Michael Scott: It is St. Patrick's Day, and here in Scranton that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.

Dwight K. Schrute: They say that no man is an island. False! I am an island and this island is volcanic. And it is about to erupt with the molten hot lava of strategy!

Andy: Erin and I have our first date tonight, and it has to be perfect. Why? Because according to How I Met Your Mother, that's the date that your kids are going to wait patiently to hear about, and you better have a good story for them.

Michael Scott: When you work for Sabre, only one thing matters. And I don't care if you're a loser, or you practice bestiality, if Jo likes you, you are in. And I am in!

Jo: Oh, you don't become the most powerful woman in Tallahassee by slacking off. [scoffs] You do it by working hard. Or marrying rich. I did both!

Jo: Well, this is my last day at the Scranton branch for a while. But I'm leaving it in the very capable hands of some of the loveliest people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. You know, I'm gonna miss this place. And the snow! Oh, my dogs love peeing in that snow! Makes me think they're onto something.

Dwight K. Schrute: Must be amazing being a father right, a miracle of life?
Jim: It is. Big time.
Dwight K. Schrute: Ah, that baby is just discovering the whole wide world right now.
Jim: Pretty amazing.
Dwight K. Schrute: What up is, what down is, who Mom is, who Dad is. Must be tough being here with all that going on.
Jim: Oh, it's tough being here for a lot of reasons.
Dwight K. Schrute: I mean, you're here at work, and the baby thinks that the refrigerator is its father.
Jim: Is that what happened to you?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'll tell you what happened to me. I didn't see my father for the first two years of my life. I thought my mother was my father, and my wet-nurse was my mother.
Jim: That's a common mistake.
Dwight K. Schrute: Turned out fine for me. But Mose? Oh. Same story, different ending.

Angela: [As Erin sneezes at her desk] Hey! Are you sick?
Erin: Oh, no I'm fine, I just have a little indigestion.
Angela: In your nose?
Erin: Yes.
[aside to camera:]
Erin: I'm a little sick but I don't want to miss my date with Andy. I'll get better. Whenever I'm sick it goes away within a few hours. Except once, when I was in the hospital from age three to six.

Jim: What do we got here?
Dwight K. Schrute: Mega-Desk.
Jim: Of course.
Dwight K. Schrute: Command Central. Surveillance, gaming and business.

Angela: Yes, I'm anxious to get off work. But let me be clear. It's not to celebrate St Patrick's Day. It's so I can protest St. Patrick's Day.