Andy: What if Dwight dies and I still owe him something? That is a recipe for a ghost.

Dwight K. Schrute: Can't a guy just buy some bagels for his friends so they'll owe him a favor which he can use to get someone fired who stole a co-manager position from him anymore? Geez. When did everyone get so cynical?

Michael Scott: As I watched Pam's big, strong hand coming towards my face I saw my entire life flash before my eyes. And guess what? I have four kids. And I have a hover-car and a hover-house. And my wife is a runner and it shows. And Pam and Jim are my best friends and our kids play together. And I am happy and I am rich and I never die. It doesn't sound like much, but its enough for me.

Andy: Oh, Dwight. I have a little surprise for you.
Dwight K. Schrute: Let me guess. You ate the bagel I gave you and loved it.
Andy: Yes! And I wanted to return the favor. I was polishing my loafers and I happened to look over and noticed that your brief case was a little worse for the wear, so a little elbow grease and she's polished right up, back up to her former glory.
Dwight K. Schrute: Wow.
Andy: Feel it against your cheek.
Dwight K. Schrute: I will.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: You give me a gift, bam! Thank you note. You invite me somewhere, pow! RSVP. You do me a favor, wham! Favor returned. Do not test my politeness.

Dwight K. Schrute: Damn it. I am no closer to taking Jim down. What a waste of a day. I could have grown poisoned mushrooms that would have been this high by now. They're mushrooms. They don't get that high.

Michael Scott: Am I scared of getting hit in the face? No. Everyday weirdo's pay dominatrix's hundreds of dollars for that very privilege. I'm scared I'm gonna love it.

Michael Scott: The only time you should care about a woman's age is if she is too young for you and I am not robbing the cradle. If anything I am robbing the grave.

Creed: Something's up. That paper was never supposed to arrive.

Michael Scott: Helene, I think you're a wonderful person and I- God. I've enjoyed dating you and being your boyfriend so much. But I have to consider Pam's feelings as a friend and a co-worker I can not in good conscience continue to date you, when I know what this is doing to her.
Pam: Michael. Michael, it's okay.
Michael Scott: No, it's not.
Pam: I know that it took me a little while to come around and it's still a little weird to get used to, but... You obviously make my mom very happy. And that makes me happy.
Michael Scott: Wow. That just- You've really grown.
Pam: Well.
Michael Scott: Oh, thank you Pam. And I hope you are as gracious during this next part. Helene, once again you are a wonderful person and you have lived a great life and I envy it. And I want it someday, but just in the future. You need somebody who- Who understands your references. Who is Kafkaesque? I've never- I don't know him. There's another woman. And her name is Italy, and skydiving, and bungee jumping.
Jim: Okay, so...
Michael Scott: And I want kids. And you, unfortunately, have already completed that part of your journey down there.
Pam: Michael.
Michael Scott: It's not my decision. It's mother nature. And mother has very strict rules about fer- [pauses as a female waitress tops up their water] -tility.

Dwight K. Schrute: Good morning everybody. Who would like an authentic New York bagel? Hmmm? Stanley?
Stanley: Thank you.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, no, no, no. I got a pumpernickel just for you.
Andy: Wow. H & H. You went all the way to New York City to get us bagels?
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, why? Is there a place closer that sells them?
Phyllis: This is really nice Dwight, thanks.
Andy: Thanks.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, don't mention it. You owe me one. You all owe me one.