Previous Episode Next Episode 

28Quotes from ‘Training Day’

The Office: Training Day

720. Training Day

Aired April 14, 2011

Everybody tries to make a good impression with the new boss, Deangelo Vickers, after Michael meets his replacement.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Deangelo's great. I love the guy. But I'm not sure he's a great fit for the office. And also, I'm not sure if I love the guy.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Deangelo: Can I just say, I am so excited to be working here. Little bit about myself, I love the American Southwest, for starters. You may call them Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah, I call them heaven. I have a peanut allergy. It's something I live with, it's a part of me. I've learned to cope with it. What else? I'm just as comfortable at the ball game as I am at the opera. I was a-
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Did I want to be made manager? Sure. A great opportunity squandered? Absolutely. A crushing blow? Yes. Will I get over it? No. But life goes on. Not for me.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: Kahlua Sombrero, please.
Waiter: All right, so just you tonight?
Michael Scott: Actually, I am meeting somebody, but I'm a little bit early. Leaving my company. After 19 years.
Deangelo: I'll drink to that. I'm starting at a company this week.
Michael Scott: Oh, really?
Deangelo: To beginnings and endings.
Michael Scott: And to middles, the unsung heroes. And to moms.
Deangelo: The moms and the troops.
Michael Scott: Mmm. Do not tell my fiance I'm drinking on a Wednesday.
Deangelo: [laughs] I won't... I don't know her.
Michael Scott: I'm moving out to the burbs. Actually, I'm moving further than the burbs, I'm moving to Colorado.
Deangelo: Colorado! The sunshine state.
Michael Scott: Yep. Don't mess with Colorado.

Quote from Michael Scott

Deangelo: Doing some skiing?
Michael Scott: No, no. I don't want to end up like Sonny Bobo.
Deangelo: Well, that's just good sense right there. Everyone I know who skis is dead.
Michael Scott: You know, I would like to try the luge, through.
Deangelo: Try it once, you're hooked. That's my guess.
Michael Scott: That's what I've heard.
Deangelo: I'm an Olympics nut.
Michael Scott: Oh, yeah? Me too. Summer or winter?
Deangelo & Michael: [in unison] Summer!

Quote from Oscar

Oscar: Michael is leaving. And apparently they already hired a new manager. And we're meeting him today. It's a lot to process. Paperwork wise.

Quote from Michael Scott

Michael Scott: So we talk for, like, 20 minutes, no clue it's Deangelo the whole time!
Darryl: Kind of embarrassing.
Michael Scott: No. No.
Angela: Yeah, that story makes you sound stupid.
Michael Scott: I happen to like the hilarious hi-jinx that I get myself into.

Quote from Pam

Michael Scott: This is Jim and Pam, aka Jap. What started as an affair has blossomed into a family before our eyes.
Pam: Well, it wasn't an affair.
Michael Scott: Yes, it was.
Pam: But, no, but we are a family.
Jim: [points to picture of Cecelia] We made that.
Pam: Cecelia.
Deangelo: Oh, congratulations. I have four kids of my own.
Pam: Really? Oh, my gosh! We just have the one, but she poops for four. [laughs]
[aside to camera:]
Pam: Uh oh. Someone started off on a good foot with the new boss!
Jim: Yeah, they don't ever talk about careers that were made because of unplanned pregnancies.

Quote from Stanley

Meredith: That apple looks delish!
Deangelo: I do a lot of portion control. I try to keep my daily caloric intake under 1200. [laughter]
Stanley: Deangelo, you're going to starve to death. [laughter]

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: Hey, Deangelo, what do you think of bald people? I hate them.

Quote from Erin

Erin: Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin. Okay, let me transfer you.
Deangelo: Why do you use your name when you use the phone?
Erin: Oh, that's how Pam does it. I just copy her. She's sort of a living legend.
Deangelo: Try it without using your name.
Erin: "Dunder Mifflin, this is..." [confused] Oh, yeah, I like it.
Deangelo: "Dunder Mifflin, how may I assist you?"
Erin: Oh, assist.

Quote from Michael Scott

Phyllis: Mmm, what you got?
Michael Scott: PB&J, my mom's recipe! [throws sandwich to Phyllis]
Angela: Michael, Deangelo has a peanut allergy!
Deangelo: I need a wide berth. I need a wide berth from those nuts.
Stanley: What are you doing? Have you lost your mind?
Michael Scott: I think Kevin wants one. Kevin, here you go!
Oscar: Michael, this is serious! Do you know what happens if Deangelo touches a peanut?
Michael Scott: What?
Deangelo: Michael, the last time I was exposed to a peanut, I was itching for three days, okay? I had to take baths constantly. I missed the O.J. verdict. I had to read about it in the paper like an idiot.
Jim: Wait, so, you don't go into shock or die or anything?
Deangelo: No, Jim, not everything is life or death. I want to feel comfortable.
Michael Scott: Oscar, here you go. [throws sandwich]
Deangelo: [uses clipboard to bat away sandwich] You're getting nut particles all in the air!
Michael Scott: No one had a problem with the air here until you came around.

