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32Quotes from ‘Job Fair’

The Office: Job Fair

417. Job Fair

Aired May 8, 2008

Michael is excited to attract new interns to Dunder Mifflin at the local high school's job fair. Meanwhile, Jim hits the golf course for a sales call.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Yeah, I'm trying to lure these kids into my booth. But kids are very wary of being lured these days. Thank you, Dateline.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Today I am meeting a potential client on the golf course because Ryan put me on probation. You remember Ryan. He was the temp here. Yeah. And- It is not a good time for me to lose my job since I have some pretty big long-term plans in my personal life with Pam that I'd like her parents to be psyched about. So I am about to do something very bold at this job that I've never done before: Try.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Excuse me, people. It has come to my attention that some of you have forgotten who is in charge here. When Michael is gone, Jim is in charge. When Jim is gone, Andy and I are in charge. When Andy is gone, you answer to me. Okay? [to Stanley] Excuse me, where do you think you're going? Oh, no, no. You're not leaving. No! Stanley. Do not walk out that door! If you walk out that door, so help me, I will- He left. Last time I checked, the American workday ends at 5:00 P.M. You will all stay at your desks until that time or you will suffer the consequences.
Phyllis: What consequences?
Dwight K. Schrute: I will tell on you.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: All of these jobs suck. I would rather live jobless on a beach somewhere off the money from a large inheritance than to have to work in any one of these crap-holes. They suck.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Today I did something stupid. I questioned myself, and I'll never do that again. 'Cause I look at somebody like Jim Halpert, and I think that guy can do anything he wants to do. He could do anything, and he chooses to work here selling paper. Just like me.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Excuse me. If you can hear me, I would like you to look around at all these companies and know that none of them are good enough for you. H&R Block? Come on! I mean, I don't even know what they do. "Frank Regan Funeral Home"? Too much formaldehyde. The Air Force? Air Force is cool. The refreshments? Bush league, you know? That's not what you want. Dunder? That- Okay. I see security is coming, so I just wanted to say come to Dunder Mifflin. Dunder Mifflin, a great place to work. Anybody? Show of hands? Anybody wanna intern at Dunder Mifflin? We do not offer college credit, we cannot give you any sort of pay, but it is a really fun work environment. Anybody? Show of hands? Damn it. Okay. I'm gonna wrap it up here. Thank you for your time, and drive safe.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Today I'm headed over to the Job Fair at Valley View High School to find some new interns. Wanna get some fresh blood. Um, youthanize this place.

Quote from Darryl

Kelly: Oh, my god, Darryl. You look like Barack Obama. Everybody, I'm dating Barack Obama.
Michael Scott: Why are you dressed like that?
Darryl: Like what?
Michael Scott: Like you're applying for a loan.
Dwight K. Schrute: Maybe he's going to church. Or court.
Darryl: Figured I'd look presentable. You went a different way.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Okay, here's what we're going to do. I'm going to instruct the kids about management and sales. Oscar will be in charge of accounting. Pam will be eye candy. No, and also because that is your alma mater. Darryl will hire some kids for the warehouse. We don't need to worry about internships with them because they definitely ain't goin' to college.
Darryl: What college did you go to, Mike?
Michael Scott: Let's go!

Quote from Andy

Andy: Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no. My grandfather would be spinning in his urn if he knew that I was out here with a Dartmouth boy. You take that shirt off right now, or I will take it off for you, sir. I am totally and completely kidding! Andy Bernard. Cornell, '95.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Hit about 1,200 balls last night in preparation for today, so hands are a little tender. It's actually not funny at all. It's incredibly painful.

Quote from Pam

Pam: So many memories in this old gym. Pretending I have PMS so I didn't have to play volleyball. Pretending I have PMS so I didn't have to play basketball. Those were the days.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Wha- What is this?
Pam: Piece of paper.
Michael Scott: This isn't Dunder Mifflin paper. It's some sort of Pendleton crap.
Pam: Well, I think they'll get the spirit of it.
Michael Scott: Pam, Pam, Pam, Pam, Pam, Pam! We're dying here. I want you to go back to the office, and I want you to get the real stuff. I want you to get ultra white card stock.
Pam: Are you serious?
Michael Scott: Yes. And don't call me Shirley.

Quote from Pam

Pam: [on the phone] How's it going?
Jim: You know. We'll see. We'll see.
Pam: Well, I just drove 20 miles round trip back to the office to get Michael a single sheet of white paper. So, I could have just had them fax it to me, I guess.
Jim: Oh, I like you.
Pam: Talk to you later?
Jim: Yeah, all right. Bye.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Justin is the ugly girl in the movie who takes off her glasses, and she's hot. And you realize that she was always hot, she was just wearing glasses, and that you were the blind one. He's the most important thing in my life right now.

Quote from Jim

Jim: You know, it's a tough thing seeing a grown man take six shots to get out of a sand trap, but I had to give Phil credit for not quitting. Which is what I told him. I also told him that I don't quit either and I'd call him every single day until he gave me his business. Which he then did, after fifteen minutes of me blocking his car. So I am now his paper supplier. And I shot a 102 today, so I'm feelin' pretty good.

