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‘Promos’ Quotes

The Office: Promos

918. Promos

Aired April 4, 2013

The staff at Dunder Mifflin freak out as the first promos for the documentary series are released. Meanwhile, Dwight considers going halfsies on a tractor with his girlfriend's father.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: This is a documentary? Oh, I always thought we were like specimens in a human zoo.

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Quote from Meredith

Angela: There was much more secret filming than I expected. [laughs] But I am fine with it, I mean it. I am.
Oscar: Are you kidding me? It's like half the show is secret footage.
Meredith: I am a very private person. I show 'em when I wanna show 'em. Who wants a taste? [flashes camera] Boob sauce!

Quote from Stanley

Pam: Weird to see how we used to look in those promos. Some of us have changed so much.
Stanley: [eating soft pretzel] We've all changed.

Quote from Kevin

Oscar: Hey guys, I just found another promo. It's in Danish. I guess it's gonna start airing in Denmark.
Pam: Oh my god!
[After they watch the Danish promo:]
Kevin: What was that word they said when they showed me "Skrald mand"? What's that mean in Danish? Cool guy?
Oscar: Dumpster Man.
Kevin: Cool. Superhero.

Quote from Andy

[After Dwight pours a bucket of cold water over Phyllis]
Phyllis: What the hell?!
Dwight K. Schrute: It's okay guys, she's no longer horny.
Andy: Excuse me, dirty birdie. [takes Phyllis's iPod]
Phyllis: Wait, what?
Andy: You can have this back at the end of the day.
[cut to Andy in his office listening to Phyllis's iPod as Dwight pours a bucket of cold water on him]

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: Hurry Pam, I need to know how much hellfire is going to rain down on me.
Phyllis: I thought Terry knew about Cynthia?
Stanley: She does. But neither of them know about Lydia.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Phyllis has gotten into audio books and lately she's been listening to 50 Shades of Grey. Which, if you don't know what it is, it's a book about, uh, um...
Clark: It's porn.
Pam: Yeah.

Quote from Meredith

Dwight K. Schrute: [Phyllis rocks her chair into his provocatively] Seriously. Ugh. Okay, this is unacceptable. It's officially a hostile work environment.
Phyllis: Why?
Darryl: Somebody just needs to get her attention, tell her it's not okay to do this in public.
Pam: Be careful. I pulled my mom's dog off a pillow once, and I got bit.
Meredith: Just ignore her. Sooner or later she'll finish.
Group: Ugh. Ew. God.

Quote from Andy

Andy: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: Phyllis is masturbating in the office right now as we speak.
Angela: Can we skip the color commentary and just have Andy go out there and fire her?
Toby: He- He can't do that. Turns out she's allowed to have feelings of sexual arousal. It doesn't become a violation until she physically acts on it.
Group: Oh, no!
Oscar: Toby, how do you propose that we-
Andy:Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Why is Phyllis so aroused?
Pam: She's listening to 50 Shades of Grey.
Andy: Well there you go. That's muy caliente.

Quote from Clark

Dwight K. Schrute: Clark, I need your advice. I'm having some lady troubles.
Clark: What's her name?
Dwight K. Schrute: Esther Bruegger.
Clark: Sweet.
Dwight K. Schrute: Lives on the neighboring farm. 85 acres.
Clark: Oh, yeah. Keep talkin'.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, we've been out three times. There has been physicality, but the thing is we were hanging out with her father the other night looking at a farm catalog, next thing I know he wants to lease a tractor with me.
Clark: Oh.
Dwight K. Schrute: [laughs] What do you think?
Clark: The same thing that you think.
Dwight K. Schrute: A long term tractor lease is going to put pressure on a relationship.
Clark: God, one of my buddies is going through the same thing right now. Something in the air.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: What's going on? Oh, did Gangnam Style put out a new song?

Quote from Kevin

Oscar: There's a promo for the new documentary on the web.
Phyllis: Play it again.
Narrator: [on video] The boss. The workers. The lives. The loves. The people. The paper. The Office: An American Workplace. Coming soon on WVIA.
Kevin: Whoa. You go to the bathroom for 45 minutes and everything changes.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Guys, are you reading the online comments? Somebody commented on my banjo playing. "Banjo at 0:19 is aight" Internet, calm down! I must be really connected with this guy. I mean that's the guy's name, right? ChobbleGobbler?

Quote from Erin

Erin: Hey, Dwight, you have some guests. I think they're from the forest where we harvest our paper.

Quote from Angela

Angela: What about me? "Klokken tre pige"
Oscar: "Three PM Girl".
Angela: What? Why would they... Wait a second! Wait a second! What was that? [pauses on her and Dwight leaving the warehouse area where they've just had sex] Oh! I didn't know they were filming then!
Oscar: It looks like the camera man was hiding behind the shelves.
Phyllis: Wait. So they were filming all the time? Even when we didn't know it?
Angela: Oh my god. [All look at camera horrified]

Quote from Oscar

Erin: Oh my god. Do they film us at night when we're sleeping?
Oscar: Yes, Erin. They film us at night when we're sleeping. Cause that makes great TV!
Erin: Hey.
Angela: Oscar.
Oscar: I'm sorry sweetie. This whole thing is just freaking me out.
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: I have been very honest with you guys. In a way that could seriously impact the political career of a very good friend of mine. You're not going to use any of that, are you?

Quote from Nellie

Angela: I think we need to figure out what's going on. I might just take a little walk.
Stanley: Yes, a little walk sounds like a good idea.
[in the warehouse:]
Oscar: Okay, everyone, turn off your mikes.
Angela: We need to know more. Did their shots have sound? What exactly did they get on tape?
Erin: I sneezed into my hands without using Purell and then dipped into the candy jar. Did they film that?
Nellie: My first week here I sneezed directly into the candy jar because I thought I'd get more I thought I'd get more screen time as a villain.

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: [on the phone] Hello, honey? I just spoke to the TV repair man and he says we need to keep our TVs turned off for a couple of months. Something about the wiring.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Maybe you're right. Esther's a ten and the best I've ever done is Angela who's a nine and she rejected me.
Clark: A Scranton nine, but, yeah, point taken. Hey, let's go out tonight and just score a couple fours, huh? I mean there are no games with fours.
Dwight K. Schrute: Who needs a new tractor anyway? Maybe we're the kinda guys who end up with a tractor that's already been rode hard and put away muddy.
Clark: Screw new tractors. Guys like us, we gotta plant our seed a different way.
Dwight K. Schrute: By hand. [Clarks looks to camera]


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