Quote from Jim

Jim: Hey, Deangelo. Wanna meet Cece?
Deangelo: That's a cute baby. Very cute baby. Adorable. Very cute.
Jim: Thank you very much.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: See, we knew it! If he just met her, he'd understand.
Jim: We're back in! Right?
[also to camera:]
Deangelo: I'm telling you, that baby could be the star of a show entitled "Babies I Don't Care About."

Quote from Michael Scott

Deangelo: You know, it's funny, I tried to get an animal Olympics going.
Michael Scott: Really? What happened?
Deangelo: You know, life happened. What are you gonna miss most about Scranton?
Michael Scott: Oh... Wow. The mountains. Where things are.
Deangelo: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's the way it goes.
Michael Scott: Man, he is late. I'm gonna call him. Do you mind? Where is this guy?
Deangelo: [phone vibrating] Excuse me. [on the phone] Hello?
Michael Scott: [on the phone] This is Michael Scott. Hi.
Deangelo: You running late?
Michael Scott: No, I'm here. I'm right... I'm at the bar.
Deangelo: I'm at the bar, too.
Michael Scott: You are? What bar?
Deangelo: I'm at the bar. The bar that's located in the lobby of the hotel.
Michael Scott: I... do not see you.
Deangelo: How long have you...
Michael Scott: I'm been here about... gosh, over half an hour.
Deangelo: Okay, yep, me too.
Michael Scott: What are you wearing?
Deangelo: I am wearing a grey suit, red tie.
Michael Scott: Are we both at the right place?
Deangelo: Which place?
Michael Scott: I hear your voice.
Deangelo: I hear your voice. I see your lips moving.
Michael Scott: In the phone. Oh, man! [holds out hand] Michael Scott.
Deangelo: Deangelo Vickers.
Michael Scott: Wow! That is insane! [laughter]
Deangelo: That is insane. That is the right term. Bartender, let's get some Vodka up in this cranberry, and one for my friend.

Quote from Michael Scott

Deangelo: I am very much looking forward to tomorrow. It feels like the culmination of a lot of hard work, a lot of good fortune...
Michael Scott: [pops up from below camera, then runs out of the room]
Deangelo: Did that- Did that just happen?! [runs after Michael] We should.. We should write a movie or something! I'm serious!

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: [wearing wig] Nope, it's not Ashton Kutcher. It's Kevin Malone! Equally handsome, equally smart! [winks]

Quote from Kelly

Kelly: And that is what they call a "meet cute."

Quote from Andy

Andy: That exact situation is why I always carry around a couple of these [holds up "My name is..." badges]. Just in case. Because sometimes you just need to I.D. yourself.
Deangelo: [laughs] Office funny guy! Always glad to have an office funny guy around.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: I wasn't even trying to make a joke. But I guess I've always been sorta quirky, offbeat, a little twisted.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Thanks for meeting me.
Michael Scott: Are you kidding? I'd come anywhere to see a turtle? Where'd you find him.
Dwight K. Schrute: There's no turtle, Michael. I just wanted to get you here.
Michael Scott: Ugh! You know me very well, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's because I'm your right-hand man, Michael, but I can't do it. I can't do it again for a whole new guy.
Michael Scott: Now I'm gonna have to go online and look at turtles or else I'm going to be off the whole day.
Dwight K. Schrute: I want to be manager. I just don't understand why I wasn't even interviewed for the job. You know, what's wrong? I was totally qualified, you were pushing for me...

Quote from Darryl

Darryl: It's cool that you like the southwest. It's one of my favorite regions.
[aside to camera:]
Darryl: It's one of my favorite regions? Did I just sound totally lame? ... No, I sounded good.
[back:]
Darryl: I love the desert. It's one of my favorite ecosystems.
Deangelo: Here's the great thing about the southwest: there's so much more than desert. Along the north rim of the Grand Canyon is a forest as lush as you've ever seen.

