Grafton?
Phyllis: [wailing] No.
Michael Scott: Oh. Ugh, can somebody give her a tissue, please?

Quote from Jim

Pam: [waking up, answering the phone] Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
Jim: Good morning. Yeah, sorry. I looked away for a second, and Creed snatched your hash browns.
Pam: Thank you.
Jim: You're welcome.

Quote from Pam

Pam: I worked until about 2:45 AM. And then I had to decide if I wanted to spend the night with Michael editing in his office, and Dwight watching Michael edit in his office, or drive home and probably fall asleep at the wheel and die in a fiery car wreck. I passed out on my keyboard trying to decide.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Let me pour you some bubbly, because somebody got to a whole new level last night.
Dwight K. Schrute: Andy, I can't hear this right now.
Andy: No, no, this is good. You know how we haven't gotten anywhere that I want to get to physically yet? Well, last night that changed. We're making out. I'm kissing her neck, and her cheek, and her earlobe. And she's not really kissing me back, but she closes her eyes and she's, like, "Oh, D. Oh, D."
Dwight K. Schrute: She called you D?
Andy: Yeah. D for Andy.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, D.
Andy: Oh, D.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, D.
Andy: Oh, D.
Both: Oh, D. [laughing] Oh, D!

Quote from Pam

Michael Scott: I'm about to send the ad to corporate. And it is sent. They'll probably watch it right away. I would.
Okay.
Pam: [answering phone] Yes?
Michael Scott: Pam, please clear my phone lines.
Pam: Certainly. [making beeping noises] Okay, clear.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Well, it's been tough. The geniuses at corporate rejected my commercial. And tonight they are airing the brain-dead version. So welcome one and all to the world premiere of corporate crapfest!


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