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‘St. Patrick's Day’ Quotes

The Office: St. Patrick's Day

619. St. Patrick's Day

Aired March 11, 2010

On St. Patrick's Day, Michael tries to impress Jo Bennett, the company's new owner, by having everyone work late. Meanwhile, Andy and Erin's first date doesn't go to plan, and Dwight tries to make Jim feel bad when he returns to work.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: They say that no man is an island. False! I am an island and this island is volcanic. And it is about to erupt with the molten hot lava of strategy!

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Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: It is St. Patrick's Day, and here in Scranton that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Erin and I have our first date tonight, and it has to be perfect. Why? Because according to "How I Met Your Mother", that's the date that your kids are going to wait patiently to hear about, and you better have a good story for them.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: When you work for Sabre, only one thing matters. And I don't care if you're a loser, or you practice bestiality, if Jo likes you, you are in. And I am in!

Quote from Jo

Jo: Well, this is my last day at the Scranton branch for a while. But I'm leaving it in the very capable hands of some of the loveliest people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. You know, I'm gonna miss this place. And the snow! Oh, my dogs love peeing in that snow! Makes me think they're onto something.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Must be amazing being a father right, a miracle of life?
Jim: It is. Big time.
Dwight K. Schrute: Ah, that baby is just discovering the whole wide world right now.
Jim: Pretty amazing.
Dwight K. Schrute: What up is, what down is, who Mom is, who Dad is. Must be tough being here with all that going on.
Jim: Oh, it's tough being here for a lot of reasons.
Dwight K. Schrute: I mean, you're here at work, and the baby thinks that the refrigerator is its father.
Jim: Is that what happened to you?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'll tell you what happened to me. I didn't see my father for the first two years of my life. I thought my mother was my father, and my wet-nurse was my mother.
Jim: That's a common mistake.
Dwight K. Schrute: Turned out fine for me. But Mose? Oh. Same story, different ending.

Quote from Erin

Angela: [As Erin sneezes at her desk] Hey! Are you sick?
Erin: Oh, no I'm fine, I just have a little indigestion.
Angela: In your nose?
Erin: Yes.
[aside to camera:]
Erin: I'm a little sick but I don't want to miss my date with Andy. I'll get better. Whenever I'm sick it goes away within a few hours. Except once, when I was in the hospital from age three to six.

Quote from Jo

Jo: Oh, you don't become the most powerful woman in Tallahassee by slacking off. [scoffs] You do it by working hard. Or marrying rich. I did both!

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: What do we got here?
Dwight K. Schrute: Mega-Desk.
Jim: Of course.
Dwight K. Schrute: Command Central. Surveillance, gaming and business.

Quote from Angela

Angela: Yes, I'm anxious to get off work. But let me be clear. It's not to celebrate St Patrick's Day. It's so I can protest St. Patrick's Day.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: How late do we have to work tonight?
Gabe: You never know with Jo. Sometimes we're here til midnight. Sometimes she doesn't show up for three days.
Michael Scott: Why does she do that? Why doesn't she just tell you what your schedule is?
Gabe: Yeah, that would be awesome. I could get a girlfriend. Wouldn't have to go to Amsterdam seven times a year. But uh, I'm young, right? I will date when I'm dead!
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Do I really want to turn out like Gabe? Twenty-six. Single. Tied to my desk. No life, no family. I want to have been married by the time I would've turned thirty. That's just- That's just depressing.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: [Irish accent] Hello. Hello. Top of the morning to you! Ooh ooh! Green M&Ms! Nature's Viagra! Two of my favorite joke areas combined. It'll be a good day.

Quote from Meredith

Meredith: Stop fighting. Just on St Patrick's Day, okay? Just one perfect day a year. No hassles, no problems, no kids.
Ryan: Why no kids?
Kelly: Yeah, where are your kids?
Meredith: Nope. Nuh -uh. Not today!

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Dweedle Dee and Dweedle Dumb-ass have been away on maternity leave. Now Dweedle Dumb-ass is back, and we have a problem. Yes, getting hooked on Mega-Desk was my own damn fault. But ... I don't care about assigning blame. All I care about is Mega-Desk. That is all I care about. Getting. More. Mega-Desk.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Let's follow the chain of events. Jo likes Michael. Jo invites Michael to house. Jo doesn't like Michael anymore. Hmm.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Jim: [on the phone] And I'm actually pleased to be able to offer you printer cartridges and toner now.
Dwight K. Schrute: [whispers] Oh Jim, Jim! Sorry to bother you.
Jim: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: My headphones are broken.
Jim: Right.
Dwight K. Schrute: Can I listen to my music at a low volume?
Jim: Yeah, that's great. Great.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay? [Unplugs cord, sings] "The cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue-"
Jim: When's the last time you upgraded your printer?
Dwight K. Schrute: "-and the man in the moon. When you coming home Dad? I don't know when-"
Jim: [whispers] Please stop that!
Dwight K. Schrute: "-But we'll be together then-"
Jim: Can you grow up?
Dwight K. Schrute: "-Dad, you know we'll have a good time then."

Quote from Jo

Michael Scott: Hey there. So I think I'm done. Gonna head out. Unless you want to chat. Like we were doing earlier.
Jo: Well there's chatting time and there's working time. I'm still on working time.
Michael Scott: Mm? Well, the clock says chatting time, so.
Jo: Well, if you feel like you've done a solid days work...
Michael Scott: Right. What?
Jo: Well, I mean, if you can put your name on this day, and be proud of the amount of work you've done, then, by all means, you should toodle on home.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: Just because Jo has no life, does not mean that the rest of us don't have lives. Oscar has a life. I think Ryan has a life. This is outrageous.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Did I mess up my career today? My future prospects at Sabre? I don't know. There is a chance. Yes. I tell you I love my job. But Jo wants me to put on a show for her, and pretend to work late? Nah. I spent all day, trying to make her like me, and I forgot to ask myself something: Do I even like her? As the Irish poet Bobby McFerrin says, "Don't worry, be happy."

Quote from Jim

Dwight K. Schrute: What the hell is this?
Jim: Oh!
Dwight K. Schrute: This is not Mega-Desk.
Jim: No, it's not. They call it Quad-Desk.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's ridiculous, this is made up of three desks.
Jim: Oh my God. We're going to have to re-name it then aren't we? [Dwight's phone rings. He crawls into a spacer under Jim's Quad-Desk]
Dwight K. Schrute: [answering phone] Hello, Dwight Schrute?


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