Quote from Erin

Michael Scott: I sorta like the old way.
Deangelo: I just prefer it without the name and I thought- I've got to start doing some managing at some point.
Michael Scott: I know, I know. I'm sorry, but if it's not a big deal we should just-
Deangelo: And it really isn't.
Michael Scott: Is that good?
Erin: Yeah, okay, good.
Deangelo: Well, I'd like to change it, actually.
Michael Scott: Well, whatever. Whatever you think will work.
Erin: What do you think?
Deangelo: Yeah, I think a change would be nice.
Michael Scott: You can do the old way or whichever one you want to do. [phone rings]
Deangelo: [whispering] Change it.
Erin: [picks up phone] ... I'm so sorry. Sorry. [hangs up]

Quote from Andy

Deangelo: Hey, funny guy. I'm having a little mid-day lull here. Make me laugh. Huh, what have you got? I can't even look at you.
Andy: Here we go... Okay, what do African Americans call the... [laughter]
Erin: Deangelo, did you order a barber?
Deangelo: Oh, yeah. Put a pin on that, kid. Can't wait to hear the punchline.
Darryl: Finish the joke, Andy. What do African Americans call..?
Andy: I don't know. Help me.

Quote from Jim

Michael Scott: [to Erin] Shave me. [walks into his office with Deangelo] Well, this is going to be funny, because it looks like we are going to be shaving buddies!
Deangelo: Okay, alright! I love it! I love it! Michael, this is Reggie. He is the #1 Yelp-reviewed shaver in Scranton. It's not even close.
Michael Scott: And this is Erin and she is going to shave my face. Here we go. [Erin squirts far too much shaving cream onto Michael's face]
Deangelo: Alright. This is how we do it. Feels nice, doesn't it?
Michael Scott: It really does. This is luxury. Here we go. Ah, that is nice.

Quote from Michael Scott

Oscar: You wanted to talk to us, Deangelo?
Deangelo: Ah, yes, please. Just cozy up there. Just thought we could have some rap sessions with smaller groups.
Michael Scott: Well, we don't really do rap sessions. We kinda do- [as Erin shaves him] God! We sorta do more of like pow-wows or whatevs-
Deangelo: Okay, then, powwows then, fine.

Quote from Jim

Pam: Hey, Deangelo, my mom just sent me this picture of Cece, it is so adorable.
Jim: Alright, wait, little bit of backstory, she loves dogs. She calls them "da-das".
Pam: "Da-das".
Jim: And what happens here is-
Deangelo: You know what, enough about your baby, okay? I'm sorry.
Jim: We were- I think she was just trying to-
Deangelo: No, no, no, I know what you're doing. Just quit it.

Quote from Michael Scott

Deangelo: I want to hear from the rank and file. How can I be the best manager for you all? What can I do better?
Michael Scott: You know what, everybody? You have to be honest, here. You can't say that everything is perfect, right? So, come up with something.
Oscar: Well, Deangelo, I'd say communication could be improved. People stopped reading memos, so everyone marks them urgent.
Michael Scott: Okay, you know what, I mark it urgent A, urgent B, urgent C, urgent D. Urgent A is the most important, urgent D you don't even really have to worry about.
Erin: Okay, Michael, can you stop talking now? I need to shave your lips.
Michael Scott: Don't shave my lips.

Quote from Andy

Deangelo: [Andy walks into room] What's up?
Andy: I don't mean to go into a rant here, but...
[aside to camera:]
Andy: I wrote the perfect joke. Topical, edgy, funny.
[back:]
Andy: ...I saw this thing in the news. Democrats want electric cars. Republicans don't. I'm thinking, "How crazy is it that we have a car debate going on in a city known for gridlock."
Deangelo: Um. Let's not- Let's not talk politics in the office, okay? I like you better as a funny guy.
Andy: [leans on table] I wasn't taking a position. It's just sort of one of those things where- [table collapses]
Deangelo: [laughter] Now, that's funny! That's funny! You walk much?

Quote from Gabe

Dwight K. Schrute: How do I become a manger at Sabre?
Gabe: First thing's first, thank you for coming to me directly. I know you could have called Tallahassee but they would've just looped back to me, so, it's cool you recognized my role here.
Dwight K. Schrute: I left a message at corporate.
Gabe: Ah. There you go. Get a recommendation from Michael. That'll put you right on the shortlist for next time there's an opening.
Dwight K. Schrute: Can't you just use the recommendation you already have on file?
Gabe: What recommendation?
Dwight K. Schrute: From when he recommended me to replace him.
Gabe: ... Um... I'm sorry, I never know how to act in these awkward-type situations.

Quote from Michael Scott

[As Michael and Deangelo embrace in an awkward hug:]
Michael Scott: Why did you have to be so damn good?
Deangelo: I... I'm adequate. I'm half as good as you.
Michael Scott: No, no, no. Come on. You are good, they know it.
Deangelo: Will you do me a favor and enjoy this time, okay? You've worked so hard, get your senioritis on. It's Lake Havasu time!
Michael Scott: Guess I've been working so hard I forgot what it's like to be hardly working.


 Episode 719 Episode 721