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‘Golden Ticket’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

The Office: Golden Ticket

519. Golden Ticket

Aired March 12, 2009

Michael tries to pass the blame after his idea of a Willy Wonka-style giveaway backfires. Meanwhile, Jim, Pam and Andy give Kevin dating advice.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Ding-dong.
Michael Scott: Who's there?
Jim: KGB.
Michael Scott: Dwight, get the door.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm not answering the door.
Michael Scott: Answer the door.
Jim: Ding dong.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's the KGB.
Michael Scott: You get it.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm not answering that. You answer it.
Michael Scott: I'm not gonna answer it.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm not gonna answer it. It's the KGB!
Jim: [slapping Dwight across the face] The KGB will wait for no one. [Michael laughs]
Dwight K. Schrute: [to camera:] It's true.

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Quote from Pam

Pam: [answering the phone] Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam. Hi, David. [Michael shakes his head at Pam] No, I'm sorry. He's not back from the civil rights rally. I'll have him call you the minute he gets back from the Lincoln Memorial. [aside to camera:]
Pam: When Michael's skirting a phone call, he gave me a list of places to say he is. "Stopping a fight in the parking lot." "An Obama fashion show." Whatever that is. Or "Trapped in an oil painting." I'm gonna save that one.

Quote from Jim

Dwight K. Schrute: Ding dong.
Jim: Who is it?
Dwight K. Schrute: KGB.
Jim: All right. I just got out of the shower. I'll be one second.
Dwight K. Schrute: [in Russian accent] When you are done, open the door. Hello in there?
Jim: Yeah, I'm late so I have to brush my teeth. It's a whole routine.
Dwight K. Schrute: We have other houses to visit.
Jim: If you wanna come back then, that'd be fine.
Dwight K. Schrute: We'll come back at- How is 4:45?
Jim: I get home from work around 6:00.
Dwight K. Schrute: How about 5:15?
Jim: You can try it. That might work.
Dwight K. Schrute: Very well. We will come back at 5:15.
Jim: All right.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Golden Girls. That's a golden ticket idea, right? How great was that show? Golden Grahams, another- Is it? I don't get this.
Michael Scott: No, you don't.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: I got a knock-knock joke.
Michael Scott: No, no.
Dwight K. Schrute: Michael, please? Please. Please let me.
Michael Scott: Alright.
Dwight K. Schrute: Knock knock.
Michael Scott: Who's there?
Dwight K. Schrute: KGB.
Michael Scott: KG- [Dwight slaps Michael across the face]
Dwight K. Schrute: [in a Russian accent] We will ask the questions.
Michael Scott: What the hell was that?
Dwight K. Schrute: What are you doing?
Michael Scott: What are you doing?
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey, hey, hey. Stop that.
Michael Scott: You, you like that?
Dwight K. Schrute: Come on. What are you doing? Mine was part of my hilarious joke!
Michael Scott: Mine was retribution. What are you doing? No more knock-knock jokes. That's it.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: I have written these things because it is my responsibility as manager of this branch to "profiligate" great ideas, and I think I have done my part with the golden ticket promotion. Now it is your turn. I want to hear some great ideas from you that are just as good as mine.
Jim: We own our own delivery trucks. We could lease them out on the weekends.
Michael Scott: Uh-huh. Too many words. Good ideas are simple: "golden ticket."
Jim: Free paper.
Michael Scott: No, Jim, we're a business. Post-its. That is a golden ticket idea. NASA took five or six golden ticket ideas to get men on the Moon.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: Wait a second. I wrote it down in my diary.
Dwight K. Schrute: You don't keep a diary.
Michael Scott: Yes, I do. You've just never seen it. "March 4th. Dwight came up with the best idea today about golden tickets."
Dwight K. Schrute: Hold that thought. [Dwight goes and grabs his own diary] March 4th "Michael Scott came up with golden ticket idea to give 5 customers 10% off for 1 year."
Michael Scott: Why do you have a diary?
Dwight K. Schrute: To keep secrets from my computer.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Michael Scott: You know what? You came up with this idea. I remember you told me that you loved the Willy Wonka movie when you were growing up.
Dwight K. Schrute: Impossible.
Michael Scott: Yes, you did.
Dwight K. Schrute: I wasn't given candy as a child, so a movie that fetishized it that much would have made no sense to me. Plus, we weren't allowed to see movies. So... Do the math.
Michael Scott: What are you writing?
Dwight K. Schrute: "Had conversation with Michael about taking credit for an idea that wasn't mine. Discussed movies."
Michael Scott: Would you like to go to lunch with me? Just the two of us?
Dwight K. Schrute: With all my heart.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: The Willy Wonka golden ticket promotional idea is probably the best idea I've ever had. It's probably the best idea anybody has ever had. Three days ago, I slipped five pieces of gold paper into random paper shipments. This entitles the customer to 10% off of their total order. It will be a day for them that is full of whimsy and full of excitement and full of fantasy.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Why do you even want to stay at Dunder Mifflin? I mean, what's the point? You're cooped up in there all day. You don't get to do your farming. You're not dating Angela anymore. It doesn't matter if you get fired for taking credit for the gold ticket idea. It doesn't matter. Me on the other hand, I would be lost without this place. You, way too manly.
Dwight K. Schrute: What about Shoe La La?
Michael Scott: It's not ready yet.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: I have an idea for a fancy men's shoe store called Shoe La La. And it's just men's shoes for the special occasions in a man's life. Like the day that you get married or the day your wife has a baby or for just lounging around the house.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Here we go. Knock knock.
Pam: Who's there?
Michael Scott: Buddha.
Pam: Buddha who?
Michael Scott: Buddha this bread for me, won't you?
Pam: Great.
Michael Scott: I need something to wipe my hand.
Pam: Yeah, there's butter on my desk.
Michael Scott: A classic.

Quote from Andy

Andy: You can't let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded. "I like your dress, but I'd like it more if you had prettier hair."
Pam: That's psychotic. Do guys actually do that?
Jim: Guys with girlfriends don't.
Andy: That's low, Tuna.

Quote from Jim

Jim: It's actually Blue Cross from Pennsylvania.
Michael Scott: Really? That's kind of a big client. Hey, Oscar. How much of a hit is 10% of our Blue Cross account?
Oscar: Ten percent? They're our largest client. That's going to hurt.
Jim: Hold on one sec. Hold on one sec, Tom. What's that? You found five golden tickets? And does it say "Limit one per customer"? Nope, it doesn't.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Hey, hey, hey! You idiot.
Darryl: Start over.
Michael Scott: Sir, I placed a bunch of golden tickets into five separate boxes, and somehow they all ended up with Blue Cross. How does this happen?
Darryl: Were the boxes near each other?
Michael Scott: Irrelevant.
Darryl: I put three pallets on the truck to Blue Cross once a week. They use a lot of paper.
Michael Scott: Okay, I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to be honest. What is a pallet?

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: My golden ticket idea, okay? Why would anyone think that this is my golden ticket idea? There's a one in thirteen chance that this could be anybody's golden ticket idea.

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