Quote from Kevin

Phil Maguire: Let's make it interesting. Say 10 bucks a hole?
Jim: Great.
Kevin: What are we talkin'? Skins? Acey deucy? Bingo bango bongo? Sandies, barkies, arnies? Wolf? What?

Quote from Pam

Pam: I only brought the one.
Michael Scott: Are you mental?
Pam: Michael, do you remember you specifically told me to only bring one sheet of paper? You said it only takes one sheet to make a difference. And I said, "Are you sure, Michael?" And you said, "Pam, Pam, Pam." And then you sneezed in my tea. And then you said, "Don't worry. It's just allergies." Do you remember that?
Michael Scott: I don't.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: I'm gonna take this petty cash that I got from Oscar and turn it into next month's rent.

Quote from Michael Scott

Darryl: Show 'em what you brought, Mike.
Pam: That's all we brought.
Michael Scott: This is all we need.
Oscar: We'll see.
Michael Scott: Yes, we will see, Oscar. We will see, because a blank sheet of paper equals endless possibilities. Conceptual.

Quote from Andy

Andy: People assume I'm great at golf, but like everybody, I hated golf lessons when I was a kid, so I used to just hang out with the sailing club instead. Got my knot on.

Quote from Creed

Meredith: Guys, do we have to stay all day?
Phyllis: I mean, Michael's gone. Can't we just go?
Creed: Yeah. And I finished my work months ago.

Quote from Pam

Pam: There's some filing, restocking the supply shelves, replacing the water jug, which nobody likes to do. [Michael signals to Pam to stop] Um... We... eat a lot of cake.
Justin: Cool.
Pam: Yeah, and you know, you basically, you learn how an office runs.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hey remember what we talked about in the car on the way out? "Only the best and the brightest"?
Pam: He's nice, and he seems interested.
Michael Scott: He's totally wrong, Pam. [to Justin] Hi. How you doin'? Listen, I don't think that a handsome, funny, smart, funny-looking kid like you should limit himself. You could do whatever you wanna do. You could be a classy janitor or a cashier with dignity or a migraine worker. Maybe for you, paper should be more of a hobby.
Justin: Sorry for wasting your time.
Michael Scott: Oh, no problem. And he signed! He put his name on the piece of- Okay, that was supposed to be a blank canvas on which to put their hopes and dreams, and he just made it into a stupid piece of paper. We need another one immediately.
Darryl: Yeah, the booth is lame without it.

Quote from Michael Scott

Teen guy: Hello, there. What is this company?
Michael Scott: Well, it's funny that you should ask, because it's really more than a company.
Oscar: Dunder Mifflin. Paper.
Teen guy: Thanks.

Quote from Creed

Creed: [on the phone] Hiya, pumpkin. It's Creed. Say we're gonna ditch this bitch. You in?
Angela: No.
Creed: You out? [shouting] Pumpkin's out! Let's go, gang.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: [answering cellphone] What do you want?
Dwight K. Schrute: Michael, I know you're swamped. I just thought you should know that everyone in the office has left except for Angela and I. Do not worry, though. I have taken down their names, and I have docked them a personal day.
Michael Scott: Who cares? I'm not there, Jim's not there, why should they have to be there?
Dwight K. Schrute: So what else is up?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Justintime.
Justin: Hi.
Michael Scott: Justincase. What's your last name?
Justin: Polznik.
Michael Scott: "This just in: Justin Polznik."

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I want you to meet my family. Come on. Oscar Martinez, accountant extraordinaire. This is Justin.
Oscar: Hey.
Justin: Hi.
Michael Scott: This is Darryl Philbin. Isn't he big? And you already met her, Pam Beesly, office hottie. She will do you. No. No. But she has already dated two guys in the office, that we know of, so this could be number three, you never- Come here. I would never say this to her face, but she's a wonderful person and a gifted artist.
Oscar: What? Why wouldn't you say that to her face?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: So, what do you think? Think these guys are nice? Guys I didn't bring are even better. Justin, I'm willing to commit right now. Would you do me the honor of spending the summer with us at Dunder Mifflin? I think I think you are very special.
Justin: You didn't want me before.
Michael Scott: No-
Justin: That's what you said.
Michael Scott: No, I didn't. You misconstrued me.
Justin: You were you were kind of a jerk to me.
Michael Scott: I-
Justin: And I'm gonna go now.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Yeah. Kiss her. Kiss her good.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Hi.
Graphics guy: Hello.
Pam: I was just wondering what kind of jobs do you guys have?
Graphics guy: Are you interested in graphic design?
Pam: Yeah. Can I fill out an application?
Graphics guy: Oh, absolutely. Here. Take a seat. I should let you know right away this is just an entry level job. It's really basic. We're looking for like a self-starter, someone who can meet deadlines and just pretty much just go the extra mile.
Pam: I can do that.
Graphics guy: Great. And, obviously, we're looking for someone who knows Photoshop and Dreamweaver, Corel Painter, Illustrator, After Effects. All the basics.
Pam: I don't know any of those.
Graphics guy: It's actually not super-complicated. I'm sure there's some sort of, like, adult education classes in the area. But if you're really serious, one thing about New York or Philadelphia, they got amazing programs out there for design.
Pam: New York or Philadelphia. All right. Cool. Well, thanks.


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