Darryl: I've been meaning to join a gym for my health. I used to say I wanted to live long enough to see a black president. I didn't realize how easy that would be. So now I want to live long enough to see a really, really gay president. Or a supermodel president. I want to see all the different kinds of presidents.

Dwight K. Schrute: Standing is proven to be healthier, increases productivity and just looks cooler. Picture someone doing something heroic. Now was he sitting or standing? Not counting FDR.

Dwight K. Schrute: Obese people in my office are a drain on resources. Chairs wear out faster. It takes more freon to keep them cool. They flush the toilets more often. Plus, their massive BMs bust the rivets on my pipes. But a gym turns fat into cash.

Dwight K. Schrute: You haven't even looked around yet. Look. Gravel bucket squat yoke. Right? Dedicated phone book ripping station. You ever cut tin before?
Darryl: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: Five yards in and your forearms will be on fire. Plus, I will buy the tin back from you that you cut for two cents a yard. Now, let's go over membership. I'm going to need the first month's and the last month's up front for $49 per month. But every third month is $59 a month. But the fourth month is a discount month at $19 per month...

Robert: Okay, enough of this. I mean, really, enough. It's gotten way out of hand. Andrew, this is my wife. Whatever privacy you were trying to protect between us, I thank you for. But it is not welcome right now. Just be honest.
Susan: Andy?
Andy: Yes?
Susan: Why do you keep looking at my husband?
Robert: Andy, just answer the question.
Andy: No games?
Robert: No games.
Andy: Okay. I mean, it was kind of funny, actually. Robert storms in and he says, "in four seconds, my wife's gonna be in here. I told her she could work here. Under no circumstances can that be allowed to happen." [laughs]
Robert: You lying son of a bitch!

Toby: Did you bring your passport with you?
Susan: Who walks around with their passport?
Toby: Well, I do. Always ready for adventure.
Susan: Have you had any?
Toby: No.

Dwight K. Schrute: Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.
Darryl: You don't have to say it if you're doing it.
Dwight K. Schrute: [laughs] Remember how you said that you were looking in the office to do calisthenics and aerobics?
Darryl: Uh, weight lifting yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, today's your lucky day. I have opened in this very office building, Dwight Schrute's Gym for Muscles. You wanna take a look?
Darryl: I'll take a look.
Dwight K. Schrute: Your path from obesity begins right here!

Andy: We will start here at Erinville.
Susan: Hi.
Erin: Hoo-hoo!
Andy: Reception. Your classic one-man operation.
Erin: Although I was watching a movie and Merryl Streep had two secretaries.
Andy: I was watching a movie and a bunch of apes took over San Francisco. Just saying.

Andy: Oh, how am I supposed to pull this off? The entire office is being nice to her than they've ever been to me. What I wouldn't give for one of Phyllis' classic room clearing farts right now.

Dwight K. Schrute: Ready? What do you think?
Darryl: Um, no. No, this is not a gym. This is like a scene out of Saw 5.