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‘Promos’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Office: Promos

918. Promos

Aired April 4, 2013

The staff at Dunder Mifflin freak out as the first promos for the documentary series are released. Meanwhile, Dwight considers going halfsies on a tractor with his girlfriend's father.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: This is a documentary? Oh, I always thought we were like specimens in a human zoo.


Quote from Meredith

Angela: There was much more secret filming than I expected. [laughs] But I am fine with it, I mean it. I am.
Oscar: Are you kidding me? It's like half the show is secret footage.
Meredith: I am a very private person. I show 'em when I wanna show 'em. Who wants a taste? [flashes camera] Boob sauce!

Quote from Stanley

Pam: Weird to see how we used to look in those promos. Some of us have changed so much.
Stanley: [eating soft pretzel] We've all changed.

Quote from Kevin

Oscar: Hey guys, I just found another promo. It's in Danish. I guess it's gonna start airing in Denmark.
Pam: Oh my god!
[After they watch the Danish promo:]
Kevin: What was that word they said when they showed me "Skrald mand"? What's that mean in Danish? Cool guy?
Oscar: Dumpster Man.
Kevin: Cool. Superhero.

Quote from Andy

[After Dwight pours a bucket of cold water over Phyllis]
Phyllis: What the hell?!
Dwight K. Schrute: It's okay guys, she's no longer horny.
Andy: Excuse me, dirty birdie. [takes Phyllis's iPod]
Phyllis: Wait, what?
Andy: You can have this back at the end of the day.
[cut to Andy in his office listening to Phyllis's iPod as Dwight pours a bucket of cold water on him]

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: Hurry Pam, I need to know how much hellfire is going to rain down on me.
Phyllis: I thought Terry knew about Cynthia?
Stanley: She does. But neither of them know about Lydia.

Quote from Clark

Dwight K. Schrute: Clark, I need your advice. I'm having some lady troubles.
Clark: What's her name?
Dwight K. Schrute: Esther Bruegger.
Clark: Sweet.
Dwight K. Schrute: Lives on the neighboring farm. 85 acres.
Clark: Oh, yeah. Keep talkin'.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, we've been out three times. There has been physicality, but the thing is we were hanging out with her father the other night looking at a farm catalog, next thing I know he wants to lease a tractor with me.
Clark: Oh.
Dwight K. Schrute: [laughs] What do you think?
Clark: The same thing that you think.
Dwight K. Schrute: A long term tractor lease is going to put pressure on a relationship.
Clark: God, one of my buddies is going through the same thing right now. Something in the air.

Quote from Nellie

Angela: I think we need to figure out what's going on. I might just take a little walk.
Stanley: Yes, a little walk sounds like a good idea.
[in the warehouse:]
Oscar: Okay, everyone, turn off your mikes.
Angela: We need to know more. Did their shots have sound? What exactly did they get on tape?
Erin: I sneezed into my hands without using Purell and then dipped into the candy jar. Did they film that?
Nellie: My first week here I sneezed directly into the candy jar because I thought I'd get more I thought I'd get more screen time as a villain.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Phyllis has gotten into audio books and lately she's been listening to 50 Shades of Grey. Which, if you don't know what it is, it's a book about, uh, um...
Clark: It's porn.
Pam: Yeah.

Quote from Meredith

Dwight K. Schrute: [Phyllis rocks her chair into his provocatively] Seriously. Ugh. Okay, this is unacceptable. It's officially a hostile work environment.
Phyllis: Why?
Darryl: Somebody just needs to get her attention, tell her it's not okay to do this in public.
Pam: Be careful. I pulled my mom's dog off a pillow once, and I got bit.
Meredith: Just ignore her. Sooner or later she'll finish.
Group: Ugh. Ew. God.

Quote from Andy

Andy: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: Phyllis is masturbating in the office right now as we speak.
Angela: Can we skip the color commentary and just have Andy go out there and fire her?
Toby: He- He can't do that. Turns out she's allowed to have feelings of sexual arousal. It doesn't become a violation until she physically acts on it.
Group: Oh, no!
Oscar: Toby, how do you propose that we-
Andy:Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Why is Phyllis so aroused?
Pam: She's listening to 50 Shades of Grey.
Andy: Well there you go. That's muy caliente.

Quote from Kevin

Kevin: What's going on? Oh, did Gangnam Style put out a new song?

Quote from Kevin

Oscar: There's a promo for the new documentary on the web.
Phyllis: Play it again.
Narrator: [on video] The boss. The workers. The lives. The loves. The people. The paper. The Office: An American Workplace. Coming soon on WVIA.
Kevin: Whoa. You go to the bathroom for 45 minutes and everything changes.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Guys, are you reading the online comments? Somebody commented on my banjo playing. "Banjo at 0:19 is aight" Internet, calm down! I must be really connected with this guy. I mean that's the guy's name, right? ChobbleGobbler?

Quote from Erin

Erin: Hey, Dwight, you have some guests. I think they're from the forest where we harvest our paper.

Quote from Angela

Angela: What about me? "Klokken tre pige"
Oscar: "Three PM Girl".
Angela: What? Why would they... Wait a second! Wait a second! What was that? [pauses on her and Dwight leaving the warehouse area where they've just had sex] Oh! I didn't know they were filming then!
Oscar: It looks like the camera man was hiding behind the shelves.
Phyllis: Wait. So they were filming all the time? Even when we didn't know it?
Angela: Oh my god. [All look at camera horrified]

Quote from Oscar

Erin: Oh my god. Do they film us at night when we're sleeping?
Oscar: Yes, Erin. They film us at night when we're sleeping. Cause that makes great TV!
Erin: Hey.
Angela: Oscar.
Oscar: I'm sorry sweetie. This whole thing is just freaking me out.
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: I have been very honest with you guys. In a way that could seriously impact the political career of a very good friend of mine. You're not going to use any of that, are you?

Quote from Stanley

Stanley: [on the phone] Hello, honey? I just spoke to the TV repair man and he says we need to keep our TVs turned off for a couple of months. Something about the wiring.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: Maybe you're right. Esther's a ten and the best I've ever done is Angela who's a nine and she rejected me.
Clark: A Scranton nine, but, yeah, point taken. Hey, let's go out tonight and just score a couple fours, huh? I mean there are no games with fours.
Dwight K. Schrute: Who needs a new tractor anyway? Maybe we're the kinda guys who end up with a tractor that's already been rode hard and put away muddy.
Clark: Screw new tractors. Guys like us, we gotta plant our seed a different way.
Dwight K. Schrute: By hand. [Clarks looks to camera]

Quote from Clark

Clark: Hey, can I talk to you for one second?
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Clark: One second.
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Clark: One second.
Dwight K. Schrute: I am closing a deal on a tractor with the father of a woman I plan to inseminate.
Clark: Don't do it. [takes Dwight's pen]
Dwight K. Schrute: What? Don't you cap that pen. Do not cap that pen! Do not! Ugh! You capped it. Wow. You are serious. Okay, you've got two minutes and then the cap comes off.
Clark: Dude, we're being conned.
Dwight K. Schrute: Go on.
Clark: These chicks are way too hot to be into us. Esther's just pretending to like you so that you'll buy her daddy a new tractor.
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Clark: Yes. Her sister's trying to seduce me into buying an auger with her.
Dwight K. Schrute: What? Has the warranty expired on the auger you have now?
Clark: I don't even know what an auger is!
Dwight K. Schrute: No woman would ever want a man who doesn't know what an auger is.

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